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Ask someone to change their behaviour

 

Neil: Hello, welcome to ‘How to…’ with me, Neil Edgeller. This programme is all about asking people to change their behaviour. Perhaps a flatmate or a colleague does something that annoys you. How do you ask them to do things differently without starting an argument? Well, I spoke to my flatmates, who don’t like some of my habits and want me to change my ways. Listen to them and try to hear things what they want me to do differently.

Insert

Neil, I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this, but would you mind keeping the toilet seat down after you’ve used the toilet? It’s just me. I really don’t like to leave it open.

To be honest, I think, you know, the state you’ve been leaving the bathroom in is far from perfect. All I’m saying is would you mind cleaning the bathroom when you’ve finished in there?

I wondered if we could have a quick chat about things; specifically about the washing up because it’s beginning to bug me a bit. The thing is, there are always big piles of washing up left. I mean I do mine but yours is there. If you’re cooking dinner you ought to do it as well. It would be good if you could do that otherwise we’re just going to end up with things like cockroaches.

 

Neil: As you can hear, I’m not the best flatmate in the world. The first person asks me to make sure I put the toilet seat down after I use it. The second wants me to clean the bathroom after I use it, the third wants me to do the washing up after I cook. The last person wants me to stop cooking him the same meal every night. Now we’ll hear them again. Here’s the first time someone asks me to change my behaviour. How does he introduces the topic and then how does he ask me?

 

Insert

Neil, I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this, but would you mind keeping the toilet seat down after you’ve used the toilet. It’s just me. I really don’t like to leave it open.

 

Neil: He says “I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this…” and then asks for me to change my behaviour – in this case, to put the toilet seat down after I use it. ‘I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this…’ is a polite way of starting a conversation about a sensitive matter. He doesn’t want to upset or offend me.

Insert

Neil, I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this…

Neil: Then he asks me to change my behaviour. Listen to how he does it.

 

Insert

…would you mind keeping the toilet seat down after you’ve used the toilet. It’s just me. I really don’t like to leave it open.

 

Neil: He says “…would you mind keeping the toilet seat down after you’ve used the toilet?” ‘Would you mind…’ followed by a request. This is a polite way of asking someone to do something. Make sure you use the ‘ing’ ending. So, ‘would you mind… turning the music down?’or ‘Would you mind… being quiet?’ You can add ‘not’ for a negative meaning: ‘would you mind not smoking?’

Insert

…would you mind keeping the toilet seat down after you’ve used the toilet.

 

Neil: In the next example, my flatmate wants me to clean the bathroom after I use it. He uses the same way of asking me as in the first example.



 

Insert

To be honest, I think, you know, the state you’ve been leaving the bathroom in is far from perfect. All I’m saying is would you mind cleaning the bathroom when you’ve finished in there?

Neil: In the next example, my flatmate wants me to do the washing up after I use the kitchen. Listen to how she starts the conversation:

Insert

I wondered if we could have a quick chat about things; specifically about the washing up because it’s beginning to bug me a bit. The thing is, there are always big piles of washing up left. I mean I do mine but yours is there. If you’re cooking dinner you ought to do it as well. It would be good if you could do that otherwise we’re just going to end up with things like cockroaches.

 

Neil: She says “I wondered if we could have a quick chat about things…” This is another way of starting a conversation about something sensitive. She doesn’t want to say directly ‘you’re dirty, please clean the kitchen’ because it might upset me. But she does want me to change my behaviour and do the washing up more often. This is a way of starting a conversation like that.

Insert

I wondered if we could have a quick chat about things…

 

Neil: She also says “The thing is… there are always big piles of washing up left.” ‘The thing is…’ is used to introduce the problem – in this case, I never wash up.

Insert

The thing is, there are always big piles of washing up left…

 

Neil: She says “It would be good if you could do that...” Again, it’s a polite way of asking someone to do something.

Insert

It would be good if you could do that otherwise we’re just going to end up with things like cockroaches.

 

Neil: To recap. If you want to ask someone to change their behaviour in a polite way, without upsetting them, you can use these phrases to help you: ‘I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this…’

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Neil, I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this…

Neil: ‘Would you mind…?’

 

Insert

…would you mind keeping the toilet seat down after you’ve used the toilet?

 

Neil: ‘I wonder if we could have a quick chat about…’

Insert

I wondered if we could have a quick chat about things…

 

Neil: ‘It would be good if you could…’

Insert

It would be good if you could do that....

 

Neil: Well, my flatmates have been so polite with their requests I think I’m going to change my disgusting behaviour.

 

 

How to …

Make a complaint

 

William: Hello, and welcome to How to… The BBC Learning English phrase book for everyday situations…

 

William: My name’s William Kremer. Now, it’s often said that we English people hate making complaints – but, just for you, I’m going to make a programme about making complaints. This edition of How To will look in detail at the language of spoken complaints.

 

Earlier on, I spoke to my colleague Catherine, who told me about a time she’d made a complaint a couple of years ago. The incident happened at her brother’s wedding, which was being held in a hotel. Now, Catherine arrived at the hotel one hour before the wedding but to her surprise, the hotel told her that she had to pay £10 extra for checking in early. What did Catherine say?

 

Catherine: ‘How can you invite people to come to your hotel for a wedding and then charge them to get into their room one hour before the wedding?’ And the woman said, ‘I’m sorry that’s policy’ and I said ‘Well that’s ridiculous!’ and ended up talking to the manager and telling the manager that I was very surprised at their policy and that it was unreasonable to charge people who were already paying a lot of money and -

William: I can see that you’re still quite angry about this, Catherine.

 

Catherine: Well the memory’s coming back to me! Anyway, so in the end, sorry –

 

William: Do you remember, do you remember what words you used with the manager?

 

Catherine: Erm… I think, if you, if you be the manager I can probably kind of remember it…

 

William: Okay, okay, okay. Let’s imagine then that I am the manager.

 

Catherine: Okay.

 

William: Erm, and you’re at the front desk…

 

Catherine: Yeah…

 

William: …and… I come up and you’ve asked to see me...

 

Catherine: Yeah…

 

William: …and I say something like: ‘Well hello madam. Is everything okay?’

 

Catherine: Well no actually it isn’t. I’ve been erm, I’ve booked a hotel room, my brother’s wedding is at two o’clock, I’m here at one o’clock, I want to check in and they’re telling me that I have to pay £10 for checking in early and I think that’s absolutely ridiculous. So I’d like you to erm not charge me £10 and let me get into my room.

 

William: Er… well, I’m afraid that we have our rules and regulations and our policy, I’m very sorry to hear that you’re unhappy, but I’m afraid our policy is that if you arrive before a certain time then we have to charge for that room – cos obviously normally that room might be occupied by another guest…

 

Catherine: I really think that you should erm… change your policy for this circumstance because it’s really unreasonable and erm unfair and I think that’s just not reasonable to charge people this kind of money…

 

William: I’d love to help you…So what did he, no, what did he say, because I’m guessing now.

 

Catherine: He said that kind of thing, he said exactly what you’re saying, he was polite and courteous and said ‘That is policy; we’re not going to change it’

 

 

STING

 

William: Now, don’t worry if you missed some of that. We’re going to listen again to what Catherine said, and look more closely at some of the language that she used.

 

 

MUSIC

 

How did Catherine react when the hotel told her she’d have to pay extra for checking in early?

 

Catherine: And the woman said, ‘I’m sorry that’s policy’ and I said ‘Well that’s ridiculous!’

 

Elena: That’s ridiculous!

 

William: This is a very common way of showing that you think something is silly or unfair. It’s a strong expression, but you can make it even stronger by using a very common adverb…

 

Catherine: and I think that’s absolutely ridiculous!

 

William: Now at this point, Catherine asked to speak to the manager, probably by saying something like…

 

Elena: Can I speak to the manager please?

 

William: Catherine made her position very clear to the manager:

 

Catherine: I think, I really think that you should erm… change your policy for this circumstance because it’s really unreasonable and erm unfair and I think that’s just not reasonable to charge people this kind of money…

 

Elena: It’s just not fair to charge people this kind of money!

 

Matt: It’s simply not reasonable to charge people this kind of money!

 

William: If something is reasonable it makes sense and it’s fair. But what’s the opposite of ‘reasonable’?

 

Catherine: It’s really unreasonable and erm unfair…

 

Elena: That’s really unreasonable!

 

William: Notice that Catherine told the manager what she wanted him to do:

 

Catherine: So I’d like you to not charge me £10 and let me get into my room.

 

William: When you’re making a complaint, don’t forget to tell people exactly what you want them to do!

END MUSIC

 

William: But before we finish, I just want to highlight two quite subtle words that you can use to show you disagree with something. Catherine used both these words when the manager asked her if everything was all right:

Catherine: Well no actually it isn’t.

 

William: ‘Well’ and ‘actually’ are used in lots of different ways in different situations. But here, Catherine is using them to signal that she disagrees with the manager. You can find out more about how to use these words on the How To webpage on BBC Learning English dot com.

 

PREFADE

 

Well, I’m sure you’ll be pleased to learn that in the end the hotel didn’t charge Catherine £10 for checking in early. Goodbye!

 

SIG

 

 

How to …


Date: 2015-12-17; view: 746


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