FACE TO FACE WITH LIFE

Table of Contents

1. AN AWFUL DREAM 2

2. A JOURNEY HOME 2

3. FACE TO FACE WITH LIFE 2

4. DRAMA IN THE GRAVEYARD 2

5. IMPERISHABLE 2

6. STRIPPED FROM FEMALE DIGNITY 2

7. MAKING EVRYTHING NEW 2

8. HUMAN BEFORE DIVINE 2

9. WRITTEN ON THE GROUND 2

10. SENSING GOD’S LOVE 2

11. WHITE AS VIRIGIN SNOW 2

12. REACHING OUT IN FAITH 2

13. SOUL DRIVEN BODY 2

14. BEYOND MANY MILES 2

15. LOOKING AHEAD 2

16. UNFORGETABLE EVENTS 2

17. “IT WAS MY TURN” 2

18. BROKEN STRENGTH 2

19. HELPED BY AN ANGEL 2

20. WHEN THE CAR SPOKE 2

21. NEVER GIVE UP 2

22. GOD’S CHILDREN 2

23. THE DREAM 2

24. FACE TO FACE WITH DEATH 2

25. “THERE IS A GOD” 2

26. AT THE BAPTISMAL POOL 2

27. “I’M GOING AND YOU DECIDE FOR YOURSELF” 2

28. SUNDAY BREAKFAST SPECIAL 2

29. “I HEARD HIM SING” 2

30. DANCING ON THE EDGE 2

31. UNDER GOD’S CONTROL 2

32. NO REGRETS 2

33. GOD’S BIRTHDAY GIFT 2

34. GARDEN PICNIC 2

35. MYSTERY 2

36. NO LONGER FATHERLESS 2

37. BAPTISM 2

Baptism 2

38. LATE FRUITS 2

39. FAMILY OF GOD 2

40. GROWING TOGETHER 2

41. SPA 2

42. MOTHERLY LOVE 2

43. WOMAN TO WOMEN 2

44. CREATED DIFFERENT 2

45. THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT 2

46. AT THE EDGE OF THE NEW 2

47. RETURN HOME 2

48. BUS JOURNEY 2

49. IN THE HOSPITAL 2

50. ON THE BRINK OF LOOSING EVERYTHING 2

51. SPIRITUAL REFESHER 2

52. THE LAST SUPPER 2

53. RETURNING WITHOUT A COAT 2

54. MOTHER’S DAY 2

55. THE BEST OF YOUR MUM 2

56. IN THE GARDEN 2

57. I WILL WAIT FOR YOU 2

58. GOD PROVIDED 2

59. CHRISTIANS DIE SINGING 2

60. LAST WORDS 2

61. READY? 2

Be Ready 2

62. ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE 2

63. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN 2

Happiness Will Forever Reign 2

AN AWFUL DREAM

What an awful dream! I was screaming in my dream and made strange noises that woke my husband up. “Calm down. It’s only a dream,” my husband tried to reassure me.

I couldn’t stop sobbing. I could hardly talk. It was a dream I would never forget; it was 7^th October 1999, my 33^rd birthday, early morning just about the time I was born. In my dream I had received the news that my mother had died. At the time I was living in Northern Ireland. I was supposed to be at her funeral but couldn’t make it on time. She was already buried when I reached our small village, Stari Slatinik, in Eastern Croatia. Approaching the gate of the graveyard and dreading the reality, I fought a power in the form of wind that I couldn’t defeat. And this fight woke me up.

As I was weeping I told my husband I had to call my parents straight away. He tried to calm me down and advised me to wait until later, not to disturb my parents so early. Every minute of waiting was like an hour, I was sure this dream had a special meaning.

“Mum, tell me what’s happening!” I started our conversation. “Happy birthday our daughter. Who told you?” mum tried to control the situation. “Just tell me, and tell me everything.” I insisted.

Just a month and a half prior to this, my husband, 5 and 8 year-old daughters and I had gone on holiday with my parents on the Adriatic coast. I had noticed that mum had lost some weight and couldn’t eat much. Mum was never a good eater and complained that the heat made her rather sick when she wanted to eat. So, we didn’t pay much attention to that.

However, from then on she started losing weight rapidly. The family doctor immediately assessed the situation and at the time I called her she was already undergoing different medical examinations. On 22^nd October 1999 she was on the operating table, diagnosed with malignant stomach cancer.

My older sister Ana, 37 years of age, came home from Serbia, where she had lived for 15 years with her family. She stayed for two weeks to help our parents as mum was recovering from the operation. We agreed that I would go home to help after mum’s second chemotherapy, when the side effects would be traumatic.

A JOURNEY HOME

I left my home, also my birthplace, at the age of 14 to go to boarding school in Dvorac Marusevec, about 260 km away in northwest Croatia. There I met my husband Branislav, a kind and god-loving Serb, from Backo Gradiste in Vojvodiana. At the same time that I finished secondary school, he also finished his pastoral training and we got married on 1^st September 1985. Our life journey took us to Newbold College, Binfield in England, just three weeks after our wedding.

We stayed on our honeymoon for seven years, very much engaged in studying. In four years Branislav completed his BA and MA in Theology, and I got my BA in History. We stayed another three years while doing further studies; Branislav worked on his doctorate from Birmingham University and I completed an MA in European Studies at Reading University. Living in England was like being immersed in history; with castles and well-preserved old buildings reflecting the past. Being close to London gave us the chance to visit museums and places of culture. However, the greatest memory of staying in Berkshire is our daughter Miriam Corrie who was born in Ascot on 6 March 1991.

Two years, from 1992 to 1994, we spent at Stanborough Park Boarding School where we worked, and in the meantime Branislav completed his doctorate. Somewhere between our work and studies our second daughter Natasha Carmen was born in Watford on 18^th April 1994.

At the time we were ready to return home, our homeland was not on the map of Europe anymore. Yugoslavia was fragmented and our countries were at war. It seemed an absurd, but God led us to another conflict torn country. On 25^th August 1994 we landed on the shores of Ireland, known as country of saints and scholars and bombs. We spent the first six months in Enniskillen county Fermanagh. The landscape is so beautiful there that we had a feeling we entered a mystical fairyland. At the time of the events described we lived in Banbridge in County Down, that we learned to love dearly.

Every year we tried to go home and visit our families. During the war between the Serbs and Croats it was hard for Branislav to go to Croatia but we kept close family ties. Every journey home was a special treat for us. Days before going home I would already sense the sweet smell of my childhood meadows and the freshness of the oak forests. Images of beautiful vineyards and orchards that surrounded my home would dance in my thoughts.

But this time everything was different. I was torn between two worlds. I had never before left my husband and the children for three weeks. However, they were trying to support me, and this became a teamwork project, helping grandparents in such a difficult situation. I dreaded what was ahead of me.

My younger brother Joseph, age 27, met me at the Zagreb airport; a tall, strong young man in a special police uniform. We had hardly reached his army jeep when both of us started crying like two small, lost and desperate children. His words, “It’s just a matter of time,” pierced my heart.

Ana prepared me for a big change in mum. “ She has changed a lot, lost a lot of weight, looks old.” Mum was 58. To me she was always fit and enthusiastic. Not this time. Her body was frail, but the illness could not wipe away the love from her face to make me feel welcome home.

FACE TO FACE WITH LIFE

One of the greatest blessings through mum’s illness was the chance given to me to get to know my parents as an adult. We had never had time for any deeper conversations. The three weeks ahead of us gave us a chance for that.

“Mum, how do you look at your life now in the face of your illness?” I posed a question and wasn’t quite sure if it was appropriate or well formulated. It came from my heart, mum understood and smiled.

“You see my child, life is not to be claimed. It’s a gift. When I was born no one gave any guarantee to my mother as to how long I would live. Many children never see the light of day. Some die in infancy, others in childhood. Some die as teenagers and never get a taste of mature life. Others leave young spouses and children behind. Yes, some make it to old age.

God has given me 58 years of life. I have lived with your dad for 39 years and all three of you have your families and I have seven wonderful granddaughters. It’s all a gift. I thank God for that. If in His mercy there are more days for me, they are only a bonus. I’ll be grateful for them.”

Mum’s answer assured me that she was looking at her situation realistically. From my early childhood I had learned from her about the simple faith of humbling myself before God. However, as for most people living in communist Yugoslavia, religion played a secondary role in her life.

“You are here for three weeks, and I have a special request. Tell me all you know about life after death.” Mum’s request wasn’t unusual. When 13, I started studying the Bible and committed my life to Christ. Four years in a religious school helped me to develop my spirituality and deeper interest for His Word. Branislav and I shared a passion for helping people to know God. Our further studies in England prepared us for that. At the time we were involved in pastoral work in Northern Ireland. Mum knew that I would be more than happy to share my knowledge of God with her answering questions she had never had time for before.

Date: 2015-12-24; view: 740