CHRISTIANS DIE SINGING

The way we communicated with mum these days was by her squeezing our hand or blinking to signal her approval. She had no strength to speak. It was Friday afternoon a time when mum would normally prepare for the Sabbath, her favorite day. I reminded mum of that and asked her if she wanted to sing with me as the Sabbath was approaching. She smiled and signaled approval with her eyes.

I chose three songs that mum knew very well. The first one talks about God as love, father, shepherd and healer. The second one is to the melody of Beautiful Isle:

May your faith carry you to the better world, where there is no death, and flowers blossom eternally

Refrain: Somewhere on the new earth, a new life is waiting for you, somewhere on the new earth.

Days are bright there and to all work is happiness, there you’ll always be healthy and young.

I was kneeling down by mum’s bed, leaning closer to her ear so she could hear me better. I held her hand and gently stoke it. Ana was standing next to the window purposelessly staring outside while trying to deal with her emotions. I started singling softly, not too loud not to disturb the other patients but loud enough for mum to hear me. As I started singing mum started moving her lips corresponding with the words and melody.

Soon Ana noticed that mum was joining in with singing by moving her lips and her eyes brightened up. “She’s singing with you. Can’t you see! She’s dying and singing.” Ana became hysterical and started crying. This was too much for Ana’s emotions to handle. I assured her that mum was perfectly fine. Then we started singing the third song, which was Miriam’s and Natasha’s favorite. “I believe and why should I be afraid.” Ana asked, “Is that the way Christians’ die?” I nodded.

The meeting of that particular Sabbath was very meaningful to me, and I believe to mum too. God invites us every week to bring our work to a conclusion, to free ourselves of worries of this world and allow us freedom and rest of Sabbath. Today mum was happy as she stood on the edge of the perishable, with all its troubles and worries. By faith she was looking into eternity, to a better world, to a world our souls are craving for. The songs brought a smile to her face for they affirmed her faith and her longing.

LAST WORDS

Joseph was back. Around mum’s deathbed there were her three children. In each one of us she was deeply engraved, in likeness, character or in our understanding of life. She had high hopes for each one of us. Her prayers were for our happiness and God’s blessings to rest upon us and our families. The thought of letting her go was so painful; with her we had to let go something positive from our lives, even more so a part of us.

For a moment mum looked very focused. Ana spoke, “Mum it’s Joseph’s birthday in three days. Have you got a present for him?” Mum looked a little bit surprised and embarrassed, she just slightly lifted her shoulders. Joseph knelt and leaned toward her lips, “Mum kiss me and that will be the best present for me.” Mum kissed him with all her strength and the kiss ringed. Joseph started crying, took her weak hand and with it cuddled his face and like a little child started begging, “Kiss me again, please, kiss me again.” Ana and I couldn’t help crying at this site. We were all like small children afraid to be lost if mum goes.

Joseph said, “Mum we have to go, but we want to pray with you, and we’ll ask Mara to pray.” I can’t remember the words of my prayer but I remember being thankful to God for our mother. I trusted that God would give mum eternal life as He promised. I had a yearning desire that we meet again as a family, all of us somewhere in the Promised Land.

One by one we kissed mum and said our final goodbyes for none of us had any claim of tomorrow. “Mum we are going now, is there anything you want to tell us?” As soon as Ana’s question reached mum she answered as if she’d been waiting for the question all this time. “Be ready!” With these two words she let us go.

On our way home three of us discussed what these words meant to us. We agreed that mum was aware that her time was really short and she wanted us to be ready for her departure. We also agreed that she wanted us to live our lives always to be ready. To be ready to help, to give account for our actions, to face life whatever it might bring, and most of all to be ready to meet our Creator. Mum’s words became a treasure that each one of us got as inheritance, not to store but to use.

We all gathered at our parents’ home and made plans for the next day. Dad and I were planning to visit mum in the morning and then go to church. Others were planning to visit her in the afternoon. It was so strange trying to make plans when we were fully aware that there was very little in our control. I was glad to see my five nieces but noticed that they were all exhausted as much as the adults. The journey made me physically tired but even more all the intense and mixed emotions allowed me just to focus on the moment I lived. In no time my body gave in and I fell asleep.

61. READY?

Early the next morning the phone rang, Ana answered. Her scream said it all to the rest of us. There is a big difference knowing that someone is dying and being told that a person is dead. Mum is no more.

There is a neighbor on his bike going to the local shop for a loaf of bread and a bottle of milk. The bus has just passed taking people to their work in town. The neighbor’s children, across the road, have just woken up and you can hear their laughter. For them this day is just another day, not much different from yesterday and won’t be much different from tomorrow; they carry on as if nothing significant has happened. To us to whom mum’s life meant so much for a moment everything stopped, all our hopes, efforts, plans, we became numb. There was a pause, a state in which things we do from day to day lose their meaning.

Dad, Ana, Joseph and I gathered for a short meeting. We needed each other’s support and to get things organized. According to Croatian custom, relatives, friends and neighbors come to the house of the deceased person to sit with the family. Joseph said, “You’ll have very little time for yourself from now on, there will be people coming here as soon as they hear the news. You need to have strength for it’s going to last three days. The funeral can only be conducted on Monday late afternoon because of the weekend, and days are so hot we need to wait for the afternoon.” There were so many things to be organized, they appointed me to be responsible for the spiritual side of it and the actual funeral service. The first people I wanted to talk to were my husband and daughters.

I reached for the phone to call Branislav and the girls. “Granny fell asleep in Christ a short while ago. As aunty Ana said, God has given her Sabbath rest, she learned to appreciate and always looked forward to.” Branislav spoke gently, “I’m sorry darling. Keep strong. We were just about to go to church with out guests. We’ll be on our way as soon as we get ourselves organized.” “There is no rush, the funeral is going to be on Monday afternoon. Take time for the guests as you planned today and then start your journey in the evening.” it was strange listening to myself talking about the funeral as if it wasn’t real.

Ana couldn’t help herself sobbing. Joseph went to the garden; when he didn’t come back some minutes later, I thought something had happened to him. He was at the top of the garden just standing there. “Joseph are you alright?”, I tried to get his attention. “Where is all that energy gone? There is so much power in a living person, physical, mental, emotional. Can it just disappear?” Joseph was trying to deal with his loss in his own way. I took couple of moments to deal with my loss. In moments like this when my soul is shaken I create a memory of that moment by putting my feelings and thoughts on paper. In no time the words just followed each other and captured something precious of mum, her last words as a long-lasting memory:

BE READY

Last words spoken,

With the last ounce of strength,

Will carry us, mother, until our last breaths:

“BE READY!”

You haven’t left us in doubt.

You knew how,

You found the way.

You were gentle,

With a gentle spirit you broke the hearts of stone.

You were rich,

You shared and shared until there was no more.

You were happy,

For you it wasn’t tomorrow or something else;

You found it in every moment and within yourself.

You got ready

To meet the One,

Who starts and measures our time.

Date: 2015-12-24; view: 781