1. You will now hear a text entitled "English is a Crazy Language". It is a humorous essay with a lot of play on words. The narrator will mention a number of non-existent words. Jot them down as you listen, and then explain why the author invented them.
e. g. "fing". The author humorously suggests that once writers write, fingers should "fing".
English is a Crazy Language
By Richard Lederer
Let's face it – English is a crazy language. There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins[1] weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand[2] can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese... One blouse, 2 blice?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers shouldbe committed to an asylum for the verbally insane[3]. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital[4]? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a "slim chance" and a "fat chance" be the same, while a "wise man" and "wise guy" are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while "quite a lot" and "quite a few" are alike? How can the weather be "hot as hell" one day and "cold as hell" another?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy[5] of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
2. Read the newspaper article below and match the listed headings with appropriate paragraphs in the text. Study the language of the article for further exercises and discussions.
1-B. Spread of English Today
6-J. Dictionary's Winning Features
2-E. Global Language
7-G. British and American Distinctions
3-D. Akin to Globalisation
8-I. Political Sensitivities[6]
4-H. Pioneering Publication
9-C. Encyclopaedic References
5-A. New Name in Publishing Elite
10-F. Lapses
3. Translate the sentences below incorporating the vocabulary from the previous exercise.
1. His essay didn’t meet the teacher’s expectations because of a few stylistic howlers. 2. Any theory must be underpinned by solid research findings. 3. The indigenous community eschews unnecessary contacts with the outside world. 4. Her last entry in the diary was very brief. 5. Jack’s intolerance with his mates is really off-putting. 6. The new spelling rules aroused controversy among the academia. 7. His investigations developed into a hefty volume of the dissertation.
4. Match the collocations to restore the original meanings and render their context in the text above.
e. g. “every conceivable indicator”. It suggests that English has firmly established itself as world's first truly global language, and this fact is supported by “every conceivable indicator”.
every conceivable
indicator
venerable
figures
In a profound
sense
live from hand
to mouth
Strange
to relate
bursting
with novelties
thickets of
misunderstanding
much-trumpeted
innovations
marks
a milestone
raised on
the Oxford model
cottage
industry
amusing
howlers
5. English is an idiomatic language; hence it is charged with people's history, culture, routines of their occupations and attitudes. It is culturally biased. Read the idioms below and match them with their meanings and etymology.
1.
at the double
as quickly as possible, immediately
Part of a military command ordering a soldier to march at twice the usual speed.
2.
like a dose of salts
very quickly or very effectively
Salts refers to a laxative[7], a type of medicine.
3.
flutter the dovecotes
to cause much worry, anxiety, or confusion to certain people, esp. people who hold positions of power and importance.
From Shakespeare's Coriolanus.
4.
an ugly duckling
a dull ordinary child, plan, etc., that develops into a very interesting and successful one.
From a story by Hans Christian Andersen.
5.
for the duration
without a certain or fixed limit; for as long as may be (often used humorously);
Originally referring to the duration of World War II, during which certain business activities, public services, etc., had to be stopped.
6.
bite the dust
(of a person) used humorously meaning to die or become ill, or (of a machine) to stop working or being useful.
Referring to men killed in battle who fall to the ground.
7.
double Dutch
speech, words, etc., that cannot be understood;
Referring to the fact that Dutch is a language that sounds very difficult to people who are not native speakers.
8.
dyed-in-the-wool
complete, thorough, typical (often referring to a characteristic that is regarded unfavourable);
Referring to the dyeing (colouring) of material in textile industry.
9.
hold the dyke against
defend what one believes to be good, true, etc. against changes that threaten to destroy it;
Referring to the business of dyke building to stem flooding.
10.
a white elephant
a very costly possession that is worthless to its owner and only a cause of trouble;
Referring to a practice of the kings of Siam when they wished to get rid of followers who had displeased them. The king would give the follower a white elephant. The animal was so costly to keep that its owner would be ruined.
11.
(tie/clear up the) loose ends
things still to be dealt with or explained;
Refers to the mooring rope in seafaring.
12.
pardon/forgive my French
(often humorous) to forgive a person for using offensive language;
Dates back to the period when French was regarded the language of aristocracy.
13.
an eye for an eye
a punishment that is as cruel as the crime, esp. punishment by death;
From the Bible: “And thine eye shall not pity; but life shall go for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot.” (Deuteronomy 19:21)
14.
(all) shipshape and Bristol-fashion
very neat and tidy;
Originally referring to a ship on which everything is in good order. At one time Bristol was the largest port in Britain.
15.
rush one’s fences
to act hurriedly, esp. without thinking carefully before one acts;
Referring to a horse jumping over fences in a show; if a horse runs up too quickly to the fences, it gets too close to jump over them properly.
16.
fight a loosing battle
to struggle against something with little or no chance of success;
Refers to history of warfare.
17.
have other fish to fry
to have something to do that is more important or profitable;
Stems from fish being the intrinsic part of British menu.
18.
the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak
Man has many fine intentions that the weakness of his human nature does not allow him to fulfil.
From the Bible: “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41)
19.
return to the fold
to go or come back to an organisation, one’s family, a system of principles, etc. which one has left or formerly refused.
Referring to sheep breeding, specifically a sheep returning to its pen or enclosure and to the other sheep in the pen.
20.
everything in the garden is lovely
all is well; there is nothing to complain about;
Comes from the fine art of horticulture and gardens that the English pride themselves with.
21.
in gear
in a condition of readiness, order, or effective operation
Referring to car’s mode of operation. When you put the car into gear, it is ready to move off.
22.
cut the Gordian knot
to end a difficulty by using a vigorous or violent method, esp. instead of the usual method;
Referring to a story about Alexander the Great. It was said that whoever could untie a knot belonging to a king called Gordius would be the ruler of all of Asia. Alexander avoided untying the difficult knot by simply cutting it with his sword.
23.
sour grapes
feelings of bitterness caused by failure to get what one wants (used to describe a person’s behaviour, when he cannot get what he wants, pretends that the object is of no use or value);
Referring to a story by Aesop in which a fox cannot reach the fruit that it wants to eat and therefore decides that the fruit is not ripe.
24.
up a gum tree
(humorous) in a difficult situation;
Evidently comes from ex-colonies, referring to a hunted animal that is trying to escape and has climbed a type of tree covered with a sticky substance; the animal is therefore in danger of being trapped.
25.
a man/girl Friday
a loyal and hard-working servant or helper;
From the character Friday in Daniel Defoe’s book, The Adventures of Robinson Crusoe (1719).
6. Fill in the spaces in the sentences below with appropriate idioms from the chart above.
1. He went away with all my clothes packed in his bags, so I was left really up a gum tree! 2. Get to my office at the double! 3. The new teacher certainly fluttered the dovecotes by his suggestion that the children should choose which lessons they attended. 4. She admits she loves football and is a dyed-in-the-wool Manchester supporter. 5. There are just a few loose ends to be cleared up before we go on holiday. 6. He says that my new car is a waste of money, but that’s just sour grapes. 7. Doctors seem to be fighting a loosing battle in trying to find a cure for some illnesses. 8. If you offer him more money to do the job fast he'll get through that work like a dose of salts. 9. He threw the empty bottle away, saying "Another bottle of good wine bites the dust". 10. The government is trying to hold the dyke against rising prices. 11. If you keep calm and don’t rush your fences I think they will be impressed by your argument. 12. Everything is in gear for the minister’s visit in October.
