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The Proposal Script

The Proposal Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the The Proposal script is here for all you fans of the Sandra Bullock movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some The Proposal quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

The Proposal Script

 

Shit!

 

 

Andrew, hey.

 

 

Here you go. Your regular lattes.

 

 

Literally saved my life.

Thank you. Thank you.

 

 

- Everyone OK?

- Yeah.

 

 

- Yeah.

- Me too.

 

 

Hello, Frank?

How's my favourite writer?

 

 

Of course you've been thinking about

our talk because you know I'm right.

 

 

People in this country are busy,

broke, and hate to read.

 

 

They need someone to say,

 

 

"Hey! Don't watch

CSl: Indianapolis tonight.

 

 

Read a book! Read Frank's book."

And that person is Oprah.

 

 

- Cuttin' it close.

- One of those mornings.

 

 

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

 

 

Sweet...

 

 

- Sorry.

...Jesus!

 

 

Rub some dirt on it, brother.

 

 

Frank, the truth is

all A-plus novelists do publicity.

 

 

Roth, McCourt, Russo and...

 

 

Frank! Can I tell you what else

they have in common? A Pulitzer.

 

 

I need the shirt off your back.

Literally.

 

 

- You're kidding, right?

- Yankees, Boston, this Tuesday,

 

 

two company seats for your shirt.

You have five seconds to decide.

 

 

- Five, four, three, two, one.

- I know...

 

 

Later.

 

 

Hello. Hello?

 

 

Morning. You have a

conference call in 30 minutes.

 

 

Yes. About the marketing

of the spring books. I know.

 

 

- Staff meeting at 9.00.

- Did you call... What's her name?

 

 

The one with the ugly hands.

 

 

- Janet.

- Yes, Janet.

 

 

Yes. I did. I told her that if she

doesn't get her manuscript in on time

 

 

you won't give her a release date.

Your immigration lawyer called.

 

 

He said it's imperative...

 

 

Cancel the call, push the meeting to

tomorrow, keep the lawyer on the sheets.



 

 

Get a hold of PR, have them

start drafting a press release.

 

 

- Frank is doing Oprah.

- Wow. Nicely done.

 

 

If I want your praise,

I will ask for it.

 

 

Who is... Who is Jillian?

 

 

And why does she want me to call her?

 

 

- Well, that was originally my cup.

- And I'm drinking your coffee why?

 

 

Because your coffee spilled.

 

 

So, you drink unsweetened

cinnamon light soy lattes?

 

 

I do. It's like Christmas in a cup.

 

 

- Is that a coincidence?

- Incredibly, it is.

 

 

I wouldn't drink

the same coffee that you drink

 

 

just in case yours spilled.

That would be pathetic.

 

 

Morning. Miss Tate's office.

 

 

Hey, Bob.

 

 

Actually, we're headed

to your office right now. Yeah.

 

 

Why are we headed to Bob's office?

 

 

Have you finished

the manuscript I gave you?

 

 

I read a few pages.

I wasn't that impressed.

 

 

- Can I say something?

- No.

 

 

I've read thousands of manuscripts,

this is the only one I've given you.

 

 

There's an incredible novel in there.

The kind of novel you used to publish.

 

 

Wrong. And I do think you

order the same coffee as I do

 

 

just in case you spill,

which is, in fact, pathetic.

 

 

- Or impressive.

- I'd be impressed

 

 

if you didn't spill in the first place.

Remember, you're a prop.

 

 

Won't say a word.

 

 

Our fearless leader and her liege.

Please, do come in.

 

 

Beautiful breakfront. Is it new?

 

 

It is English Regency Egyptian

Revival, built in the 1800s

 

 

but, yes, it is new to my office.

 

 

Witty. Bob, I'm letting you go.

 

 

Pardon?

 

 

I asked you a dozen times to get

Frank to do Oprah, and you didn't do it.

 

 

You're fired.

 

 

I have told you that is impossible.

 

 

Frank hasn't done

an interview in 20 years.

 

 

That is interesting, because I just got

off the phone with him, and he is in.

 

 

- Excuse me?

- You didn't even call him, did you?

 

 

- But...

- I know, I know.

 

 

Frank can be a little scary

to deal with. For you.

 

 

Now, I will give you two months

to find another job.

 

 

And then you can tell

everyone you resigned, OK?

 

 

- What's his twenty?

- He's moving. He has crazy eyes.

 

 

Don't do it, Bob. Don't do it.

 

 

You poisonous bitch!

 

 

You can't fire me!

 

 

You don't think I see

what you're doing here?

 

 

Sandbagging me on this Oprah thing

so that you can look good to the board?

 

 

Because you are threatened by me!

 

 

- And you are a monster.

- Bob, stop.

 

 

Just because you have no semblance

of a life outside of this office,

 

 

you think that you can treat all of us

like your own personal slaves.

 

 

You know what? I feel sorry for you.

 

 

Because you know what

you're gonna have on your deathbed?

 

 

Nothing and no one.

 

 

Listen carefully, Bob.

 

 

I didn't fire you

because I feel threatened. No.

 

 

I fired you because you're

lazy, entitled, incompetent

 

 

and you spend more time cheating

on your wife than you do in your office.

 

 

And if you say another word,

 

 

Andrew here is gonna

have you thrown out, OK?

 

 

Another word and you're going

out of here with an armed escort.

 

 

Andrew will film it with

his camera phone

 

 

and he'll put it

on that Internet site.

 

 

- What was it?

- YouTube?

 

 

Exactly. Is that what you want?

 

 

Didn't think so. I have work to do.

 

 

Have security take his breakfront

 

 

- and put it in my conference room.

- Will do.

 

 

I need you this weekend to help

review his files and his manuscript.

 

 

- This weekend?

- You have a problem with that?

 

 

No. I... just my

grandmother's 90th birthday,

 

 

so I was gonna go home and...

It's fine. I'll cancel it.

 

 

You're saving me from a weekend

of misery, so it's... Good talk, yeah.

 

 

I know, I know. OK,

tell Gammy I'm sorry. OK? What...

 

 

Mom. What do you want me to tell you?

 

 

She's making me work the weekend.

No, I'm not... no.

 

 

I've worked too hard for this

promotion to throw it all away.

 

 

I'm sure that Dad is pissed,

 

 

but we take all of our submissions

around here seriously.

 

 

We'll get back to you as soon as we can.

 

 

- Was that your family?

- Yes.

 

 

- They tell you to quit?

- Every single day.

 

 

Miss Tate's office.

 

 

Yeah. OK. All right.

 

 

Bergen and Malloy

want to see you upstairs.

 

 

OK. Come get me in ten minutes.

 

 

- We've got a lot to do.

- Okey-doke.

 

 

Good morning, Miss Tate.

 

 

Jack, Edwin.

 

 

Congratulations on the Oprah thing.

 

 

- That's terrific news.

- Thank you, thank you.

 

 

This isn't about my second raise, is it?

Just kidding.

 

 

Margaret, do you remember

when we agreed

 

 

you wouldn't go to

the Frankfurt Book Fair

 

 

because you weren't allowed

out of the country

 

 

while your visa application

was being processed?

 

 

- Yes. I do.

- And... you went to Frankfurt.

 

 

Yes. We were going to lose

DeLillo to Viking.

 

 

So... really didn't

have a choice, did I?

 

 

Seems the United States Government

doesn't care who publishes Don DeLillo.

 

 

We just spoke to your

immigration attorney.

 

 

Great. So, we're all good?

Everything good?

 

 

Margaret, your visa

application has been denied.

 

 

- And you are being deported.

- Deported?

 

 

And there was also some paperwork

you didn't fill out in time.

 

 

Come on. Come on!

It's not like I'm even an immigrant!

 

 

I'm from Canada, for Christ's sake.

 

 

There's gotta be...

something we can do.

 

 

We can reapply, but unfortunately

 

 

you have to leave the country

for at least a year.

 

 

OK. OK, well, that's not ideal, but

 

 

I can... I can manage

everything from Toronto...

 

 

- No.

...with videoconferencing, Internet.

 

 

Unfortunately, if you're deported,

you can't work for an American company.

 

 

Until this is resolved I'm going to

turn operations over to Bob Spaulding.

 

 

- Bob Spaulding? The guy I just fired?

- We need an editor in chief.

 

 

He is the only person

who has enough experience.

 

 

- You cannot be serious. I beg of you.

- Margaret.

 

 

We are desperate to have you stay.

If there was any way, any way at all

 

 

we could make this work,

we'd be doing it.

 

 

There is no way... I am begging you.

 

 

No. Excuse me, we're in a meeting.

 

 

- Sorry to interrupt.

- What?!

 

 

Mary from Ms Winfrey's office

called. She's on the line.

 

 

- I know.

- She's on hold.

 

 

She needs to speak with you.

I told her you were otherwise engaged.

 

 

She insisted, so... sorry.

 

 

So.

 

 

Come here.

 

 

Gentlemen, I understand. I understand

the predicament that we are in.

 

 

And...

 

 

And there's... Well...

 

 

I think there's something

that you should know.

 

 

We're getting married.

 

 

- We are getting married.

- Who is getting married?

 

 

You and I.

You and I are getting married! Yes.

 

 

- We are.

- Getting married.

 

 

- We are getting married.

- Yes.

 

 

Isn't he your secretary?

 

 

- Assistant.

- Executive... assistant secretary.

 

 

Titles. But, wouldn't be the first time

one of us fell for our secretaries.

 

 

Would it, Edwin?

 

 

With Laquisha. Remember?

 

 

So, yeah. The truth is, you know,

Andrew and I, we're...

 

 

...we are just two people who weren't

meant to fall in love but we did.

 

 

No.

 

 

All those late nights at

the office and weekend book fairs.

 

 

- Yeah...

- No.

 

 

- Something happened.

- Something.

 

 

Yeah.

 

 

Tried to fight it and...

Can't fight a...

 

 

Can't fight...

Can't fight a love like ours, so...

 

 

Are we good with this?

Are you happy?

 

 

Because, well, we are happy. So happy.

 

 

- Margaret.

- Yes?

 

 

It's terrific.

 

 

Just make it legal.

 

 

Legal.

 

 

Yeah, well, then that means we...

 

 

...we need to get ourselves

to the immigration office.

 

 

So we can work this

whole mess out. Right?

 

 

Thank you very much, gentlemen.

We will do that right away.

 

 

Thank you very much, gentlemen.

Thank you.

 

 

- Gentlemen.

- Thank you.

 

 

Margaret and Andrew are getting married!

 

 

- What is that about?

- Dragon Lady! Here they come.

 

 

- Yeah.

- What is he thinking?

 

 

Dude, for real. Her?

 

 

Married? Didn't

even know they were dating.

 

 

What?

 

 

- I don't understand what's happening.

- Relax. This is for you, too.

 

 

Do explain.

 

 

They were going to make Bob chief.

 

 

- Naturally I would have to marry you?

- And what's the problem?

 

 

Like you were saving yourself

for someone special?

 

 

I like to think so.

Besides, it's illegal.

 

 

They're looking for terrorists,

not for book publishers.

 

 

- Margaret.

- Yes?

 

 

- I'm not gonna marry you.

- Sure you are.

 

 

Because if you don't,

your dreams of touching the lives

 

 

of millions with

the written word are dead.

 

 

Bob is gonna fire you the

second I'm gone. Guaranteed.

 

 

That means you're out on the

street looking for a job.

 

 

That means the time that we

spent together, the lattes,

 

 

the cancelled dates,

the midnight Tampax runs,

 

 

were all for nothing and all your dreams

of being an editor are gone.

 

 

Don't worry, after the required

allotment of time,

 

 

we'll get a divorce

and you'll be done with me.

 

 

But until then, like it or not,

your wagon is hitched to mine.

 

 

OK? Phone.

 

 

- This way.

- Margaret.

 

 

- Come.

- That's the line.

 

 

- Next, please.

- Just...

 

 

Sorry, I need to ask him something.

 

 

I need for you to file this

fiancée visa for me, please.

 

 

- Miss Tate?

- Yes.

 

 

Please, come with me.

 

 

Yes, ma'am, I understand that.

We're backed up...

 

 

I have a bad feeling about this.

 

 

- Hi. Hello.

- Hello.

 

 

- Hi. I'm Mr Gilbertson.

- Hi.

 

 

And you must be Andrew,

and you must be...

 

 

- Margaret.

- Margaret, well...

 

 

Sorry about the wait.

It's a crazy day today.

 

 

Of course, of course.

We understand.

 

 

I can't tell you how much

we appreciate you seeing us

 

 

- on such short notice.

- OK.

 

 

So, I have one question for you.

 

 

Are you both committing fraud

to avoid her deportation

 

 

so she can keep her position as

editor in chief at Colden Books?

 

 

- That's ridiculous.

- Where did you hear that?

 

 

We had a phone tip this afternoon

from a man named...

 

 

Would it be Bob Spaulding?

 

 

- Bob Spaulding.

- Bob. Poor Bob. I am so sorry.

 

 

Bob is nothing but a disgruntled

former employee.

 

 

And I apologise.

But we know you're incredibly busy

 

 

with a room full of gardeners

and delivery boys to tend to.

 

 

If you just give us our next step, we

will be out of your hair and on our way.

 

 

Miss Tate, please.

 

 

Let me explain to you the process

that's about to unfold.

 

 

Step one, will be a scheduled interview.

 

 

I'll put you each in a room,

and I'll ask you every little question

 

 

that a real couple

would know about each other.

 

 

Step two, I dig deeper.

I look at your phone records,

 

 

I talk to your neighbours,

I interview your co-workers.

 

 

If your answers don't

match up at every point,

 

 

you will be deported indefinitely.

 

 

And you, young man,

will have committed a felony

 

 

punishable by a fine of $250,and a stay of five years

 

 

in federal prison.

 

 

So, Andrew.

 

 

You wanna... you want to talk to me?

 

 

No?

 

 

Yes?

 

 

The truth is...

 

 

Mr Gilbertson, the truth is...

 

 

Margaret and I...

 

 

...are just two people

who weren't supposed to fall in love.

 

 

But did.

 

 

We couldn't tell anyone we work with

 

 

because of my big promotion

that I had coming up.

 

 

- Promotion?

- Yeah.

 

 

- Your?

- We, we both felt that it would be

 

 

deeply inappropriate,

if I were to be promoted to editor...

 

 

- Editor.

...while we were...

 

 

So.

 

 

Have the two of you told your parents

about your secret love?

 

 

Oh, I... impossible.

My parents are dead.

 

 

- No brothers or sisters either.

- Gone.

 

 

Are your parents dead?

 

 

- No, his are very much alive.

- No, very much.

 

 

Very much. They're... Well,

we were gonna tell them this weekend.

 

 

Gammy's 90th birthday,

and the whole family's coming together.

 

 

We thought it'd be a nice surprise.

 

 

Where is this surprise gonna take place?

 

 

- At Andrew's parents' house.

- Where is that located again?

 

 

Why am I doing all the talking?

It's your parents' house.

 

 

Why don't you tell him where it is.

Jump in.

 

 

- Sitka.

- Sitka.

 

 

- Alaska.

- Alaska?

 

 

You're gonna go to Alaska this weekend?

 

 

- Yeah.

- Yes, yes.

 

 

We are going to Alaska.

Alaska, that's where...

 

 

That's where my little...

that's where my Andrew's from.

 

 

OK.

 

 

Fine. I see how this is gonna go.

 

 

I will see you both

at 11.00 Monday morning

 

 

for your scheduled interview,

 

 

and your answers better

match up on every account.

 

 

- Thank you.

- Hello?

 

 

- Looking forward to this.

- We're looking forward to it.

 

 

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

 

 

Gonna be fun.

I'll be checking up on you.

 

 

You got it.

 

 

OK... so, what's gonna happen

is we will go up there.

 

 

We'll pretend we're

boyfriend and girlfriend,

 

 

tell your parents we're engaged.

Use the miles for the tickets.

 

 

I guess I will pop for you to fly first

class. But make sure you use the miles.

 

 

If we don't get the miles,

we're not doing it.

 

 

Please confirm the vegan meal.

 

 

'Cause last time they

actually gave it to a vegan,

 

 

and they forced me to eat this clammy,

warm, creamy salad thing, which was...

 

 

Hey, I'm... Why aren't you taking notes?

 

 

I'm sorry, were you not in that room?

 

 

What? What?

 

 

The thing you said about being promoted?

 

 

Genius! Genius.

He completely fell for it.

 

 

I was serious.

 

 

I'm looking at a $250,000 fine

and five years in jail.

 

 

That changes things.

 

 

- Promote you to editor? No, no way.

- Then I quit, and you're screwed.

 

 

- Bye-bye, Margaret.

- Andrew!

 

 

- It really has been a slice of heaven.

- Andrew, Andrew! Fine, fine.

 

 

I'll make you editor. Fine.

 

 

If you do the Alaska weekend

and the immigration interview,

 

 

I will make you editor. Happy?

 

 

- And not in two years. Right away.

- Fine.

 

 

And you'll publish my manuscript.

 

 

- Ten thousand copy first...

- Twenty thousand copies, first run.

 

 

We'll tell my family about our

engagement when I want and how I want.

 

 

Now, ask me nicely.

 

 

"Ask you nicely" what?

 

 

Ask me nicely to marry you, Margaret.

 

 

- What does that mean?

- You heard me. On your knee.

 

 

Fine.

 

 

- Does this work for you?

- Oh, I like this. Yeah.

 

 

- Will you marry me?

- No.

 

 

Say it like you mean it.

 

 

- Andrew?

- Yes, Margaret?

 

 

- Sweet Andrew?

- I'm listening.

 

 

Would you please, with cherries on top,

marry me?

 

 

OK. I don't appreciate the sarcasm,

but I'll do it.

 

 

- See you at the airport tomorrow.

- Good.

 

 

So, these are the questions

that INS is gonna ask us.

 

 

Now, the good news is,

is I know everything about you,

 

 

but the bad news is that you have

four days to learn all this about me.

 

 

So, you should...

probably get studying.

 

 

You know all the answers

to these questions about me?

 

 

- Scary, isn't it?

- A little bit.

 

 

- What am I allergic to?

- Pine nuts.

 

 

And the full spectrum of human emotion.

 

 

Oh, that's... that was funny.

 

 

Here's a good one.

Do I have any scars?

 

 

I'm pretty sure that you have a tattoo.

 

 

Oh, you're pretty sure?

 

 

I'm pretty sure. Two years ago,

your dermatologist called

 

 

and asked about a Q-switched laser.

I Googled a Q-switched laser

 

 

and found that they, in fact,

do remove tattoos.

 

 

But you cancelled your appointment.

 

 

So what is it? Tribal ink?

 

 

Japanese calligraphy? Barbed wire?

 

 

You know, it's exciting for me

to experience you like this.

 

 

Thank you. You're gonna

have to tell me where it is.

 

 

- I'm not.

- They're gonna ask.

 

 

We're done with that question.

We're done with that question.

 

 

On to another question.

Let me see, let me see.

 

 

Oh, here's one. Whose place

do we stay at, yours or mine?

 

 

That's easy. Mine.

 

 

- And why wouldn't we stay at mine?

- Because I live at Central Park West.

 

 

And you probably live at some

squalid little studio apartment

 

 

with stacks of yellowed

Penguin Classics.

 

 

Ladies and gentlemen,

please fasten your seat belts.

 

 

We are beginning our

descent into Juneau.

 

 

Juneau? I thought

we were going to Sitka.

 

 

- We are.

- How are we getting to Sitka?

 

 

All right. Here we go.

 

 

- Where? Oh, there he is!

- Andrew!

 

 

Hi. Right this way...

 

 

Hi!

 

 

- It's so good to see you!

- You're suffocating him, Grace.

 

 

- Come here.

- Hey, Gammy.

 

 

Gammy. How are you doing?

Where's Dad?

 

 

Oh, you know your father.

He's always working.

 

 

Never mind about him.

Where's your girl?

 

 

She's... right there.

 

 

There she is.

 

 

I guess the word "girl"

is inappropriate.

 

 

Annie.

 

 

- Hi!

- Hello.

 

 

- Margaret, this is my mom.

- Hello.

 

 

Yeah, great.

This is my gammy, Annie.

 

 

- Pleasure.

- Well, hello there.

 

 

Now, do you prefer being called

Margaret or Satan's Mistress?

 

 

We've heard it both ways.

Actually we've heard it lots of ways.

 

 

She's kidding.

 

 

OK.

 

 

Thank you so much for... allowing me

to be a part of this weekend.

 

 

Oh, you're welcome.

We're thrilled to have you.

 

 

Let's get you two back to the fort.

 

 

OK.

 

 

- It's so good to see you.

- There we are.

 

 

Andrew...

 

 

Andrew. Andrew!

 

 

Please, don't do that.

 

 

You didn't tell me about all

the family businesses, honey.

 

 

He was probably just being modest, dear.

 

 

What are we doing? Shouldn't we

check into our hotel right now?

 

 

Oh, we cancelled your reservation.

 

 

Family doesn't stay at a hotel.

 

 

You're gonna stay in our home.

 

 

Oh, great! Great.

 

 

- What?

- God.

 

 

You're gonna wanna use

your legs to lift that one.

 

 

Andrew! Help her with those.

 

 

I'd love to, but she won't

let me do anything.

 

 

She insists on doing it all herself.

She's one of those... she's a feminist.

 

 

Come on, sweetie.

 

 

You see the shoes

that broad was wearing?

 

 

This is the last of 'em.

 

 

- Five second rule.

- Got it! Got it.

 

 

That will dry right off.

 

 

I'm not getting on that boat.

 

 

You don't have to.

See you in a few days.

 

 

- You know I can't swim.

- Hence, the boat.

 

 

Come on.

 

 

Come on.

Here we go.

 

 

Looking good, boss.

Take your time, though.

 

 

She comes with a lot of baggage.

 

 

Just gonna give you a little hand here.

 

 

Hand off ass! Off ass!

 

 

There you go. You're there.

 

 

Congratulations.

I'm a hundred years old now.

 

 

Here we are. We're home.

 

 

That is your home?

 

 

Who are you people?

 

 

- Why did you tell me you were poor?

- I never said I was poor.

 

 

- But you never told me you were rich.

- I'm not rich. My parents are rich.

 

 

OK, you know what? That's

something only rich people say.

 

 

Hey, Andrew! Welcome home!

 

 

Hi! Mom, what is this?

 

 

Nothing. It's just a little

welcoming party.

 

 

Is that a crime?

 

 

Just 50 of our closest

friends and neighbours.

 

 

And all excited to meet you.

 

 

- Oh, good. Good.

- Come on. Come on.

 

 

- A party?

- Yeah, I guess so.

 

 

Come on. Let's go. My grandma's

moving faster than you.

 

 

Put your back into it.

 

 

So nice to meet you, Margaret.

Welcome to Sitka.

 

 

Jill? Hi. Nice to meet you.

Our pleasure.

 

 

Why didn't you tell me you were

some kind of Alaskan Kennedy?

 

 

How could I?

 

 

We were in the middle of talking

about you for the last three years.

 

 

OK, know what? Timeout, OK?

 

 

This bickering Bickerson

thing has to stop.

 

 

People need to think

we're in love. So let's...

 

 

That's no problem. I can do that.

 

 

I can pretend to be the doting fiancé.

That's easy.

 

 

But for you, it's gonna require

 

 

that you stop snacking on

children while they dream.

 

 

Very funny. When are you going

to tell them we're engaged?

 

 

I'll pick the right moment.

 

 

Hey, Andrew. Hi!

 

 

Mrs McKittrick. How are you?

Nice to see you.

 

 

Nice to see you, Mr McKittrick.

This is Margaret.

 

 

- Hi. Pleasure.

- Margaret!

 

 

Hi, how are you? Pleasure.

 

 

So I always wanted to know,

what does a book editor do?

 

 

That's a great question, Louise.

I'm curious to know the answer myself.

 

 

- Hello, Dad.

- Son.

 

 

- This must be Maggie.

- Margaret.

 

 

- Joe. Pleasure to meet you.

- Pleasure's mine.

 

 

So why don't you tell us

exactly what a book editor does.

 

 

Besides taking writers out

to lunch and getting bombed.

 

 

Now that sounds like fun.

No wonder you like being an editor.

 

 

No, Louise. Andrew's not an editor,

he's an editor's assistant.

 

 

- Maggie here is the editor.

- Margaret.

 

 

- So you're actually...

- Andrew's boss. Yeah.

 

 

Well. How about that.

 

 

I think I'll get a refill.

 

 

Charming.

 

 

That's a hell of

a first impression, Dad.

 

 

What the hell, Andrew?

 

 

You show up after all this

time with this woman you hated,

 

 

- now she's your girlfriend?

- We just got here.

 

 

Can we wait two seconds before we throw

the kitchen sink at each other?

 

 

Just never figured you for a guy

who slept his way to the middle.

 

 

I'll have you know that

that woman in there

 

 

is one of the most respected editors.

 

 

She's your meal ticket, and you

brought her to meet your mother.

 

 

No, no, no, no, no. She's not my

meal ticket, Dad. She's my fiancée.

 

 

- What'd you say?

- You heard me.

 

 

I'm getting married.

 

 

- How are you?

- Good, good. Thank you.

 

 

- Care for some hors d'oeuvres?

- I'm fine. Thank you very much.

 

 

- It's a tradition.

- It's the texture.

 

 

- I'm not a fish person.

- You'll like it.

 

 

- You're very sweet.

- I think if you'll just taste it.

 

 

Thank you so much.

 

 

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a very

important announcement to make.

 

 

- Margaret and I are getting married.

- It's the paprika.

 

 

- So sorry.

- That's OK. It's wash-and-wear.

 

 

Yep. Honey? Where you at?

 

 

Here it is.

 

 

Come on down here, pumpkin.

 

 

- All right.

- OK.

 

 

Oh, look at her. Look at her.

 

 

Right there, ladies and gentlemen.

There she is.

 

 

- Congratulations, Andrew.

- Thank you.

 

 

Thank you very much.

 

 

- Time to celebrate.

- Let's get the champagne.

 

 

So that was your idea of the perfect

time to tell them we're engaged?

 

 

'Cause it was brilliant timing.

 

 

- Andrew. Hi.

- Gert? Oh, my God. Hey, hi. Wow.

 

 

How you doing? I didn't know

that you were gonna be here.

 

 

Your mom probably wanted it to

be a surprise. So... surprise.

 

 

- Right.

- And...

 

 

...we're being completely rude. Hi.

 

 

- Oh, God. This is my ex...

- Hi. I'm Gertrude.

 

 

- Oh, wow. Wow!

- You can call me Gert.

 

 

Well, congratulations, you guys.

 

 

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

 

 

So did I miss the story?

 

 

- What story?

- What story?

 

 

About how you proposed.

 

 

How a man proposes says

a lot about his character.

 

 

- Yes.

- Yes, it does.

 

 

I actually would love to hear

the story, Andrew.

 

 

Would you tell us?

 

 

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

 

 

You know what? Actually,

Margaret loves telling this story,

 

 

so I'm just gonna let her

go ahead and do that.

 

 

'Cause I think

we should just sit in rapture.

 

 

Wow, OK.

 

 

Wow, where to begin... this story.

 

 

Well...

 

 

Wow.

 

 

Yeah. OK, well...

 

 

Andrew and I...

 

 

Andrew and I were about to celebrate

our first anniversary together.

 

 

And I knew that he'd been

itching to ask me to marry him.

 

 

And he was scared.

Like a little tiny bird.

 

 

So I started leaving him

hints here and there

 

 

because I knew he wouldn't

have the guts to ask, but...

 

 

That's not exactly how it happened.

 

 

- No?

- No. No.

 

 

I mean, I picked up on all her hints.

This woman's about as subtle as a gun.

 

 

Yeah.

 

 

What I was worried about was

that she might find this little box...

 

 

Oh! The decoupage box that he made

where he'd taken the time to cut out

 

 

tiny, little pictures of himself. Yes.

 

 

Just pasted all over the box.

So beautiful.

 

 

So I opened that beautiful,

little decoupage

 

 

and out fluttered these tiny,

little hand-cut heart confettis.

 

 

And once they cleared,

I looked down, and I saw

 

 

the most beautiful, big...

 

 

Fat nothing.

 

 

No ring.

 

 

- No ring?

- What?

 

 

No. But inside that box...

 

 

...underneath all that crap,

 

 

there was a little

handwritten note

 

 

with the address to

a hotel, date, and time.

 

 

Real Humphrey Bogart-type stuff.

 

 

Masculine.

 

 

Anyway, naturally, Margaret thought...

 

 

- I thought he was seeing someone else.

- What?

 

 

Yeah, it was a terrible time for me,

but I went to that hotel anyway.

 

 

I went there and I pounded on the door,

but the door was already unlocked.

 

 

And as swung open that door,

there he was...

 

 

- Standing.

- Kneeling.

 

 

- Like a man.

- On a bed of rose petals, in a tuxedo.

 

 

Your son. Your son.

 

 

And he was choking back soft, soft sobs.

 

 

And when he held back the tears

and finally caught his breath,

 

 

he said to me...

 

 

"Margaret, will you marry me?"

And she said, "Yep." The end.

 

 

Who's hungry?

 

 

That is quite a story.

 

 

- Oh, Andy!

- Gorgeous.

 

 

You are so sensitive.

 

 

Hand-cut confetti?

 

 

Hey! Let's see a kiss from

you two cuties.

 

 

Give her a kiss!

 

 

- No. Come on.

- Oh, yeah.

 

 

- Come on!

- OK, all right.

 

 

OK. Here we go. Ready?

 

 

What is this? Kiss her on the mouth

like you mean it.

 

 

- Kiss her. Kiss her!

- Kiss her!

 

 

Kiss her! Kiss her!

Kiss her! Kiss her!

 

 

OK!

 

 

- OK. All right.

- OK.

 

 

- Here we go.

- OK.

 

 

Andy! Give her a real kiss!

 

 

- Gammy.

- A real one!

 

 

- Yeah.

- You can do it!

 

 

- Just do it? Let's do it really fast.

- Yeah. OK.

 

 

OK.

 

 

I'm so happy for you two!

 

 

So happy! So happy!

 

 

Let's get the champagne!

 

 

So here we are.

 

 

This is your bedroom.

 

 

Wow.

 

 

Wow, this is beautiful.

 

 

- And the view.

- And here's the bed.

 

 

Wow! Exquisite bed. Exquisite.

 

 

So.

 

 

Where is Andrew's room?

 

 

We're not under any illusions that

you two don't sleep in the same bed.

 

 

He'll sleep in here with you.

 

 

Oh, great, 'cause we love to snuggle.

 

 

- Don't we, honey.

- We're huge snugglers.

 

 

Oh, my God. What is it?

 

 

- Calm down, Kevin.

- You are cute.

 

 

Who is this?

 

 

- That's Kevin. I'm sorry, Margaret.

- So cute.

 

 

We just rescued him from the pound,

and he's still in training. Sorry.

 

 

Just be sure you don't let him outside,

or the eagles'll snatch him.

 

 

No, don't you listen to her.

She's just pulling your leg, isn't she?

 

 

By the way, there are extra

towels and linens and things

 

 

- in here if you need them.

- If you get chilly tonight use this.

 

 

It has special powers.

 

 

- Oh, what kind of special powers?

- I call it the Baby Maker.

 

 

OK, well. Then I guess we...

gonna be super careful with that one.

 

 

- Yeah, I'm gonna...

- Don't throw it on the bed.

 

 

We'd better turn in.

It's been quite an evening.

 

 

So good night, everybody.

 

 

- Good night.

- Good night.

 

 

- Good night.

- OK, good night, Gammy.

 

 

- Good night.

- Good night.

 

 

- Good night.

- Good night, Gammy.

 

 

Thank you so much. Sweet dreams.

 

 

- Bye-bye, now.

- Bye.

 

 

So, you haven't been home in a while.

 

 

I haven't had a lot of vacation

time the last three years.

 

 

Stop complaining.

 

 

Don't look, OK?

 

 

OK.

 

 

Are your eyes closed?

 

 

Completely.

 

 

- Are you sure?

- Yes, I'm sure.

 

 

Those are the pyjamas you

decided to bring to Alaska.

 

 

Yes, because I was supposed

to be in a hotel alone.

 

 

- Remember?

- Can we just go to sleep?

 

 

- Fine.

- Great.

 

 

Well.

 

 

Looks like I won't be getting much sleep

with the sun streaming in.

 

 

Thank you.

 

 

Andrew. Phone.

 

 

Andrew!

 

 

Crap. Andrew, Andrew, phone.

 

 

Andrew!

 

 

Yeah... right.

 

 

- Andrew, where is it?

- Purse, side pocket.

 

 

Hello. Hello? Hello.

 

 

Frank! Frank, darling.

 

 

Darling, Frank.

 

 

Are you there? Hello? Hello? Oh, crap.

 

 

I have horrible service, Frank.

Give me just one minute.

 

 

Oh, my God! Margaret!

 

 

One... one minute.

Frank, hold on just a second.

 

 

Frank, hold on. No, no, no, no.

 

 

Frank. Frank, I'm sorry you feel

 

 

I pressured you into doing Oprah, but...

 

 

Of course I want you to be happy.

Yes, yes.

 

 

Frank. Frank. Frank, darling.

Frank? It's going to be fine.

 

 

I can just call them and I can cancel.

 

 

You are... you are so right, Frank.

 

 

Yes, Frank, of course

I'm listening to you.

 

 

Yeah... yes.

 

 

I love listening to you, Frank.

 

 

Sit. Sit.

 

 

No, not you, Frank.

 

 

No, no.

 

 

Frank, if I may get down to it, OK,

 

 

I think it would be

a mistake to back out.

 

 

Because, Frank, for so many years,

 

 

you have inspired me

with your beautiful words,

 

 

and I feel that...

Dog, I'm on the phone.

 

 

I think it's time the world

gets to enjoy your words as well.

 

 

They are just so rich with passion

 

 

and I think that

we should all be privy to...

 

 

And... Frank, I just...

 

 

I just want you to be happy, Frank.

Give me that dog!

 

 

And I need, Frank, for you to hold on

just a second. Can you hold a second?

 

 

Give me that dog!

 

 

Come on! Come on, come on,

come on. Come on!

 

 

OK! OK, gotcha.

 

 

Frank, Frank.

 

 

Frank? So sorry, so sorry.

 

 

So sorry. I dropped the phone.

Now, listen, Frank.

 

 

I don't want to sell you on anything,

but this is your legacy, this book.

 

 

And I think it's up to you to

present your legacy to the world.

 

 

And call me tomorrow with your decision.

 

 

And my phone is on all the time!

OK, bye-bye. No! Wait!

 

 

No! No! No. No.

 

 

Take the doggy.

Look at the doggy.

 

 

I need that phone.

Take the dog.

 

 

Take the dog. I need that phone!

Here. Take the dog.

 

 

Take the dog. Take the dog.

Take it. Take it.

 

 

Look at this.

 

 

- Is that cute or what?

- I know.

 

 

Morning, guys. Have you seen...

 

 

She's playing with Kevin.

We thought she didn't like him.

 

 

Will you go get her, Andy?

We have a whole day planned for her,

 

 

and she needs to get ready.

 

 

Yeah. Tell her we have

a big surprise for her.

 

 

Look! Give me my phone. Come on.

Please, just give me my phone.

 

 

- Come on. Right here.

- What the hell are you doing?

 

 

Oh, my God. Your grandmother

was completely right.

 

 

The eagle came and tried

to take the dog.

 

 

But then I saved him. Then it came back,

and it took my phone.

 

 

- Are you drunk?

- What? No! I'm serious.

 

 

Date: 2015-12-11; view: 1088


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