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This is a very good essay, well done.

17 In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion on this?

Nowadays, many children involved in different types of jobs to have some kind of financial assurance for themselves. However, whether this is good for their development and personality is a much debatable issue. I personally believe that paid works is harmful for children for several reasons.

It is said that children learn valuable experience in the

work place. This may be true. However, I would argue that children are mainly employed for jobs that require manual work and are low paid. The recent statistic reveals the common tasks that children are assigned are washing dishes, cleaning floors or serving food in restaurants. Meanwhile, this kind of jobs actually do not (does not) provide children with necessary and useful skills so that they can apply in their future career.

This brings me to the second point. Defenders of child work argue that it is an effective method of learning. The point is children should be able to apply knowledge taught to them in a real life working environment. Although this is undoubtedly true, it also means that children may neglect the classroom study and even fail the class. The worst thing is yet to come. They may become so occupied with the benefits ahead of them like small salary and leave school.

Finally, supporters said that it helps them to build responsibility in the family. They will understand how it is difficult to earn money and therefore have a compassionate view with their parents. This is true to a certain extent, but may have a totally adverse effect on children. As children can make money at an early age, they would feel that it is appropriate to spend on luxury things by their own money, which could be recovered later.

In conclusion, I think that parents should take measures to restrict their child to work, otherwise it would have a negative consequences on their futures.

This is a great essay, Band 7+ candidate. My only suggestion is to divide your arguments so that you have 2 paragraphs covering arguments ?against? and one covering arguments ?for? or vise versa. Don?t mix ?for? and ?against? in one paragraph.

18 In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

The extent to which children have to follow rules is in itself a very complex issue, since children across the world grow up in very different cultures. In India, for example, the level of morality is very high and children are to be very submissive to their parents as well as other adults around them. This, however, is not the case for the Western countries of the world where children follow the motto �Thou shalt do what thou wilt� as promoted by celebrities and rock stars. I believe that following strict rules has both advantages as well as (and) serious drawbacks as discussed below.

Firstly, strict rules of behavior create responsible and respectful children who in turn mature into respectful adults. This forms a stable society which is virtually free from vices such as prostitution and drug abuse. Secondly, if children do not follow strict rules of behavior, they will get out of hand and become work- shy and indolent. This will then create a burden on society since the government has to find ways to cater for these social ills.

However, forcing children to follow strict rules of behavior doesn�t always yield positive results as discussed above, most of the time it backfires and works against society. For example, teenagers are more likely to do the opposite of what they�re told to do simply because they want to be independent. Children should also have rights to exercise their free will and develop their own pattern of behaviors. Strict rules simply destroy the individuality of children if they�re imposed on them.

At the end of the day, it is clear that children should be guided by rules, but these rules should not be imposed on them because as human beings, they need to have room to develop their own traits of character and adopt a behavioral pattern of their own.

This essay is too long (309 words instead of advised 250-265). Otherwise this work is a very good one; it covers the task, your position is clear, the ideas are well-organized, expressed, explained and supported. The sentences show a wide range of language structures, cohesive devices and the grammar is fine. Overall, looks like a band 7.5 or higher essay.


Date: 2015-12-24; view: 1472

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This is an excellent essay, your arguments are convincing and very well presented. There are only a few minor mistakes, read and consider the comments. Very well done! | 
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