THE RELATIVE NATURE OF FRUSTRATION

(5) What kinds of physical obstacles, social circumstances, personal shortcomings, and conflicts are likely to be the most frustrating? This is an interesting question to which psychologists have found an interesting answer—which is that frustration is entirely relative.

(6) A classic experiment which illustrates the relative nature of frustration was performed by observing the behaviour of children aged two to five in a playroom that contained only "half toys," such as a telephone without a receiver. Despite the missing parts, the children played quite happily until they saw much better toys in another room. When the children were not allowed to play with the "whole toys," most of them showed signs of extreme frustration. As this experiment shows, what causes frustration is a relative matter. "Half toys" are fun to play with if there is nothing better. When better toys are just beyond reach, the "half toys" are no longer good enough.

(7) Adult frustrations are equally relative. A man may be perfectly happy with his old used car until his neighbour buys a new sports model. A woman may be perfectly content with her job until her friend in the next office gets a promotion. Many people who are quite successful and well liked suffer frustration because a brother or sister is even more successful and popular.

TOLERANCE OF FRUSTRATION

(8) Let us suppose that two individuals find a certain situation equally frustrating. How well will they be able to tolerate this situation? The answer to this question is that it depends on the individuals. Some people can tolerate a great deal of frustration; others find it difficult to tolerate even a little.

(9) Under wartime conditions, while some soldiers break down due to the frustrations of the battlefield, others, in the same situation, seem to find strength they never knew they had. Under more ordinary circumstances, all of us know people who have managed to carry on normal lives despite serious physical handicaps or tragic disappointments, and others who are unable to accept the same frustrations.

REACTIONS TO FRUSTRATION

(10) Frustrations are among life's most unpleasant experiences; they result in anxiety and other disagreeable emotions. To escape from this anxiety, we behave in various ways to relieve our frustrations. Unfortunately, however, some of these behaviours can result in even greater anxiety or stress.

(11) As mentioned earlier, frustration is a universal experience. Reactions to frustration also appear to be universal. That is, we can observe similar reactions in many different kinds of societies. However, certain reactions may not be as socially acceptable in one culture as in another culture. For instance, all people, when frustrated, may respond with anger. However, in some cultures, such as in the Asian culture, anger should not be displayed publicly, while in other cultures displaying anger in front of others is more acceptable. The most common reactions to frustration are the following.

(12) Assertive coping. Any discussion of possible reactions to frustration should begin on a positive note, with what might be called assertive coping. One of our desires has been blocked; we feel bad about this—yet, if we can stay calm, perhaps we can somehow find some way to overcome the obstacle. We can look at the situation as an exercise in problem solving.

(13) Thus, the motorist with a flat tire can get busy changing it or try to find a phone and seek help. The student who wants to be an accountant but is weak in some areas of mathematics can try hard to master these subjects. People frustrated by a bad marriage can try to cope with their problem by seeing a professional counsellor or, if necessary, by ending the marriage.

(14) In all these cases, the emotions produced by the frustration may be extremely unpleasant. However, assertive coping is an attempt to get rid of this frustration in a positive and constructive way. Even though the actions taken to overcome the obstacles may fail, assertive coping is constructive behaviour, and therefore quite different from the others that will now be discussed.

(15) Anger and aggression. Sometimes the reaction to frustration takes the form of aggression. Children frustrated by other children who take their toys often get angry and hit the other children, attacking them with, their fists. Adults are more likely to get into verbal fights, screaming and shouting loudly. These are examples of direct aggression.

(16) However, if the source of frustration cannot be dealt with ' directly, aggression is still likely to result, but

on an innocent bystander instead. For example, a man angry at his demanding and powerful boss goes home and behaves aggressively toward his wife and children. A little girl angry at her parents takes out her aggression on a smaller child or on a pet. These are examples of displaced aggression. However, aggression, whatever form it takes, is essentially an attempt to get rid of the frustration in a negative and destructive way and often leads to even further trouble.

(17) Depression and apathy. Another important reaction to frustration, found in different degrees among different people, is depression. Some psychologists believe that depression results when we become angry with ourselves. We may believe that we are the source of our problems and blame ourselves for being stupid or unlovable. Other psychologists believe that depression usually results from an inability to meet unrealistically high goals. Of course, depression may also result from the loss of a loved one—either because someone has died or no longer returns our love. Whatever its cause, extreme depression may lead to such serious apathy that people live their days in what is commonly called a "blue funk"—so sad and disinterested that they seem to lose all interest in what happens to them and have a difficult time finding energy for the ordinary chores of life.

(18) Withdrawal. Some individuals, when suffering from frustrations, display the kind of behaviour called withdrawal. They try to avoid close contact with other people and any kind of goal-seeking behaviour. We say that such people, like a turtle, have "retreated into a shell" or that they have "quit trying." Rather than making an attempt to face their frustrations and cope with them, these people prefer to escape from them.

(19) Vacillation. Often, when faced with frustration, resulting from conflict, we display the kind of behaviour called vacillation—the tendency to be drawn first toward one possible resolution of the conflict, then toward another. Torn between studying or working and going out with friends, we may change our minds several times. At one moment, we may decide to study, at the next moment, to go out. In an extreme case of vacillation, we may take so long making up our minds that we have very little time left for either of the possibilities.

counsellor: person who gives professional advice

resolution: solution to a conflict

Date: 2014-12-22; view: 1074