(In a lecture hall, the STUDENTS take their seats for DOCTOR DILLAMOND’S class. DOCTOR DILLAMOND is a Goat.)
DILLAMOND
Settle down, students! Settle down now! I have read your most recent essays and I am amazed to report some progress. Although some of us still tend to favor form over content. Miss Glinda.
GALINDA
It’s Galinda with a Ga.
DILLAMOND
Yes, of course. Miss Glinda.
GALINDA
I really don’t see what the problem is, every other professor seems to able to pronounce my name.
ELPHABA
Maybe perfecting the pronunciation of your precious name is not the sole focus of Doctor Dillamond’s life. And maybe he’s not like every other professor. Maybe some of us are different!
GALINDA
Well, it seems the artichoke is steamed!
(The STUDENTS laugh)
DILLAMOND
Class! Class! Miss Elphaba has a point. Doubtless you’ve noticed I am the sole Animal on the faculty. The Token Goat as it were. But it wasn’t always this way. My dear students, how I wish you could have known this place as it once was. When one could walk these halls and hear an Antelope explicating a sonnet, a Snow Leopard solving a equation, a Wildebeest waxing philosophic! Can you see, dear students, what is being lost? How our dear Oz is becoming less and less… well, colorful. Now, who can tell me what set this into motion?
ELPHABA
From what I read it began with the Great Drought.
DILLAMOND
Precisely! Food grew scarce, people grew hungrier and angrier and the question became “whom can we blame?” Can anyone tell me what is meant by the term “Scapegoat”? Someone besides Miss Elphaba. Yes, Miss Glinda.
GALINDA
It’s Galinda with a Ga. And don’t see why you can’t just teach us history instead of always harping on the past.
DILLAMOND
Well, perhaps these question that I’ve prepared—
(As he turns his chalkboard around to pose the question, he sees that, across the board, someone has painted: “Animals should be seen and not heard.” DILLAMOND is shocked.)
DILLAMOND
Who is responsible for this? I’m waiting for an answer. Very well, that will be all for today. You heard me, class dismissed!
(Only ELPHABA lingers.)
ELPHABA
You go ahead, Nessa. Animals should be seen and not heard?!
DILLAMOND
Oh, Miss Elphaba, don’t worry about me. Go and join your friend.
ELPHABA
That’s alright, I have no friends. Would you like to share my lunch?
DILLAMOND
Thank you. How kind. I’ve seemed to have lost my appetite.
ELPHABA
You shouldn’t let ignorant statements like that bother you. I mean, I always do, but you shouldn’t.
DILLAMOND
Oh, Miss Elphaba—if only it were just a matter of words on a chalkboard! But the things one hears these days. Dreadful things…
(Sings)
I’VE HEARD OF AN OX
A PROFESSOR FROM QUOX
NO LONGER PERMITTED TO TEACH
WHO HAS LOST ALL POWERS OF SPEECH…
ELPHABA
What?
DILLAMOND
AND AN OWL IN MUNCHKIN ROCK
A VICAR WITH A THRIVING FLOCK
FOBIDDEN TO PREACH
NOW HE ONLY CAN SCREECH
ONLY RUMORS—BUT STILL—
ENOUGH TO GIVE PAUSE
TO ANYONE WITH PAWS
SOMETHING BAD IS HAPPENING IN OZ…
ELPHABA
SOMETHING BAD? HAPPENING IN OZ…?
DILLAMOND
UNDER THE SURFACE
BEHIND THE SCENES
SOMETHING BAAAAAAD…
(They’re both startled by an unfamiliar sound. It’s coming from DOCTOR DILLAMOND himself—a kind of belting. DILLAMOND hastily covers his mouth, clears his throat.)
DILLAMOND
BAD.
ELPHABA
Doctor Dillamond, are you alright? Shall I fetch you a glass of water?
DILLAMOND
No, I don’t know what came over me.
ELPHABA
So you’re saying that there are Animals that have somehow forgotten how to speak? How is that possible?
DILLAMOND
Well with so much pressure not to. If you make it discouraging enough you can keep anyone silent. But I for one will never…
(MADAME MORRIBLE enters.)
DILLAMOND
Oh, Madame Morrible!
MORRIBLE
I heard there was some sort of disturberance in class. Are you alright, Doctor? And Miss Elphaba, you’re still here? I thought you’d be on your way to my seminar by now.
ELPHABA
Yes, Madame, I would be but…
MORRIBLE
But? I do hope I haven’t misplaced my trust in you. Magic is a demanderating mistress, and if one’s ambition is to meet the Wizard. I’m sure Doctor Dillamond sees my point.
(MADAME MORRIBLE exits.)
ELPHABA
I better go. Doctor Dillamond, if something bad is happening to the Animals, someone’s got to tell the Wizard! He’ll make it right! That’s why we have a Wizard—
(Sings)
SO NOTHING BAD…
DILLAMOND
I hope you’re right—
BOTH
NOTHING ALL THAT BAD…
DILLAMOND
NOTHING TRULY BAAAAAAAAD…
SORRY—BAD…
(Unsettled, DOCTOR DILLAMOND leaves the classroom. ELPHABA watches him go…)
ELPHABA
IT COULDN’T HAPPEN HERE
IN OZ…
SCENE 5
(In the courtyard, a new student arrives.)
ELPHABA
Hey!
AVARIC
Be quiet, miss, you’ll disturb him!
ELPHABA
I certainly will! Hey, you! Wake up!
AVARIC
Young lady, do you realize who this is?!
ELPHABA
I don’t care who he is! Your cart nearly knocked me over and you’re sleeping!
FIYERO
Of course, it’s daytime. Well, see you soon, Avaric. I’m sure I won’t last any longer at this school then I did at any of the others.
ELPHABA
Is this really how you go through life? Nearly knocking people over and not even noticing them?!
FIYERO
Well maybe the driver saw seen and thought it meant go.
BOQ
Miss Galinda! I know I’m just a mere Munchkin. But even a Munchkin has feelings! And I have tried to tell you of mine for you but sometimes it’s like you don’t even know who I am.
GALINDA
That’s not true, Bick.
BOQ
Boq.
GALINDA
Bick, do you realize who that is?!
BOQ
You’re touching me!
GALINDA
That is Fiyero Tigelaar! He is that Winkie Prince who’s reputation is so scandalacious!
(To FIYERO)
Were you looking for something or someone?
FIYERO
Yes, some sort of history class somewhere over there.
BOQ
That is the history building right down there!
GALINDA
That class just ended.
FIYERO
Perfect timing. So what does one do you fun around here?
GALINDA
Nothing, until now.
BOQ
We’ve been studying.
FIYERO
I see the responsibility to corrupt my fellow students falls to me. Fortunately I am up to the task.
(Sings)
THE TROUBLE WITH SCHOOLS IS
THEY ALWAYS TRY TO TEACH THE WRONG LESSON
BELIEVE ME, I’VE BEEN KICKED OUT
OF ENOUGH OF THEM TO KNOW
THEY WANT TO BECOME LESS CALLOW
LESS SHALLOW
BUT I SAY: WHY INVITE STRESS IN?
STOP STUDYING STRIFE
AND LEARN TO LIVE “THE UNEXAMINED LIFE”…
DANCING THROUGH LIFE
SKIMMING THE SURFACE
GLIDING WHERE TURF IS SMOOTH
LIFE’S MORE PAINLESS
FOR THE BRAINLESS
WHY THINK TOO HARD?
WHEN IT’S SO SOOTHING
DANCING THROUGH LIFE
NO NEED TO TOUGH IT
WHEN YOU CAN SLOUGH IT OFF AS I DO
NOTHING MATTERS
BUT KNOWING NOTHING MATTERS
IT’S JUST LIFE
SO KEEP DANCING THROUGH…
DANCING THROUGH LIFE
SWAYING AND SWEEPING
AND ALWAYS KEEPING COOL
LIFE IS FRAUGHT LESS
WHEN YOU’RE THOUGHTLESS
THOSE WHO DON’T TRY
NEVER LOOK FOOLISH
DANCING THROUGH LIFE…
MINDLESS AND CARELESS
MAKE SURE YOU’RE WHERE LESS
TROUBLE IS RIFE
WOES ARE FLEETING
BLOWS ARE GLANCING…
WHEN YOU’RE DANCING…
THROUGH LIFE…
So—what’s the most swankified place in town?
GALINDA
That would be the Ozdust Ballroom
FIYERO
Sounds perfect!
(Sings)
LET’S GO DOWN TO THE OZDUST BALLROOM
WE’LL MEET THERE LATER TONIGHT
WE CAN DANCE TILL IT’S LIGHT
FIND THE PRETTIEST GIRL…
GIVER ‘ER A WHIRL
RIGHT ON DOWN TO THE OZDUST BALLROOM
COME ON—FOLLOW ME
YOU’LL BE HAPPY TO BE THERE…
ALL
DANCING THROUGH LIFE
DOWN AT THE OZDUST…
FIYERO
IF ONLY BECAUSE DUST
IS WHAT WE COME TO…
ALL
NOTHING MATTERS
BUT KNOWING NOTHING MATTERS
IT’S JUST LIFE…
FIYERO
SO KEEP DANCING THROUGH…
BOQ
Miss Galinda—I hope you’ll save at least one dance for me. I’ll be right there. Right by your side. Waiting. All night.
GALINDA
Oh—that’s so kind—Bick.
BOQ
Boq.
GALINDA
But you know what would be even kinder?
(Sings)
SEE THAT TRAGIC’LY BEAUTIFUL GIRL
THE ONE IN THE CHAIR
IT SEEMS SO UNFAIR
WE SHOULD GO ON A SPREE
AND NOT SHEE
GEE—
I KNOW SOMEONE WOULD BE MY HERO
IF THAT SOMEONE WERE
TO GO INVITE HER…
BOQ
Well, maybe—I could invite her!
GALINDA
OH, BICK, REALLY? YOU WOULD DO THAT FOR ME!?
BOQ
I would do anything for you, Miss Galinda. Excuse me, Miss Nessarose? There’s something I’d like to ask you…
(BOQ wheels NESSAROSE away. FIYERO approaches GALINDA with admiration.)
FIYERO
You’re good.
GALINDA
I don’t know what you mean! But I do happen to be free tonight, so…