He was so worried he made our mother chew milk flowers day and night. Only it made Nessa come too soon, with her little legs all tangled. And our mother never woke up. None of which would have ever happened if not for me.
GALINDA
But that was the milk flower’s fault, not yours. That may be your secret, Elphaba, but it doesn’t make it true. Look—it’s tomorrow! And Elphie—is it alright if I call you Elphie?
ELPHABA
Well, it’s a little perky.
GALINDA
And you can call me… Galinda. You see Elphie, now that we’re friends, I’ve decided to make you my new project.
ELPHABA
You really don’t have to do that.
GALINDA
I know. That’s what make me so nice!
(Sings)
WHENEVER I SEE SOMEONE
LESS FORTUNATE THAN I
AND LET’S FACE IT—WHO ISN’T
LESS FORTUNATE THAN I?
MY TENDER HEART
TENDS TO START TO BLEED
AND WHEN SOMEONE NEEDS A MAKEOVER
I SIMPLY HAVE TO TAKE OVER
I KNOW I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED
AND EVEN IN YOUR CASE
THO’ IT’S THE TOUGHEST CASE I’VE YET TO FACE
DON’T WORRY—I’M DETERMINED TO SUCCEED
FOLLOW MY LEAD
AND YES, INDEED
YOU WILL BE…
POPULAR!
YOU’RE GONNA BE POPULAR!
I’LL TEACH YOU THE PROPER PLOYS
WHEN YOU TALK TO BOYS
LITTLE WAYS TO FLIRT AND FLOUNCE
I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT SHOES TO WEAR
HOW TO FIX YOUR HAIR
EVERYTHING THAT REALLY COUNTS TO BE POPULAR!
I’LL HELP YOU BE POPULAR!
YOU’LL HANG WITH THE RIGHT COHORTS
YOU’LL BE GOOD AT SPORTS
KNOW THE SLANG YOU’VE GOT TO KNOW
SO LET’S START
‘CAUSE YOU’VE GOT AN AWF’LLY LONG WAY TO GO…
DON’T BE OFFENDED BY MY FRANK ANALYSIS
THINK OF IT AS PERSONALITY DIALYSIS
NOW THAT I’VE CHOSEN TO BECOME A PAL, A SIS—
TER AND ADVISER
THERE’S NOBODY WISER
NOT WHEN IT COMES TO POPULAR—
I KNOW ABOUT POPULAR
AND WITH AN ASSIST FROM ME
TO BE WHO YOU’LL BE
INSTEAD OF DREARY WHO-YOU-WERE… ARE…
THERE’S NOTHING THAT CAN STOP YOU
FROM BECOMING POPU—
LER… LAR…
LA LA LA LA
WE’RE GONNA MAKE
YOU POPULAR…
WHEN I SEE DEPRESSING CREATURES
WITH UNPREPOSSESSING FEATURES
I REMIND THEM ON THEIR OWN BEHALF
TO THINK OF
CELEBRATED HEADS OF STATE OR
‘SPECIALLY GREAT COMMUNICATORS
DID THEY HAVE BRAINS OR KNOWLEDGE?
DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH!
THEY WERE POPULAR! PLEASE—
IT’S ALL ABOUT POPULAR!
IT’S NOT ABOUT APTITUDE
IT’S THE WAY YOU’RE VIEWED
SO IT’S VERY SHREWD TO BE
VERY VERY POPULAR
LIKE ME!
ELPHABA
This is never going to work…
GALINDA
Elphie! You mustn’t think that way anymore! Your whole life is going to change! And all because of me! First: hair. See? This is how you toss your hair: Toss. Toss.
(She demonstrates and ELPHABA tries.)
GALINDA
Well—you’ll practice! And now—
(She picks up her new magic wand—it’s quite small, a training wand.)
GALINDA
I shall transform your simple “frock” into a magnificent ball gown. Ball gown.
(She tries and fails, then examines the wand, puzzled.)
GALINDA
Is this thing on?
ELPHABA
You want me to try?
GALINDA
Oh, just wear the frock it’s pretty! Oh—and this!
(GALINDA takes a flower from her own hair, pins in into ELPHABA’S.)
GALINDA
Pink goes good with green. Why, Miss Elphaba—look at you. You’re beautiful.
(She guides her friend to a mirror. ELPHABA stares at herself: For a moment it seems possible. And then—she forces herself to turn away.)
ELPHABA
I—I have to go—
GALINDA
You’re welcome!
(Sings)
AND THO’ YOU PROTEST
YOUR DISINTEREST
I KNOW CLANDESTINEDLY
YOU’RE GONNA GRIN AND BEAR IT
YOUR NEW-FOUND POPULARITY—
LA LA LA LA
YOU’LL BE POPULAR
JUST NOT QUITE AS POPULAR
AS ME!
SCENE 8
(Lecture Hall)
ELPHABA
Toss. Toss. What?!
FIYERO
Nothing. It’s just you’ve been Galindafied. “Toss. Toss.” You don’t need to do that you know.
DILLAMOND
Take your seats, class. Take your seats, please. I have something to say and very little time. My dear students, this is my last day here at Shiz. Animals are no longer permitted to teach.
ELPHABA
What?!
DILLAMOND
Please Miss Elphaba. I’d like to thank you all for sharing with me your enthusiasm, your essays, however feebly structured, and even on occasion your lunch.
(DOCTOR DILLAMOND’S lecture is interrupted by MADAME MORRIBLE and several OZIAN OFFICIALS.)
MORRIBLE
Oh, Doctor, I am so terribly sorry.
ELPHABA
Madame, you can’t permit this!
DILLAMOND
Miss Elphaba, don’t worry about me. They can take away my job but I shall continue speaking out!
OZIAN OFFICIAL
Come on, goat.
DILLAMOND
You’re not being told the whole story! Remember that, class!
(DOCTOR DILLAMOND is taken away.)
ELPHABA
Doctor Dillamond! Well, are we all just going to sit here in silence?!
MORRIBLE
Miss Elphaba, I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do.
ELPHABA
But, Madame—
MORRIBLE
Please, my dear, take your seat.
(One OFFICIAL takes over the class.)
OZIAN OFFICIAL
Good afternoon, students!
MORRIBLE
Good afternoon!
STUDENTS
Good afternoon.
OZIAN OFFICIAL
More and more everyday with each tick of the Time Dragon Clock in every corner of our great Oz, one hears the silence of progress! For example, this is called a cage!
(He reveals this devise to the STUDENTS. There is a small Lion Cub trapped inside.)
OZIAN OFFICIAL
Yes, you’ll be seeing more and more of them in the future. This remarkable innovation is actually for the Animal’s own good!
ELPHABA
If it’s for his own good, than why is he trembling?
OZIAN OFFICIAL
He’s excited to be here, that’s all! As I was saying, one of the benefits of caging a Lion Cub this young is the he will never in fact learn how to speak!
ELPHABA
Oh no!
OZIAN OFFICIAL
That’s right! Gather around!
ELPHABA
Can you imagine a world where Animals are kept in cages and they never speak?!
OZIAN OFFICIAL
He does seem a bit agitated by that is easily remedied!
ELPHABA
What are we going to do?!
FIYERO
We?
ELPHABA
Well somebody as to do something!!!
(ELPHABA becomes so distraught that she involuntarily casts a spell over the entire CLASS—except FIYERO.)
FIYERO
What’s happening?
ELPHABA
I don’t know! I got mad and then—
FIYERO
Don’t move. And don’t get mad at me.
(FIYERO grabs the cage.)
FIYERO
Well? Are you coming?
(The two head out to the forest, where they can set the Lion Club free.)
SCENE 9
ELPHABA
Careful! Don’t shake him!
FIYERO
I’m not!
ELPHABA
We can’t just let him loose anywhere you know! We’ve got to find someplace safe!
FIYERO
I realize that too! You think I’m really stupid don’t you?
ELPHABA
No, not really stupid.
FIYERO
Why is it that every time I see you you’re causing some sort of commotion?
ELPHABA
I don’t cause commotions, I am one!
FIYERO
That’s for sure.
ELPHABA
So you think I should just keep my mouth shut, is that what you’re saying?!
FIYERO
No! What I’m saying—
ELPHABA
Do you think I want to be this way? Do you think I want to care this much?
FIYERO
Look, all I meant was—
ELPHABA
Do you think I don’t know how easier my life would be if I didn’t?
FIYERO
Do you ever let anybody else talk?
ELPHABA
Oh, sorry. But can I say one more thing? You could have walked away back there.
FIYERO
So?
ELPHABA
So no matter how shallow and self-absorbed you pretend to be—
FIYERO
Excuse me, there’s no pretense here: I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow.
ELPHABA
No you’re not. Or you wouldn’t be so unhappy.
FIYERO
Fine if you don’t want my help—
ELPHABA
No, I do! His heart is pounding. I didn’t mean to frighten him.
FIYERO
What did you mean to do? And why was I the only one you didn’t do it to?
ELPHABA
You’re bleeding.
FIYERO
I am?
ELPHABA
It must have scratched you.
FIYERO
Yeah. Or maybe it scratched me or something. I better get to safety. I mean the cub!
ELPHABA
Of course!
FIYERO
Get the cub to safety.
(FIYERO leaves.)
ELPHABA
Fiyero!
(ELPHABA realizes that she could love FIYERO, yet she feels more alone than ever.)
ELPHABA
HANDS TOUCH, EYES MEET
SUDDEN SILENCE, SUDDEN HEAT
HEARTS LEAP IN A GIDDY WHIRL
HE COULD BE THAT BOY
I’M NOT THAT GIRL
DON’T DREAM TOO FAR
DON’T LOSE SIGHT OF WHO YOU ARE
DON’T REMEMBER THAT RUSH OF JOY
HE COULD BE THAT BOY
I’M NOT THAT GIRL
EV’RY SO OFTEN HE LONG TO STEAL
TO THE LAND OF WHAT-MIGHT-HAVE-BEEN
BUT THAT DOESN’T SOFTEN THE ACHE WE FEEL
WHEN REALITY SETS BACK IN
BLITHE SMILE, LITHE LIMB
SHE WHO’S WINSOME, SHE WINS HIM
GOLD HAIR WITH A GENTLE CURL
THAT’S THE GIRL HE CHOSE
AND HEAVEN KNOWS
I’M NOT THAT GIRL…
DON’T WISH, DON’T START
WISHING ONLY WOUNDS THE HEART
I WASN’T BORN FOR THE ROSE AND PEARL
THERE’S A GIRL I KNOW
HE LOVES HER SO
I’M NOT THAT GIRL…
(MADAME MORRIBLE comes upon ELPHABA, taking shelter from the rain, and approaches her excitedly.)
MORRIBLE
Miss Elphaba! There you are!
ELPHABA
Madame Morrible!
MORRIBLE
Oh, I have thrillifying news! I’ve finally heard back from the Wizard, and my dear—he wishes to meet you!
ELPHABA
He asked for me?! Personally?!
MORRIBLE
Yes! I know how devastrated you were the other day for our poor Doctor Dillamond but you see my dear, one door closes and another opens!
ELPHABA
I don’t know what to say! Madame, how can I ever thank you?
MORRIBLE
Careful my dear, you mustn’t get wet. Wait, I know.
(She makes a sudden dramatic gesture, and the rain instantly stops.)
MORRIBLE
Oh, didn’t I ever mention? Weather is my specialty. Oz speed, my dear.
(Sings)
NOW YOU’RE OFF TO MEET THE WIZARD
MAKE ME PROUD!
ELPHABA
I will—I’ll try…
(Sings)
AND THERE WE’LL FINALLY BE:
THE WIZARD AND I…
SCENE 10
(GALINDA has accompanied ELPHABA to the train station to bid her goodbye.)
CONDUCTOR
All aboard!
NESSAROSE
Elphaba, I am so proud of you! I know father will be too. We’re all proud aren’t we?
ELPHABA
Will you be alright without me?
GALINDA
She’ll be fine. Bick will keep her company. Won’t you, Bick?
BOQ
It’s Boq! I can’t do this anymore!
(BOQ runs out)
NESSAROSE
Boq!
GALINDA
Nessa, maybe he just isn’t the right one for you.
NESSAROSE
No! He’s the one. It’s me that’s not right. Don’t worry about me, Elphaba, I’ll be fine. Safe journey.
(NESSAROSE wheels after BOQ)
ELPHABA
Nessa! Wait!
GALINDA
Elphie, let her go. She’ll have to manage without you. We all will.
(All at once, GALINDA breaks into tears.)
ELPHABA
You’ll barely notice I’m gone. You have Fiyero. Where is he anyway? Not that I expected him to say goodbye to me. I mean, we barely know each other.
GALINDA
I don’t know him either. Not anymore. He’s distant and moodified. And he’s been thinking which really worries me. It all started the day Doctor Dillamond got fired. I never knew he cared so much about that old Goat. Oh, look there he is! He did come! Fiyero! Over here, dearest!
FIYERO
Elphaba, I’m happy for you.
GALINDA
Yes, we are both so happy for you!
FIYERO
I’ve been thinking—
ELPHABA
Yes, I’ve heard.
FIYERO
About the Lion Cub and everything. I think about that day a lot.
ELPHABA
So do I.
GALINDA
Me too! I think about it constantly! Poor Doctor Dillamond! It makes one want to take a stand! In fact, I’ve been thinking about… about… changing my name!
FIYERO
Your name?
GALINDA
Why yes! Since Doctor Dillamond had his own way of pronouncing my name, in solidarity and to express my…um… outrage I will henceforward no longer be known as Galinda but as simply Glinda!
FIYERO
That’s very admirable of you, Glinda.
GLINDA
Fiyero…
FIYERO
Elphaba, good luck.
SCENE 11
GLINDA
Well, there! You see?!
ELPHABA
Oh, don’t cry, Galinda!
GLINDA
It’s Glinda now! Stupid idea, I don’t even know what made me say it!
ELPHABA
It doesn’t matter what your name is, everyone loves you.
GLINDA
I don’t care! I want him! I don’t even think he’s perfect anymore and I still want him! This must be what other people feel like. How do they bear it?!