In which Howl expresses his feelings with green slime

Howl did not go out that day, nor for the next fewdays. Sophie sat quietly in the chair by the hearth, keeping out ofhis way and thinking. She saw that, much as Howl deserved it, she hadbeen taking out her feelings on the castle when she was really angrywith the Witch of the Waste. And she was a little upset at thethought that she was here on false pretenses. Howl might thinkCalcifer liked her, but Sophie knew Calcifer had simply seized on achance to make a bargain with her. Sophie rather thought she had letCalcifer down.

This state of mind did not last. Sophie discovered a pile ofMichael?s clothes that needed mending. She fetched out thimble,scissors, and thread from her sewing pocket and set to work. By thatevening she was cheerful enough to join in Calcifer?s sillylittle song about saucepans.

?Happy in your work?? Howl said sarcastically.

?I need more to do,? Sophie said.

?My old suit needs mending, if you have to feel busy,?said Howl.

This seemed to mean that Howl was no longer annoyed. Sophie wasrelieved. She had been almost frightened that morning.

It was clear Howl had not yet caught the girl he was after. Sophielistened to Michael asking rather obvious questions about it, andHowl slithering neatly out of answering any of them. ?He is aslitherer-outer,? Sophie murmured to a pair of Michael?ssocks. ?Can?t face his own wickedness.? She watchedHowl being restlessly busy in order to hide his discontent. That wassomething Sophie understood rather well.

At the bench Howl worked a good deal harder and faster thanMichael, putting spells together in an expert but slapdash way. Fromthe look on Michael?s face, most of the spells were bothunusual and hard to do. But Howl would leave a spell midway and dashup to his bedroom to look after something hidden?and no doubtsinister?going on up there, and then shortly race out into the yardto tinker with a large spell out there. Sophie opened the door acrack and was rather amazed to see the elegant wizard kneeling in themud with his long sleeves tied behind his neck to keep them out ofthe way while he carefully heaved a tangle of greasy metal into aspecial framework of some kind.

That spell was for the King. Another overdressed and scentedmessenger arrived with a letter and a long, long speech in which hewondered if Howl could possibly spare time, no doubt invaluablyemployed in other ways, to bend his powerful and ingenious mind to asmall problem experienced by His Royal Majesty?to whit, how an armymight get its heavy wagons through a marsh and rough ground. Howl waswonderfully polite and long-winded in reply. He said no. But themessenger spoke for a further half-hour, at then end of which he andHowl bowed to one another and Howl agreed to do the spell.

?This is a bit ominous,? Howl said to Michael when themessenger had gone. ?What did Suliman have to get himself lostin the Waste for? The King seems to think I?ll doinstead.?

?He wasn?t as inventive as you, by allaccounts,? Michael said.

?I?m too patient and polite,? Howl saidgloomily. ?I should have overcharged him even more.?

Howl was equally patient and polite with customers from Porthaven,but, as Michael anxiously pointed out, the trouble was that Howl didnot charge these people enough. This was after Howl had listened foran hour to the reasons why a seaman?s wife could not pay him apenny yet, and then promised a sea captain a wind spell for almostnothing. Howl eluded Michael?s arguments by giving him a magiclesson.

Sophie sewed buttons on Michael?s shirts and listened toHowl going through a spell with Michael. ?I know I?m slapdash,? he was saying, ?butthere?s no need for you to copy me. Always read it rightthrough, carefully, first. The shape of it should tell you a lot,whether it?s self-fulfilling, or self-discovering, or simpleincantation, or mixed action and speech. When you?ve decidedthat, go through again and decide which bits mean what they say andwhich bits are put as a puzzle. You?re getting on to morepowerful kinds now. You?ll find every spell of power has atleast one deliberate mistake or mystery in it to prevent accidents.You have to spot those. Now take this spell??

Listening to Michael?s halting replies to Howl?squestions, and watching Howl scribble remarks on the paper with astrange, everlasting quill pen, Sophie realized that she could learna lot too. It dawned on her that if Martha could discover the spellto swap herself and Lettie about at Mrs.Fairfax?s, then sheought to be able to do the same here. With a bit of luck, there mightbe no need to rely on Calcifer.

When Howl was satisfied that Michael had forgotten all about howmuch or how little he charged people in Porthaven, he took him outinto the yard to help with the King?s spell. Sophie creaked toher feet and hobbled to the bench. The spell was clear enough, butHowl?s scrawled remarks defeated her. ?I?ve neverseen such writing!? she grumbled to the human skull.?Does he use a pen or a poker?? She sorted eagerlythrough every scrap of paper on the bench and examined the powdersand liquids in the crooked jars. ?Yes, let?s admitit,? she told the skull. ?I snoop. And I have my properreward. I can find out how to cure fowl pest and abate whoopingcough, raise a wind and remove hairs from the face. If Martha hadfound this lot, she?d still be at Mrs.Fairfax?s.?

Howl, it seemed to Sophie, went and examined all the things shehad moved when he came in from the yard. But that seemed to be onlyrestlessness. He seemed not to know what to do with himself afterthat. Sophie heard him roving up and down during the night. He wasonly an hour in the bathroom the next morning. He seemed not to beable to contain himself while Michael put on his best plum velvetsuit, ready to go to the Palace in Kingsbury, and the two of themwrapped the bulky spell up in golden paper. The spell must have beensurprisingly light for its size. Michael could carry it on his owneasily, with both his arms wrapped round it. Howl turned the knob overthe door red-down for him and sent him out into the street among thepainted houses.

?They?re expecting it,? Howl said. ?Youshould only have to wait most of the morning. Tell them a child couldwork it. Show them. And when you come back, I?ll have a spellof power for you to get to work on. So long.?

He shut the door and roved around the room again. ?My feetitch,? he said suddenly. ?I?m going for a walk onthe hills. Tell Michael the spell I promised him is on the bench. Andhere?s for you to keep busy with.?

Sophie found a gray-and-scarlet suit, as fancy as theblue-and-silver one, dropped into her lap from nowhere. Howlmeanwhile picked up his guitar from its corner, turned the doorknobgreen-down, and stepped out among the scudding heather above MarketChipping.

?His feet itch!? grumbled Calcifer. There was a fogdown in Porthaven., Calcifer was low among his logs, moving uneasilythis way and that to avoid drips in the chimney. ?How does hethink I feel, stuck in a damp grate like this??

?Then you?ll have to give me a hint at least about howto break you contract,? Sophie said, shaking out thegray-and-scarlet suit. ?Goodness, you?re a fine suit,even if you a bit worn! Built to pull in the girls, aren?tyou??

?I have given you a hint!? Calcifer fizzed.

?Then you?ll have to give it to me again. Ididn?t catch it,? Sophie said as she laid the suit downand hobbled to the door.

?If I give you a hint and tell you it?s a hint, itwill be information, and I?m not allowed to give that,?Calcifer said. ?Where are you going??

?To do something I didn?t dare do until they were bothout,? Sophie said. She twisted the square knob over the dooruntil the black blob pointed downward. Then she opened the door.

There was nothing outside. It was neither black, nor gray, norwhite. It was not think, or transparent. It did not move. It had nosmell and no feel. When Sophie put a very cautious finger out intoit, it was neither hot nor cold. It felt of nothing. It seemedutterly and completely nothing.

?What is this?? she asked Calcifer.

Calcifer was as interested as Sophie. His blue face was leaningright out of the grate to see the door. He had forgotten the fog.?I don?t know,? he whispered. ?I onlymaintain it. All I know is that it?s on the side of the castlethat no one can walk around. It feels quite far away.?

?It feels beyond the moon!? said Sophie. She shut thedoor and turned the knob green-downward. She hesitated a minute andthen started to hobble to the stairs.

?He?s locked it,? said Calcifer. ?He toldme to tell you if you tried to snoop again.?

?Oh,? said Sophie. ?What has he got upthere??

?I?ve no idea,? said Calcifer. ?Idon?t know anything about upstairs. If you only knew howfrustrating it is! I can?t even really see outside the castle.Only enough to see what direction I?m going in.?

Sophie, feeling equally frustrated, sat down and began mending thegray-and-scarlet suit. Michael came in quite soon after that.

?The King saw me at once,? he said. ?He??He looked round the room. His eyes went to the empty corner where theguitar usually stood. ?Oh, no!? he said. ?Not thelady friend again! I thought she?d fallen in love with him andit was all over days ago. What?s keeping her??

Calcifer fizzed wickedly. ?You got the signs wrong.Heartless Howl is finding this lady rather tough. He decided to leaveher alone for a few days to see if that would help. That?sall.?

?Bother!? said Michael. ?That?s bound tomean trouble. And here I was hoping Howl was almost sensibleagain!?

Sophie banged the suit down on her knees. ?Really!?she said. ?How can you both talk like that about such utterwickedness! At least, I suppose I can?t blame Calcifer, sincehe?s an evil demon. But you, Michael?!?

?I don?t think I?m evil,? Calciferprotested.

?But I?m not calm about it, if that?s what youthink!? Michael said. ?If you knew the troublewe?ve had because Howl will keep falling in love like this!We?ve had lawsuits, and suitors with swords, and mothers withrolling pins, and fathers and uncles with cudgels. And aunts. Auntsare terrible. They go for you with hatpins. But the worst is when thegirl herself finds out where Howl lives and turns up at the door,crying and miserable. Howl goes out through the back door andCalcifer and I have to deal with them all.?

?I hate the unhappy ones,? Calcifer said. ?Theydrip on me. I?d rather have them angry.?

?Now let?s get this straight,? Sophie said,clenching her fists knobbily in red satin. ?What does Howl doto these poor females? I was told he ate their hearts and took theirsouls away.?

Michael laughed uncomfortably. ?Then you must come fromMarket Chipping. Howl sent me down there to blacken his name when wefirst set up the castle. I?er?I said that sort of thing. It?swhat aunts usually say. It?s only true in a manner ofspeaking.?

?Howl?s very fickle,? said Calcifer.?He?s only interested until the girl falls in love withhim. Then he can?t be bothered with her.?

?But he can?t rest until he?s made her lovehim,? Michael said eagerly. ?You can?t get anysense out of him until he has. I always look forward to the time whenthe girl falls for him. Things get better then.?

?Until they track him down,? said Calcifer.

?You?d think he?d have the sense to give them afalse name,? Sophie said scornfully. The scorn was to hide thefact that she was feeling somewhat foolish.

?Oh, he always does,? Michael said. ?He lovesgiving false names and posing as things. He does it even whenhe?s not courting girls. Haven?t you noticed thathe?s Sorcerer Jenkin in Porthaven, and Wizard Pendragon inKingsbury, as well as Horrible Howl in the castle??

Sophie had not noticed, which made her feel more foolish still.And feeling foolish made her angry. ?Well, I think it?sstill wicked, going round making poor girls unhappy,? she said.?It?s heartless and pointless.?

?He?s made that way,? said Calcifer.

Michael pulled a three-legged stool up to the fire and sat on itwhile Sophie sewed, telling her of Howl?s conquests and some ofthe trouble that had happened afterward. Sophie muttered at the finesuit. She still felt very foolish. ?So you ate hearts, did you,suit? Why do aunts put things so oddly when they talk abouttheir nieces? Probably fancied you themselves, my good suit. Howwould you feel with a raging aunt after you, eh?? As Michaeltold her the story of the particular aunt he had in mind, it occurredto Sophie that it was probably just as well the rumors of Howl hadcome to Market Chipping in those words. She could imagine astrong-minded girl like Lettie otherwise getting very interested inHowl and ending up very unhappy.

Michael had just suggested lunch and Calcifer as usual had groanedwhen Howl flung open the door and came in, more discontented thanever.

?Something to eat?? said Sophie.

?No,? said Howl. ?Hot water in the bathroom,Calcifer.? He stood moodily in the bathroom door a moment.?Sophie, have you tidied this shelf of spells in here by anychance??

Sophie felt more foolish than ever. Nothing would have possessedher to admit she had gone through all those packets and jars lookingfor pieces of girl. ?I haven?t touched a thing,?she replied virtuously as she went to get the frying pan.

?I hope you didn?t,? Michael said uneasily asthe bathroom door slammed shut.

Rinsings and gushings came from the bathroom while Sophie friedlunch. ?He?s using a lot of hot water,? Calcifersaid from under the pan. ?I think he?s tinting his hair.I hope you left the hair spells alone. For a plain man withmud-colored hair, he?s terribly vain about hislooks.?

?Oh, shut up!? snapped Sophie. ?I put everythingback just where I found it!? She was so cross that she emptiedthe pan of eggs and bacon over Calcifer.

Calcifer, of course, ate them with enormous enthusiasm and muchflaring and gobbling. Sophie fried more over the spitting flames. Sheand Michael ate them. They were clearing away, and Calcifer wasrunning his blue tongue round his purple lips, when the bathroom doorcrashed open and Howl shot out, wailing with despair.

?Look at this!? he shouted. ?Look at it!What has that one-woman force of chaos done to thesespells??

Sophie and Michael whirled round and looked at Howl. His hair waswet, but, apart from that, neither of them could see that it lookedany different.

?If you mean me?? Sophie began.

?I do mean you! Look!? Howl shrieked. He satdown with a thump on the three-legged stool and jabbed at his wethead with his finger. ?Look. Survey. Inspect. My hair isruined! I look like a pan of bacon and eggs!?

Michael and Sophie bent nervously over Howl?s head. Itseemed the usual flaxen color right to the roots. The only differencemight have been a slight, very slight, trace of red. Sophie foundthat agreeable. It reminded her a little of the color her own hairshould have been.

?I think it?s very nice,? she said.

?Nice!? screamed Howl. ?You would! Youdid it on purpose. You couldn?t rest until you made memiserable too. Look at it! It?s ginger! I shall have tohide until it?s grown out!? He spread his arms outpassionately. ?Despair!? he yelled. ?Anguish!Horror!?

The room turned dim. Huge, cloudy, human-looking shapes bellied upin all four corners and advanced on Sophie and Michael, howling asthey came. The howls began as moaning horror, and went up todespairing brays, and then up again to screams of pain and terror.Sophie pressed her hands to her ears, but the screams pressed throughher hands, louder and louder still, more horrible every second.Calcifer shrank hurriedly down in the grate and flickered his wayunder his lowest log. Michael grabbed Sophie by her elbow and draggedher to the door. He spun the knob to blue-down, kicked the door open,and got them both out into the street in Porthaven as fast as hecould.

The noise was almost as horrible out there. Doors were opening alldown the road and people were running out with their hands over theirears.

?Ought we to leave him alone in that state?? Sophiequavered.

?Yes,? said Michael. ?If he thinks it?syour fault, then definitely.?

They hurried through the town, pursued by throbbing screams. Quitea crowd came with them. In spite of the fact that the fog had nowbecome a seeping sea drizzle, everyone made for the harbor or thesands, where the noise seemed easier to bear. The fray vastness ofthe sea soaked it up a little. Everyone stood in damp huddles,looking out at the misty white horizon and the dripping ropes on themoored ships while the noise became a gigantic, heartbroken sobbing.Sophie reflected that she was seeing the sea close for the first timein her life. It was pity that she was not enjoying it more.

The sobs died away to vast, miserable sighs and then to silence.People began cautiously to go back into the town. Some of them cametimidly up to Sophie.

?Is something wrong with the poor Sorcerer, Mrs.Witch??

?He?s a little unhappy today,? Michael said.?Come on. I think we can risk going back now.?

As they went along the quayside, several sailors called outanxiously from the moored ships, wanting to know it the noise meantstorms or bad luck.

?Not at all,? Sophie called back. ?It?sall over now.?

But it was not. They came back to the wizard?s house, whichwas an ordinary crooked little building from the outside that Sophiewould not have recognized if Michael had not been with her. Michaelopened the shabby little door rather cautiously. Inside, Howl wasstill sitting in the stool. He sat in an attitude of utter despair.And he was covered all over in thick green slime.

There were horrendous, dramatic, violent quantities of greenslime?oodles of it. It covered Howl completely. It draped his headand shoulders in sticky dollops, heaping on his knees and hands,trickling in glops down his legs, and dripping off the stool insticky strands. It was in oozing ponds and crawling pools over mostof the floor. Long fingers of it had crept into the heart. It smelledvile.

?Save me!? Calcifer cried in a hoarse whisper. He wasdown to two desperately flickering small flames. ?This stuff isgoing to put me out!?

Sophie held up her skirt and marched as near Howl as she couldget?which was not very near. ?Stop it!? she said.?Stop it at once! You are behaving just like a baby !?

Howl did not move or answer. His face stared from behind theslime, white and tragic and wide-eyed.

?What shall we do? Is he dead?? Michael asked,jittering beside the door.

Michael was a nice boy, Sophie thought, but a bit helpless in acrisis. ?No, of course he isn?t,? she said.?And if it wasn?t for Calcifer, he could behave like ajellied eel all day for all I care! Open the bathroomdoor.?

While Michael was working his way between pools of slime to thebathroom, Sophie threw her apron into the hearth to stop more of thestuff getting near Calcifer and snatched up the shovel. She scoopedup loads of ash and dumped them in the biggest pools of slime. Ithissed violently. The room filled with steam and smelled worse thanever. Sophie furled up her sleeves, bent her back to get a goodpurchase on the Wizard?s slimy knees, and pushed Howl, stooland all, toward the bathroom. Her feet slipped and skidded in theslime, but of course the ooziness helped the stool to move too.Michael came and pulled at Howl?s slime-draped sleeves.Together, they trundled him into the bathroom. There, since Howlstill refused to move, they shunted him into the shower stall.

?Hot water, Calcifer!? Sophie panted grimly.?Very hot.?

It took an hour to wash the slime off Howl. It took Michaelanother hour to persuade Howl to get off the stool and into dryclothes. Luckily, the gray-and-scarlet suit Sophie had just mendedhad been draped over the back of the chair, out of the way of theslime. The blue-and-silver suit was ruined. Sophie told Michael toput it in the bath to soak. Meanwhile, mumbling and grumbling, shefetched more hot water. She turned the doorknob green-down and sweptall the slime out onto the moors. The castle left a trail like asnail in the heather, but it was an easy way to get rid of the slime.There were some advantages to living in a moving castle, Sophiethought as she washed the floor. She wondered if Howl?s noiseshad been coming from the castle too. In which case, she pitied thefolk of Market Chipping.

By this time Sophie was tired and cross. She knew the green slimewas Howl?s revenge on her, and she was not at all prepared tobe sympathetic when Michael finally led Howl forth from the bathroom,clothed in gray and scarlet, and sat him tenderly in the chair by thehearth.

?That was plain stupid!? Calcifer sputtered.?Were you trying to get rid of the best part of your magic, orsomething??

Howl took no notice. He just sat, looking tragic andshivering.

?I can?t get him to speak !? Michaelwhispered miserably.

?It?s just a tantrum,? Sophie said. Martha andLettie were good at having tantrums. She knew how to deal with those.On the other hand, it is quite a risk to spank a wizard for gettinghysterical about his hair. Anyway, Sophie?s experience told herthat tantrums are seldom about the thing they appear to be about. Shemade Calcifer move over so that she could balance a pan of milk onthe logs. When it was warm, she thrust a mugful into Howl?shands. ?Drink it,? she said. ?Now, what?s allthis fuss about? Is it this young lady you keep going tosee??

Howl sipped the milk dolefully. ?Yes,? he said.?I left her alone to see if that would make her remember mefondly, and it hasn?t. She wasn?t sure, even when I lastsaw her. Now she tells me there?s another fellow.?

He sounded so miserable that Sophie felt quite sorry for him. Nowhis hair was dry. She noticed guiltily, it really was almostpink.

?She?s the most beautiful girl there ever was in theseparts,? Howl went on mournfully. ?I love her so dearly,but she scorns my deep devotion and gets sorry for another fellow.How can she have another fellow after all this attentionI?ve given her? They usually get rid of the other fellows assoon as I come along.?

Sophie?s sympathy shrank quite sharply. It occurred to herthat if Howl could cover himself with green slime so easily, then hecould just as easily turn his hair the proper color. ?Then whydon?t you feed the girl a love potion and get it overwith??

?Oh, no,? said Howl. ?That?s not playingthe game. That would spoil all the fun.?

Sophie?s sympathy shrank again. A game, was it??Don?t you ever give a thought for the poor girl??she snapped.

Howl finished the milk and gazed into the mug with a sentimentalsmile. ?I think of her all the time,? he said.?Lovely, lovely Lettie Hatter.?

Sophie?s sympathy went for good, with a sharp bang. A gooddeal of anxiety took its place. Oh, Martha! she thought. You have been busy! So it wasn?t anyone in Cesari?s youwere talking about!

Date: 2016-06-12; view: 182