Vocabulary for track 3

roadblock

vegetarian

to be environmentally friendly

sender

receiver

to encode

to decode

to fit one’s norm

to be misinterpreted

to yell

intent

to match

to take the hit

societal norms

tunnel

to behave in certain patterns

to keep smb from doing smth

to be biased against

pleaser behavior

societal expectations

to look gorgeous

to make a point of smth

barrier

to implement the techniques

to reclaim the rights=to take back the rights

to take the consequences

to embrace new ways of thinking

to go beyond the blocks

to be worthwhile

battles to fight and battles to walk away from

to assess the risk

to weigh factors

self-approval

game plan

foreback plan

resentful

humiliated

supreme

2. Listen to track 3 to answer the following questions:

1. What is encoding?

2. Why can the sender and the receiver understand the message differently?

3. Who is responsible for matching the intent to the outcome? Who is going to take the hit if they don’t match?

4. Name some personal blocks and explain what they mean.

5. What are the 3 steps we must take to break out of the tunnels we don’t like?

6. Which battles are worthwhile?

7. What is the difference between an assertive person and an aggressive one?

8. What should you consider in assessing the risk?

9. What five questions should you ask yourself once you decided to take the risk?

10. Comment on the behavior of the dialogue participants.

11. Act out the situation applying four types of behavior in it.

Track 4 (26:21).

1. Vocabulary for track 4:

the ACID process

(to) acknowledge(ment)

counter

intercept

a minor blip in one’s life

factual (valid) criticism

non-factual (not valid) criticism

cranky

to deem

to accept an error

to dwell on smth

to confront smth

accountability

deep breathing

to breathe in

to breathe out

impending doom

to tense one’s muscles

a lame tone

a whining tone

to plead for sympathy

to read one’s mind

to figure out

a musical box

to alienate

2. Listen to track 4 to answer the following questions:

1. What is the ACID process?
2. Interpret Elisabeth’s behavior through the 4 steps of this process?
3. How to deal with criticism?
4. What are the two choices in dealing with factual (valid) criticism?
5. What are the two ways of dealing with non-factual criticism?
6. How can a person confront criticism?
7. Speak about physical techniques which help a person to calm down.
8. Describe “Say what you want” technique using examples from the lecture.

Track 5 (26:00) and track 6 (26:22). Your Assertiveness Toolbox.

• The most effective way to ask for what you want
• 5 key assertiveness skills and how to use them:

- The declarative statement

- Assertive confrontation

- Compromise

- Camouflage

- Accountability

1. Vocabulary:

to escalate

escalation

to look below the surface

to be caught off guard

be bogged down in smth

be specific

to assign the consequences

to stick to the facts

overheads=overhead transparencies

backlog

paperwork

understaffed

to meet the deadline

camouflage

to stoop to an inappropriate level

team-mates

to move the conflict out of public view

to disarm smb

clouding

bizarre

to humiliate

to cross the “t”s and dot the “i”s

to be nailed

to back smb

to withdraw from

2. Listen to track 5 and 6 to answer the following questions:

1. List the five assertiveness skills.
2. How do people sound in the declarative statements?
3. Should you give a reason or an explanation of what you ask for in them?
4. What are the three components of assertive confrontation?
5. How are they observed in the example with John?
6. What is the key point of assertive confrontation?
7. What was John’s goal in his confrontation?
8. What is the essence of compromise?
9. What three things did Elisabeth do in the example of the effective compromise?
10. What were Arnie’s concerns?
11. What solutions to Arnie’s problems did Elisabeth offer?
12. What vocal cues did Elisabeth use?
13. What are the three levels of camouflage?
14. What is “clouding”?
15. When is “clouding” not the best technique to be used?
16. Can you give your own examples of “clouding”?
17. When may the “accountability” technique be not the best one?
18. Why do you think the “accountability” technique is the best in the situation with Michael and Sandra?
19. What was the second technique used by Sandra?
20. Why are the other three techniques not effective in the situation?

Track 7 (25:09) and track 8 (29:41). Putting Assertiveness to Work.

• Getting passive people to come out of their shells: ways to get them to be openly responsive and keep their promises
• Drawing the line with aggressive people: how to set limits that prevent destructive escalation
• Unmasking passive-aggressive people: ways to flush them out into the open and safely blunt their hostility

1. Vocabulary:

an inevitable question

reluctance

to be reality based

to violate people’s rights

to keep score

insecure people

to run over smb

to bull smb

to hand over the document

to step out of the car

to draw the line in the sand

to diminish chances

to be a sniper

to pedal back

to become bolder

to blow up the cover

A good run is better than a bad stand.

to be a victim

a supple person

to embrace life fully

to dread smth (doing smth)

vehicle

to perceive

to stand one’s ground

to have the guts

down to the ground

to take grand slams

to be in the driver’s seat

entity

2. Listen to track 7 and 8 to answer the following questions:

1. Summarize characteristics of passive people.
2. What are the things to be remembered about passive people?
3. Why are passive people passive?
4. How can you characterize Peter’s behavior?
5. Which technique(s) was (were) the best in dealing with Peter?
6. Could you think of possible responses to Peter using some other techniques (compromise,
7. limited response, clouding)?
8. What does aggressive behavior invite?
9. What might happen when two aggressive people get in the conflict? Apply these outcomes to Peter’s situation?
10. Recollect what passive-aggressive people are like.
11. What are the best techniques in dealing with Tom?
12. What are some useful “accountability words”?
13. What options does a person have interacting with passive-aggressive people?
14. When is the decision to leave better than to confront?
15. Read and translate Jim Martin’s poem “The Choice”. Compare it with “Thinking” by Walter Wintle.

If you think you're beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win, but think you can't
It is almost certain you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will
It's all a state of mind

If you think you're outclassed, you are.
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.

Case Study A

Choose the assertive skill (s) that best allows you to handle the following situation to your advantage. After you have chosen, write three to four lines of dialogue for the skill(s) that you have chosen.

• Declaration
• Confrontation
• Compromise
• Camouflage
• Accountability

You're the customer service manager for a well-established, family-owned food supple­ment company. The orders come in by phone, mail and fax. The company has two fax machines, one in the sales department and the other in customer service. Inquiries to customer service almost always turn into sales, but with the customer service fax running at capacity, orders are being delayed.

In order to avoid problems, you call the sales manager and say that you need to use the sales fax machine for three hours during that afternoon. You inform the sales manager that you will be up at noon to pick up the machine. The sales manager, after passing along a quick "No way!" hangs up before you can finish.

It is now 11:00 am. What preparation can you make to ready yourself for this confronta­tion with the sales manager, and which skills should be used?

Case Study B

Holly has worked for a major telephone company for 15 years in an ever-increasing executive role. Holly has received six promotions and is managing a territory of 43 sales reps.

Today, just before lunch, Holly was called into her director's office and offered a "dream" promotion. The new position would include an increase in salary, benefits and stock options of an additional $27,000. In this new job, Holly would be managing a terri­tory of 87 reps. She and her family would have to move to this new territory, which is 2,000 miles from her home.

Here are some of the variables that Holly is faced with:

• Her husband of 22 years has only a year and a half left in his Ph.D. program.
• He is heavily involved in community issues.
• They have lived in the same home all of their married life.
• Their only daughter is a junior in high school and is looking forward to graduation with the rest of her class.
• Both sets of parents live only minutes away, and they are not in the best of health.
• Holly knows that if she takes the job and is successful (and she believes she will be) it would assure her family of financial security.
• She really does want the job, but she must give an answer in three days.

How could Holly persuade her husband that the move is in the family's best interest?

Follow your assertiveness development plan!

Week 1

Keep a journal of interactions you had that did not have your desired outcome. Each night, before you go to bed, analyze your role in those outcomes. Did you behave pas­sively, aggressively or assertively? What could you have done differently?

Week 2

Choose a situation that's been bothering you for a long time. Work through a copy of the assertiveness practice worksheet (we've included an extra copy; make as many copies as you like). Practice how you'd like to confront the person, in front of a mirror and with a tape recorder. Listen to yourself. Do you sound the way you want to sound?

Week 3

Go through with it! Confront the situation as you've practiced it. Afterward, do the post-assessment. Did you get what you wanted? How could you do better the next time?

Each week, repeat all three steps of this process. The more you consciously assert your­self, the more proficient you'll become at it. Don't get discouraged if you don't always get what you want. The most important outcomes of assertiveness are feeling free to ask for what you want, taking an active role in your life and respecting yourself for trying.

Date: 2015-12-18; view: 1315