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Just Good Friends

by Jeffrey Archer


Jeffrey Archer (born in 1940) is a master storyteller, the author of ten novels, which have all been worldwide bestsellers. He represented Great Britain in the 100 metres in the early sixties, and from 1985 to 1986 he was Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party. He was created a Life Peer in the Queen’s Birthday Honours of 1992. Later he was found guilty of perjury and sentenced to 4 years in jail.


I woke up before him feeling slightly randy but I knew there was nothing I could do about it.

I blinked and my eyes immediately accustomed themselves to the half light. I raised my head and gazed at the large expanse of motionless white flesh lying next to me. If only he took as much exercise as I did he wouldn’t have that spare tyre, I thought unsympathetically.

Roger stirred restlessly and even turned over to face me, but I knew he would not be fully awake until the alarm on his side of the bed started ringing. I pondered for a moment whether I could go back to sleep again or should get up and find myself some breakfast before he woke. In the end I settled for just lying still on my side day-dreaming, but making sure I didn’t disturb him. When he did eventually open his eyes I planned to pretend I was still asleep – that way he would end up getting breakfast for me. I began to go over the things that needed to be done after he had left for the office. As long as I was at home ready to greet him when he returned from his work, he didn’t seem to mind what I got up to during the day.

A gentle rumble emanated from his side of the bed. Roger’s snoring never disturbed me. My affection for him was unbounded, and I only wished I could find the words to let him know. In truth, he was the first man I had really appreciated. As I gazed at his unshaven face I was reminded that it hadn’t been his looks which had attracted me in the pub that night.

I had first come across Roger in the Cat and Whistle, a public house situated on the corner of Mafeking Road. You might say it was our local. He used to come in around eight, order a pint of mild and take it to a small table in the corner of the room just beyond the dartboard. Mostly he would sit alone, watching the darts being thrown towards double top but more often settling in one or five, if they managed to land on the board at all. He never played the game himself, and I often wondered, from my vantage point behind the bar, if he were fearful of relinquishing his favourite seat or just had no interest in the sport.

Then things suddenly changed for Roger – for the better, was no doubt how he saw it – when one evening in early spring a blonde named Madeleine, wearing an imitation fur coat and drinking double gin and its, perched on the stool beside him. I had never seen her in the pub before but she was obviously known locally, and loose bar talk led me to believe it couldn’t last. You see, word was about that she was looking for someone whose horizons stretched beyond the Cat and Whistle.

In fact the affair – if that’s what it ever came to – lasted for only twenty days. I know because I counted every one of them. Then one night voices were raised and heads turned as she left the small stool just as suddenly as she had come. His tired eyes watched her walk to a vacant place at the corner of the bar, but he didn’t show any surprise at her departure and made no attempt to pursue her.

Her exit was my cue to enter. I almost leapt from behind the bar and, moving as quickly as dignity allowed, was seconds later sitting on the vacant stool beside him. He didn’t comment and certainly made no attempt to offer me a drink, but the one glance he shot in my direction did not suggest he found me an unacceptable replacement. I looked around to see if anyone else had plans to usurp my position. The men standing round the dartboard didn’t seem to care. Treble seventeen, twelve and a five kept them more than occupied. I glanced towards the bar to check if the boss had noticed my absence, but he was busy taking orders. I saw Madeleine was already sipping a glass of champagne from the pub’s only bottle, purchased by a stranger whose stylish double-breasted blazer and striped bow tie convinced me she wouldn’t be bothering with Roger any longer. She looked well set for at least another twenty days.

I looked up at Roger – I had known his name for some time, although I have never addressed him as such and I couldn’t be sure that he was aware of mine. I began to flutter my eyelashes in a rather exaggerated way. I felt a little stupid but at least it elicited a gentle smile. He leaned over and touched my cheek, his hands surprisingly gentle. Neither of us felt the need to speak. We were both lonely and it seemed unnecessary to explain why. We sat in silence, while a few feet from us the darts pursued their undetermined course.

When the publican cried, “Last orders,” Roger downed the remains of his beer while the dart players completed what had to be their final game.

No one commented when we left together and I was surprised that Roger made no protest as I accompanied him back to his little semi-detached. I already knew exactly where he lived because I had seen him on several occasions standing at the bus queue in Dobson Street in a silent line of reluctant morning passengers. Once I even positioned myself on a nearby wall in order to study his features more carefully. It was an anonymous, almost commonplace face but he had the warmest eyes and the kindest smile I had observed in any man.

My only anxiety was that he didn’t seem aware of my existence, just constantly preoccupied, his eyes each evening and his thoughts each morning only for Madeleine. How I envied that girl. She had everything I wanted – except a decent fur coat, the only thing my mother had left me. In truth I have no right to be catty about Madeleine, as her past couldn’t have been more murky than mine.

All that had taken place well over a year ago and, to prove my total devotion to Roger, I have never entered the Cat and Whistle since. He seems to have forgotten Madeleine because he never once spoke of her in front of me. An unusual man, he didn’t question me about any of the relationships either.

Perhaps he should have. I would have liked him to know the truth about my life before we’d met, though it all seems irrelevant now. You see, I had been the youngest in a family of four so I always came last in line. I had never known my father, and I came home one night to discover that my mother had run off with another man. Tracy, one of my sisters, warned me not to expect her back. She turned out to be right, for I have never seen my mother since that day. It’s awful to have to admit, if only to oneself, that one’s mother is a tramp.

Now an orphan, I began to drift, often trying to stay one step ahead of the law – not so easy when you haven’t always got somewhere to put your head down. I can’t even recall how I ended up with Derek – if that was his real name. Derek, whose dark sensual looks would have attracted any susceptible female, told me that he had been on a merchant steamer for the past three years. When he made love to me I was ready to believe anything. I explained to him that all I wanted was a warm home, regular food and perhaps in time a family of my own. He ensured that one of my wishes was fulfilled, because a few weeks after he left me I ended up with twins, two girls. Derek never set eyes on them: he had returned to sea even before I could tell him I was pregnant. He hadn’t needed to promise me the earth; he was so good-looking he must have known I would have been his just for a night on the tiles.

I tried to bring up the girls decently, but the authorities caught up with me this time and I lost them both. I wonder where they are now? God knows. I only hope they’ve ended up in a good home. At least they inherited Derek’s irresistible looks, which can only help them through life. It’s just one more thing Roger will never know about. His unquestioning trust only makes me feel more guilty, and now I never seem able to find a way of letting him know the truth.

After Derek had gone back to sea I was on my own for almost a year before getting part-time work at the Cat and Whistle. The publican was so mean that he wouldn’t have even provided food and drink for me, if I hadn’t kept to my part of the bargain.

Roger used to come in about once, perhaps twice a week before he met the blonde with the shabby fir coat. After that it was every night until she upped and left him.

I knew he was perfect for me the first time I heard him order a pint of mild. A pint of mild – I can’t think of a better description of Roger. In those early days the barmaids used to flirt openly with him, but he didn’t show any interest. Until Madeleine latched on to him I wasn’t even sure that it was women he preferred. Perhaps in the end it was my androgynous looks that appealed to him.

I think I must have been the only one in that pub who was looking for something more permanent.

And so Roger allowed me to spend the night with him. I remember that he slipped into the bathroom to undress while I rested on what I assumed would be my side of the bed. Since that night he has never once asked me to leave, let alone tried to kick me out. It’s an easy-going relationship. I’ve never known him raise his voice or scold me unfairly. Forgive the cliché, but for once I have fallen on my feet.

Brr. Brr. Brr. That damned alarm. I wished I could have buried it. The noise would go on and on until at last Roger decided to stir himself. I once tried to stretch across him and put a stop to its infernal ringing, only ending up knocking the contraption on the floor, which annoyed him even more than the ringing. Never again, I concluded. Eventually a long arm emerged from under the blanket and a palm dropped on to the top of the clock and the awful din subsided. I am a light sleeper – the slightest movement stirs me. If only he had asked me I could have woken him far more gently each morning. After all, my methods are every bit as reliable as any man-made contraptions.

Half awake, Roger gave me a brief cuddle before kneading my back, always guaranteed to elicit a smile. Then he yawned, stretched and declared as he did every morning, “Must hurry along or I’ll be late for the office.” I suppose some females would have been annoyed by the predictability of our morning routine – but not this lady. It was all part a life that made me feel secure in the belief that at last I had found something worthwhile.

Roger managed to get his feet into the wrong slippers – always a fifty-fifty chance – before lumbering towards the bathroom. He emerged fifteen minutes later, as he always did, looking only slightly better than he had when he entered. I’ve learned to live with what some would have called his foibles, while he has learned to accept my mania for cleanliness and a need to feel secure.

“Get up, lazy-bones,” he remonstrated but then only smiled when I resettled myself, refusing to leave the warm hollow that had been left by his body.

“I suppose you expect me to get your breakfast before I go to work?” he added as he made his way downstairs. I didn’t bother to reply. I knew that in a few moments’ time he would be opening the front door, picking up the morning newspaper, any mail, and our regular pint of milk. Reliable as ever, he would put on the kettle, then head for the pantry, fill a bowl with my favourite breakfast food and add my portion of the milk, leaving himself just enough for two cups of coffee.

I could anticipate almost to the second when breakfast would be ready. First I would hear the kettle boil, a few moments later the milk would be poured, then finally there would be the sound of a chair being pulled up. That was the signal I needed to confirm it was time for me to join him.

I stretched my legs slowly, noticing my nails needed some attention. I had already decided against a proper wash until after he had left for the office. I could hear the sound of the chair being scraped along the kitchen lino. I felt so happy that I literally jumped off the bed before making my way towards the open door. A few seconds later I was downstairs. Although he had already taken his first mouthful of cornflakes he stopped eating the moment he saw me.

“Good of you to join me,” he said, a grin spreading over his face.

I paddled over towards him and looked up expectantly. He bent down and pushed my bowl towards me. I began to lap up the milk happily, my tail swishing from side to side.

It’s a myth that we only swish our tails when we’re angry.


1. What is the story about? Give a short summary.

2. Identify the prevailing literary representational forms. Why do you think dialogue as a form of presentation is absent from the story?

3. What narrative type does the author resort to in the story? Through whose eyes and mind does the reader receive the events? What does the writer gain by giving this narrator’s vision of the characters and events? How does the narrative method employed by the author affect the sequencing of the events? Is the order, the events are arranged in, chronological? What techniques of presentational sequencing are used by J. Archer?

4. How is the plot structured? Are all the components introduced in it? What is the climactic part of this literary work?

5. Who are the major characters of the story? What method(s) of character creation has (have) been chosen by the author? What means of indirectcharacterization are used?

6. What is (are) the conflict(s) the plot of the story is based on?

7. What is implied in the title of the story? Does it contribute to the message? What was the author’s intention of telling this story? Was it only to entertain the readers or anything else?

8. Identify the story’s theme(s).

9. Share the effect the story produced on you. Which impressed you more: the events that happened to the narrator or the unexpected ending of the story?






Lexical Stylistic Devices

Lexical stylistic devices (SD) create verbal images. The verbal image is a pen-image of a thing, person or idea expressed in a figurative way by words used in their contextual meaning.

Metaphor is a form of comparison, an imaginative identification of one concept with another. Metaphors can be embodied in all the basic parts of speech – nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs. Metaphors may be simple or sustained, genuine or trite (e.g. His career was in ruins. He digested the information. In my foggy state… His face was deadly serious).

Many idioms in English are derived from metaphors (e.g. to call on the carpet; to be on the beam).


Personification is a special kind of metaphor in which a non-human subject is given human characteristics (e.g. The moon held a finger to her lips… ).


Metonymy is a SD in which the name of a thing is replaced by the name of an associated thing (e.g. He bought a Ford. His pen is rather sharp.).


Irony is a SD based on the simultaneous realization of two meanings: the literal meaning is the opposite of the intended meaning, used in ridicule or humour (e.g. Nice weather, isn’t it (a rainy day)).


Zeugma is the blending together of two or more semantically incompatible word groups, having an identical lexical item, into a single construction in which this item is used only once (e.g. She took her breakfast and her bath. She dropped a tear and her pocket handkerchief (Dickens)).

Pun is the use of a word in such a manner as to bring out different meanings or applications, or the use of words alike or nearly alike in sound but different in meaning, often with humorous intent (e.g. We must all hang together, or we all hang separately).

Epithet is a SD based on the interplay of emotive and logical meaning of an attributive word or phrase used to characterize an object so as to give an individual perception and evaluation of some features or properties. It differs from the logical attribute, which is purely objective and non-evaluating (e.g. heart-burning smile; animal panic; I-am-not-that-kind-of-girl look).

Oxymoron is a combination of two words with opposite meanings (e.g. living death; a pleasantly ugly face; sweet sorrow).

Antonomasia is a SD in which the proper name of a person, who is famous for some of his features, is put for a person having the same feature. It may also be a use of a common name for a proper one. (e.g. Her husband is Othello. Mr. Know-All. Becky Sharp).

Simile. The intensification of some feature of a thing is realized in simile. To use simile is to characterize the object by bringing it into contrast with another object belonging to an entirely different class of things. Comparison in simile is established by:

- link words “as”, “like” (e.g. He has always been as live as a bird);

- link words “as though”, “as if” (e.g. He looked as if he had been tortured);

- lexical means to express resemblance: to remind, to seem, to resemble.

Simile mustn’t be confused with logical comparison, which brings together two things belonging to one class (e.g. The boy is as tall as his father).


Hyperbole is a deliberate overstatement or exaggeration of a feature essential to the object (e.g. He has written barrels of stories). A variant of hyperbole is understatement in which smallness is exaggerated (e.g. A woman of pocket size). Many hyperboles have become trite, they are used in daily speech without specific artistic effect (e.g. Haven’t seen you for ages. I’d give the world to see her).


Periphrasis is a roundabout way used to name object or phenomenon (e.g. the fair sex (women), my better half (wife)). There are three types of periphrases:

a) logical periphrasis, e.g. instruments of destruction (weapons);

b) figurative periphrasis, e.g. to tie the knot (to get married);

c) euphemisms, e.g. to pass away, to go west (to die).


The cliché is a word or expression which has lost its originality or effectiveness because it has been used too often (e.g. rosy dreams of youth, rising expectations).


Proverbs are short, well-known, supposedly wise sayings, usually in simple language (e.g. Where there is a will, there is a way. God helps those who help themselves). Proverbs are expressions of culture that are passed from generation to generation. They are words of wisdom of culture that reflects the people’s values and attitudes towards life.


Epigrams are short clever sayings or poems. In most cases epigrams are witty statements coined by some individuals whose names we know (e.g. O. Wilde: A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to a trip).


Quotations are phrases or sentences taken from a work of literature or other piece of writing and repeated in order to prove a point or support an argument. Quotations are usually marked graphically by inverted commas, dashes or italics; they are accompanied by a reference to the offer of the quotation.



Date: 2014-12-28; view: 2623

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