Surprise in the post office.

Washing machine

- Does is shop sell washing machine?

- Yes, this is the latest washing machine/

- Is it Swedish?

- No, madam. It’s British.

- Could you show how it’s washing?

- Should I give you demonstration? This one hour special demonstration machine. It’s so simple. You take some sheets or shirts, you put them into machine, you shout this door and you push this button.

- The machine should be shake like that? Should it?

- Washing machine always shakes, madam. Aga. It’s finished now.

- But the sheets have shrunk! And so how the shirt!

- Do you wish to buy this machine, madam?

- I’m not sure.

Happy b-day

- Hi, Barbara!

- Hi, Bob. It’s my b-day today.

- Oh. Yes. Your b-day. Happy b-day, Barbara.

- Thank Bob. Somebody gave me this blouse for my b-day.

- Oh! What a beautiful blouse! It’s got butterflies on it.

- And big black button. (вот я не помню либо последние две реплики один говорит сразу, либо по очередности с другим, фак)

- Did Robby buy it for u?

- Yes, and my brother gave (give) me book about birds.

- I didn’t remember about your b-day. I’ve been so busy with my new job. I left my old job. There is one in the pub. Guess what! And driving a cab.

- Cabbie! Congratulations! Don’t worry about present for b-day Bob. But remember a proverb: Better later than never.

A pair of hairclips

- I’m lost two small hairclips here. There are appear.

- Have you looked carefully everywhere?

- Yes, there are nowhere here. The just aren’t anywhere!

- Have you looked upstairs?

- Upstairs, downstairs, everywhere. They just aren’t there.

- Are they square, Mary?

- Yes, why?

- You are wearing one of them in your hair.

- Oh! Then where is the other one?

- It’s overthere, under the chair.

The bearded mountaineer.

- Oh, Let’s have a beer here, dear.

- What a good idea! That a very good beer here.

- We came here last year.

- Yes, the atmosphere here is very clear.

- But it’s windier than last year.

- Two beers please.

- Look dear! Look out that mountaineer is drinking beer.

- His beard in his beer.

- His beard has nearly disappeared his beer.

- Shh! He might hear!

- Here you are, sir. Two beers.

- Thank u. Cheers!

- Cheers! Here’s to the bearded mountaineer!

A dangerous bridge

Jerry: Just outside this village there's a very dangerous bridge.

John: Yes. Charles told me two jeeps crashed on it in January. What happend?

Jerry: Well, George Churchill was a driver of the larger jeep, and he was driving very dangerously.

John: George Churchill? Do I know George Churchill?

Jerry: Yes. That ginger-haired chap. He's the manager of the travel agency in Chester.

John: Oh? yea. I remember George. He's always telling jokes. Well, was anybody injured?

Jerry: Oh, yes. The other jeep went over the edge of the bridge, and two children fnd another passenger were badly injured.

John: Oh, dear! Were both the jeeps damaged?

Jerry: Oh, yes.

John: And what happend to George?

Jerry: George? He's telling jokes in jail now, I suppose!

The worst nurse

- Nurse! Nurse! I’m thirsty!

- Nurse, my hear hurts! Nurse Sherman always wears such dirty shirts.

- He never arrives at work early.

- He and … nurse Turner weren’t at work on Thursday, weren’t they?

- No, they weren’t. (went) hz

- Nurse Sherman is the worst nurse in the ward, isn’t he Sir Herbert?

- No, he isn’t Coloned Burton. He is the worst nurse in the world.

Surprise in the post office.

Susan: This parcel smells, Mrs Lazarus.

Zena: Call me Zena, Susan.

S: Yes…Zena. Some things written on it. What does it say?

Z: It says: “This parcel contains six mice”

S: Aw! Isn’t that awful, Zena! Poor animals!

Z: And listen, Susan! What is in this sack?

S: It’s making a strange hissing noise.

(Sack: (hisses) Ssssss!)

S: Zena! It’s a sack of snakes!

Z: So it is! … and what do you think is in this box, Susan?

S: It’s making a buzzing sound.

(Box: (buzzes) Zzzzzzz!)

S: Those are bees!

Z: A parcel of mice… and a sack of snakes… and a box of bees. What do you think about this, Susan, on your first day in the parcels office? Isn’t it surprising?

S: Amazing! This isn’t a post office. It’s zoo.

Gossips

- Samantha Ross is only thirty(30).

- Is she? I thought she was thirty three.

- Samantha’s b-day was last Thursday.

- Was it? I thought it was last Month.

- Hm. The Roth’s house is worth six hundred thousand.

- Is it? I thought it was worth three hundred thousand.

- Ross Roth is author of the book about months.

- Is he? I thought he is a mathematician.

- I’m so thirsty.

- Are you? I thought you drank something at the Roths.

- No, Samantha gave me nothing to drink.

- Shall I buy you drink?

- Thank you.

15. At the butcher’s shop.

- Good morning, Mrs Church.

- Good morning Charlie. I would like some chops for the children’s lunch.

- Chump chops or shoulder chops?

- I have 4 shoulders chops. And I want a small chicken.

- Ah, Would you like to choose the chicken, Mrs Church?

- Which one is cheaper?

- This one the cheapest, its’ delicious chicken.

- How much is all that? I haven’t got cash. Can I pay by credit card?

- Of course, Mrs Church.

Date: 2016-03-03; view: 2256