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Spanish guy – Manuel IliasComplaining man (prawns) Consti Two friends(waiting) (Chris,Ivan)
Part 1(all guests without Hamilton)
(Fawlty comes to the dining hall) - Have you finished? (Mr F) - Um, yes.(Smb)
-I think those prawns might be a bit off. (C M)(points out on a plate) -Well, it was the sauce. I wasn't sure. (C M) - No, thank you. (C M) - Just the main. I'll just cancel it. (C M) -As it's inedible. (C M)
Spanish man comes with bottle of water. He forgot which table he is serving. Remembers and goes quickly to that table. -Thank you. (takes a plate)(S M)
- Oh, yes, thank you.(F1)
-There's is no point, is there? We just won't come here again. (F1)(quietly and calm) - What's this?(F2) - Si? (S M) - I ordered the cold meat salad, and I've been waiting about half an hour for it.(F1)(raising his voice) - Yes.(F1) -No-no-no, I don't want to change…(F1) - Okay.(leaves)
MR F comes to a dining room.
-Honestly. Go on.(F2) - We've been waiting for about half an hour now.I mean, I gave the waiter our order… (F1) -Oh, him. He's hopeless, isn't he? -I don't wish to complain, but when he does bring something, he's got it wrong. (F1)
(Spanish man brings a plate and notices something on it and takes a plate, Manager sees it and gives the plate back to customers) (Spanish man explains that there was something in the plate whispering) - Look!(SM)(Screams) -Thank you so much. Enjoy your meal.(MR F)
Part 2(Hamlton arrives) MR F comes to the hall. Mr hamlton stays near the registration desk.
-Good evening.(MR F)
- Polly and Manuel are going, Basil.(Sybil)
-Dinner? (MR F) -Yes. Problem ? (Mr Hamlton) -Well, it is after 9:00. (MR F) -Well, we do actually stop serving at 9:00. (MR F) -Nine? (Mr Hamlton) -If you could go straight in (MR F) -I've driven five hours to get here. I'd like to freshen up, have a drink first, you know? (Mr Hamlton) -You couldn't do that afterwards? (MR F) - Do what? You mean have our drink-before-dinner after dinner, freshen up, and go to bed? (Mr Hamlton) - If you could, it would make things easier for us. (MR F) - No, but that's …when he,.. in fact,… stops. (MR F) - Well, we can do you sandwiches. Ham, cheese? (MR F) - I want something hot. (Mr Hamlton) - You're joking?! (Mr Hamlton) - Not really. (MR F) - No, but it's the staff, you see. (MR F) - How much? How much of this Mickey Mouse money do you want to keep the chef on for half an hour? One, two, three 20, huh? That enough? (Mr Hamlton)(take money out his pocket and counts them) - I'll see what I can do. (MR F)(takes money and puts them into his pocket) Part 3(Fawlty,Hamlton and Sybil)
(Evening-dining room) Mr Hamlton enters dining room, Sybil sits by a table.
- Yes, it's very nice, thank you. (Mr Hamlton)(sits down) -Vodka and orange juice,please. (Mr Hamlton)
Mr F brings a drink. Mr H drinks a bit - Vodka and orange juice. (MR F) - No. (Mr Hamlton)
-Waldorf salad ??? I think we're just out of Waldorfs. (confused) May I recommend tonight…(MR F) -I'm sure your chef knows how to fix me a Waldorf salad. (Mr Hamlton) -He's a chef, isn't he? - Go see if he knows how to fix me a Waldorf salad! (Mr Hamlton) -Of course, yes. (MR F)(goes back into the kitchen)
Mr Fawlty opens a door from a kitchen and asks
-No, no! It's celery, apples, walnuts, grapes! In a mayonnaise sauce. (Mr Hamlton) - In a mayonnaise sauce!Of cource.(MR F)(closes the door)
MR F comes to a dining hall
-The grapefruit? How's it done? (Mr Hamlton) - Well, it's halved, with a cherry in the center. (MR F)(body language) -Exactly. (MR F) -Absolutely. One Waldorf salad.(leaves)And… if we can't manage the Waldorf salad? (MR F) - I want a Waldorf salad! And to follow, a couple of filet mignons! Steaks! (Mr Hamlton) - Steaks! (MR F) - Done rare! Not out of a bottle! (Mr Hamlton) -Not out of a bottle, right. (MR F)
Enters the kitchen
Gives a wine list
-Thank you. (Mr Hamlton) - Yes. But it's, uh not the money.I wanted dinner and …(Mr Hamlton) -This can't be right. There's no reason chef couldn't stay. (Sybil)
MR F through a kitchen door
-No! No cheese! It's celery, apples, walnuts, grapes! (Mr Hamlton) - Right! (MR F) - In mayonnaise! (Mr Hamlton) -Right! Now, come on! (to cheff)(MR F)
(scene in the kitchen)
- There's no celery! Would you believe it? (MR F)(throws everything out of a box) - I'll find the celery. What about this 20? (Sybil) -He gave me 20 to keep the kitchen open. Chef wouldn't tell me where does he put things? (MR F)(frustrated) - If you'd just look. (Sybil) - We've got apples. (Sybil) -Basil, I will find everything. Just go and get a bottle of Volnay. (Sybil) -It's the hotel, Basil. The Waldorf Hotel in New York .Wait! Wait. Basil! Everything all right ? (Sybil) - Yes, thank you .Never been better.(sarcastic) (MR F)
Comes out of a kitchen
- Ritz salad? (Mr Hamlton) -It's a traditional Old English thing. It's apples, grapefruit, and potatoes in a mayonnaise sauce. (MR F) -Yes? (Mr Hamlton) -Been having a bit of a tete-a-tete with chef. We're all right on the apples, absolutely no problem with them at all .Now, on the celery front, uh perhaps I should explain, we normally get our celery delivered on a Wednesday, along with our cabbages, onions, walnuts, grapes . But this week, the driver…(MR F) - Mr.Fawlty(Mr Hamlton)(interupts) - He was putting…(MR F) - I'm not interested. (Mr Hamlton) (interupts) - What a bunch of crap! (Mr Hamlton) -Oh, do you think so? I always feel…(MR F) - What the hell's going on here?! It says "Hotel" outside! Now, is this a hotel or isn't it? (Mr Hamlton) (interupts) - Well, within reason. (MR F) -I'm not getting through to you, am I? I stay in hotels all over the world. This is the first time I've had to bribe a chef to cook me a meal, then find out he doesn't even have the basic goddamn ingredients! Holy cow, can't you see what a crummy dump this is? (Mr Hamlton) -You listening to this, are you(MR F)(to cheff) - I'm talking to you! (Mr Hamlton) - Terry, you can get out!! (MR F)(to cheff) - Shut up and listen to me! Can't you see this ain't good enough? (Mr Hamlton) - I see what you mean. (MR F)(quietly) - Exactly. Hopeless. (MR F)(quickly) - Completely hopeless. (MR F) -I'll have a word with him. (MR F) - Lay it on the line. (MR F) - Bust his? (MR F) - I'll tell him! (Mr Hamlton)(tries to rush into the kitchen) - No, I'll tell him! Leave it to me! I've got it. I've got it.Bust his? (MR F)(stops him) - Ass! (Mr Hamlton)(shouts very loudly and agressively) -Oh, that! (MR F)
(Sybil comes with a Salad)
- Here is a Waldorf salad. (Sybil)(gives it) Mr F shouts at cheff
- It's not good enough! Do you hear me? It's not good enough!(MR F) -But Mr.Robinson hurt his arm! -That's a bunch of ass!(MR F)- It's fine.-Why can't you make a Waldorf salad? - Waldorf salad? - Yeah.Tomorrow you get the ingredients for a Waldorf salad, or I'm going to break your bottom!(MR F) - Oh, no! You can't! -No, I mean it! (MR F) - Yes, thank you. (Mr Hamlton) -No, it's very good. (Mr Hamlton)
Mr Fawlty comes to a dining room to apologize
- Mr.Hamilton has his Waldorf salad, dear. (Sybil) - There's the Waldorf salad. Chef found the ingredients. It's fine. (Sybil) - Chef, what's this? (MR F) - Bring that back immediately! (Mr Hamlton) - I'm so sorry. I'll get it back for you. (Sybil) - Basil! (Sybil)(runs into the kitchen) - I haven't finished with chef yet, Sybil. Why didn't you tell me you had found them, you stupid cow?!Eh, chef? I haven't finished! You can have it in a (MR F)…Oof!(Sybil panches Basil) - Sorry about that little confusion. Chef hasn't been with us very long. We've just reorganized the kitchen. (Sybil)(takes back a salad) - Yes, my sweet? (MR F)(holds his forehead)(quietly) -Mr.Hamilton haven't got his wine. (Sybil) -I'll tell him. (MR F)
Mr Fawlty comes out of a kitchen
- A letter. (MR F) - A letter from the chef. It explains everything. (MR F) - He wanted to apologize personally, but I didn't want him wasting your time …(MR F) -Look, just forget about it, will you? (Mr Hamlton) - I'll read it for you."Dear Mr.Hamilton, I hope you are well.This is just a brief note to say that I take full responsibility for the dreadful mess-ups tonight.If I'd only listened to Mr.Fawlty, none of this fiasco would have occurred.I'd just like to tell you that such a cock-up has never occurred in my career before, and that now everything has been sorted out, I'll be back to my very best form. Signed, Terry (Smoke from a door) (MR F) -" What are you doing?! What do you mean, you've burned it? I've had just about enough of this. -Mr.Hamilton, may I introduce Terry… Where did he go? Where's he gone? Did you see him? Maybe he went to get something to eat. (MR F)
Smooth Operator - music Date: 2016-03-03; view: 904
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