A Marriage of Convenience

INTRODUCTORY READING AND TALK

Marriage is a thing which only a rare person in his or her life avoids. Truebachelors andspinsters make up only a small percent of the population; most singlepeople are"alone but not lonely".

Millions of othersget married because of the funof family life.And it is fun, if one takes it with a sense of humour.

There's a lot of fun infalling in love with someone and chasing the prospectivefiancee, which meansdating andgoing out with the candidate. All therelatives (parents, grandparents andgreat-grand­parents, brothers andsisters, cousins, aunts anduncles, nieces and nephews, stepmothers andstepfathers and allin-laws) meanwhile have the fan of criticizing your choice and giving advice. The trick here is not to listen to them butpropose to yourbride-to-be and somehow get her to accept yourproposal. Then you may arrange theengagement andfix the day of the wedding.

What fun it is to get all those things, whose names start with the word "wedding" —dress, rings, cars, flowers, cakes, etc.! It's great fun to pay for them.

It's fun for thebride and thegroom to escape from the guests and go on ahoneymoon trip, especially if it is awedding present from the parents. The guests remain with the fun of gossiping whether youmarried for love or for money.

It's fun to return back home with the idea that the person you are married to is somewhat different from the one you knew. But there is no time to think about it because you arenewly-weds and youexpect a baby.

There is no better fan for ahusband than taking hiswifeto amaternity home alone and bringing her back with thetwinsortriplets.

And this is where the greatest fun starts:washing the new-born's nappies andpassing away sleepless nights, earning money to keep the family, taking children to kindergarten and laterto school. By all means it's fun toattend parents' meetings and to learn that your childrentake after you and don'tdo well at school.

The bigger your children grow, the more theyresemble you outwardly and the less they display likeness with you inwardly. And you startgrumbling at them and discussing with your old friends the problem of the"generation gap". What fan!

And when at last you and your grey-hairedspouse start thinking that your family life has calmed down, you haven'tdivorced butpreserved your union, the climax of your fan bursts out!

One of your dearestoffsprings brings a long-legged blonde to your house and says that he wants to marry. And you think: 'Why do people ever get married?'

1. Choose one of the names in the family tree below and say how the person is related to other people. Note that the pictures of marriage partners are connected with wedding rings.

►Pattern: William Luke is Leon Luke's son, Philip Smith's nephew and Laura White's grandson

.

2. Make up your family tree and speak about your family.

3. Work in pairs and talk. Imagine that:

a) you are speaking with a distant relative trying to find out what relation you are to one another;

b) you show your family album to your friend and answer all his or her questions.

TEXT

A Marriage of Convenience

(Story by W. S. Maugham. Abridged.)

I left Bangkok on a shabby little ship. I had gone on board early in the morning and soon discovered that I was thrown amid the oddest collection of persons I had ever encountered. There were two French traders and a Belgian colonel, an Italian tenor, the American proprietor of a circus with his wife, and a retired French official with his.

The French official had been accompanied on board by the French minister at Bangkok, one or two secretaries and a prince of a royal family. He was evidently a person of consequence.¹ I had heard the captain address him as Monsieur le Gouverneur.

Monsieur le Gouverneur was a little man, well below the average height, and smally made, with a very ugly little face; he had a bushy grey head, bushy grey eyebrows, and a bushy grey moustache. He did look a little like a poodle² and he had the poodle's soft, intelligent and shining eyes.

The Governor's wife was a large woman, tall and of a robust build. She towered over her diminutive husband like a skyscraper over a shack. He talked incessantly, with vivacity and wit, and when he said anything amusing her heavy features relaxed into a large fond smile.

In such a small ship having once made the acquaintance of my fellow passengers, it would have been impossible, even had I wished it, not to pass with them every moment of the day that I was not in my cabin.

Talking of one thing and another we watched the day decline, we dined, and then we sat out again on deck under the stars. Soon, influenced perhaps by the night, the Italian tenor, accompanying himself on his guitar began to sing. He had the real Italian voice, and he sang the Neapolitan songs.

I saw that the little French Governor had been holding the hand of his large wife and the sight was absurd and touching.

'Do you know that this is the anniversary of the day on which I first saw my wife?' he said, suddenly breaking the silence. 'It is also the anniversary of the day on which she promised to be my wife. And, which will surprise you, they were one and the same.'

'You see, ours was a marriage of convenience pure and simple.'³

'C'est vrai,'⁴ said the lady. 'But sometimes love comes after marriage and not before, and then it is better. It lasts longer.'

'You see, I had been in the navy, and when I retired I was forty-nine. I was strong and active and I was very anxious to find an occupation. And presently I was sent for by the minister to the Colonies and offered the post of Governor in a certain colony. The minister told me that I must be ready to start in a month. I told him that would be easy for an old bachelor.'

'You are a bachelor?'

'Certainly,' I answered.

'In that case I am afraid I must withdraw my offer. For this position it is essential that you should be married.'

'It is too long a story to tell you, but the gist of it was that owing to the scandal my predecessor had caused, it had been decided that the next Governor must be a model of respectability. I expostulated. I argued. Nothing would serve. The minister was adamant.'

'Well, think it over/ said the minister. 'If you can find a wife in a month you can go, but no wife no job.'

I walked away from the ministry with death in my heart.⁵ Suddenly I made up my mind.⁶ I walked to the offices of the Figaro, composed an advertisement, and handed it in for insertion. You will never believe it, but I had four thousand three hundred and seventy-two replies. It was an avalanche. It was hopeless, I had less than a month now and I could not see over four thousand aspirants to my hand in that time. I gave it up as a bad job.⁷ I went out of my room hideous with all those photographs and littered papers and to drive care away⁸ went on to the boulevard and sat down at the Cafe de la Paix. After a time I saw a friend passing. My friend stopped and coming up to me sat down.

'What is making you look so glum?' he asked me.

I was glad to have someone in whom I could confide my troubles and told him the whole story. He laughed. Controlling his mirth as best he could, he said to me: 'But, my dear fellow, do you really want to marry?' At this I entirely lost my temper.⁹

'You are completely idiotic,' I said. 'If I did not want to marry, do you imagine that I should have spent three days reading love letters from women I have never set eyes on?'¹⁰

'Calm yourself and listen to me,' he replied. 'I have a cousin who lives in Geneva. She is Swiss. Her morals are without reproach, she is of a suitable age, a spinster, for she has spent the last fifteen years nursing an invalid mother who has lately died, she is well educated and she is not ugly.'

'There is one thing you forget. What inducement would there be for her to give up her accustomed life to accompany in exile a man of forty-nine who is by no means a beauty?'

When I made this remark to my friend he replied: 'One can never tell with women.¹¹ There is something about marriage that wonderfully attracts them. There would be no harm in asking her. '

'But I do not know your cousin and I don't see how I am to make her acquaintance.'

'I will tell you what to do,' said my friend. 'Go to Geneva and take her a box of chocolates from me. You can have a little talk and then if you do not like the look of her you take your leave and no harm is done.'

That night I took the train to Geneva. No sooner had I arrived than I sent her a letter to say that I was the bearer of a gift from her cousin. Within an hour I received her reply to the effect that she would be pleased to receive me at four o'clock in the afternoon. As the clock struck four I presented myself at the door other house. She was waiting for me. Imagine my surprise to see a young woman with the dignity of Juno, the features of Venus, and in her expression the intelligence of Minerva. I was so taken aback that I nearly dropped the box of chocolates. We talked for a quarter of an hour. And then I said to her.

'Mademoiselle,¹²1 must tell you that I did not come here merely to give you a box of chocolates. I came to ask you to do me the honour of marrying me.'

She gave a start.¹³

'But, monsieur, you are mad,' she said.

Then I repeated my offer.

'I will not deny that your offer has come as a surprise. I had not thought of marrying, I have passed the age. I must consult my friends and my family.'

'What have they got to do with it? You are of full age. The matter is pressing. I cannot wait. '

'You are not asking me to say yes or no this very minute? That is outrageous.'

'That is exactly what I am asking.'

'You are quite evidently a lunatic.'

'Well, which is it to be? ' I said. 'Yes or no?'

She shrugged her shoulders. She waited a minute and I was on tenterhooks.¹⁴

'Yes.'

And there she is. We were married in a fortnight and I became Governor of a colony. 'I married a jewel, my dear sirs, one in a thousand.'

He turned to the Belgian colonel.

'Are you a bachelor? If so I strongly recommend you to go to Geneva. It is a nest of the most adorable young women.'

It was she who summed up the story.

'The fact is that in a marriage of convenience you expect less and so you are less likely to be disappointed. Passion is all very well,¹⁵ but it is not a proper foundation for marriage. For two people to be happy in marriage they must be able to respect one another, and their interests must be alike; then if they are decent people and are willing to give and take, to live and let live, there is no reason why their union should not be as happy as ours.' She paused. 'But, of course, my husband is a very remarkable man.'

Date: 2016-01-14; view: 1558