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Sound of toilet flushing
ACTOR ON TV
Oh darling, no. I'll die without you.
NICK
He's Robert. He ran away with Jenny.
HECTOR
Oh no!
NICK
That’s why she can’t marry Lionel.
HECTOR
Oh, that is so sad.
NICK
I know.
HECTOR
But doesn't Jenny know that Lionel is her brother?
NICK
She had a car accident. She can't remember.
HECTOR
That is terrible! Ooh!
NICK
Quick, quick, quick, quick! Go on!
Kick it! Kick it!
BRIDGET
Football!
Hi boys.
NICK
Oh, hi, Bridget.
HECTOR
Hi, Bridget.
NICK
Oof!
BRIDGET
I need your help.
NICK
Sure.
What is it?
BRIDGET
I'm going to buy a new computer for work.
NICK
Oh! I know everything about computers.
BRIDGET
Great! I need one with a lot of gigabytes...
NICK
Uh-huh.
BRIDGET
...good RAM memory...
NICK
Hmm.
BRIDGET
...all the software compatibility and the top processor.
NICK
Hmm!
Maybe this one?
HECTOR
No, this one hasn't got what she wants.
NICK
Oh, and you understand what she wants?
HECTOR
Yeah.
You don't?
NICK
Of course I do.
HECTOR
Well, so do I.
BRIDGET
So? Have you decided which one?
NICK
Who's going to pay for it?
BRIDGET
It's for work, so they'll pay for it.
NICK
Oh, [erm,], this one then.
HECTOR
This one is the most expensive!
NICK
It's a nice colour.
HECTOR
Well, it has everything you want.
BRIDGET
Do you think more SDI sockets, or the analogue input?
NICK
Eh-hum.
BRIDGET
Oh, forget it. I'll order it now.
ANNIE
[Sound of gasping]
Oh, come on, come on!
BRIDGET
What are you doing out here?
ANNIE
Waiting for my examination results.
BRIDGET
Oh, your results are arriving today?
ANNIE
What have you done to Teddy?
BRIDGET
Hmm? Oh.
Brad Pitt is much more handsome than Teddy.
Sound of letters being posted through letterbox
ANNIE
Oh, where is it? Ah, bill, bill, nothing, nothing, bill...
Aha!
Oh, it’s not my examination results.
BRIDGET
It’s from the landlady.
ANNIE
It says we are too noisy.
BRIDGET
Noisy? She's written to the wrong apartment. My new computer's here! Well, Nick? Open it.
Sound of screaming
BRIDGET
We’re never noisy!
Sound of paper being torn up
BRIDGET
My new computer’s here! Well, Nick! [Sound of clicking fingers] Open it!
NICK
Why me?
BRIDGET
Nails.
NICK
Whoa!
HECTOR& BRIDGET
Wow!
NICK
Oh!
BRIDGET
Anything else?
HECTOR
Well, it's a very big box. Aha! Aha!
BRIDGET
What's that?
HECTOR
Hmm, I think it's the instructions.
BRIDGET
Great. Have fun.
NICK
Wait! Where are you going?
BRIDGET
Shopping. You better have finished when I get back.
NICK
Better have finished what?
BRIDGET
Installing the computer.
You do know everything about computers, don't you?
NICK
Hah! No problem.
HECTOR
Oh! The instructions are all in English.
NICK
Ah-ah-ah - look. Oh, Hector, here's a Spanish version. Oh yes....
HECTOR
Oh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
NICK
Right, let's do it. Or don't you know how to do it?!
HECTOR
I could do it with my eyes closed!
NICK
Hah!
Well, instructions are for girls!
Sound of discordant music
NICK
Oh yeah!
I am the man!!
HECTOR
Yeah, but I did all the work.
NICK
You?
Huh! I did it.
HECTOR
Huh! I am the computer king.
NICK
Oh yeah?
HECTOR
Yeah.
NICK
You think you can beat me?
HECTOR
Huh! I already did.
NICK
Computers are easy. How about a real challenge?
HECTOR
Whatever challenge you like.
NICK
Right. Hah!
Man Olympics.
Challenge One: Who can put the most marshmallows in his mouth?!
HECTOR
Marsh...?
NICK
...mallows. Look, one. Hmm!
HECTOR & NICK
One, two, three, ... four ... ... ... ....
BRIDGET [Composing email]
Hi, Chrissy! Soon I'll be emailing you on my new computer.
BRIDGET
I’m going to buy a new computer for work.
NICK
Oh!
BRIDGET [Composing email]
The boys are helping me and they seem to know everything about computers.
HECTOR
No, this one hasn't got what she wants.
NICK
Oh, and you understand what she wants?
ANNIE [Composing email]
Nadia, I don't know whether I've passed or failed!
ANNIE
Come on, come on!
ANNIE [Composing email]
If I don’t know my examination results soon, I will go crazy!
ANNIE
Oh where is it?!!
NICK
How about a real challenge?
NICK [Composing email]
Ten! Ten marshmallows I stuffed in my mouth – two more than Hector.
HECTOR
One.
NICK [Composing email]
He's not the man. I am. By the way, do you know anything about computers?
NICK
Well, instructions are for girls!
ANNIE
[Puffing and blowing noises/sound of paper being rustled]
BRIDGET
What's that? Love letters?
ANNIE
No, I've got all the letters delivered to this building.
BRIDGET
You've got the neighbours' letters?
ANNIE
Uh-huh. I'm sure my examination results are here.
BRIDGET
Where are the boys?
Ohhhh, they've installed my computer!
ANNIE
I think so.
Sound of toilet flushing
BRIDGET
Is that normal?
ANNIE
Bridget!!
BRIDGET
Nick? Hector? What are you doing?
NICK
Man Olympics. Challenge Two.
BRIDGET
What kind of a challenge?
NICK
Who can go the longest without, you know.... [sound of whistling]
BRIDGET
Falling down? Sneezing? Jumping?
HECTOR
No, no. Without going..., without doing...,
BRIDGET
Ohh! You want to spend a penny?
HECTOR
Spend a penny? I don't want to go shopping!
NICK
No, no, no. She means... [sound of whistling]
BRIDGET
Stop thinking about your challenge and follow me.
ANNIE
Maybe I've passed! [Sound of musical fanfare]
Maybe I've failed. [Sound of low key music/burping noise]
Date: 2015-12-18; view: 818
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