In which Howl goes to a funeral in disguise

The dog-man curled up heavily on Sophie?s toeswhen she went back to her sewing. Perhaps he was hoping she wouldmanage to lift the spell if he stayed close to her. When a big,red-bearded man burst into the room, carrying a box of things, andshed his velvet cloak to become Michael, still carrying a box ofthings, the man-dog rose up and wagged his tail. He let Michael pathim and rub his ears.

?I hope he stays,? Michael said. ?I?vealways wanted a dog.?

Howl heard Michael?s voice. He arrived downstairs wrapped inthe brown patchwork cover off his bed. Sophie stopped sewing and tooka careful grip on the dog. But the dog was courteous to Howl too. Hedid not object when Howl fetched a hand out of the coverlet andpatted him.

?Well?? Howl croaked, dispersing clouds of dust as heconjured some more tissues.

?I got everything,? said Michael. ?Andthere?s a real piece of luck, Howl. There?s an empty hatshop for sale down in Market Chipping. It used to be a hat shop. Doyou think we could move the castle there??

Howl sat on a tall stool like a robed Roman senator andconsidered. ?It depends on how much it costs,? he said.?I?m tempted to move the Porthaven entrance there. Thatwon?t be easy, because it will mean moving Calcifer. Porthavenis where Calcifer actually is. What do you say,Calcifer??

?It will take a very careful operation to move me,?Calcifer said. He had become several shades paler at the thought.?I think you should leave me where I am.?

So Fanny is selling the shop, Sophie thought as the other threewent on discussing the move. And so much for the conscience Howl saidhe had! But the main thing on her mind was the puzzling behavior ofthe dog. In spite of Sophie telling him many times that she could nottake the spell of him, he did not seem to want to leave. He did notwant to bite Howl. He let Michael take him for a run on the PorthavenMarshes that night and the following morning. His aim seemed to be tobecome part of the household.

?Though if I were you, I?d be in Upper Folding makingsure to catch Lettie on the rebound,? Sophie told him.

Howl was in and out of bed all the next day. When he was in bed,Michael had to tear up and down the stairs. When he was up, Michaelhad to race about, measuring the castle with him and fixing metalbrackets to every single corner. In between, Howl kept appearing,robed in his quilt and clouds of dust, to ask questions and makeannouncements, mostly for Sophie?s benefit.

?Sophie, since you whitewashed over all the marks we madewhen we invented the castle, perhaps you can tell me where the marksin Michael?s room were??

?No,? said Sophie, sewing her seventieth bluetriangle. ?I can?t.?

Howl sneezed sadly and retired. Shortly, he emerged again.?Sophie, if we were to take that hat shop, what would wesell??

Sophie found she had had enough of hats to last a lifetime.?Not hats,? she said. ?You can buy the shop, butnot the business, you know.?

?Apply your fiendish mind to the matter,? said Howl.?Or even think, if you know how.? And he marched awayupstairs again.

Five minutes later, down he came again. ?Sophie, have youany preferences about the other entrances? Where would you like us tolive??

Sophie instantly found her mind going to Mrs. Fairfax?shouse. ?I?d like a nice house with lots offlowers,? she said.

?I see,? croaked Howl, and marched away again.

Next time he reappeared, he was dressed. That made three timesthat day, and Sophie thought nothing of it until Howl put on thevelvet cloak Michael had used and became a pale, coughing,red-bearded man with a large red handkerchief held to his nose. Sherealized Howl was going out then. ?You?ll make your coldworse,? she said.

?I shall die and then you?ll all be sorry,? thered-bearded man said, and went out through the door with the knobgreen-down.

For an hour after that, Michael had time to work on his spell.Sophie got as far as her eighty-fourth blue triangle. Then thered-bearded man was back again. He shed the velvet cloak and becameHowl, coughing harder than before and, if that was possible, moresorry for himself than ever.

?I took the shop,? he told Michael. ?It?sgot a useful shed at the back and a house at the side, and I took thelot. I?m not sure what I shall pay for it all with,though.?

?What about the money you get if you find PrinceJustin?? Michael asked.

?You forget,? croaked Howl, ?the whole object ofthis operation is not to look for Prince Justin. We are goingto vanish.? And he went coughing upstairs to bed, where heshortly began shaking the beams sneezing for attention again.

Michael had to leave the spell and rush upstairs. Sophie mighthave gone, except the dog-man got in the way when she tried. This wasanother part of his odd behavior. He did not like Sophie to doanything for Howl. Sophie felt this was fairly reasonable. She beganon her eighty-fifth triangle.

Michael came cheerfully down and worked on his spell. He was sohappy that he was joining in Calcifer?s saucepan song andchatting to the skull just as Sophie did, while he worked.?We?re going to live in Market Chipping,? he toldthe skull. ??I can go and see my Lettie everyday.?

?Is that why you told Howl about the shop?? Sophieasked, threading her needle. By this time she was on her eighty-ninthtriangle.

?Yes,? Michael said happily. ?Lettie told meabout it when we were wondering how we?d ever see one anotheragain. I told her??

He was interrupted by Howl, trailing downstairs in his quiltagain. ?This is positively my last appearance,? Howlcroaked. ?I forgot to say that Mrs. Pentstemmon is being buriedtomorrow on her estate near Porthaven and I shall need this suitcleaned.? He brought the gray-and-scarlet suit out from insidehis coverlet and dropped it on Sophie?s lap.?You?re attending to the wrong suit,? he toldSophie. ?This is the one I like, but I haven?t the energyto clean it myself.?

?You don?t need to go to the funeral, do you??Michael said anxiously.

?I wouldn?t dream of staying away,? said Howl.?Mrs. Pentstemmon made me the wizard I am. I have to pay myrespects.?

?But your cold?s worse,? said Michael.

?He?s made it worse,? said Sophie,?by getting up and chasing around.?

Howl at once put on his noblest expression. ?I?ll beall right,? he croaked, ?as long as I keep out of the seawind. It?s a bitter place, the Pentstemmon estate. The treesare all bent sideways and there?s no shelter formiles.?

Sophie knew he was just playing for sympathy. She snorted.

?And what about the Witch?? Michael asked.

Howl coughed piteously. ?I shall go in disguise, probably asanother corpse,? he said, trailing back toward the stairs.

?Then you need a winding sheet and not this suit,?Sophie called after him. Howl trailed away upstairs without answeringand Sophie did not protest. She now had the charmed suit in her handsand it was too good a chance to miss. She took up her scissors andhacked the gray-and-scarlet suit into seven jagged pieces. That oughtto discourage Howl from wearing it. Then she got to work on the lasttriangles of the blue-and-silver suit, mostly little fragments fromround the neck. It was now very small indeed. It looked as if mightbe a size too small even for Mrs. Pentstemmon?s page boy.

?Michael,? she said. ?Hurry up with that spell.It?s urgent.?

?I won?t be long now,? Michael said.

Half an hour later he checked things off on his list and said hethought he was ready. He came over to Sophie carrying a tiny bowlwith a very small amount of green powder in the bottom. ?Wheredo you want it??

?Here,? said Sophie, snipping the last threads. Shepushed the sleeping dog-man aside and laid the child-sized suitcarefully on the floor. Michael, quite as carefully, tipped the bowland sprinkled powder on every inch of it.

Then they both waited, rather anxiously.

A moment passed. Michael sighed with relief. The suit was gentlyspreading out larger. They watched it spread, and spread, until oneside of it piled up against the dog-man and Sophie had to pull itfurther away to give it room.

After about five minutes they both agreed that the suit lookedHowl?s size again. Michael gathered it up and carefully shookthe excess powder off into the grate. Calcifer flared and snarled.The dog-man jumped in his sleep.

?Watch it!? said Calcifer. ?That wasstrong.?

Sophie took the suit and hobbled upstairs n tiptoe with it. Howlwas asleep on his gray pillows, with his spiders busily making newwebs around him. He looked noble and sad in his sleep. Sophie hobbledround to put the blue-and-silver suit on the old chest by the window,trying to tell herself that the suit had got no larger since shepicked it up. ?Still, if it stops you going to the funeral,that?s no loss,? she murmured as she took a look out ofthe window.

The sun was low across the neat garden. A large, dark man was outthere, enthusiastically throwing a red ball towards Howl?snephew, Neil, who was standing with a look of patient suffering,holding a bat. Sophie could see the man was Neil?s father.

?Snooping again,? Howl said suddenly behind her.Sophie swung round guiltily, to find that Howl was only half awakereally. He may have even thought it was the day before, because hesaid, ? ?Teach me to keep off envy?sstinging??that?s all part of past years now. I loveWales, but it doesn?t love me. Megan?s full of envybecause she?s respectable and I?m not.? Then hewoke up a little more and asked, ?What are youdoing??

?Just putting out your suit for you,? Sophie said, andhobbled hastily away.

Howl must have gone back to sleep. He did not emerge again thatnight. There was no sign of him stirring when Sophie and Michael gotup next morning. They were careful not to disturb him. Neither ofthem felt that going to Mrs. Pentstemmon?s funeral was a goodidea. Michael crept out onto the hills to take the dog-man for a run.Sophie tiptoed about, getting breakfast, hoping Howl would oversleep.There was still no sign of Howl when Michael came back. The dog-manwas starving hungry. Sophie and Michael were hunting in the closetfor things a dog could eat when they heard Howl coming slowly downthe stairs.

?Sophie,? Howl?s voice said accusingly.

He was standing holding the door to the stair open with an armthat was entirely hidden in an immense blue-and-silver sleeve. Hisfeet, on the bottom stair, were standing inside the top half of agigantic blue-and-silver jacket. Howl?s other arm did not comeanywhere near the other huge sleeve. Sophie could see that arm inoutline. Making bulging gestures under a vast frill collar. BehindHowl, the stairs were full of blue-and-silver suit trailing back allthe way to his bedroom.

?Oh, dear!? said Michael. ?Howl, it was my fault!??

?Your fault? Garbage!? said Howl. ?I can detectSophie?s hand a mile off. And there are several miles of thissuit. Sophie dear, where is my other suit??

Sophie hurriedly fetched the pieces of gray-and-scarlet suit outof the broom cupboard, where she had hidden them.

Howl surveyed them. ?Well, that?s something,? hesaid. ?I?d been expecting it to be too small to see. Giveit here, all seven of it.?

Sophie held the bundle of gray-and-scarlet cloth out toward him.Howl, with a bit of searching, succeeded in finding his hand insidethe multiple folds of blue-and-silver sleeve and working it through agap between two tremendous stitches. He grabbed the bundle off her.?I am now,? he said, ?going to get ready for thefuneral. Please, both of you, refrain from doing anything whatsoeverwhile I do. I can tell Sophie is in top form at the moment, and Iwant this room the usual size when I come back into it.?

He set off with dignity to the bathroom, wading in blue-and-silversuit. The rest of the blue-and-silver suit followed him, draggingstep by step down the stairs and rustling across the floor. By thetime Howl was in the bathroom, most of the jacket was on the groundfloor and the trousers were appearing on the stairs. Howl half-shutthe bathroom door and seemed to go on hauling the suit in hand overhand. Sophie and Michael and the dog-man stood and watched yard afteryard of blue or silver fabric proceed across the floor, decoratedwith an occasional silver button the size of a millstone andenormous, regular, ropelike stitches. There may have been nearly amile of it.

?I don?t think I got that spell quite right,?Michael said when the last huge scalloped edge had disappeared roundthe bathroom door.

?And didn?t he let you know it!? said Calcifer.?Another log, please.?

Michael gave Calcifer another log. Sophie fed the dog-man. Butneither of them dared do anything much else except stand aroundeating bread and honey for breakfast until Howl came out of thebathroom.

He came forth two hours later, out of a steam of verbena-scentedspells. He was all in black. His suit was black, his boots wereblack, and his hair was black, the same blue-raven black as MissAngorian?s. His earring was a long jet pendant. Sophie wonderedif the black hair was in honor of Mrs. Pentstemmon. She agreed withMrs. Pentstemmon that black hair suited Howl. His green-glass eyeswent better with it. But she wondered very much which suit the blackone really was.

Howl conjured himself a black tissue and blew his nose on it. Thewindow rattled. He picked up one of the slices of bread and honeyfrom the bench and beckoned the dog-man. The dog-man looked dubious.?I only want you where I can look at you,? Howl croaked.His cold was still bad. ?Come here, pooch.? As the dogcrawled reluctantly into the middle of the room, Howl added,?You won?t find my other suit in the bathroom, Mrs.Snoop. You?re not getting your hands on any of my clothesagain.?

Sophie stopped tiptoeing toward the bathroom and watched Howl walkround the dog-man, eating bread and honey and blowing his nose byturns.

?What do you think of this as a disguise?? he said. Heflicked the black tissue at Calcifer and started to fall forward ontohands and knees. Almost as he started to move, he was gone. By thetime he touched the floor, he was a curly red setter, just like thedog-man.

The dog-man was taken completely by surprise and his instincts gotthe better of him. His hackles came up, his ears lowered, and hegrowled. Howl played up?or else he felt the same. The two identicaldogs walked round one another, glaring, growling, bristling, andgetting ready to fight.

Sophie caught the tail of the one she thought was the dog-man.Michael grabbed for the one he thought was Howl. Howl rather hastilyturned himself back. Sophie found a tall black person standing infront of her and let go of the back of Howl?s jacket. Thedog-man sat down on Michael?s feet, staring tragically.

?Good,? said Howl. ?If I can deceive anotherdog, I can fool everyone else. No one at the funeral is going tonotice a stray dog lifting its leg against the gravestones.? Hewent to the door and turned the knob blue-down.

?Wait a moment,? said Sophie. ?If you?regoing to the funeral as a red setter, why take all the trouble ofgetting yourself up in black??

Howl lifted his chin and looked noble. ?Respect to Mrs.Pentstemmon,? he said, opening the door. ?She liked oneto think of all the details.? He went into the street ofPorthaven.

Date: 2016-06-12; view: 96