most famous Homer Simpson Quotes on beer, love, marriage, donuts, alcohol and work.

 Operator! Give me the number for 911!

 Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

 Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

 Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

 I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

 Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

 Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.

 Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'

 Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.

 Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

 You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

 Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

 When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

 Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

 I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

 [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

 What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

 Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

 Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

 The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

 When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

 I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

 Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

 I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

 Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

 It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

 Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

 I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

 Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.

 Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right; we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.

 Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

 How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

 Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

 Homer no function beer well without.

 I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

 Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

 If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

 I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.

 I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

 Alcohol is a way of life, alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it.

 All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.

 Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

 But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

 I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.

 Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.

 That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

 Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

 If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing

 I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

 'To Start Press Any Key'. Where is the ANY key?

Date: 2015-12-11; view: 1437