Character

Character is the foundation of win-win, and everything else builds on that foundation. There are

three character traits essential to the win-win paradigm.

INTEGRITY. We've already defined integrity as the value we place on ourselves. Habits 1, 2, and

3 help us develop and maintain integrity. As we clearly identify our values and proactively organize

and execute around those values on a daily basis, we develop self-awareness and independent will by

making and keeping meaningful promises and commitments.

There's no way to go for a win in our own lives if we don't even know, in a deep sense, what

constitutes a win -- what is, in fact, harmonious with our innermost values. And if we can't make and

keep commitments to ourselves as well as to others, our commitments become meaningless. We know

it; others know it. They sense duplicity and become guarded. There's no foundation of trust and

win-win becomes an ineffective superficial technique. Integrity is the cornerstone in the foundation.

MATURITY. Maturity is the balance between courage and consideration. If a person can express

his feelings and convictions with courage balanced with consideration for the feelings and convictions

of another person, he is mature, particularly if the issue is very important to both parties.

If you examine many of the psychological tests used for hiring, promoting, and training purposes,

you will find that they are designed to evaluate this kind of maturity. Whether it's called the ego

strength/empathy balance, the self confidence/respect for others balance, the concern for

people/concern for tasks balance, "I'm okay, you're okay" in transactional analysis language, or 9.1, 1.9, 5.5, 9.9, in management grid language -- the quality sought for is the balance of what I call courage and consideration.

Respect for this quality is deeply ingrained in the theory of human interaction, management, and

leadership. It is a deep embodiment of the P/PC Balance. While courage may focus on getting the

golden egg, consideration deals with the long-term welfare of the other stakeholders. The basic task of leadership is to increase the standard of living and the quality of life for all stakeholders.

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart Many people think in dichotomies, in either/or terms. They think if you're nice, you're not tough.

But win-win is nice...and tough. It's twice as tough as win-lose. To go for win-win, you not only have to be nice, you have to be courageous. You not only have to be empathic, you have to be confident.

You not only have to be considerate and sensitive, you have to be brave. To do that, to achieve that

balance between courage and consideration, is the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to

win-win.

If I'm high on courage and low on consideration, how will I think? Win-lose. I'll be strong and

ego bound. I'll have the courage of my convictions, but I won't be very considerate of yours.

To compensate for my lack of internal maturity and emotional strength, I might borrow strength

from my position and power, or from my credentials, my seniority, my affiliation.

If I'm high on consideration and low on courage, I'll think lose-win. I'll be so considerate of your

convictions and desires that I won't have the courage to express and actualize my own.

High courage and consideration are both essential to win-win. It is the balance that is the mark of

real maturity. If I have it, I can listen, I can empathically understand, but I can also courageously

confront.

ABUNDANCE MENTALITY TM. The third character trait essential to win-win is the Abundance

Mentality, the paradigm that there is plenty out there for everybody.

Most people are deeply scripted in what I call the Scarcity Mentality. They see life as having only

so much, as though there were only one pie out there. And if someone were to get a big piece of the

pie, it would mean less for everybody else. The Scarcity Mentality is the zero-sum paradigm of life.

People with a Scarcity Mentality have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power or

profit -- even with those who help in the production. They also have a very hard time being genuinely

happy for the successes of other people -- even, and sometimes especially, members of their own family

or close friends and associates. It's almost as if something is being taken from them when someone

else receives special recognition or windfall gain or has remarkable success or achievement.

Although they might verbally express happiness for others' success, inwardly they are eating their

hearts out. Their sense of worth comes from being compared, and someone else's success, to some

degree, means their failure. Only so many people can be "A" students; only one person can be

"number one." To "win" simply means to "beat."

Often, people with a Scarcity Mentality harbor secret hopes that others might suffer misfortune --

not terrible misfortune, but acceptable misfortune that would keep them "in their place." They're always comparing, always competing. They give their energies to possessing things or other people in

order to increase their sense of worth.

They want other people to be the way they want them to be. They often want to clone them, and

they surround themselves with "yes" people -- people who won't challenge them, people who are

weaker than they.

It's difficult for people with a Scarcity Mentality to be members of a complementary team. They

look on differences as signs of insubordination and disloyalty.

The Abundance Mentality, on the other hand, flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and

security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It

results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making. It opens possibilities,

options, alternatives, and creativity.

The Abundance Mentality takes the personal joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment of Habits 1, 2, and 3

and turns it outward, appreciating the uniqueness, the inner direction, the proactive nature of others.

It recognizes the unlimited possibilities for positive interactive growth and development, creating new

Third Alternatives.

Public Victory does not mean victory over other people. It means success in effective interaction

that brings mutually beneficial results to everyone involved. Public Victory means working together,

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart communicating together, making things happen together that even the same people couldn't make

happen by working independently. And Public Victory is an outgrowth of the Abundance Mentality

paradigm.

A character rich in integrity, maturity, and the Abundance Mentality has a genuineness that goes far

beyond technique, or lack of it, in human interaction.

One thing I have found particularly helpful to win-lose people in developing a win-win character is

to associate with some model or mentor who really thinks win-win. When people are deeply scripted

in win-lose or other philosophies and regularly associate with others who are likewise scripted, they

don't have much opportunity to see and experience the win-win philosophy in action. So I

recommend reading literature, such as the inspiring biography of Anwar Sadat, In Search of Identity,

and seeing movies like Chariots of Fire or plays like Les Miserables that expose you to models of

win-win.

But remember: If we search deeply enough within ourselves -- beyond the scripting, beyond the

learned attitudes and behaviors -- the real validation of win-win, as well as every other correct principle, is in our own lives.

Date: 2015-02-03; view: 884