Activity One: Modifying Sentences

Writing Concisely in Abstracts

Tip #1: Combine the elements

In order to shorten an abstract to satisfy journal limitations, you can eliminate or combine the elements in its

structure. The reduced abstract instead focuses on only two or three elements, with the emphasis placed on

the results of the study. Information concerning the purpose and method is presented first (background

information in not included). Then the most important results are summarized. Finally, conclusions and

recommendations may be included in one or two sentences.

Tip #2: Shortening sentences in the passive voice

Compound sentences with the same subject

Original: The data were collected, and they were analyzed.

More concise: The data were collected and analyzed.

Compound sentences with different subjects

Original: The data were collected and correlations were calculated.

More concise: The data were collected and correlations calculated.

?Which? clause sentences

Original: The data which were obtained were subjected to an analysis of variance.

More concise: The data obtainedwere subjected to an analysis of variance.

Tip #3: Avoid redundancy:

Original: Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitation center working as a registered physical

therapist.

More concise: Daniel worksat a private rehabilitation center as aregistered physical therapist.

Tip #4: Avoid unnecessary repetition:

Original: Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient.

More concise: Our fifth patient, in room six, is mentally ill.

Tip #5: Cut empty or inflated language.

Original: We will file the appropriate papers in the event that we are unable to meet the deadline.

More concise: We will file the appropriate papers ifwe are unable to meet the deadline.

Tip #6: Choose strong verbs.

Original: Eduartina is responsible for monitoring and balancing the budgets for travel and personnel.

More concise: Eduartina monitors and balancesthe budgets for travel and personnel.

Tip #7: Begin with strong subjects and verbs.

Original: There is another module that tells the story of Charles Darwin and introduces the theory of

evolution.

More concise: Another moduletells the story of Charles Darwin and introduces the theory of evaluation.

MOST IMPORTANT FOR ABSTRACTS?

TIP #8: AVOID IRRELEVANT INFORMATION

Do not include any information that is not essentialin understanding the objective and main results of the study. This will stand out greatly for the reader, confusing and distracting them from your key message.

Writing Concisely Practice

Activity One: Modifying Sentences

Direction: Revise the following sentences to make them more concise. If you can, note the number of the rule above that help you make your modification.

1. It was William Harvey who first wrote about the circulation of the blood.

2. In terms of the size if its land, Canada is the second largest country in the world.

3. To be sure, Ann Bradstreet was, as it were, a great American writer, and she was, to all intents and purposes, a great person, more or less.

4. Simon Bolivar is considered by many people to be a hero because of his work in helping defeat, through armed conflict, the Spanish armies in South America.

5. As anyone can see, most Americans have been affected by television in such a way that their appreciation of live theater has obviously become less and less.

6. It has been shown that the length of the common cold can be reduced by giving the person with the cold doses of zinc glutonate in the form of lozenges.

7. In the times in which we live, people just can hardly be independent any longer. Look what is happening to them in the field of education. They cannot think for themselves. This is also true in other areas of life.

8. The Egyptian pyramids were built a very long time ago around 2700 B.C.2200 B.C., and they were built to preserve the very much mummified bodies of rulers.

9. After reviewing the evidence in your case that was presented by your lawyer to me, we realize that there is some justification and warrant for a new trial.

10. Food, shelter, and fire will be needed by everyone on the island. Therefore, I will search over and over the island until I find the materials that are needed to build or make these three necessary items.

11. In this day and age in the world in which we live, we face enormously large economic problems.

12. There is a state in the United States, that is, Maryland, which was named for Queen Henrietta Maria, wife of King Charles I of England, who was the king of England and who ruled until 1649.

13. Most eye-catching advertisements in magazines attract the reader?s attention with designs that are bold and colors that are bright.

14. There are usually research assistants at major universities to help and assist professors to do a large number of research projects.

15. If I were deserted on a desert island, I am sure that I would be capable of surviving.

16. Bonnie is one of the most intelligent people I know, and she is able to think and perform well under stressful conditions.

17. A good amount of friends would be great to have on a stranded island. This will help bring variety to the island. True friends are always important to have in a crisis as extreme as being deserted on an island.

18. My logical thinking and sense of organization probably stemmed from the fact that my younger sister is severely accident prone. Almost six months ago, my sister was playing in the kitchen and accidentally fell over a kitchen chair and smashed her face on the ceramic tile floor. It was impossible for me to panic in situations where she was severely hurt and scared.

19. To overcome the common desire for comfort felt when put in a survival situation, a person should adapt their ideas of comfort. Although comfort is nice, it is not essential to survival. Avoiding the second danger of survival, the passive outlook, a person should be aware of the factors that can bring it on.

20. I find leadership that is something that is present in my personality. This trait would allow me to relate to Ralph because I believe leaders always get difficult tasks done quicker.

Date: 2016-06-13; view: 173