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Surprise in the post office.

Washing machine

- Does is shop sell washing machine?

- Yes, this is the latest washing machine/

- Is it Swedish?

- No, madam. Its British.

- Could you show how its washing?

- Should I give you demonstration? This one hour special demonstration machine. Its so simple. You take some sheets or shirts, you put them into machine, you shout this door and you push this button.

- The machine should be shake like that? Should it?

- Washing machine always shakes, madam. Aga. Its finished now.

- But the sheets have shrunk! And so how the shirt!

- Do you wish to buy this machine, madam?

- Im not sure.

Happy b-day

- Hi, Barbara!

- Hi, Bob. Its my b-day today.

- Oh. Yes. Your b-day. Happy b-day, Barbara.

- Thank Bob. Somebody gave me this blouse for my b-day.

- Oh! What a beautiful blouse! Its got butterflies on it.

- And big black button. ( , , )

- Did Robby buy it for u?

- Yes, and my brother gave (give) me book about birds.

- I didnt remember about your b-day. Ive been so busy with my new job. I left my old job. There is one in the pub. Guess what! And driving a cab.

- Cabbie! Congratulations! Dont worry about present for b-day Bob. But remember a proverb: Better later than never.

 

A pair of hairclips

 

- Im lost two small hairclips here. There are appear.

- Have you looked carefully everywhere?

- Yes, there are nowhere here. The just arent anywhere!

- Have you looked upstairs?

- Upstairs, downstairs, everywhere. They just arent there.

- Are they square, Mary?

- Yes, why?

- You are wearing one of them in your hair.

- Oh! Then where is the other one?

- Its overthere, under the chair.

 

The bearded mountaineer.

 

- Oh, Lets have a beer here, dear.

- What a good idea! That a very good beer here.

- We came here last year.

- Yes, the atmosphere here is very clear.

- But its windier than last year.

- Two beers please.

- Look dear! Look out that mountaineer is drinking beer.

- His beard in his beer.

- His beard has nearly disappeared his beer.

- Shh! He might hear!

- Here you are, sir. Two beers.

- Thank u. Cheers!

- Cheers! Heres to the bearded mountaineer!

 

A dangerous bridge

Jerry: Just outside this village there's a very dangerous bridge.

John: Yes. Charles told me two jeeps crashed on it in January. What happend?

Jerry: Well, George Churchill was a driver of the larger jeep, and he was driving very dangerously.

John: George Churchill? Do I know George Churchill?

Jerry: Yes. That ginger-haired chap. He's the manager of the travel agency in Chester.

John: Oh? yea. I remember George. He's always telling jokes. Well, was anybody injured?

Jerry: Oh, yes. The other jeep went over the edge of the bridge, and two children fnd another passenger were badly injured.



John: Oh, dear! Were both the jeeps damaged?

Jerry: Oh, yes.

John: And what happend to George?

Jerry: George? He's telling jokes in jail now, I suppose!

 

The worst nurse

 

- Nurse! Nurse! Im thirsty!

- Nurse, my hear hurts! Nurse Sherman always wears such dirty shirts.

- He never arrives at work early.

- He and nurse Turner werent at work on Thursday, werent they?

- No, they werent. (went) hz

- Nurse Sherman is the worst nurse in the ward, isnt he Sir Herbert?

- No, he isnt Coloned Burton. He is the worst nurse in the world.

 

 

Surprise in the post office.

 

Susan: This parcel smells, Mrs Lazarus.

Zena: Call me Zena, Susan.

S: YesZena. Some things written on it. What does it say?

Z: It says: This parcel contains six mice

S: Aw! Isnt that awful, Zena! Poor animals!

Z: And listen, Susan! What is in this sack?

S: Its making a strange hissing noise.

 

(Sack: (hisses) Ssssss!)

 

S: Zena! Its a sack of snakes!

Z: So it is! and what do you think is in this box, Susan?

S: Its making a buzzing sound.

 

(Box: (buzzes) Zzzzzzz!)

 

S: Those are bees!

Z: A parcel of mice and a sack of snakes and a box of bees. What do you think about this, Susan, on your first day in the parcels office? Isnt it surprising?

S: Amazing! This isnt a post office. Its zoo.

 

Gossips

 

- Samantha Ross is only thirty(30).

- Is she? I thought she was thirty three.

- Samanthas b-day was last Thursday.

- Was it? I thought it was last Month.

- Hm. The Roths house is worth six hundred thousand.

- Is it? I thought it was worth three hundred thousand.

- Ross Roth is author of the book about months.

- Is he? I thought he is a mathematician.

- Im so thirsty.

- Are you? I thought you drank something at the Roths.

- No, Samantha gave me nothing to drink.

- Shall I buy you drink?

- Thank you.

 

15. At the butchers shop.

- Good morning, Mrs Church.

- Good morning Charlie. I would like some chops for the childrens lunch.

- Chump chops or shoulder chops?

- I have 4 shoulders chops. And I want a small chicken.

- Ah, Would you like to choose the chicken, Mrs Church?

- Which one is cheaper?

- This one the cheapest, its delicious chicken.

- How much is all that? I havent got cash. Can I pay by credit card?

- Of course, Mrs Church.

 


Date: 2016-03-03; view: 1147


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