VOICE ON TELEVISION

NICK

Nearly ready. Oh, there we are! Oh, perfect! Now - the living room! Oh, there! Just there! Oh, yeah, perfect, baby! Now, refreshments!

Ha-haa! Cola - yes! Crisps - yes! And finally, mwah! Dial-A-Pizza - yes! Ohh! Only two hours to go!

BRIDGET

Nick!

What is your television doing in my bathroom?

NICK

Oh, hi Bridget. So I don't miss anything.

BRIDGET

Miss anything?

NICK

Yeah, if I have to, you know, when the match is on.

BRIDGET

Oh, the match. So who's playing today?

NICK

It's the semi-finals. England...

BRIDGET

Versus...?

HECTOR

Ar-gen-tina!

NICK

Hey, Hector, great outfit - but wrong team! Ha-haaa!

HECTOR & NICK

Oooohhhh!

NICK

And I've got my lucky World Cup pants on. Ooh-ooh-ooohhh!

BRIDGET

Your lucky World Cup pants?

NICK

Yup. I don't change them when the World Cup is on.

BRIDGET

But it lasts for weeks.

NICK

Yeah!

So, Hector, I've got the refreshments ready - Cola, crisps...

BRIDGET

TV in the bathroom.

HECTOR

At what time is kick-off?

NICK

Midday.

HECTOR

Oh, we had better sit down then!

ANNIE

Hello, everyone. Charlie and I are ready for the match.

HECTOR

Oh, Annie, you look nice!

BRIDGET

Your ribbons are different.

ANNIE

That's right. One for England and one for Argentina.

HECTOR

Oh, how sweet.

NICK

But of course England will win.

HECTOR

I don't think so, Nick.

NICK

We beat Jamaica 4-2.

HECTOR

But we beat Italy 3-0.

NICK

Well, our strikers are the best in the world.

HECTOR

But your defence is poor.

NICK

No, it's not.

HECTOR

Yes, it is.

NICK

It's not! It's not! It's not!

HECTOR

It is! It is! It is!

ANNIE

Break!

And now make friends.

Sound of dog barking

BRIDGET

Oh, you're so childish. Miguel arrives today. At least he's a real man.

NICK

Yeah, but he loves football too. [Sound of telephone ringing] … A Spanish supporter.

BRIDGET

Hello?

NICK

We'll beat them, in the final.

BRIDGET

Nick, for you. Your agent.

NICK

Ooh, goodie! Hi, Cameron. How are you? Good.

An audition? For me? Hey-hey! What for? London On Fire? The soap? Yessss! When? Today? At midday? Where? Birmingham? But that's 100 miles away! No, of course I'm pleased!

OK, thank you! Bye!

ANNIE

An audition for London On Fire? That's brilliant!

HECTOR

Yeah, you must be pleased, man.

NICK

Yes, I am.

I am very, very pleased.

I am so happy.

HECTOR

I can see that.

NICK

Why today? Why this afternoon? Why in Birmingham? What about the football?

BRIDGET

Oh, it's only a football game.

NICK

Bridget, there are some people who think that football is a matter of life and death. It isn't. It is much-more important-than-that!

BRIDGET

Don't go to the audition then.

NICK

Don't go? Don't go? I must go. Drama is my life.

ANNIE

Look, Nick, we can record it for you.

HECTOR

Yeah, and we won't tell you the score.

NICK

Really? You won't tell me the score. You promise?

ANNIE

Promise.

HECTOR

Promise.

BRIDGET

OK, promise.

NICK

OK! I will go - and perform for England!

BRIDGET [Composing email]

NICK

But of course England will win.

BRIDGET [Composing email]

HECTOR & NICK

Ooooooohhhhh!

NICK [Composing email]

NICK

Yesss!

NICK [Composing email]

NICK

I am so happy! [Sobbing noises]

BRIDGET

I don't believe it. It's a very, very bad hair day. Oh, and Miguel is arriving this evening.

It's a disaster.

Ohhh! It's a catastrophe.

I said, it's a catastrophe.

HECTOR

What is a catastrophe?

ANNIE

Bridget's hair.

HECTOR

Oh.

BRIDGET

Got to do something.

I know - Carol! She'll help me.

VOICE ON TELEVISION

...we've got all the action coming up.

BRIDGET

Hello? Carol? Bridget here. Look, this is an emergency. I need a hair appointment. I need a style that a Spanish football fan will adore.

You can? Oh, goodie.

I'll see you at 5 o'clock.

Sorted!

Date: 2015-12-11; view: 465