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Sound of car horn hooting in background
ANNIE That will be the taxi!
NICK Ha-ha! HECTOR Let’s go!
BRIDGET Come on, boys, give me a hand with my luggage!
Sound of door being slammed
ANNIE Gatwick airport please.
Sound of screeching car brakes/footsteps on stairs/door being opened/closed/receding footsteps
HECTOR, BRIDGET & ANNIE All you need to travel is your passport, your ticket and your money, Nick.
NICK Yeah, yeah, very funny!
Laughter
ANNIE Wow, look at this! It’s so Spanish!
HECTOR Yep! Typical Spanish hospitality. And this is a typical happy Spanish waitress.
ANNIE Hello! Erm, we are from England. And we would like a drink, please.
HECTOR Girls, girls, girls, leave it to me. I must translate for you. [Clears throat] “Queremos beber algo en este bar típicamente español!”
NICK Hang on. I’ll talk to the lady. “Hola soy inglés. ¿Me puedes dar la dirección de tu piso?”
ANNIE Oh, she doesn’t look very happy.
BRIDGET No, she looks a mess!
ANNIE Perhaps her boyfriend has left her.
NICK Yeah- because she looks a mess! [Laughs]
BRIDGET Maybe he didn’t like her hair.
Laughter WAITRESS Well actually, he did like my hair and at least mine is natural!
BRIDGET Ah, she understood! ANNIE She’s English!
WAITRESS How did you guess?!
NICK So, is this a traditional Spanish bar?
WAITRESS This - is a traditional – da – English Tea Room.
HECTOR In Barcelona?
WAITRESS Ooh, aren’t you clever!
NICK Leave it to me. Please CAN WE – HAVE A DRINK?!!
WAITRESS No!!
BRIDGET Why not?!
WAITRESS There are no tables.
BRIDGET But what about this one?
WAITRESS No.
ANNIE Erm, or that one?
WAITRESS No.
HECTOR What about this one here?
WAITRESS It’s reserved.
HECTOR Never mind, let’s, let’s go. WAITRESS But erm, if you’ve reserved the table, you can come in.
ANNIE Oh. HECTOR OK. [Clears throat] Can we please reserve a table?
WAITRESS Certainly … erm, oh yes, I, I can just fit you in – that table there.
BRIDGET [Composing email] So here we are in Spain. I think I’ve brought enough clothes for all events.
BRIDGET You never can be sure what event we’ll be asked to go to.
ANNIE [Composing email] Spain is beautiful.
ANNIE Wow, look at this! It’s so Spanish!
ANNIE [Composing email] We thought we’d found a typical Spanish bar.
BRIDGET She understood!
ANNIE [Composing email] But it is a typical English tea room.
WAITRESS Ooh yes, I, I can just fit you in – that table there.
WAITRESS Right, what would you like to drink?
NICK Cola, please.
ANNIE Me too.
BRIDGET And me.
HECTOR In Spain, do as the English do. I will have a nice cup of tea, please.
WAITRESS Which tea?
HECTOR Huh? What have you got?
WAITRESS We’ve got Darjeeling, Kenyan, English Breakfast, Earl Grey, Lady Grey, Camomile, Peppermint, Jasmine, Imperial, Oolong, Indian, Green and Yellow - tea.
HECTOR I’ll have a cola please.
WAITRESS Anything to eat?
NICK Erm, yes please. What have you got?
WAITRESS Egg and chips, sausage and chips, fish and chips, cheese and chips, pie and chips and chicken and …
HECTOR, BRIDGET, ANNIE & NICK … Chips!!
WAITRESS … Chicken and croquette potatoes.
NICK So, we can have anything with chips.
WAITRESS Apart from chicken – or – I have cake. Gatox.
HECTOR Gatox?
ANNIE I think she means gateaux.
Date: 2015-12-24; view: 779
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