Overall, looks like a Band 6.5 essay.

9 Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Children in this modern era have all the magnificent toys, food and lots of other interesting stuff in the market then in the past (they used to have). They are bound to have a craving on (for) all this stuff they see. In other words children will be spending on anything they want or find it interesting to them (find interesting). Even some adults these days have some kind of craving to the thing they find it amazing (The meaning of this sentence is unclear).

If financial education starts at the very beginning of the school years, this will help them to understand the value of money. Children should also be taught to manage their expenses and ways to spend wisely. When a child is being taught this in the school program, the child will be able to apply it when they are out to purchase or when have left the school years. They will not be cheated when they are young and will not only benefit their families but also the country that they live when they are older.

However, there are some children that are capable to handle the their financial (handle their finances) in a very positive (smart) way even before they learned it from school. These children would have learnt from their families or people around them. They are more well manage, compare the other children from families background that a richer where spending are not a problem to them.

My conclusion is, children regardless of their background should be taught financial education from school at the very beginning then only parents guide them from home as well.__(This sentence is not clear because of its poor structure)

This essay needs work. In the first paragraph you should have introduced the problem and mentioned what the two opinions are. Some of your sentences are unclear and their structure needs improvement (see comments underlined in blue for details). Also, there are arguments for financial education and no arguments against, which means that the task is only partially covered. Overall, looks like a Band 6 – 6.5 essay.

10 Even though Globalization affects the world�s economics in a very positive way, its negative sides should not be forgotten, discuss.

Everything has two sides in the world, and so has the process of globalization too (remove this word). The effects of globalization for the world economy are diverted (diverse).

We must acknowledge that the negative effects are from a different kind than the positive ones. Therefore the negative sides, like low payment (wages) in less developed countries are important to consider.

If we take the Euro zone for example, the economic-changes according to (caused by) the globalization process are huge. Many companies have transferred their factories into cheaper production areas to compete at the world markets. The results are rising unemployment rates in the “old industrial countries”

In regard to the other countries on the world market, like China, this job transfer is a big opportunity. But no one can deny that the consequences for the less developed countries with flurished economy, based on availability of cheap employees are highly important: globalization based on this facts brings environmental problems.

Nevertheless there are also positive reasons for globlaistaional effects (positive effects to globalization). In general it is remarkable that there is a new tendency in “Thinking Global”. For instance people are willing to learn more languages and about other cultures. Countries formally known as undeveloped, like India, getting chances to be the main leader (a leader) in a certain field.

All in all it can be said that the effects of globalization are huge. The understanding of economic processes have changed completely. It is important to think in bigger terms, not just about the own country. The positive things that this globalization process have brought must sensible (must compensate) us for the negative sides. The overall aim should be a world in balance, but this will be a long way.

This essay needs work. There are multiple spelling errors and unclear expressions (see comments underlined in blue). Also there are many words that are formed incorrectly (diverted instead of diverse, etc). There are too many paragraphs, all you need is 4 – 5 well-structured paragraphs, not 7 poorly structured ones. On the bright side, the task is covered and there are enough words (275), which is good. The paragraphs are logically connected and there is good usage of linking words. Overall, looks like a Band 6 essay.

11 Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries the discussion about financial education is getting more serious due to financial problems of young generation. Some people believe that financial education should be treated as a mandatory subject at school.(Continue and mention the other side of the argument)

The common problem for those young people is that they don’t know how to spend money in right way. As we can see many advertisements often carry out the message, “Only 10 dollars a week, no deposits �” it is misleading those young one (and causes those young ones) think that living in debt is normal. A financial education is one of the solutions in order to solve this problem we mention above (the above-mentioned problem). The basic idea of financial education as a core school subject is to teach those young ones to understand the concept of using money, estimate a risk of finance money to buy something in the future. …

However, there’s (write there is, do not use contractions n your essay) another factor we need to consider about (to think about/ to consider). In my opinion, the role of financial education is getting more important and it should be a part of the school program but the parents are also important and have responsibility to teach their child to learn (teach their children) how to manage the money. More than 70% of young people’s money are coming from their parents. In addition, it has to be considered that a student might become money-minded person, talking about money all the time in class or even in a public place. It can be harmful for some students and affect their normal social life.

In conclusion, I believe that the financial education will have a positive effect for all young ones and other subjects such social commutations should be considered as important as financial education.

This essay needs work. It covers the task and presents enough arguments for and against, the structure on essay level is fine. However there are many poorly structured sentences, many inappropriate expressions and many grammatical errors (see comments underlined in blue for more details). Overall looks like a band 6 � 6.5 essay.

12 Learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Evaluation of the importance of timing is so important, many people they are sticking (Poor sentence structure, needs work) to past to show their present’s importance, while many shows (others show) that no need (there is no need) to even remember their past because it would not help them at all. It is very controversial and complicated matter.

Do not look to past (Again, poor sentence structure), many people believe on (in) this statement, for many reasons: Firstly, all of us had committed many mistakes which we would not like to remember, it will affect their present because can create some problems with our families for example. Secondly, instead of remembering those past trials, get the benefit of your present time.

Although of what said in previous opinion, many people sticking to their past to give them well push in their present. It can give you (a person) a way of learning from your (their) mistakes, and good chance to try to avoid any thing can lead to past failure.

Moreover, Success will not come without failure, every body should try his aim, even if failed, and it is a big success if they try it again and again. In addition, past is our culture and heritage which we will not forget it at all, it is a matter of value to our present, future till will die.

To sum up, in my opinion, we can not live without past, it is our value of life. Besides, it can create your experiences in to solve your problems better in the future.

This essay is too short � it should be at least 250 words and writing less means loosing marks. The structure of sentences needs work and so does grammar. Do not address the “audience”, write in general (See the comments for the last sentence of third paragraph).Overall, looks like a Band 6 work. See comments underlined in blue for more details.

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing crossword puzzles. Others feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss.

As we are a human we naturally need to take rest on (in our) leisure time to recover (recover from) the stress of work and everyday life. In fact, every individual need to do what they want and belong to them (this expression is confusing). Personally, I prefer to be active during this time because it is feel right to me better (confusing expression, maybe you mean “because it feels better”?). Moreover, people are free for (to choose) what they do on (in) their leisure time, and nobody can say what it (activity) is the best.

Some people want to relax after their working day. These people prefer to relax by watching movies, reading or doing some massage. People who have physically active jobs such as doctor, teacher and builder may choose these type of activities. If you are doctor, you may feel that you want to take rest for your body after work and you don’t want to do a five kilometer run after work, because you are already physically tired.

On the other hand, some people choose to be active on their leisure time because they do very sitting jobs (not move much on their jobs). For example, these people many spend all day sitting on a chair and do (doing) their work. At the end of a working day, they might have a backache, and all of their body become (might become) tired so they need to stretch their arms and improve their health by doing some activity such as going to the gym or swimming.

To sum up, the important things that people want to stay healthy by choosing what is best for them. In my view, the wrong way to stay at home in your leisure time if you have a sitting job.

This essay needs work. It has the right structure and covers the task. However there are many poorly structured sentences, many of the sentences are too simple and don’t have enough complexity, there are grammatical errors and incorrect usage of prepositions (see comments underlined in blue). Overall, looks like a Band 6 � 6.5 essay.

The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population, This is causing problems not only for poor, undeveloped countries, but also for industrialized and developing nations. Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution.

Nowadays, the population increases dramatically in most countries around the world. This is true for developed and developing nations. Overpopulation causes different number of problems. However, government can solve these problems by many solutions.

There are several problems that raising number of people in undeveloped countries causes. Firstly, it is very difficult to provide enough food for all people. Secondly, the government limit the number of children per family to educate (that are allowed to be educated) in the school. In addition, in poorest countries usually have a lot of unemployment as well (higher unemployment rates), and when the population increase the number of unemployment increases. Finally, when too many people live on the land, the environment suffers.

There are different problems that overpopulation causes in rich nations. Firstly, it is very difficult for governments to provide helpful public services in overcrowded cities. Moreover, there is generally a great deal more crime such as using drugs, killing people, steeling, and ect (avoid using etc in essay). Which that (,which is) often because of high rates of unemployment.

However, overpopulation problems in both (both developed and undeveloped) nations have two main solutions which it dealt with by governments. Firstly, government must educate people to limit size of the family. For example, in China they have a policy call “one cild policy” which it is limit size of the family to have one or two children but that it is beginning to have an effect in the world’s most crowded nation.

To sum up, if the population impulsive increase continues, many more people will die of hunger in poor countries. Also, in rich nations, the life in the cities will become more and more difficult.

This essay covers the task and has a good content. However there are several areas to improve. Grammar needs more attention (see comments underlined in blue). First paragraph, last sentence � repetition of solve and solution, better say “can find many solutions to those problems”. Third paragraph, last sentence � poor structure, looks unfinished. Overall, looks like a Band 6 � 6.5 essay.

15 Dieting can change a person�s life for the better or

ruins one�s health completely. What�s your

opinion?

Dieting seems to be part (a part) of our life in this modern society, especially for those who are health conscious. Different people choose different type of dieting methods, trying to achieve what they believe to be good for either their health or physical appearance. In general, most of the people who diet are focusing on controlling their weight.

In our urban society, most of the working class person does (people / persons do)not have the opportunity to consume a healthy meal (healthy meals). Their daily meals consist of fast food which contains high amount of fat and salt. The most significant proof of this unhealthy lifestyle is weight gain especially among those middle age working professionals.

Therefore, most of these young and energetic people have to control their diet in order to stay in shape either for their appearance or health. The most common and proper method of maintaining ones weight is eating less oily food, preferably more green vegetables, fruits and avoid (avoiding) alcohol.

However, some have restore to loosing weight by restricting their diet to the very minimal or to some extreme, not eating at all for days. Others will make themselves vomit after each meal. Many others will go for dieting medication and beverages that cause them to loose their appetite. These unhealthy dieting (ways of dieting) will cause internal damage in the long run.

In my opinion, dieting for better health is more important than solely for looking attractive. Individual who wish to control their weight should seek professional advice if they are unable to reduce their weight after switching over to a healthy diet for a period of time. Loosing weight and loosing your health together does not benefit any individual.

This essay needs some work. The first body paragraph explains the reason people have for dieting, whereas it should explain what are the advantages or the dangers of it. The second body paragraph explains how to diet, whereas it should present arguments for or against dieting. Therefore, the task is only partially covered here.

On the bright side, the sentences are well-structured and the vocabulary is sufficient, the usage of linking words is smooth and the spelling and grammar are mostly fine (see comments underlined in blue). Overall, looks like a Band 6 essay.

Date: 2015-12-24; view: 1075