TABLE DES SÉANCES 24 page

I have said I never hear him on the stairs, but for a few days prior to this hour just before he came into the room I had been aware of the smallest and discreetest of coughs. You will judge of the dearth of unconscious manifestations in bodily ways when I say my ear caught that tiny discreet cough with great joy. I made no reference to it hoping it might get louder. To draw this patient's attention to a manifestation of the unconscious is to stop it. His great aim is not to betray himself and to control anything that gives him away. Added to that is the fact that he becomes aware very quickly of any unconscious manifestation and so thwarts any spontaneity.

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So on this day after the initial good-morning he lay down and said to my disappointment, in his customary even and deliberate voice: " I have been considering that little cough that I give just before I enter the room. The last few days I have coughed I have become aware of it, I don't know whether you have. To-day when the maid called me to come upstairs I made up my mind I would not cough. To my annoyance, however, I realized I had coughed just as I had finished. It is most annoying to do a thing like that, most annoying that some­thing gœs on in you or by you that you cannot control, or do not control. One would think some purpose is served by it, but what possible purpose can be served by a little cough of that description it is hard to think."

(Analyst.) What purpose could be served ?

(Patient.) Well, it is the kind of thing that one would do if one were going into a room where two lovers were together. If one were approaching such a place one might cough a little discreetly and so let them know they were going to be disturbed. I have done that myself when, for example, I was a lad of fifteen and my brother was with his girl in the drawing-room I would cough before I went in so that if they were embracing they could stop before I got in. They would not then feel as embarrassed as if I had caught them doing it.

(Analyst.) And why cough before coming in here ?

(Patient.) That is absurd, because naturally I should not be asked to come up if someone were here, and I do not think of you in that way at all. There is no need for a cough at all that I can see.

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It has, however, reminded me of a phantasy I had of being in a room where I ought not to be, and thinking someone might think I was there, and then I thought to prevent anyone from coming in and finding me there I would bark like a dog. That would disguise my presence. The " someone" would then say, " Oh, it's only a dog in there."

(Analyst.) A dog ?

(Patient.) That reminds me of a dog rubbing himself against my leg, really masturbating himself

I'm ashamed to tell you because I did not stop him. I let him go on and someone might have come in. (The patient then coughed.)

I do not know why I should now think of my dream last night. It was a tremendous dream. It went on for ages and ages. It would take me the rest of the hour to relate it all. But don't worry; I shall not bore you with it all for the simple reason that I cannot recall it. But it was an exciting dream, full of incident, full of interest. I woke hot and perspiring. It must have been the longest dream I ever had.

I dreamt I was taking a journey with my wife around the world, and we arrived in Czechoslovakia where all kinds of things were happening. I met a woman on a road, a road that now reminds me of the road I described to you in the two other dreams lately in which I was having sexual play with a woman in front of another woman. So it happened in this dream. This time my wife was there while the sexual event occurred. The woman I met was very passionate looking and I am reminded of a woman I saw in a restaurant yester­day. She was dark and had very full lips, very red and passionate looking, and it was obvious that had I given her any encouragement she would have

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responded. She must have stimulated the dream, I expect. In the dream the woman wanted intercourse with me and she took the initiative which as you know is a course which helps me a great deal. If the woman will do this I am greatly helped. In the dream the woman actually lay on top of me; that has only just come to my mind. She was evidently intending to put my penis in her body. I could tell that by the manœuvres she was making. I disagreed with this, but she was so disappointed I thought that I would masturbate her. It sounds quite wrong to use that verb transitively. One can say " I masturbated " and that is correct, but it is all wrong to use the word transitively.

(Analyst.) To use the verb transitively is " all wrong ? "

(Patient.) I see what you mean. It is true I have only masturbated myself.

(Analyst.) Only ?

(Patient.) I only remember masturbating another boy once and I forget all the details and I feel shy about mentioning it. That is the only time I can remember. The dream is in my mind vividly. There was no orgasm. I remember her vagina gripped my finger. I see the front of her genitals, the end of the vulva. Something large and projecting hung downwards like a fold on a hood. Hoodlike it was, and it was this that the woman made use of in manœuvring to get my penis. The vagina seemed to close round my finger. The hood seemed strange.

(Analyst.) What else do you think of—let the look of it be in your mind.

(Patient.) I think of a cave. There is a cave on the hillside where I lived as a child. I often went there

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with my mother. It is visible from the road along which one walks. Its most remarkable feature is that it has an overhanging top to it which looks very much like a huge lip. I used to think it was like a monster lip when I was a child. I suddenly think labia means lips. There is some joke about the labia running crosswise and not longitudinally, but I don't remember how the joke was arranged, some comparison between Chinese writing, and our I own, starting from different sides, or from bottom to top. Of course the labia are side by side, and the vagina walls are back and front, that is, one longitudinal and the other crosswise. I'm still thinking of the hood.

(Analyst.) Yes, how now ?

(Patient.) A funny man at one of the earliest golf courses I remember. He said he could get me a golf bag cheaply and the material would be " motor hood cloth." It was the accent I remem­ber. I shall never forget it. (Imitates it.) Imitating him like that reminds me of a friend who broad­casts impersonations which are very clever, but it sounds " swank " to tell you, as swanky as telling you what a marvellous wireless set I have. It picks up all stations with no difficulty.

My friend has a splendid memory. She remembers her childhood too, but mine is so Wad below eleven years. I do remember, however, one of the earliest songs we heard at the theatre and she imitated the man afterwards. It was " Where did you get that hat, where did you get that tile ? " My mind has gone to the hood again and I am remembering the first car I was ever in, but of course they were called motors then when they were new. I remember the

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hood of it, that's " motor hood " again you see. Well! the hood of this motor was one of its most obvious features. It was strapped back when not in use. The inside of it was lined with scarlet. The peak of speed for that car was about sixty, as much as is good for the life of a car. Strange how one speaks of the life of a car as if it were human. I remember I was sick in that car, and that reminds me of the time I had to urinate into a paper bag when I was in a railway train as a child. Still I think of the hood.

(Analyst.) You said straps held it back ?

(Patient.) Yes, of course, that makes me think of how I used to collect leather straps, of how I used to cut up leather straps. I thought I wanted the strips to make something useful but I expect some­thing quite unnecessary. I dislike thinking it was a compulsion; that's why the cough annoys me. I suppose I cut up my sister's sandals in the same way. I have only the dimmest memory of doing it. I don't know why nor what I wanted the leather for when I had done it.

But I suddenly thought of straps that one sees a child fastened by in a " pram " and immediately I wanted to say there was no " pram" in our family, and I then thought how silly you are, you must have had a " pram." I can't recall it any more than I can remember seeing my father in his invalid chair being wheeled about, though I have a vague memory of seeing the chair.

I've suddenly remembered I meant to send off letters admitting two members to the Club. I boasted of being a better secretary than the last and yet here I am forgetting to give people permission

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to enter the Club. " Ah well, we have undone those things we ought to have done and there is no good thing in us."

(Analyst.) Undone ?

(Patient.) Well, I was going to say that that phrase made me think of " fly buttons," which I never leave undone, never forget, .but to my astonishment last week my wife noticed I had. It was at dinner and I surreptitiously did them up

under the table. And I recall now a dream in which you remember a man was telling me to fasten up my coat buttons. This reminds me of straps again and of how as a child I had to be pinned in bed at night lest I should fall out. I expect I was strapped in the pram too.

I will now review the recurring themes of the latent thoughts in the order as they appeared,

1. The cough.

2. Ideas concerning the purpose of a cough.

(a) Brings thoughts of lovers- being together.

(b) Rejection of sexual phantasy concerning analyst.

(c) Phantasy of being/where he ought not to be, and barking like a dog to put people off the scent.

(d) Dog again brought memory of masturbating a dog.

At this juncture he coughed (compare with bark) and suddenly he remembered the dream.

3. The next theme was the dream. In the recital of this was the vivid picture of the actual woman he saw with (a) full lips, (b) The dream woman's

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vulva with a projection like a hood which she was using in some manœuvre to get his penis. This occurred on a road associated in his mind with two dreams in which he was having sexual play with a woman in the presence of another.

During the recital while telling about the sexual play in the dream he objected to using the verb " masturbate " transitively; " it seemed all wrong."

4. The next theme was that of the hood; leading him to remember the cave and the overhanging top of the cave which was like a lip.

5. Then he passed from labia and lips to ideas of things running cross-wise and longitudinal and a joke he could not remember. He thought again of " hood."

6. The next theme came via hood to motor-hood cloth remembered because of a man's accent. He imitated this accent himself.

7. This brought him to his friend's clever im­personations and a particular one of imper­sonating a man. He deprecated his " swank" about his friend as he did about his marvellous wireless set. Her memory and his bad one (now remembers).

8. He went back to " hood " again and remem­bered the first car he was ever in. It had a hood lined with scarlet which was strapped up. He was sick in the car and then he remembered urinating as a child in the train.

9. The " hood " with straps recalled a period in his childhood when he compulsively cut up leather straps and on one occasion his sister's sandals.

10. Straps made him think of children strapped

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in prams. He inferred he must have had a pram. There had been two children older than himself.

11. He remembered he had not sent tickets admitting new members to the Club. He had left undone those things he should have done.

12. Leaving fly buttons undone.

13. The dream in which he was told " to button up."

14. He returned then to straps and remembered being told that he used to be pinned in bed lest he fell out, and supposes he was strapped in the pram too.

The first thing of importance is to find the cardinal clue to the significance of the dream. We can do that by noting just the moment when it came to the patient's mind. He had been speaking of the incident of a dog masturbating on his leg. The moment before he had been speaking of imitating a dog himself, that is, he identified him­self with dog. Then he gave a cough. Then he remembered the dream, a long and exciting dream from which he awoke jjot and perspiring. The deduction concerning the significance of the whole dream is that it is a masturbation phantasy.

That is of first importance. The next thing to notice in connection with this masturbation phantasy is the theme of potency.

He is travelling round the world. It is the longest dream he has ever had. It would take a whole hour to relate. Correlate with that his deprecation of " swank " regarding his friend's impersonations which are broadcast to the world, and his own wireless set which picks up every station. Note his own imitation of the man whose

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accent attracted him, a strong colloquial accent, and incidentally he said with regard to this man " he had once been a butcher."

Impersonation here, whether via friend or him­self, has the significance of imitating a stronger or better-known person. This is again a further clue to the meaning of the masturbation phantasy, that is, a phantasy in which he is impersonating another person, one of immense power and potency.

The next question that arises from that is why this phantasy of extreme power ? The answer is given in the dream. He is going round the world. I would put as commensurate with this idea the actual memory that came to him when he was describing the hood in the dream which was so strange, for it brought out not only the fact that he was describing a projection, a fold of a hood, but that the hood was also overhanging like a lip of a cave. So that we get directly the hood and lips of the vulva compared with the great cave on the hillside to which he went with his mother. Hence the masturbation phantasy is one associated with immense potency because he is dreaming of com­passing mother earth, of being adequate to the huge cave beneath the protruding lips. That is the second thing of importance.

Next I would draw your attention to the associa­tions concerning lips and labia. The woman who was a stimulus for the dream had full red passionate lips. In the dream he had a vivid picture of the labia and the hood. The cave had an overhanging lip. He thinks of things longitudinal like labia and then of cross-wise things—where I would now sug­gest the mouth as compared with the vulva.

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He thinks, moreover, of the first motor he was in and of its hood and of the scarlet lining in that motor. He then thinks immediately of the speed of the car, and says " the peak of its speed " was so many miles an hour, and then speaks of " the life of the car " and notices that he talks of a car as if it were human.

From the fact of the dream picture of the vulva and the hood, with the wealth of other associations that give the picture of "red inside " and projecting lips and hood I should deduce that the memory of the actual cave which he visited with his mother also acts as a cover memory. I would deduce that there is projected on to the motor with its scarlet lined hood this same forgotten memory and that the peak of speed has the same significance as the projection in the genitals in the dream—it is the peak of the hood. I infer there is an actual repressed memory of seeing the genitals of someone much older.than himself; of seeing them when he was very tiny and I infer this from both the car and the cave and going round the world in conjunction with the immense potency required. The peak, the hood, I interpret as the clitoris. The patient's sister is eight years older than himself. Considering the references made to his woman friend's voice, that is to sound, accent, sound of a man's voice, and considering that the reference to her is in connection with male impersonation, I deduce that at least when very tiny he saw her genitals, noticed the clitoris, and heard her urinate. But considering all the work in analysis we have done so far I believe in addition there was some babyhood situation in which he had a quite definite opportunity of seeing

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his mother's genitals. I mean by this, some situa­tion such as might occur by a child being laid on the floor on a blanket. It is the only explanation I have up to the present of understanding the special importance of certain lightings that this patient favours in making pictures, namely lighted from below. One more clue I have to the woman in the dream is that she is dark. His actual selection among women has been the blonde and golden-hair type. He has on previous occasions told me that his mother was dark-haired and that he has always correlated passion in woman with dark hair.

The next thing of importance is the evidence afforded of childhood masturbation. We have the recall of the dream in which he is told to button up and the fact that this dream is remembered in conjunction with the memory of being pinned in bed. This he says was to prevent his falling out of bed. In connection with this I correlate material from other analyses in which he has told me that he was pinned in bed because he was " so restless " and also that on occasions he has remarked that he can think of nothing so infuriating to a child as to be hampered in movement, restricted in any way, but he did not know why he felt so sure about this as he never remembered any time when he was not allowed freedom. From these references to " straps" and " being pinned in bed," one is justified in deducing some restriction of his move­ments in early childhood connected with masturba­tion, and that this early masturbation was in its phantasy content of the same nature as the present-day dream.

We can now proceed with further details. We

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have two references to compulsion. The first is in connection with the " little " cough which in spite of effort he dœs involuntarily—a fact which is extremely distasteful to him. The other is the reference to the early boyhood compulsion of cutting straps, the cutting up of his sister's sandals. Very reluctantly he has admitted that this cutting was compulsively done. The point to notice in the reference to this compulsive aggressiveness is the sequence in which it occurs, namely straps, straps of a pram, refusal to think there was a pram, then the thought that there must have been a pram, then that there had been other children before him, and finally at that point he remembered that he had forgotten to send tickets to two new members of the Club.

This sequence gives us the right to interpret that his difficulty in remembering that there was a pram which he must have had and as he says " there were other children " was due to his not wanting his mother to have other children after himself, and further that his early aggression exhibited in " cutting " was definitely aggression towards the possible and hated rivals. The present-day manifestation of this is to neglect to send tickets to admit new members. The childhood phantasy was to cut them up or cut them out.

We can make still further inferences. Immediately he mentioned the fact that he had forgotten to send these tickets of admission he said : " We have left undone those things we ought to have done " and he was reminded of the fact that quite recently a most unusual thing happened: he found his fly buttons were unfastened. The unconscious wish to exhibit his penis is implicit in this " forgetting,"

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but taken in its setting in the sequence of references first to aggressiveness by the cutting, then to not sending tickets, the penis is unconsciously associated with phantasies of aggression. I am justified here by virtue of past analyses in linking up aggressive phantasies connected with the penis, not only with masturbation, but with bed-wetting, since the restlessness referred to which caused his being pinned in bed has also been spoken of in connection with bed-wetting on previous occasions. You will notice that by this reference to leaving his fly buttons undone he recalled a dream where a father-figure exhorted him to fasten up his buttons.

This leads me to a further inference. In speaking of the cough his first thought was of warning two lovers of his approach. He remembered warning in this way his brother and a girl friend when they were together. One knows what this warning will bring about before the younger brother gets into the room. The lovers will have put some distance between themselves. He will by his cough have separated them. To use his words: "Then they will not be embarrassed by my intrusion." Now again I am justified in my surmise concerning this extreme solicitude not to be embarrassing. Some time ago he attended a function at which the King and Queen were to be present. He came up to town in his car. He developed anxiety about this and for some time it was not clear what specific phantasy was the reason of it. It turned out to be this: " Suppose, not knowing exactly where he would park the car, suppose just at the moment the King and Queen were arriving he blocked the way with his ear and could not get it to move, and

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so hindered the progress of the royal pair—a most embarrassing situation."

So that in the discreet cough before he enters the room we have the pale attenuated representation of an infantile situation in which he hindered the progress of the royal pair, not by discretion, not by immobility, but by sudden movement of his bowels, or by crying, which one infers was effectual in its purpose.

With regard to one specific detail in the dream, namely the projection which he thinks the woman is manœuvring to get hold of his penis, one is justified in going as far in interpretation as this: namely that in light of the aggressive phantasies that have been evinced the woman's genitals will be aggressive towards him.

Note the actual danger places :

(1) the projection which is equivalent to a penis,

(2) the vagina.

He will not trust his penis in the vagina, he will put in a finger. Moreover, the mouth and vagina have been equated through the association of " over-hanging lips " and in the refer­ence to the longitudinal and cross-wise openings; hence we have here the phantasy of the vagina being like the mouth with teeth.

To interpret more than this would be to guess. The actual interpretations I have given arise directly out of the material of the hour either by direct association, or by noticing the setting of the thoughts in sequences, or by connection of the associations in this hour with those given in another.

This is the attempt to get the full significance of everything said.

I did not interpret to the patient as I have done here. I had to select from the whole what was the

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most important thing to help towards bringing the repressed material into consciousness. I was guided in selection by the patient's need, namely his fear of aggressive bodily movements. The thing I selected first was the cough. I selected it because it was the one direct transference manifestation of a compulsive nature made during the hour which could in any way make a link with the repressed compulsive aggressive acts of childhood.

I referred to the fact that he had twice used the word " little " in describing his cough and said that by using this word he was under-estimating a phantasy connected with the cough. I referred then specifically to the dream and pointed out how the dream as a whole indicated immense power, great potency.

Then I directed his attention to the purpose of the cough in the direct reference to separating lovers and said some phantasy of that kind must now be unconsciously associated with myself. He had said that he would not bore me by a long recital. I then referred to the " King and Queen " incident and surmised that the omnipotent phantasy was rooted in early infancy where he had been able to stop or interrupt his parents.

After this I correlated the associations made to aggression and deduced that he had wished to prevent any more children being born; because there had been no more children born after him his aggressive phantasy of omnipotence had been reinforced by this fact, and thus further enhanced his dread of his mother, as a revenging person. I then affirmed my conviction of his actual sight of his mother's genitals and the projection on to them

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of revenge phantasies which were to be correlated with the phantasies of aggression associated with his own penis as a biting and boring thing, and with the power of his water. All this I said was the significance of the masturbation which the dream represented.

Now I will indicate very briefly what were the outstanding features of the two following hours of analysis.

The next day the patient said that he had not coughed coming up the stairs, but that he had had a slight colicky pain. This led him to think of his attacks of diarrhœa in childhood and that with colic there is very often explosive flatus. " I wonder," he said, " if the cough really meant wind and diarrhœa ? " I replied, " Now you have found its meaning for yourself." During this hour he was occupied by the problem of his difficulty in tennis in putting a shot just so that it should corner his opponent.

The following day he informed me that he had had a colicky pain on leaving the house the day before. Then he proceeded to tell me that he had been unable to use his car because certain repairs had not been finished. The garage man was so very good, so very kind; it was impossible to be angry with him. Still he would like to have his car. Not that the car was imperative for him at the moment; it was not a necessity, but he wanted it, he liked it.

At this juncture I drew a comparison between the kind and good garage man with whom he could not get angry and his father. This the patient said exactly expressed his feelings about his father in

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memory. Then for once I was able to deal with the libidinal wishes, " not that the car was a necessity, but he wanted it." I have had to wait a long time for the chance to make this interpretation. Here at last libidinal desire was expressed. On the following day the patient had a confession to make. For the first time since he was a tiny boy he had wet the bed during sleep.

Thus in these three analytic hours the bodily manifestations in order were the cough, colic pains, and actual bed-wetting. With this last we had made the first real contact with the rivalry situation with his father in infancy.

In this hour I was able to speak convincingly of the father transference as evinced in the analysis, and the aggressive rival phantasies towards him that in infancy were expressed in bodily ways.

I missed a chance at one spot of asking for more information, an obvious omission, although with this patient I do not interrupt more than is neces­sary for progress. I refer to the element in the dream of " Czechoslovakia."

Finally you will understand why I said so little, why I interpolated few questions and those couched in almost monosyllables. The reason is given in his dream and his remark " The woman took the initiative. If the woman will only take the initiative then I am greatly helped," which means that his problem of infantile aggression is shelved again. To help this patient I must on occasions of this kind let him take the initiative as far as I can make it possible.

Two dreams in which definite father-figures appeared followed the one I have given. On the

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tennis court one day in the week that followed this analytic hour an opponent who beat him began to tease him about his poor play. My patient got hold of his tormentor round his neck and held him playfully in a strangle grip and warned him never to tease him again. This is the first time since he was an adolescent that he has been able to touch a man in any kind of playful way at all—still less to make a demonstration of his physical strength.

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21 Janvier 1959 Table des séances

Le rêve d'Ella SHARPE (2)

Nous étions restés la dernière fois au beau milieu de l'analyse de ce qu'Ella SHARPE appelle le rêve singulier, unique, auquel elle consacre un chapitre dans lequel se trouve converger la partie ascendante de son livre, puis ensuite les compléments qu'elle ajoute.

Date: 2016-03-03; view: 485