The Agreement Rule

The English have clearly chosen a highly appropriate aspect of our own familiar natural world as a social facilitator: the capricious and erratic nature of our weather ensures that there is always something new to comment on, be surprised by, speculate about, moan about, or, perhaps most importantly, agree about. Which brings us to another important rule of English weather-speak: always agree. This rule was noted by the Hungarian humorist George Mikes, who wrote that in England 'You must never contradict anybody when discussing the weather'. We have already established that weather-speak greetings or openers such as 'Cold, isn't it?' must be reciprocated, but etiquette also requires that the response express agreement, as in 'Yes, isn't

it?' or 'Mmm, very cold'.

Failure to agree in this manner is a serious breach of etiquette. When the priest says 'Lord, have mercy upon us', you do not respond 'Well, actually, why should he?'You intone, dutifully, 'Christ, have mercy upon us'. In the same way, it would be very rude to respond to 'Ooh, isn't it cold?' with 'No, actually, it's quite mild'. If you listen carefully, as I have, to hundreds of English weather-conversations, you will find that such responses are extremely rare, almost unheard of. Nobody will tell you that there is a rule about this; they are not even conscious of following a rule: it just simply isn't done.

If you deliberately break the rule (as I duly did, on several occasions, in the interests of science), you will find that the atmosphere becomes rather tense and awkward, and possibly somewhat huffy. No one will actually complain or make a big scene about it (we have rules about complaining and making a fuss), but they will be offended, and this will show in subtle ways. There may be an uncomfortable silence, then someone may say, in piqued tones, 'Well, it feels cold to me,' or 'Really? Do you think so?' - or, most likely, they will either change the subject or continue talking about the weather among themselves, politely, if frostily, ignoring your faux pas. In very polite circles, they may attempt to 'cover' your mistake by helping you to re-define it as a matter of taste or personal idiosyncrasy, rather than of fact. Among highly courteous people, the response to your'No, actually, it's quite mild' might be, after a slightly embarrassed pause, 'Oh, perhaps you don't feel the cold - you know, my husband is like that: he always thinks it's mild when I'm shivering and complaining. Maybe women feel the cold more than men, do you think?'

Exceptions to the Agreement Rule

This sort of gracious fudging is possible because the rules of English weather-speak are complex, and there are often exceptions and subtle variations. In the case of the agreement rule, the main variation concerns personal taste or differences in weather-sensitivity. You must always agree with 'factual' statements about the weather (these are almost invariably phrased as questions but, as we have already established, this is because they require a social response, not a rational answer), even when they are quite obviously wrong. You may, however, express personal likes and dislikes that differ from those of your companions, or express your disagreement in terms of personal quirks or sensibilities.

An appropriate response to 'Ooh, isn't it cold?', if you find you really cannot simply agree, would be 'Yes, but I really rather like this sort of weather - quite invigorating, don't you think?' or 'Yes, but you know I don't tend to notice the cold much - this feels quite warm to me'. Note that both of these responses start with an expression of agreement, even though in the second case this is followed by a blatant self-contradiction: 'Yes . . . this feels quite warm to me.' It is perfectly acceptable to contradict oneself in this manner, etiquette being far more important than logic, but if you truly cannot bring yourself to start with the customary 'Yes', this may be replaced by a positive-sounding 'Mmm' accompanied by a nod - still an expression of agreement, but rather less emphatic.

Even better would be the traditional mustn't-grumble response: 'Yes [or Mmm-with-nod], but at least it's not raining.' If you have a liking for cold weather, or do not find it cold, this response virtually guarantees that you and your shivering acquaintance will reach happy agreement. Everyone always agrees that a cold, bright day is preferable to a rainy one - or, at least, it is customary to express this opinion.

The personal taste/sensitivity variation is really more of a modification than an exception to the agreement rule: flat contradiction of a 'factual' statement is still taboo, the basic principle of agreement still applies; it is merely softened by allowing for differences in taste or sensitivity, providing these are explicitly identified as such.

There is, however, one context in which English weather-speakers are not required to observe the agreement rule at all and that is the male-bonding argument, particularly the pub-argument. This factor will come up again and again, and is explained in much more detail in the chapter on pub-talk, but for the moment, the critical point is that in English male-bonding arguments, particularly those conducted in the special environment of the pub, overt and constant disagreement - not just on the weather, but on everything else as well - is a means of expressing friendship and achieving intimacy.

In response to 'Awful weather, isn't it?', you can say 'Yes, but they say it's going to clear up this afternoon.' If your companion is feeling Eeyorish,-^ however, the rejoinder may be 'Yes, well, they said that yesterday and it poured all day, didn't it?', at which point you might as well give up the Pollyanna approach and enjoy a spot of quiet moaning. It doesn't really matter: the point is to communicate, to agree, to have something in common; and shared moaning is just as effective in promoting sociable interaction and social bonding as shared optimism, shared speculation or shared stoicism.

GROOMING-TALK

I described weather-speak in the previous chapter as a form of 'grooming-talk'. Most of the much-vaunted human capacity for complex language is in fact devoted to such talk - the verbal equivalent of picking fleas off each other or mutual back-scratching.

Date: 2015-01-29; view: 1423