In which a Royal Wizard catches a cold

Sophie rode back to the castle?s Kingsburyentrance in one of the King?s coaches, drawn by four horses. Onit also were a coachman, a groom, and a footman. A sergeant and sixRoyal Troopers went with it to guard it. The reason was PrincessValeria. She had climbed into Sophie?s lap. As the coachclattered the short way downhill, Sophie?s dress was stillcovered with the wet marks of Valeria?s royal approval. Sophiesmiled a little. She thought Martha might have a point after all,wanting children, although ten Valerias struck her as a bit much. AsValeria had scrambled over her, Sophie remembered hearing that theWitch had threatened in some way, and she found herself saying toValeria, ?The Witch shan?t hurt you. I won?t lether!?

The King had not said anything about that. But he had ordered outa royal coach for Sophie.

The equipage drew to a very noisy halt outside the disguisedstable. Michael shot out of the door and got in the way of thefootman who was helping Sophie down. ?Where did you getto?? he said. ?I?ve been so worried! AndHowl?s terribly upset??

?I?m sure he is,? Sophie saidapprehensively.

?Because Mrs. Pentstemmon?s dead,? saidMichael.

Howl came to the door too. He looked pale and depressed. He washolding a scroll with red-and-blue royal seals dangling off it, whichSophie eyed guiltily. Howl gave the sergeant a gold piece and did notsay a word until the coach and the Troopers had gone clattering away.Then he said, ?I make that four horses and ten men just to getrid of one old woman. What did you do to the King??

Sophie followed Howl and Michael indoors, expecting to find theroom covered with green slime. But it was not, and there was Calciferflaring up the chimney, grinning his purple grin. Sophie sank intothe chair. ?I think the king got sick of me turning up andblackening your name. I went twice,? she said.?Everything went wrong. And I met the Witch on her way fromkilling Mrs. Pentstemmon. What a day!?

While Sophie described some of what had happened, Howl leaned onthe mantelpiece, dangling the scroll as if he was thinking of feedingit to Calcifer. ?Behold the new Royal Wizard,? he said.?My name is very black.? Then he began to laugh, much tothe surprise of Sophie and Michael. ?And what did she do to theCount of Catterack?? he laughed. ?I should never have lether near the King!?

?I did blacken your name!? Sophie protested.

?I know. It was my miscalculation,? Howl said.?Now, how am I going to go to poor Mrs. Pentstemmon?sfuneral without the Witch knowing? Any ideas, Calcifer??

It was clear that Howl was far more upset about Mrs. Pentstemmonthan anything else.

Michael was the one who worried about the Witch. He confessed nextmorning that he had had nightmares all night. He had dreamed she camethrough all the castle entrances at once. ?Where?sHowl?? he asked anxiously.

Howl had gone out very early, leaving the bathroom full of theusual scented steam. He had not taken his guitar, and the doorknobwas turned to green-down. Even Calcifer knew no more than that.?Don?t open the door to anyone,? Calcifer said.?The Witch knows about all our entrances except the Porthavenone.?

This so alarmed Michael that he fetched some planks from the yardand wedged them crosswise over the door. Then he got to work at laston the spell they had got back from Miss Angorian.

Half an hour later the doorknob turned sharply to black-down. Thedoor began to bounce about. Michael clutched at Sophie.?Don?t be afraid,? he said shakily.?I?ll keep you safe.?

The door bounced powerfully for a while. Then it stopped. Michaelhad just let go of Sophie in great relief when there came a violentexplosion. Calcifer plunged to the bottom of the grate and Michaelplunged into the broom cupboard, leaving Sophie standing there as thedoor burst open and Howl stormed in.

?This is a bit much, Sophie!? he said. ?I dolive here.? He was soaking wet. The gray-and-scarlet suit wasblack-and-brown. His sleeves and the ends of his hair weredripping.

Sophie looked at the doorknob, still turned to black-down. MissAngorian, she thought. And he went to see her in that charmed suit.?Where have you been?? she said.

Howl sneezed. ?Standing in the rain. None of yourbusiness,? he said hoarsely. ?What were those planks inaid of??

?I did them,? Michael said, edging out of the broomcupboard. ?The Witch??

?You must think I don?t know my business,? Howlsaid irritably. ?I have so many misdirection spells out thatmost people wouldn?t find us at all. I give even the Witchthree days. Calcifer, I need a hot drink.?

Calcifer had been climbing up among his logs, but as Howl wentover to the fireplace, he plunged down again. ?Don?t comenear me like that! You?re wet!? he hissed.

?Sophie,? Howl said pleadingly.

Sophie folded her arms pitilessly. ?What aboutLettie?? she said.

?I?m soaked through,? said Howl. ?I shouldhave a hot drink.?

?And I said, what about Lettie Hatter?? Sophiesaid.

?Bother you, then!? said Howl. He shook himself. Thewater fell off him in a neat ring on the floor. Howl stepped out ofit with his hair gleaming dry and his suit gray-and-scarlet and noteven damp, and went to fetch the saucepan. ?The world is fullof hard-hearted women, Michael,? he said. ?I can namethree without stopping to think.?

?One of them being Miss Angorian?? asked Sophie.

Howl did not answer. He ignored Sophie grandly for the rest of themorning while he discussed moving the castle with Michael andCalcifer. Howl really was going to run away, just as she had warnedthe King he would, Sophie thought as she sat and sewed more trianglesof blue-and-silver suit together. She knew she must get Howl out ofthat gray-and-scarlet suit as soon as possible.

?I don?t think we need move the Porthavenentrance,? Howl said. He conjured himself a handkerchief out ofthe air and blew his nose with a hoot which made Calcifer flickeruneasily. ?But I want the moving castle well away from anywhereit?s been before and the Kingsbury entrance shutdown.?

Someone knocked on the door then. Sophie noticed that Howl jumpedand looked round as nervously as Michael. Neither of them answeredthe door. Coward! Sophie thought scornfully. She wondered why she hadgone through all that trouble for Howl yesterday. ?I must havebeen mad!? she muttered to the blue-and-silver suit.

?What about the black-down entrance?? Michael askedwhen the person knocking seemed to have gone away.

?That stays,? Howl said, and conjured himself anotherhandkerchief with a final sort of flick.

It would! Sophie thought. Miss Angorian is outside it. PoorLettie!

By the middle of the morning Howl was conjuring handkerchiefs intwos and threes. They were floppy squares of paper really, Sophiesaw. He kept sneezing. His voice grew hoarser. He was conjuringhandkerchiefs by the half-dozen soon. Ashes from the used ones werepiled all round Calcifer.

?Oh, why is that whenever I go to Wales I always come backwith a cold!? Howl croaked and conjured himself a whole wad oftissues.

Sophie snorted.

?Did you say something?? Howl croaked.

?No, but I was thinking that people who run away fromeverything deserve every cold they get,? Sophie said.?People who are appointed to do something by the King and gocourting in the rain instead have only themselves toblame.?

?You don?t know everything I do, Mrs.Moralizer,? Howl said. ?Want me to write out a listbefore I go out another time? I have looked for Prince Justin.Courting isn?t the only thing I do when I go out.?

?When have you looked?? said Sophie.

?Oh, how your ears flap and your long nose twitches!?Howl croaked. ?I looked when he first disappeared, of course. Iwas curious to know what Prince Justin was doing up this way, wheneveryone knew Suliman had gone to the Waste. I think someone musthave sold him a dud finding spell, because he went right over intothe Folding Valley and bought another from Mrs. Fairfax. And thatfetched him back this way, fairly naturally, where he stopped at thecastle and Michael sold him another finding spell and a disguisespell??

Michael?s hand went over his mouth. ?Was that man inthe green uniform Prince Justin ??

?Yes, but I didn?t mention the matter before,?said Howl, ?because the King might have thought you should havehad the sense to sell him another dud. I had a conscience about it.Conscience. Notice that word, Mrs. Longnose. I had aconscience.? Howl conjured another wad of handkerchiefs andglowered at Sophie over them out of eyes that were now red-rimmed andwatery. Then he stood up. ?I feel ill,? he announced.?I?m going to bed, where I may die.? He totteredpiteously to the stairs. ?Bury me beside Mrs.Pentstemmon,? he croaked as he went up them to bed.

Sophie applied herself to her sewing harder than ever. Here washer chance to get the gray-and-scarlet suit off Howl before it didmore damage to Miss Angorian?s heart-unless, of course, Howlwent to bed in his clothes, which she did not put past him. So Howlmust have been looking for Prince Justin when he went to Upperfolding and met Lettie. Poor Lettie! Sophie thought, putting brisk,tiny stitches round her fifty-seventh blue triangle. Only anotherforty or so to go.

Howl?s voice was presently heard shouting weakly,?Help me, someone! I?m dying from neglect uphere!?

Sophie snorted. Michael left off working on his new spell and ranup and downstairs. Things became very restless. In the time it tookSophie to sew ten more blue triangles Michael ran upstairs with lemonand honey, with a particular book, with cough mixture, with a spoonto take the cough mixture with, and then with nose drops, throatpastilles, gargle, pen, paper, three more books, and an infusion ofwillow bark. People kept knocking at the door too, making Sophie jumpand Calcifer flicker uneasily. When no one opened the door, some ofthe people went on hammering for five minutes or so, rightly thinkingthey were being ignored.

By this time, Sophie was becoming worried about theblue-and-silver suit. It was getting smaller and smaller. One cannotsew in that number of triangles without taking up quite a lot ofcloth in the seams. ?Michael,? she said when Michael camerushing downstairs again because Howl fancied a bacon sandwich forlunch. ?Michel, is there a way of making small clotheslarger??

?Oh, yes,? said Michael. ?That?s just whatmy new spell is?when I get the chance to work on it. He wants sixslices of bacon in the sandwich. Could you ask Calcifer??

Sophie and Calcifer exchanged speaking looks. ?I don?tthink he?s dying,? Calcifer said.

?I?ll give you the rinds to eat if you bend your headdown,? Sophie said, laying down her sewing. It was easier tobribe Calcifer than bully him.

They had bacon sandwiches for lunch, but Michel had to rushupstairs in the middle of eating his. He came down with the news thatHowl wanted him to go into Market Chipping now, to get some things heneeded for moving the castle.

?But the Witch?is it safe?? Sophie asked.

Michael licked bacon grease off his fingers and dived into thebroom cupboard. He came out with one of the dusty velvet cloaks slunground his shoulders. At least, the person who came out wearing thecloak was a burly man with a red beard. This person licked hisfingers and said with Michael?s voice, ?Howl thinksI?ll be safe enough like this. It?s misdirection as wellas disguise. I wonder if Lettie will know me.? The burly manopened the door green-down and jumped out onto the slowly movinghills.

Peace descended. Calcifer settled and chinked. Howl had evidentlyrealized that Sophie was not going to run about after him. There wassilence upstairs. Sophie got up and cautiously hobbled to the broomcupboard. This was her chance to go and see Lettie. Lettie must bevery miserable by now. Sophie was fairly sure Howl had not been nearher since that day in the orchard. It might just do some good ifSophie were to tell her that her feelings were caused by a charmedsuit. Anyway, she owed it to Lettie to tell her.

The seven-league boots were not in the cupboard. Sophie could notbelieve it at first. She turned everything out. And there was nothingthere but ordinary buckets, brooms, and the other velvet cloak.?Drat the man!? Sophie exclaimed. Howl had obviously madesure she would not follow him anywhere.

She was putting everything back into the cupboard when someoneknocked at the door. Sophie, as usual, jumped and hoped they would goaway. But this person seemed more determined than most. Whoever it waswent on knocking?or perhaps hurling him or herself at the door, forthe sound was more a steady whump, whump, whump, than properknocking. After five minutes they were still doing it.

Sophie looked at the uneasy green flickers which were all shecould see of Calcifer. ?Is it the Witch??

?No,? said Calcifer, muffled among his logs.?It?s the castle door. Someone must be running alongbeside us. We?re going quite fast.?

?Is it the scarecrow?? Sophie asked, and her chestgave a tremor at the mere idea.

?It?s flesh and blood,? Calcifer sad. His blueface climbed up into the chimney, looking puzzled. ?I?mnot sure what it is, except it wants to come in badly. I don?tthink it means any harm.?

Since the whump, whump just kept on, giving Sophie an irritablefeeling of urgency, she decided to open the door and put a stop toit. Besides, she was curious about what it was. She still had thesecond velvet cloak in her hand from turning out the broom cupboard,so she threw it round her shoulders as he went to the door. Calciferstared. Then, for the first time since she had known him, he bent hishead down voluntarily. Great cackles of laughter came from under thecurly green flames. Wondering what the cloak had turned her into,Sophie opened the door.

A huge, spindly greyhound leaped off the hillside between thegrinding black blocks of the castle and landed in the middle of theroom. Sophie dropped the cloak and backed away hurriedly. She hadalways been nervous of dogs, and greyhounds are not reassuring tolook at. This one put itself between her and the door and stared ather. Sophie looked longingly at the wheeling rocks outside andwondered whether it would do any good to yell for Howl.

The dog bent its already bent back and somehow hoisted itself ontoits lean hind legs. That made it almost as tall as Sophie. It heldits front legs stiffly out and heaved upward again. Then, as Sophiehad her mouth open to yell to Howl, the creature put out what wasobviously an enormous effort and surged upward into the shape of aman in a crumpled brown suit. He had gingerish hair and a pale,unhappy face.

?Came from Upper Folding!? panted this dog-man.?Love Lettie?Lettie sent me?Lettie crying and very unhappy?sentme to you?told me to stay?? He began to double up and shrinkbefore he had finished speaking. He gave a dog howl of despair andannoyance. ?Don?t tell Wizard!? he whined anddwindled away inside reddish curly hair into a dog again. A differentdog. This time he seemed to be a red setter. The red setter waved itsfringed tail and stared earnestly at Sophie from melting, miserableeyes.

?Oh, dear,? said Sophie as she shut the door.?You do have troubles, my friend. You were that collie dog,weren?t you? Now I see what Mrs. Fairfax was talking about.That Witch wants slaying, she really does! But why has Lettie sentyou here? If you don?t want me to tell WizardHowl??

The dog growled faintly at the name. But it also wagged its tailand stared appealingly.

?All right. I won?t tell him,? Sophie promised.The dog seemed reassured. He trotted to the hearth, where he gaveCalcifer a somewhat wary look and lay down beside the fender in askinny red bundle. ?Calcifer, what do you think?? Sophiesaid.

?This dog is a bespelled human,? Calcifer saidunnecessarily.

?I know, but can you take the spell off him?? Sophieasked. She supposed Lettie must have heard, like so many people, thatHowl had a witch working for him now. And it seemed rather importantto turn the dog into a man again and send him back to Upper Foldingbefore Howl got out of bed and found him there.

?No. I?d need to be linked with Howl for that,?Calcifer said.

?Then I?ll try it myself,? Sophie said. PoorLettie! Breaking her heart for Howl, and her only other lover a dogmost of the time! Sophie laid her hand on the dog?s soft,rounded head. ?Turn back into the man you should be,? shesaid. She said it quite often, but its only effect seemed to be tosend the dog deeply to sleep. It snored and twitched againstSophie?s legs.

Meanwhile a certain amount of moaning and groaning was coming fromupstairs. Sophie kept muttering to the dog and ignored it. A loud,hollow coughing followed, dying away into more moaning. Crashingsneezes followed the coughing, each one rattling the window and allthe doors. Sophie found those harder to ignore, but she managed.Poot-pooooot! went a blown nose, like a bassoon in a tunnel. Thecoughing started again, mingled with moans. Sneezes mixed with themoans and the coughs, and the sounds rose to a crescendo in whichHowl seemed to be managing to cough, groan, blow his nose, sneeze,and wail gently all at the same time. The doors rattled, the beams inthe ceiling shook, and one of Calcifer?s logs rolled off ontothe hearth.

?All right, all right, I get the message!? Sophiesaid, dumping the log back into the grate. ?It?ll begreen slime next. Calcifer, make sure that dog stays where itis.? And she climbed the stairs, muttering loudly,?Really, these wizards! You?d think no one had ever had acold before! Well, what is it?? she asked, hobbling through thebedroom door onto the filthy carpet.

?I?m dying of boredom,? Howl said pathetically.?Or maybe just dying.?

He was lying propped on dirty gray pillows, looking quite poorly,with what might have been a patchwork coverlet over him except thatit was all one color with dust. The spiders he seemed to like so muchwere spinning busily in the canopy above him.

Sophie felt his forehead. ?You do have a bit of afever,? she admitted.

?I?m delirious,? said Howl. ?Spots arecrawling before my eyes.?

?Those are spiders,? said Sophie. ?Whycan?t you cure yourself with a spell??

?Because there is no cure for a cold,? Howlsaid dolefully. ?Things are going round and round in my head?ormaybe my head is going round and round in things. I keep thinking ofthe terms of the Witch?s curse. I hadn?t realized shecould lay me bare like that. It?s a bad thing to be laid bare,even though the things that are true so far are all my own doing. Ikeep waiting for the rest to happen.?

Sophie thought back to the puzzling verse. ?What things??Tell me where all the past years are???

?Oh, I know that,? said Howl. ?My own, or anyoneelse?s. They?re all there, just where they always were. Icould go and play bad fairy at my own christening if I wanted. MaybeI did and that?s my trouble. No, there are only three thingsI?m waiting for: the mermaids, the mandrake root, and the windto advance an honest mind. And whether I get white hairs, I suppose,only I?m not going to take the spell off to see. There?sonly about three weeks left for them to come true in, and the Witchgets me as soon as they do. But the Rugby Club Reunion is MidsummerEve, so I shall get to that at least. The rest all happened longago.?

?You mean the falling star and never being able to find awoman true and fair?? said Sophie. ?I?m notsurprised, the way you go on. Mrs. Pentstemmon told me you were goingto the bad. She was right, wasn?t she??

?I must go to her funeral if it kills me,? Howl saidsadly. ?Mrs. Pentstemmon always thought far too well of me. Iblinded her with my charm.? Water ran out of his eyes. Sophiehad no idea if he was really crying, or whether it was simply hiscold. But she noticed he was slithering out again.

?I was talking about the way you keep dropping ladies assoon as you?ve made them love you,? she said. ?Whydo you do it??

Howl pointed a shaky hand up toward the canopy of his bed.?That?s why I love spiders. ?If at first youdon?t succeed, try, try, try, again.? I keeptrying,? he said with great sadness. ?But I brought it onmyself by making a bargain some years ago, and I know I shall neverbe able to love anyone properly now.?

The water running out of Howl?s eyes was definitely tearsnow. Sophie was concerned. ?Now, you mustn?tcry??

There was a pattering outside. Sophie looked round to see thedog-man oozing himself past the door in a neat half-circle. Shereached out and caught a handful of his red coat, thinking he wascertainly coming to bite Howl. But all the dog did was to leanagainst her legs, so that she had to stagger back to the peelingwall.

?What?s this?? said Howl.

?My new dog,? Sophie said, hanging on to its curlyhair. Now she was against the wall, she could see out of the bedroomwindow. It ought to have looked out on the yard, but instead itshowed a view of a neat, square garden with a child?s metalwing in the middle. The setting sun was firing raindrops hanging onthe swing to blue and red. As Sophie stood and stared, Howl?sniece, Mari, came running across the wet grass. Howl?s sister,Megan, followed Mari. She was evidently shouting that Mari should notsit on the wet swing, but no sound seemed to come through. ?Isthat the place called Wales?? Sophie asked.

Howl laughed and pounded on the coverlet. Dust climbed like smoke.?Bother that dog!? he croaked. ?I had a bet on withmyself that I could keep you from snooping out of the window all thetime you were in here!?

?Did you now?? said Sophie, and she let go of the dog,hoping he would bite Howl hard. But the dog only went on leaning onher, shoving her toward the door now. ?So all that song anddance was just a game, was it?? she said. ?I might haveknown!?

Howl lay back on his gray pillows, looking wronged and injured.?Sometimes,? he said reproachfully, ?you sound justlike Megan.?

?Sometimes,? Sophie answered, shooing the dog out ofthe room in front of her, ?I understand how Megan got the wayshe is.?

And she shut the door on the spiders, the dust, and the garden,with a loud bang.

Date: 2016-06-12; view: 108