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IELTS Essays band 6

1. You can get up-to-date news from radio, TV and Internet. Which one you think is the best to know about news.

Nowadays, there are several channels to get news, such as radio, TV, newspaper and internet. I think internet is the best among these. In my essay, I am going to explain why (this sentence has no value, instead you could say that other means of the media have their advantages too, however, there are objective reasons why Internet is the best).

Since its invention, the Internet has been keeping booming as a prospective industry. Not only because it is a combination of texts, audios and videos, but also due to its convenience. It has threatened the domination of spreading news of the traditional media, and, I would say, is about to take control.

We can find everything we want on internet – latest news, books, songs, movies, cartoons… whatever (don’t use this word in essay, use “and more” instead). With radio, we can merely hear. Compared with newspaper, radio and TV can provide the lastest information. For instance, it was immediately available of the breaking news of the Americans’ attacking on Iraq, as well as that the Twin Towers of New York were destroyed on September 11, 2001. __(change structure to “it has made the news about…and…immediately available”). However, we just cannot carry TV 24/7(watch TV all day long).

Internet is a convenient way of getting information, as long as your mobile phone is connected or you possess a laptop. When I am on (in) a vehicle, I usually have my cellphone connected to internet, then browse what happened in the past few hours, or log in MSN to begin a conversation with my friends. Reading newspaper is also a good way to kill time, but for me, a youngster, it is not so modern as “surfing online while being transported”.

The traditional media will never disappear, though internet has taken a big advantage in(over)the competition. And definitely, there is still a long way for internet to go. Anyway(because of all the advantages), internet benefits me the most, and I highly appreciate it.

This essay needs some work. It covers the task and it’s structure is fine. However the structure of the sentences needs attention (see suggestions in comments underlined in blue). Some words like”whatever” should be avoided. Your usage of prepositions is not accurate and there are grammatical and spelling errors as well. Overall, looks like a Band 6.5 essay.

2. Millions of people every year move to English- speaking countries such as Australia, Britain or America, in order to study at school, college or university. Why do so many people want to study in English? Why is English such an important international language?

Nowadays, language becomes a major factor to become a successful person (that affects personal success). Many people prefer to study abroad to (in an) English-speaking countries because English is an international language. There is no doubt that the best way to increase the English language skill is use English language daily so if people study in English speaking countries, their English skill (English skill repeats too many times) will be improved automatically and it will give them some advantages such as they can (opportunities to) work in many countries or they are able travelling(able to travel) to many different places without studying other languages. This essay will describe more details why English is an important international language.__(this sentence adds no value to your essay, remove it)



Firstly, English is widely used by a lot of countries and at the present, the world traders are currently developing rapidly. In order to compete with people from different countries, it is very essential (essential (you cannot say very essential)) to be able to communicate with (in) English language. For example, China has been improving a lot in many sectors. They are able to compete with other countries because many people in China aware the important (are aware of the importance of the) English language and they are trying hard to study English.

Secondly, many companies prefer to employ people who can speak English because if the companies create new branch (branches) in different countries, the employers are able to move the new branch without employ (employing) new people again and the branch company is still able to communicate with the central company. In fact, One of the largest companies in the world (Google) has created some branch (branches) in different countries and each of the Google employers (employees) are able to discuss or communicate even tough they are in different countries because they use English to communicate.

In conclusion, many people move to English speaking countries for further studies because they believe that it will improve their English skill and to become a successful person in the future, mastering English is very essential (essential (again you cannot say very essential)).

This essay is too long (313 words instead of 250-265). It isn’t a problem on its own, but wasting time to write more content that you don’t get extra marks for is not wise. Also, the more content you write, the more room for mistakes you create. There are a lot of poorly structured sentences and grammatical errors (see comments). Overall, looks like a Band 6 – 6.5 essay.

3.Even though globalization affects the world’s economics in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.

Globalization is a process of advancement and increase in interaction between the worlds’ country and people. It involes in (involves) locomotion, comunication, knowledge and skills. Globalization is gaining speen (speed) over the entire world. It has attract enough world attention needed from international organization in promoting and encouraging human right and freedom , opportunities, economic, social and culture rights.

However, there are some countries that are missing out the opportunities that are offered and its taken as a big problem to their country. They are the poorer countries that are not connected to the people globally and their people are unskilled due to the lack of knowledge and equipments(equipment (no plural form)). They are also unable to trade with the other countries which are richer and larger as they are unable to meet the demand propose (proposed) to them. They also will not have the opportunities and the challenges that are require (required).

Globalization has also encourage (encouraged) crime like the illegal trade in drug trafficking around the world through the air, sea and land. This has involve human smuggling and stuffing it in anything they can come across. This has affected(caused)a lot of problem to the country and the family of the drug addicts. This will also lead to other crimes like robbery and violence in the country.

Another negative side of globalization is the dumping of the dangerous waste to the river(rivers), sea or the ocean. This will effect the aquactic creature (affect the aquactic creatures), contaminate the water and cause harm to the people too.

To conclude, globalization has done an enormous part in the world’s economics but the international organization should also not forget the poorer countries and the countries should also tackle the other negative side that affects the world.

This essay doesn�t have a paragraph about the positive side of globalization, and it should � so the task is only partially covered. The structure is fine, the paragraphs are logically connected and usage of linking words is sufficient. However, there are many spelling and grammatical errors (see comments underlined in blue). Overall, looks like a Band 6 – 6.5 essay.

4. The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to raise age limit for the younger drivers and to lower age limit for the aged ones. Do you agree?

With the rapid increase in the number of vehicles on the road together (roads combined) with hush and rush lifestyles of drivers today, traffic accidents seem to be escalating in our society. Age of drivers contribute(before starting your opinion, present the two sides of the argument)partly to number of traffic accidents but surely not as the main factor.

Those who agree with the statement (it is unclear what statement your referring to) would view young drivers assuming under 18 years old and older drivers to be reckless and therefore would be more prone to traffic accidents on the road. Lack of experience, forgetfulness, carelessness and poor fitness condition may be reasons for limiting age of drivers.

On the other hand, I would think that age is only a small determinant and we need to look at more effective measure such as reducing number of vehicles on the road through car pool, implementing more stringent regulations on alcohol drink driving and possibly to revise on the standard of driving test for young and old drivers on the road. Many drivers who are stuck in traffic jams also have busy lifestyles and therefore tend to become very stressed or distracted on the road. Thus I would think the government may have to look ways to improve road infrastructure and traffic jams to deter or reduce accidents on the road.

To sum up, age is only one of the many contributors for accidents but I do not agree that by lowering (lowering) age for the elderly and raising age limit for the younger drivers is the best method. As mentioned in my third paragraph, we need to look at other more effective measures which deal with the underlying problems in the society which lead to traffic accidents.

This essay needs some work. You should present two sides of the argument, for example “those in favor of X, say …” – ” those against Y point out that …” and leave your own opinion for the conclusion paragraph. Stating your opinion all over the essay is harming its structure. See comments (underlined in blue) for more suggestions for improvement. Overall, looks like a Band 6.5 essay.

5Some people say education is the only critical factor to development of a country. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

One the one hand good education is a highly recommended skill in the developed countries, on the other hand the highest wish (it is the highest wish) of many people in regions of poverty. But what makes education to the (the) key factor for the development of a country? (instead of a question, try statement: “There are several reasons that make education a key factor)

We must acknowledge that education is something that we all need. The differences are just what we learn. Mostly the educational horizon of poor and less educated people has more to deal with their personal situation than with problems of bigger effects on a country. Attending school is sometimes too expensive and it does not feed a family.

Nevertheless there must be a reason for education. For me it looks like some countries have realized that Education is the key for the globalization process. If we take India for example we can see that a change in the educational system had changed the economy of the country. The (that)country has changed from a poor region to a high potential area for IT knowledge.

In regard to this fact it is a must that the Governments of less developed countries take the power (Rephrase (to improve sentence structure): Government must take the power…and offer…) of education serious and offer it to a wide range of people. Spending money for (on) education is the key tippy title=”for”]to[/tippy] a new future effects on the economy and the social life. All in all I agree with the importance of education for the development of a country. Less knowledge leads to poverty and not to knowledge that has wide effects (this expression is confusing). Learning and Knowledge is Power and an investment in the near future and therefore it has to be an official task.

This essay covers the task. It has a good structure, however the conclusion paragraphs is too big � consider splitting it into 2 paragraphs. As to structure of sentences, there are several sentences that should be rephrased (see comments for suggestions). Grammar also needs some attention (see underlined in blue comments for details). Overall, looks like a band 6.5 essay.

6Dieting can change a person’s life for the better or ruins one’s health completely. What’s your opinion?

Almost 90% (use words, not digits (ninety percent)) of the women today wants a beautiful figure. That is why we are able to find a diet programme almost everywhere in the country. Most of the women have thought and gone on a diet before either to slim dowm (lose weight)or just for (because of a) health problem.

A proper diet programme will help you not only to slim down but also to have a healthier eating habit. For instance taking (eating or consuming) more vegetables and fruits that (than) meat, avoid (avoiding) fried food and carbonated drinks. For a diet programme we shouldn’t cut one self from (deny ourselves) food and water. There are some diet programme from the doctors that help you to have a healthy heart like the “Three day diet” which we can find on the internet. This programme allows you to eat fruits and also some meat. This way of dieting you will be able to avoid some of the health problems in the future like diabetes or a heart attack.

However some people do not only go on a diet but they avoid eating and go (stay) hungry for the whole day. All they have is just either water or juices. Also there are people who buy special diet programme over the counter like taking pills (that is based on pills) which are not approved by the health department and without consulting a doctor first. They do not follow the basic rules of dieting and this will lead them to some serious health problems like disfuctional (dysfunction) of some body parts or, even worse, death.

In my opinion there is nothing wrong going on a diet as long as we follow the correct way of eating and for a good reason to diet (have good reason for dieting).

This essay needs some work. It covers the task and has a good structure. The paragraphs are logically connected and many of sentences are structured correctly. However there are some sentences with poor structure and many grammatical errors (See comments underlined in blue). Overall, looks like a band 6.5 essay.

7“Some people say that education system is the only critical factor to development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?”

Education plays a vital role in the development of a country. Therefore, some people think education system is the only important factor for the development of a country and they may be right.

Education is a foundation of well (a well) developed and cultured society. It is rightly said, ‘education is a ladder for (to) success’. If all the people of any country are educated then they becomes broadminded, civilized and progressive forward. Educated society improves standard of life as well.

Besides this (Besides), education also creates a good employment opportunity and therefore country do not have to suffer big problem like unemployment. Educated peoples are more aware of problems (the word problems repeats too many times) such as pollution and many more. Country becomes technologically advanced because of educated people.

Not only this, but by giving full importance to education, the nations can get rid of problems like illiteracy, poverty, unemployment and poppulation growth that retard the progress of nation. The crime rate can also be kept under check (control). The standard of living of the people wil go up. If the nations wants (want) to be progressive it is very important that the people are more educated and progressive forward. Any country can be more technologically advanced and developed because of education.

However, there are some more factors also plays important role in development of country. Such as governments has to encouraged people to do so._(This paragraph is too small, continue it by adding another 2-3 sentences)

In conclusion, I would like to say that good education system lead to a developed country.

This essay needs some work. It has a good structure and the sentences show enough fluency, but the last body paragraph needs to be corrected by adding another 2-3 sentences to it. In total, the number of words here is 235 � under required 250, that will cost some marks. Also there are some repetitions and grammatical errors. Overall, looks like a Band 6 essay.

8 Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries the discussion about the rising financial problems of young people has got more into focus. Tough (inappropriate choice of word or bad spelling) some people are voting to integrate financial education as a schooling subject (mandatory subject at school).

The key problem for many young ones is that they don’t know how to use and spend money in the right way. The “get what you want mentality” is advertised all over in the public media and it looks like some people think that living with interest fees (in debt) is normal. Though financial problems in young life are very common with the result that it is difficult to learn how to spend money appropriated (confusing sentence, try re-writing it to make it easier to understand). The main idea of teaching a financial subject must be to explain about a balanced budget and that interest fees could ruins one future.

But ( “however” sounds so much better than “but”)this is just one side that has to be considered. For me, the main question is why dose parents cannot give the right advice to their kids? To give such a personal subject in the hands of government and school is a lack of the key tasks that parents have: to be a good role model.

Moreover it should be considerate (considered) that the social effects of talking about money and finance in a social diverted school class can be harmful for some students. In my opinion it is more important to teach parents about their responsibilities as a role model and educate private topic in a safe and private environment.

All in all I think the main task of public institutions should be to educate about common subjects and not to give such personal advice like the use of money.

This essay is not bad. It has the right structure – 5 paragraphs and covers the task. The paragraphs can be improved – make them similar in size, 2nd paragraph is too long compared to the 3rd . The grammar and spelling need some attention and the linking words could be used more elegantly, the details are in the comments underlined in blue


Date: 2015-12-24; view: 1335


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