I WILL WAIT FOR YOU

Mum had to stay in hospital for several more days and my time was up. I returned back home to Kornwestheim. We all lived in constant fear; every time the phone rung I was afraid that was the call I dreaded. Every time the girls returned home from school Natasha would ask, “Is granny still alive?” Life turned into waiting for something we didn’t want to happen.

One night I dreamt that mum had died in my arms. The dream was so real that I felt her last breath. I experienced emotional reactions of fear, shock and sadness. I had another similar dream, but this time my reaction was calmer. One more time I dreamed exactly the same. It seemed to me that God was preparing me for what was ahead of me.

I talked to mum on the phone nearly every day. She could hardly eat anything but liquids. Her enthusiasm was still up but her body was getting weaker and weaker. I offered to come home again to help. “There is nothing you can do for me now.” Mum was trying to protect me from watching her suffer.

For three years that we had lived in Germany we kept inviting our friends from Ireland to visit us. They managed to organize their visit for 25 July. As we were coming closer to the date I thought under the circumstances it would be better to cancel their coming. In one of my conversations with mum I shared that with her. Her response was, “Let them come as planned, I’ll wait for you.” Preparing for our guests helped me focus on something else rather on grave thoughts of mum dying.

Ana and her family came to stay with mum and dad. Joseph came to say with his family at friends in the neighborhood. He told me mum was in a poor state and to be ready to come at short notice. On Thursday early evening, 24 July, he phoned: “ We’ve just taken mum to hospital, she gets periods of unconsciousness. It’s time for you to make your way home if you want to see her alive.”

Immediately I checked the flights from Stuttgart and Munich, there were none in the evening. Checked the buses, they were all gone. With guests arriving the following day we thought the best thing would be to travel on my own, and Branislav to wait for the guests and get them organized and come with the girls by car. We said a prayer for God’s guidance in this complex situation. Just as we finished praying the phone rang and someone from the church enquired about mum’s situation. I told her how desperate I was for transport. “Yesterday my brother-in-law and his family were supposed to travel through Croatia to Serbia. I think they haven’t gone yet. There are four of them, they might have a seat for you.”

GOD PROVIDED

The verse from Matthew 6:8 “…Your Father knows what you need before you ask him” proved to be true in the time of my great need. God provided transport for me. “I am told you are planning to travel to Serbia through Croatia.” The response was “Well, we packed our car to travel yesterday, but for no apparent reason we stayed at home. We are packed, just about to travel.” God kept this family from traveling when they planned for He had another plan. He provided a seat for me in their car.

We traveled at night, at dawn we reached Slovenia. We needed another five to six hours to reach Slavonski Brod. I contacted Joseph to find out how mum was doing. “She’s still alive. I’m glad you’re on the way.” We made the arrangement for him to collect me on the motorway not far from the parents’ home and take me straight to the hospital. The whole way I was thinking about the events that happened to our family from the moment I found out about mum’s illness until then, a journey of nearly four years. God was with us in time of sorrow and desperation as much as in the time of fulfillment and happiness. This feeling of being loved by God and mum assuring words that she would wait for me gave me confidence that everything was under control.

Joseph, together with Anna’s husband Goran, met me as arranged. “Dad, Ana, and Biljana are already with mum in the hospital. Mum is retaining water and the doctors will just let her die. There was nothing left in her to fight more and by prolonging her life they would just prolong her misery. Don’t expect much from mum for she falls more and more into unconscious state.” Joseph briefed me on the situation.

I opened the door of mum’s ward. There in the bed I saw a shadow of a woman I knew and loved so much. As I was coming closer to her she looked at me, gave me a smile and spoke, “Here is my Mara.” This was the way my parents called me. I smiled back, came close to her and kissed her. Ana spoke, “She’s been waiting for you.” I was confused because of what Joseph told me of mum not reacting much. However, the next moment she was gone into her unconscious state. Ana cried and explained that she kept her last strength to acknowledge that she was aware of my presence. Dad was quiet, stroking her hand that was literary skin and bones like the rest of her body. Looking at her I just had one wish, for God to let her fall asleep in peace and not to suffer any more.

With tears in their eyes Biljana, Goran and dad said their goodbyes to mum as for the last time. Joseph wanted to take them home since mum shared the ward with another two women and we crowded the place. Ana and I were left to stay with mum and Joseph planned to collect us later. Every moment seemed to be precious for the moments with our mother seemed to be counted.

Date: 2015-12-24; view: 945