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ASSORTED VOICES IN BACKGROUND
… Nick, Nick, Nick …
ANNIE
… Nick, Nick, Ni-ck …
NICK
Bah! Ah!
ANNIE
Nick, I am fed up!
I need a holiday!
We all need a holiday!
NICK
Yeah, I know what you mean!
I’m exhausted!
[Sound of Nick blowing his nose]
HECTOR [Presenting TV Travel Programme]
So – it is holiday time again and everyone is off to the airport.
NICK
Agh!
ANNIE
Oh, hello Hector.
HECTOR
They are travelling to Florida, Thailand, Egypt – and Belgium? Are you sure?!
And Belgium.
Travelling by plane, by train, and by car.
Well, maybe not by car!
This is Hector Romero, for Channel 9.
ANNIE
Oh!
Ooops! Ooh! Bridget will be furious!
NICK
[Laughing]
ANNIE
Still, maybe a new fashion!
BRIDGET
Yeah! Yes! Can he do the interview on Thursday?
No, well what about Friday? [Sound of telephone ringing] Oh, hang on.
Hello – she wants 22 dressing rooms?! Four for Lourdes and her nannies! But we’ve only got two!
Hello?
Oh, for goodness sake!
Huh! Who wants Madonna anyway?!
Hello, are you still there? [Sound of telephone ringing]
Hello, what?!
Oh, hello Eunice.
Yes, David Beckham is booked and so is Princess Caroline of Monaco. No, Madonna is not coming.
Yes, OK, Eunice, I will – ah-ah, I will, today. Bye Eunice.
What did your last slave die of?!
What I need, what I really need is a holiday.
Sound of assorted telephones ringing
BRIDGET
Oh-oh.
NICK
Go on, type New York.
ANNIE
Gatwick.
NICK
Number of nights, 3.
ANNIE
3.
OK, let’s see what they can do.
One thousand pounds?!
Oh, but that’s much too expensive – we, we must choose a different destination.
NICK
Yeah, how about Las Vegas, hah!
ANNIE
But that would cost even more, don’t be silly, Nick.
BRIDGET
What?
Is Nick being silly? I don’t believe it!
Oh, I’m so tired!
ANNIE
Oh Hector, I saw your holiday report.
HECTOR
Oh, I have just spent all day watching other people go on holidays.
BRIDGET
Oh, I can’t go on! Eunice is a witch.
She makes me work, work, work.
NICK
Why don’t you leave then?
HECTOR
Yeah.
BRIDGET
What? Leave my job?
I love my job!
NICK
Huh! Women!
ANNIE
What you need – what we all need is a …
NICK
Holiday!
BRIDGET
Mmm, a holiday!
HECTOR
Gre-at idea! Where shall we go?
NICK
Oh, I’d love to go to Las Vegas!
ANNIE
Cape Town!
BRIDGET
I’d like to go anywhere with Enrique Iglesias!
ANNIE
Hey!
What about Spain!
NICK
You speak Spanish!
You can be our guide! Hah!
HECTOR
We-ll …
BRIDGET
Enrique Iglesias speaks Spanish!
NICK
And the girls … Hmm! I can’t wait!
Hey Hector, you can translate my chat up lines!
HECTOR
Well, I’ll try!
NICK
And we can try them out! Ha ha!
HECTOR
Yeah!
ANNIE
Hector! There’s your ironing!
Laughter
ANNIE
Nick!
BRIDGET
There’s yours!
ANNIE [Composing email]
I’m exhausted. I need a holiday.
ANNIE
I need a holiday!
We all need a holiday!
HECTOR
Where shall we go?
ANNIE [Composing email]
And guess what?
We’re going to Spain.
ANNIE
I can’t wait!
NICK
Now’s the chance to try my chat up lines on Spanish girls. Ha, ha!
NICK
And the girls! Ha-ha-hmm, I can’t wait!
NICK
They won’t be able to resist me!
NICK
OK, I see a pretty Spanish girl …
HECTOR
… Hmm.
NICK
… How do I say, “I’m English, can you give me directions – to your apartment?” [Makes clucking noise]
HECTOR
Really?
NICK
Yeah.
HECTOR
OK. [Clears throat]
“Hola soy inglés… …”
NICK
“Hola soy inglés… …”
HECTOR
“… ¿Me puedes dar … “
NICK
“… ¿Me puedes dar …”
HECTOR
“… La dirección de tu piso?”
NICK
“… La dirección de tu piso?”
HECTOR
Good, but this one is better.
“Your eyes are like stars – they come out at night.”
NICK
Oh, I like it!
How do I say it in Spanish?
Laughter
HECTOR
[Clears throat]
“Tus ojos …”
NICK
“Tus ojos …”
HECTOR
“Tus ojos …”
NICK
That’s what I said.
HECTOR
OK!
“Tus ojos son como estrellas …”
NICK
“Tus ojos son como estrellas …”
HECTOR
“… Salen por la noche …”
NICK
“… Salen por la noche …”
NICK
Eh! Ha, ha!
Now, this one always works. “I know what you’re thinking. You want to kiss me, don’t you.”
HECTOR
No, I don’t.
NICK
Not you!
It’s the chat up line, stupid!
BRIDGET
Hector, are you there?
HECTOR
Yeah.
BRIDGET
Could you give me a hand with my luggage?
HECTOR
Sure.
Ay?!!
All of it?!!
BRIDGET
Yes, all of it, please, Hector.
BRIDGET
Over here, Hector, I must do a final check.
ANNIE
Gracious, Bridget, what have you got in there?
BRIDGET
Six tee shirts, three pairs of jeans, four pairs of trousers, ten bikinis, four sarongs, two skirts, two nightdresses, three pairs of trainers, two pairs of evening shoes, three toothbrushes, two toilet bags, five belts, two jackets, two cans of hair mousse and a ball gown.
ANNIE
But, we’re only going for three days.
BRIDGET
You never can be sure what event we’ll be asked to go to – parties, balls, the opera, theatre …
ANNIE
… Oh yeah – it won’t happen!
BRIDGET
When Bridget arrives in Spain, we’ll be invited everywhere. They just won’t be able to resist!
NICK
What won’t they be able to resist?
BRIDGET
What are you wearing?
NICK
I am a toreador!
HECTOR
Oh! Oh! Olé!!
NICK
Whose is this?!
ANNIE
Bridget’s.
NICK
You are taking all that?!
BRIDGET
Yeah, why?
NICK
Oh Bridget, Bridget, Bridget – all you need to travel is your passport, your tickets and your money, ha-ha!
Date: 2015-12-24; view: 811
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