Expanding the Circle of Influence

It is inspiring to realize that in choosing our response to circumstance, we powerfully affect our

circumstance. When we change one part of the chemical formula, we change the nature of the results

I worked with one organization for several years that was headed by a very dynamic person. He

could read trends. He was creative, talented, capable, and brilliant -- and everyone knew it. But he had a very dictatorial style of management. He tended to treat people like "gofers," as if they didn't have any judgment. His manner of speaking to those who worked in the organization was, "Go for

this; go for that; now do this; now do that -- I'll make the decisions.

The net effect was that he alienated almost the entire executive team surrounding him. They would

gather in the corridors and complain to each other about him. Their discussion was all very

sophisticated, very articulate, as if they were trying to help the situation. But they did it endlessly, absolving themselves of responsibility in the name of the president's weaknesses.

"You can't imagine what's happened this time," someone would say. "The other day he went into my department. I had everything all laid out. But he came in and gave totally different signals.

Everything I'd done for months was shot, just like that. I don't know how I'm supposed to keep

working for him. How long will it be until he retires?"

"He's only fifty-nine," someone else would respond. "Do you think you can survive for six more years?"

"I don't know. He's the kind of person they probably won't retire anyway."

But one of the executives was proactive. He was driven by values, not feelings. He took initiative

-- he anticipated, he empathized, he read the situation. He was not blind to the president's weaknesses; but instead of criticizing them, he would compensate for them. Where the president was weak in his

style, he'd try to buffer his own people and make such weaknesses irrelevant. And he'd work with the

president's strengths -- his vision, talent, creativity.

This man focused on his Circle of Influence. He was treated like a gofer, also. But he would do

more than what was expected. He anticipated the president's need. He read with empathy the

president's underlying concern, so when he presented information, he also gave his analysis and his

recommendations based on that analysis.

As I sat one day with the president in an advisory capacity, he said, "Stephen, I just can't believe what this man has done. He's not only given me the information I requested, but he's provided

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart additional information that's exactly what we needed. He even gave me his analysis of it in terms of

my deepest concerns, and a list of his recommendations.

"The recommendations are consistent with the analysis, and the analysis is consistent with the data.

He's remarkable! What a relief not to have to worry about this part of the business."

At the next meeting, it was "go for this" and "go for that" to all the executives but one. To this man, it was "What's your opinion?" His Circle of Influence had grown

This caused quite a stir in the organization. The reactive minds in the executive corridors began

shooting their vindictive ammunition at this proactive man.

It's the nature of reactive people to absolve themselves of responsibility. It's so much safer to say, "I am not responsible." If I say "I am responsible," I might have to say, "I am irresponsible." It would be very hard for me to say that I have the power to choose my response and that the response I have

chosen has resulted in my involvement in a negative, collusive environment, especially if for years I

have absolved myself of responsibility for results in the name of someone else's weaknesses.

So these executives focused on finding more information, more ammunition, more evidence as to

why they weren't responsible.

But this man was proactive toward them, too. Little by little, his Circle of Influence toward them

grew also. It continued to expand to the extent that eventually no one made any significant moves in

the organization without that man's involvement and approval, including the president. But the

president did not feel threatened because this man's strength complemented his strength and

compensated for his weaknesses. So he had the strength of two people, a complementary team.

This man's success was not dependent on his circumstances. Many others were in the same

situation. It was his chosen response to those circumstances, his focus on his Circle of Influence, that made the difference.

There are some people who interpret "proactive" to mean pushy, aggressive, or insensitive; but that isn't the case at all. Proactive people aren't pushy. They're smart, they're value driven, they read

reality, and they know what's needed.

Look at Gandhi. While his accusers were in the legislative chambers criticizing him because he

wouldn't join in their Circle of Concern rhetoric condemning the British Empire for their subjugation of

the Indian people, Gandhi was out in the rice paddies, quietly, slowly, imperceptibly expanding his

Circle of Influence with the field laborers. A ground swell of support, of trust, of confidence followed him through the countryside. Though he held no office or political position, through compassion,

courage, fasting, and moral persuasion he eventually brought England to its knees, breaking political

domination of 300 million people with the power of his greatly expanded Circle of Influence.

The "Have's" and the "Be's"

One way to determine which circle our concern is in is to distinguish between the have's and the be's.

The Circle of Concern is filled with the have's

"I'll be happy when I have my house paid off."

"If only I had a boss who wasn't such a dictator."

"If only I had a more patient husband."

"If I had more obedient kids."

"If I had my degree."

"If I could just have more time to myself."

The Circle of Influence is filled with the be's -- I can be more patient, be wise, be loving. It's the character focus.

Anytime we think the problem is "out there," that thought is the problem. We empower what's out there to control us. The change paradigm is "outside-in" -- what's out there has to change before we THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart can change.

The proactive approach is to change from the Inside-Out: to be different, and by being different, to

effect positive change in what's out there -- I can be more resourceful, I can be more diligent, I can be more creative, I can be more cooperative.

One of my favorite stories is one in the Old Testament, part of the fundamental fabric of the Judeo-Christian tradition. It's the story of Joseph, who was sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers at the age of 17. Can you imagine how easy it would have been for him to languish in self-pity as a

servant of Potiphar, to focus on the weaknesses of his brothers and his captors and on all he didn't have?

But Joseph was proactive. He worked on be. And within a short period of time, he was running

Potiphar's household. He was in charge of all that Potiphar had because the trust was so high.

Then the day came when Joseph was caught in a difficult situation and refused to compromise his

integrity. As a result, he was unjustly imprisoned for 13 years. But again he was proactive. He

worked on the inner circle, on being instead of having, and soon he was running the prison and

eventually the entire nation of Egypt, second only to the Pharaoh.

I know this idea is a dramatic Paradigm Shift for many people. It is so much easier to blame other

people, conditioning, or conditions for our own stagnant situation. But we are responsible --

"response-able" -- to control our lives and to powerfully influence our circumstances by working on be, on what we are.

If I have a problem in my marriage, what do I really gain by continually confessing my wife's sins?

By saying I'm not responsible, I make myself a powerless victim; I immobilize myself in a negative

situation. I also diminish my ability to influence her -- my nagging, accusing, critical attitude only

makes her feel validated in her own weakness. My criticism is worse than the conduct I want to

correct. My ability to positively impact the situation withers and dies.

If I really want to improve my situation, I can work on the one thing over which I have control --

myself. I can stop trying to shape up my wife and work on my own weaknesses. I can focus on being

a great marriage partner, a source of unconditional love and support. Hopefully, my wife will feel the

power of proactive example and respond in kind. But whether she does or doesn't, the most positive

way I can influence my situation is to work on myself, on my being.

There are so many ways to work in the Circle of Influence -- to be a better listener, to be a more

loving marriage partner, to be a better student, to be a more cooperative and dedicated employee.

Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is to be happy, just to genuinely smile. Happiness, like

unhappiness, is a proactive choice. There are things, like the weather, that our Circle of Influence will never include. But as proactive people, we can carry our own physical or social weather with us. We can be happy and accept those things that at present we can't control, while we focus our efforts on the

things that we can.

The Other End of the Stick

Before we totally shift our life focus to our Circle of Influence, we need to consider two things in our

Circle of Concern that merit deeper thought -- consequences and mistakes.

While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of those actions.

Consequences are governed by natural law. They are out in the Circle of Concern. We can decide to

step in front of a fast-moving train, but we cannot decide what will happen when the train hits us.

We can decide to be dishonest in our business dealings. While the social consequences of that

decision may vary depending on whether or not we are found out, the natural consequences to our

basic character are a fixed result.

Our behavior is governed by principles. Living in harmony with them brings positive

consequences; violating them brings negative consequences. We are free to choose our response in any

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart situation, but in doing so, we choose the attendant consequence. "When we pick up one end of the

stick, we pick up the other."

Undoubtedly, there have been times in each of our lives when we have picked up what we later felt

was the wrong stick. Our choices have brought consequences we would rather have lived without. If

we had the choice to make over again, we would make it differently. We call these choices mistakes,

and they are the second thing that merits our deeper thought.

For those filled with regret, perhaps the most needful exercise of proactivity is to realize that past

mistakes are also out there in the Circle of Concern. We can't recall them, we can't undo them, we can't control the consequences that came as a result.

As a college quarterback, one of my sons learned to snap his wristband between plays as a kind of

mental checkoff whenever he or anyone made a "setting back" mistake, so the last mistake wouldn't affect the resolve and execution of the next play.

The proactive approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it instantly, correct it, and learn from it.

This literally turns a failure into a success. "Success," said IBM founder T. J. Watson, "is on the far side of failure."

But not to acknowledge a mistake, not to correct it and learn from it, is a mistake of a different order.

It usually puts a person on a self-deceiving, self-justifying path, often involving rationalization (rational lies) to self and to others. This second mistake, this cover-up, empowers the first, giving it

disproportionate importance, and causes far deeper injury to self.

It is not what others do or even our own mistakes that hurt us the most; it is our response to those

things. Chasing after the poisonous snake that bites us will only drive the poison through our entire

system. It is far better to take measures immediately to get the poison out.

Our response to any mistake affects the quality of the next moment. It is important to immediately

admit and correct our mistakes so that they have no power over that next moment and we are

empowered again.

Date: 2015-02-03; view: 884