REMIND HIM WHY YOU FELL IN LOVE

’ve already discussed that telling your partner you love him when the chips are down is something that, while appreciated, may ring hollow with a man who’s down on his financial luck. But showing him you love him is something wholly different. My parents didn’t have a lot of money, but they made it. And I’ve got news for you: you can make it too. All that history together, all the time you’ve loved each other, is worth preserving. Show him that by reminding him what made him love you in the first place-by focusing on the little unexpected things. Make his favorite meal, hold his hand, send him love notes. Do things as a family that don’t cost money: rent a DVD, make popcorn, and have movie night; spread a blanket on the living room floor and have an indoor picnic; after dinner, take a family walk around the neighborhood; go swing on the swings at the playground; park your car by the airport and watch the planes take off and land; drive to the suburbs and look at the Christmas lights; learn how to play one of his video games, then challenge him to a duel. While you’re out on those impromptu “dates,” take care to enjoy each other’s company. Don’t bother talking about the negative things or the problems. Just take the time to really connect; even if the connection is short-lived, make it count. Encourage him to find solace in you, even on the days when he’d rather find a corner and get really quiet. Building a loving relationship takes work, but keeping that love and romance alive in times of adversity takes hard work. But your relationship is worth it.

. DON’T JUDGE HIMhave to remember that if money is tight, anything you say to him about money is going to amplify the situation in a negative way. A scenario: You come home from a tough day on the job to a mailbox full of bills, and before you can get into the house, the phone rings. It’s the cable company, informing you once again that if you don’t pay the bill, they’re going to shut down service. Now, your man knows the bill is late but you hang up the phone and huff, “The cable bill is due.”his mind, you might as well have said: “They’re about to shut off the cable and if that happens, I won’t be able to watch my shows after a hard day’s work and I’ll be doggone if I’m going to be the one going out here and getting the money and you’re sitting here doing nothing while they take away the one thing I do to relax. You got us into this mess; what are you going to do to get us out of it?”, it doesn’t matter that this isn’t what you intended; it’s about the perceived attitude and tone, which can come across even when you don’t realize you’re doing it. He’s already disappointed in himself, and he’s just biding his time until you show that you’re disappointed in him, too, until you let it be known that he’s failing as a husband, father, and man because he’s not providing for and protecting his family.know the bills are due and so does he; there’s no need to bring it up unless you’ve got something concrete to offer in terms of how to dig yourselves out of the mess in which you’ve found yourselves. Otherwise, your words-whether they were said with attitude or meant as a simple observation-might just have him taking a trip down to the pawn shop, or dialing up a loan shark, or going down to the corner to do some things he has no business doing. All I’m saying is tread lightly.

. FORM A TWO-PERSON CIRCLE’s happening in your bank account-whether good or bad-is your business and your business only. Keep your financial information between the two of you, and share it with no one because believe me, no matter how much-or little-money you have, it’s news to somebody. Tell a girlfriend that you went for the promotion on the job in hopes of earning more money because your man is out of work and “somebody’s gotta do something,” and the next thing you know, your entire world-family, friends, acquaintances, and enemies-will be standing at the ready to use that information against you. All you need to do is consider what happens when someone hits the lottery: as soon as the lottery winner pops up, and they’re on the news with that oversized check, everybody’s got their hands out. And in the instances when they lose all that money, spend it on foolish things, make some bad investments, get taken advantage of by people using and abusing them for their cash, the first thing everybody does is talk about how dumb they were. In other words, people get jealous and use whatever information they have to make you feel bad and themselves feel better. This hardly ever changes. Keep your information to yourself, and no one gets the opportunity to put your business in the street, pass judgment, or make you or your man feel bad about your financial situation.: don’t compare yourself with other couples. People specialize in making outward appearances shimmer; they’re driving the bigger car or living in the fancier house, but chances are that something is probably wrong in their world too. Their car note may be two months behind, or they may be trying to work out a smaller payment on their mortgage loan. They’re fronting and flexing and making you feel inferior for not having what they have, but they may well have problems even worse than yours. Whatever their financial business is, stay out of it and keep yours to yourself.is the advice I had for a listener who wrote into SteveHarvey.com asking for advice on how to handle family members and friends who started asking him for money after he and his wife opened a successful barbershop in their neighborhood. He’d made the mistake of telling a few people at a family get-together that leaving his regular job and starting his own business was the best financial decision he’d ever made-that he was making triple what he did working for someone else. Well, when people started passing that story around and eyeing the brisk business he was doing and seeing his wife driving around town in her new car, people started counting his money and making demands on his bank account. “I make good money, but I don’t make enough to take care of everybody else. I’m just getting on my feet and people don’t understand what it takes to run my business,” he wrote. “How do I get them out of my pockets?”told him to start by keeping his financial business to himself-to stop announcing his financial success at the family barbecues. No one but he and his wife need to know how much he makes, what they do with their money, where they put it, and how much they spend. “Take everyone out of it,” I said. “And if anyone asks, keep the details to yourself, be as up front and clear as you possibly can: tell them your financial business is between you and your wife and that’s that.” And this is how it should be with all couples.YOUR MAN IS THE BREADWINNER…course, there will be some relationships in which everything is fine financially and your man will be earning what he needs for the family while you set about the important work of keeping the house together. Please understand that even if you’re not the primary breadwinner in your home-or a breadwinner at all-you still have power in your relationship. Most men I know give our ladies a lot of credit for holding down the fort. I know I need my wife to function and when I’m onstage performing, I frequently give her and the work she does at home a shout-out. A woman who is at home-I call her a home executive-is an incredibly valuable piece of the pie and has to be respected as such because she tends to things at home that make a man’s life so much easier to handle. For instance, Marjorie is in charge at our house. People are constantly saying to me, “Hats off to you,” because I married a woman with three kids and took them all in as my family, but what she did was no less. She’s accepted my children from my previous marriages as if she gave birth to them herself. She’s opened up our home to my kids and loved them, taken care of them, chastised them when they went astray. She’s helped raise them, and while I’m going about my business, I know my kids are being well cared for and nourished emotionally and otherwise. That’s major. More, I haven’t a clue where the electric bill is, how much the cable costs, what it takes to keep my phone service running, how the groceries get purchased and cooked and set out on the table. Do you understand the peace this creates for a workingman? I can’t put a price on what my wife does for me and our family. And it would be extremely unfair of me to act as if she somehow contributes to less of our financial stability because she isn’t bringing home a check.’re in the twenty-first century, and even women who aren’t working have power in their relationship. A man can’t put a price tag on what it means to return to a peaceful home, night after night, a place that’s clean and full of food, a place with lights and electricity because the bills have been paid on time, a place where the kids are attending school and doing well. That’s priceless. It allows us to flip into man mode and do what we have to do to make sure you and our family are well cared for., however, your man is taking you for granted and isn’t recognizing the value you bring to the relationship, I have some news for you: you can make him recognize it. This is what happened to a friend of mine when he made the mistake of taking his wife for granted. Every day, he would walk through the gate to a yard and house that was in order; nothing was out of place, the kitchen was always clean, the beds were always made, the kids were always fed, clothed, and clean. But he never said “Thank you for what you do” to his wife; he just acted as if this was par for the course.day, he came home and got deep into a conversation on the phone with one of his friends. His wife overheard him telling his friend, “Oh, she’s great-living the life. She doesn’t do anything; she’s got her feet up on the sofa, watching soap operas. She doesn’t do anything all day long. I tell you, she’s got the life.”did he say that for? The next day he came home and walked through the gate and the yard was all messed up; toys were strewn everywhere, bikes were lying in the grass, and sippy cups were out on the steps. He walked into a house where the sink was full of dishes and crayons were spread out across the carpet and tables. The kids were running around like banshees, and there was no dinner on the stove. The first thing out of his mouth was, “What have you been doing all day?”

“I didn’t do a single thing today,” she said simply, “just like you told your friend.” And then she turned back to the television.went on for two weeks, with him coming home to a wreck of a house, no dinner, and kids running all over the place. Let’s just say it didn’t take him long to finally figure out what his wife really does throughout the day, and the value of it. She made it look so simple and easy, but really, her job was just as stressful, just as challenging, and just as valuable as his-albeit in a different way. And when they finally sat down to talk about it, she made clear her value: “What I do may not pay bills, but let me tell you what it does do: it gives you peace, good food, a clean house, well-behaved children, and a place to sit your coffee down and read your newspaper without interruption. If you don’t want that, I can stop doing my job altogether. I don’t mind watching these kids tear up this house.”is all to say that sometimes you have to get a man’s attention to make him recognize your worth. Maybe going about it the way my friend’s wife did is a bit extreme, but there are ways to help him attach value to what you bring to the relationship. One of the easiest ways to make that happen is to write down your “to-do” list with checks next to all the things you’ve done during the course of the day, and then leave it somewhere where he can see it-on the kitchen table, in the bathroom next to his toothbrush, on his nightstand, next to the remote. This will be a nice subtle way of reminding him to respect your game.that doesn’t get his attention, invite him to a sit-down and politely remind him of your value. Ask him if he saw your list, and if he thinks you’re doing a good job. If he’s not a fool, he will wake up and say, “Wow, yeah, what you do around the house is priceless.” Tell him, “You know, I just want to thank you for what you do for this family; we make a fantastic team, right?” I assure you that he will turn around and thank you for a job well done too.you just have to get a man’s attention-pull his coattails a little. We don’t mean any harm, I promise you.know plenty of you are reading this with your finger in the back of your throat, trying to make yourselves gag over what I’m telling women they need to do to make a man comfortable in a challenging financial relationship. But I feel the need to remind you: you have a certain set of skills that we do not possess, and you only serve yourself and your relationship with men better when you call on those skills and put them to use. Use your nurturing and communications skills-if you can use that skill set to get what you need and want out of others, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t put them to use with the person you love most, your mate. With good planning and a bit of luck, he’ll eventually be back up on his feet and out of the fog-ego in check and grateful you hung in there and helped him through the storm. The two of you will be stronger and better for it.

to Get What You Want Out of a Manmother and father were married for sixty-four years.is a simple explanation for the longevity of their marriage.dad, Slick Harvey, recognized that he was not in charge and acted accordingly. This kept a smile on my mother’s face, my father reasonably happy, and the marriage intact. Dad instinctively knew that in order to do what he wanted to do, he’d have to give my mother room to do what she wanted to do, say what she wanted to say, go where she wanted to go, and be who she wanted to be. He did this by practicing, subtly and masterfully, the art of negotiation-the art of the deal.the time my mom announced she wanted to go pick up groceries at Southland Shopping Center, the new outlet of stores across town. She’d read about the opening in the paper and had just finished studying the grocery store circular when she decided she just had to have a carton of the Eagle brand eggs they were selling for thirty-nine cents per dozen at that particular chain. She didn’t have to say it but one time, and my father was pulling on his shoes, coat, and hat and grabbing his keys. Her faithful chauffeur, he would drive her to church on Monday, Tuesday, Friday, and Sunday, as well as take her to the hairdresser when she needed to get her hair done and downtown when she saw a dress she wanted to buy or needed to get us kids some clothes for school. And now, my mother was adding the Southland Shopping Center to her list of shopping haunts.my brother and I didn’t understand, at the tender ages of nineteen and eight, respectively, was why in the world my father wasn’t asking what seemed the most obvious of questions: Why would anybody want to drive all the way across town to buy a dozen eggs at thirty-nine cents a dozen when the grocery store right up the street was selling the same carton of Eagle brand eggs for only twenty cents more? It just didn’t make sense to us, though it was my brother who made the very foolish mistake of expressing his thoughts on the subject.

“I want to go to Southland because they have the eggs I want,” my mother responded.

“But that’s a good fifteen minutes out of the way, and you can get eggs for a reasonable price right down the street,” he argued, with me behind him, nodding my head in agreement.

“I don’t want those eggs down the street-I want the eggs over there at Southland,” she insisted, pulling on her coat and walking toward the door. She was ready to go, and clearly was in no mood for arguing.huffing in disbelief, he looked at my father and kept applying the pressure. “Wait, so let me get this straight: you’re going to burn up all that gas running her across town? And spend two hours messing around in that store when you can get the same food down the street for a little bit more money? What kind of sense does that make?”, my father cut him off. “You through?” he asked, slowly.brother quickly shut his mouth and opened his ears.

“I could run her down to the store and let her get the fifty-nine-cent eggs, but that ain’t what your mama wants. She wants to go over there to Southland, and so I’m going to take her to Southland. And if you don’t shut the hell up, you’re going to take her instead of me.”father waited for my mother to get herself out the door and settled in the car before he continued. “You don’t know nothing about women,” he said, the bass in his voice taking over. “This isn’t about logic, boy. It’s what your mama wants. What will it hurt me to give her what she wants? I’m trying to go down there to the gas station and play pinochle, so if I want to do that, I’m going to run your mother around all day today, take her everywhere she wants to go so I can go where I want to go tonight.”art of the deal.that very day, I learned one of the most important lessons my father could have ever taught me: happy wife, happy life. We men have been conditioned to conduct ourselves as if we run things, but the smart man knows it’s really the woman of the house who sets the tone of the relationship and what goes on in the home. Sure, we know that most women don’t have a problem bragging to their friends, “This is my man, he’s the head of the household.” Most of you will even take our last name and defer to us on some decisions. The idea is that if you do these things, on balance, you’ll get most of what your heart desires. A woman will give a man an honorific as long as he puts her on a pedestal and gives her what she wants. No woman is going to sign up to call a man the head of the household if he’s not acting like one-which encompasses making her feel honored, protected, and respected-and giving her, as I like to say, most of what she needs and a lot of what she wants. But guess what? The same is true for men-if anything, even more so.understand, respect, and live by the art of the deal. Everything for us is an exchange; I’ll give you something if you give me something back. We’ve been cutting deals since we were little boys. “I like that black marble with the orange eye in it,” a friend would say. “I’ll trade you this green marble with the yellow spots, plus throw in a Hank Aaron baseball card if you give it to me, deal?” Go into any lunchroom in any school, USA, and you’ll hear all kinds of deals being struck: “You got Pringles? Say man, I’ll give you two dollars and a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup for those Pringles.” The same thing is happening on the playground after school: “I bet you I can shoot twenty baskets faster than you. I’ll even spot you five points. If I win, you have to give me two packs of Hubba Bubba when I see you tomorrow. Ready?”a deal is standard for us-it fits into our scheme of logic: you give something, you get something in return. That’s the way it goes down for us at work, it’s the way we deal with our siblings and cousins and other family members who consistently tap us for help, and it’s certainly a part of our relationships with our friends. I’m not saying we’re a selfish lot, by any stretch: I think the basic tenet of manhood-particularly for husbands, fathers, and men in committed relationships-is to give without expecting something in return; we provide for and protect our families in ways both big and small because we instinctively know that this is what an honorable man is supposed to do. And we know, too, that often those things will have to be done without expectation of getting anything in return. But I’ll raise my hand high up in the air and cop to this one simple truth: a man is more likely to do things he doesn’t want to do if he’s going to get something out of it.as you can use appreciation to motivate a man to do even more for you and your family (as explained in Chapter 10, “Show Your Appreciation”), you can accomplish the same by recognizing and implementing the principles of deal making in your relationship. It’s very simple: if you want something from your man, offer up something in return. (And no, I’m not talking solely about sex, though you could get most men to wash the dishes, make all the beds, detangle your daughter’s hair, and clean the refrigerator out weekly if they think they’ll get the cookie in return.) Forget asking why you have to wheel and deal to get your husband to do things that women do without prompting. No matter how upset you get about it, no matter how many times you ask for an explanation, it’s the way most of us are hardwired. This is the way men operate. Your job is to exploit this for your own advantage-to figure out how to win within those confines. Trust me on this one: understanding how to negotiate with your man will bring you untold joy. Just ask my wife, Marjorie-the master of the art of the deal in the Harvey household.and I are the parents of seven; she came to our relationship with three of her own and added them to my four. That’s a houseful, no matter how you slice it, no matter how big your heart is, no matter how much time you have on your hands. Being a parent-a good parent-in that situation is daunting sometimes. When I get home, I don’t want to deal with all the household drama, especially within ten minutes of setting foot in the front door. In my mind, I’m screaming, “I get that we need to speak about his grades, which are going in the wrong direction, and I understand that the little one wants to go to a friend’s house for a sleepover and we don’t trust the judgment of the girl’s parents, and I know that the other one wants his friend to come over, which means I’m going to have to have a half-hour conversation with his father, whom I don’t like. But I don’t want to deal with this. I want to sit down, have a cigar, and zone out!” Yet as overwhelmed as I sometimes feel raising these kids, my wife has an even tougher go of it because she’s the caretaker-in-chief of the Harvey household. For every hour I spend out on the road working, she’s making the decisions and calling the shots for everything that goes down in our home. And so if I think caring for the kids is a daunting task, I can barely wrap my head around what it must be like for her, particularly when I’m not around.this, however, doesn’t necessarily move me to action when it comes to dealing with the particulars of child rearing. What gets me on the case is Marjorie’s negotiating skills-her special ability to negotiate. She has nary a problem breaking it down: “Babe, if you spend a little time with the kids while I go shopping, I won’t have a problem with you going golfing tomorrow.”, I’m there to do whatever it is she needs, weighing in on every conversation, disciplining every kid.’s an exchange. I do something I don’t necessarily want to do, she gets the input and resources she needs, and I get a reward in return. She asks, I fulfill the request, we’re both happy. Here’s another example of how Marjorie works the art of the deal: I don’t like musicals. I mean, I can’t stand them. People are up on the stage yabbing about something I care nothing about and then all of a sudden they bust out into singing and dancing? Nope. This is not my idea of a good time., most of the time, Marjorie will gather up a few of her girlfriends and they’ll go enjoy a musical together and then go out for dinner and do what they do when they’re fellowshipping as friends. But on occasion, my wife will request that I attend a play or two with her, even though she knows I’d rather lie in a dentist’s chair and have root canals performed simultaneously on all thirty-two of my teeth. And I will go because Marjorie practices the art of the deal: she will coax me into a suit and into the theater and later for a sushi dinner by promising me that she’ll make it worth my while when we get back home. Let me tell you, I hear that offer and I can make it through anything. I can sit through forty songs in a five-hour play if my wife plants in my mind the image of her saying, “Taa daa!” when we get back to our bedroom later that night. I don’t hear any music, and I can’t tell you a single, solitary thing anyone up on that stage is saying; all I’m focused on is the treat Marjorie will have waiting for me back at the house.when she shows me-not only with the cookie but with genuine expressions of gratitude-that she’s appreciative of my efforts to enjoy her passions, I know I have equity in the bank to enjoy my own hobbies and what little free time I have. If she gives me a moment to disappear into my office to catch a television show or flip through a magazine or just sit and be quiet, I make a point to free up time for Marjorie so that she can go get her nails done or get her hair fixed or go out for drinks with her girlfriends.other words, we’ve used a series of conversations and exchanges to strike deals that make our marriage run more smoothly. I promise you, talking it out and agreeing to make a series of exchanges to get what you want works like a charm but only if you’re willing to have a civil conversation with your partner letting him know exactly what it is that you want. You can’t expect him to intuit what you need, to come in the door and calculate before he’s unknotted his tie that you’ve been in the house with the kids all afternoon, washed two loads of laundry, enrolled Junior in soccer and Missy in ballet, and that you could use, no, you absolutely need some me-time. Have a conversation with your man, tell him what you’re willing to give him in exchange for what you need, strike the deal, and then enjoy the fruits of your labor. The same can be said of two people who come together for more personal, social partnerships. Say, for instance, you and one of your girlfriends decide to throw a little get-together for some of your other friends. Your girlfriend may be better at cooking and organizing the appetizers; you may be the expert at pairing wines with food and mixing up specialty drinks. To have a successful party, each of you has to talk about the kind of party you want to have and whom you’re inviting, and then the two of you have to agree on what you’ll contribute in order for your little get-together to be a success. Now, your girl may not necessarily want to cook all that food by herself, particularly if she’s going to have to do it after a long, hard day’s work. And you may not want to necessarily spend the entire party standing behind the bar, mixing drinks for a bunch of your drunken friends. But you’ll both strike that deal-you’ll provide the drinks if she hooks up the food-because you know that ultimately, your work will contribute to everyone having a fantastic time.time you take your kids to the store, you strike a deal: “If you’re quiet and behave while we’re in the grocery store, I’ll buy you a pack of gum when we get to the checkout.” When you’re at work, you strike deals: “If you gather up the statistics from last year’s report, I’ll plug in the numbers and do the calculations and together, we can present the new report to our manager.” When you’re on your college campus, with the goal of one day walking across that stage, you strike deals: “I’ll help you research your paper and come up with a sound thesis if you help me figure out a better way to understand these math problems.” When you’re at the hairdresser or getting yourself a manicure or a massage, you’re striking a deal: “Get my hair to look like Halle Berry’s or Meg Ryan’s and I’ll give you a nice, fat tip and pass out a stack of your business cards to every woman I know!”, we strike deals all the time-in every little thing we do-with the hope that each partner will leave reasonably satisfied. Why not bring that into your relationship?know most of you don’t want to have sex every night and that all the roles you play during the course of the day-employee, wife, homemaker, caretaker, friend, volunteer, chief boo-boo kisser-wear you out. You all know we don’t want to change diapers and do dishes and read bedtime stories and do everything your way. But in the most successful of unions, partners are willing to change and shift and do things they don’t necessarily want to do in order to work toward the greater good of the relationship.some of you the approach to a deal is a piece of cake. You are the very picture of diplomacy. But some of you have never been called subtle in your life. Start off the conversation in a way that doesn’t put your man on the defensive. You don’t want to start the conversation with him thinking he’s about to be accused of falling down on the job. No guy is going to want to wheel and deal with you if he feels as if he’s having a foot inserted into his behind. You know the saying “It’s easier to catch bees with honey”? Well, nothing could be more true than when a woman is trying to negotiate with her man; no man wants to be blindsided by accusations about what he is and isn’t doing. Besides, doing that will only make him fight or flee. Instead, kick off your talk by flipping it on him: ask him what it is that you could be doing more of to help him. Let him know that you’re happy he’s your man and that you’re his woman, but admit that you’re not perfect and know you could be doing things that would make him happier. I know, I know-you are perfect. But your man doesn’t think you are. He’s just been afraid to tell you. If, however, you open the door to letting him express his true feelings without thinking he’s going to be attacked for it, he’s going to tick off a list of things he’d love to see more of from you-things that you can use in your negotiations. So stay calm, cool, and collected and be ready to accept whatever answer he gives you without having a knee-jerk reaction. He could be looking for more time to himself, more sex, more money in the savings account, more sex, more time to go golfing on the weekends or play basketball with the fellas, more sex. Whatever it is, listen carefully, and with an open mind.then blow his mind: tell him you agree that he should have more-more time to himself, more time with his boys, more time in the bedroom with you-and that you’re willing to give him all those things if he agrees to do a few things for you. Now, you’ll have his undivided attention because he’s going to smell “payoff.” That’s when you can lay on him what you need. Maybe you’d be happier if you had a little more time to yourself, or maybe you need more help with the kids or the housework. Maybe you want him to be better about helping with the morning routine, or being more proactive when it comes to planning and taking you out for date nights. Whatever it is you need, come prepared to talk about it in a nonjudgmental way.he’s given his list and you’ve given yours, you’ve made the exchange. Now, both of you are clear about what you can offer in order to get some of what each of you need-the compromise you’ll be willing to make. That’s when you strike the deal.and I practice this even when we’re on vacation. Just this past spring, we went to Cabo San Lucas in Mexico, just the two of us, so that we could get in some quality time together. But we made very clear to each other that we needed some much-needed me-time, too. Though she can’t stand the smell of them, Marjorie knows how much I enjoy a good cigar; it relaxes me like nothing else can. I pull the cigar smoke into my mouth and hold it right there while I breathe in and out, careful not to let the smoke go down into my lungs. And then I blow it out and take another puff. If it’s a fine cigar-one that’s not bitter, that has a smooth taste-I’m satisfied, happy. Knowing this, Marjorie kept my cigars ordered and made sure that I had plenty on hand so that I could be fully relaxed. In exchange, I made sure she had strawberries and her favorite drink replenished every time she got low, because that fruit and drink relaxed her. We both made a deal, too, to give each other space; she gave me the okay to go golfing, and in exchange, I let her spend a day by herself at the spa. When we came back together our time was enhanced, electric. In other words, we had the conversation, we made the exchange, we struck the deals, and we saw big-time results in our relationship.don’t have to go to Cabo, order up expensive cigars, or keep fancy drinks flowing to get what you need from your man. All you have to do is practice the art of the deal, negotiate diplomatically. Take some cues from these specific discussions to help kick off some important deals of your own.#1CONVERSATION: You know honey, I get that you’re not a fan of reading bedtime stories to the kids and tucking them in. After a long day of doing so much for everyone else-dealing with the boss, taking that long ride home, running to the grocery store to pick up the milk-it’s hard to come home and do anything but fall into the most comfortable chair you can find and zone out. I totally get that. At the same time, I wish there were a way for me to take a quiet bath in the evening, even if it’s just for a couple nights during the week, just so that I could unwind from my long days at work, the commute, dinner prep, and homework assistance.EXCHANGE: If you take over the bedtime routine with the kids for two nights a week-get them into their pajamas, read them a story, and tuck them into bed-I can run some bathwater and light some candles and have myself a glass of wine and relax. I can do the same for you on the other nights when you come in from work, so that you can enjoy some quiet time by yourself before you turn in for the evening.DEAL: The more time I get to unwind and relax and get in some quiet time without having to get the kids down, the higher the chances that I’ll be in the mood to spend some quality time with you.RESULT: You’ll get a break from the kids; your husband will get more cookie.#2CONVERSATION: Babe, we spend an awful lot of time with each other yet when we have time with our friends, we come back renewed from that time and look forward to each other’s company. Wouldn’t it be nice if we got to bond with the other people in our lives that we love? You know the saying: Absence makes the heart grown fonder.EXCHANGE: If you let me go out with my girls on one Friday night out of the month, I’ll let you hang with your boys one Saturday night out of the month, and on Sundays, we can spend quality time together-just me and you.DEAL: The more time each of us gets to spend bonding with our friends and finding some joy away from each other, the more we’ll be able to connect when we come back together again.RESULT: The two of you will ultimately enjoy spending time together.#3CONVERSATION: You know, we spend so much of our money on bills and the mortgage and the car notes and all the other things we have to pay to keep our lives running, we don’t have anything left over for ourselves. Wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy the fruits of our labor every once in a while?EXCHANGE: If I focus on paying off one of our credit cards, and you take your lunch to work more often and take the train to the city instead of driving our gas guzzler to work, we could save a good three hundred dollars a month in food expenses and credit card bill interest.DEAL: We can divvy up the savings-a quarter of it you can spend the way you see fit; a quarter of it I can spend on anything I want, and we can save the rest to get something special for the two of us.RESULT: Both of you get a little extra spending money in your separate accounts, and get to work together toward a mutual goal.? Everybody wins. Keep this one thing in mind, though: you can’t strike the deal and renege. We men are sticklers for the “but you said you would” demands, so you cannot walk away having gotten what you wanted without giving him what he wants. Of course, the same is true for us men. In order for the deal to work, both parties have to hold up their end of the bargain; there must be accountability. This is where your standards and requirements-the ones I wrote about in Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man-come into play. Just like you did when you were dating and letting your man know up front what you wanted, needed, and expected out of your relationship, all the things that you required of a man in order for him to win your time, attention, and affection, you will have to require your man to live up to the agreement he’s made. You can’t let him put the kids to bed a couple days every week for three weeks, and sit passively back as he cuts back to once a week for the next two weeks, and then stops helping with the kids’ routine altogether, while you’re still pulling out the Saturday night bells and whistles and the monkey show on a Tuesday. No monkeys need to be coming out unless he keeps up the end of the deal he struck. Otherwise, you’ll both be right back to the frustration you were feeling before you learned to negotiate.deserve better.Ladies Only…the Art of the Deal to Maintain Standards and Requirements in a Relationship the beginning of your relationship, you weren’t passing out the cookie to a man who wasn’t treating you right; you gave it to him based on his meeting your standards and requirements and doing nice things for you. But as you get deeper into the relationship, your man will slowly pull back on the tactics, treats, and attention he used to win you over. It’s just what we do; capturing you was hard work and once we have you, we get comfortable putting in less work on the romantic side of things because we’re busy providing for and protecting you and we soon find out that even if we don’t break a sweat meeting your standards and requirements in the bedroom, you don’t usually complain. You give based on your emotions, not your mate’s actions. And so he chills. He’s not rubbing your feet anymore and he hasn’t licked your back since 1979, but he’s still over there requiring you give him your all-and that leads to frustration, chiefly, yours.do you get him back on board? Talk. Men are not mind readers, and we will continue on as is if you don’t tap us on the shoulder and make clear what you want-just like you did when we first approached you. You simply cannot afford to let your guard down if you want to be happy. Open the conversation with a compliment; tell him in a sexy, sly way that you appreciate what he’s doing-holding down the family, bringing home the bacon, being a strong man for you and yours. But then toss in the honesty: tell him you really miss the things he used to do to you that drove you up and down the wall. Reminisce a little-remind him of that time you swung from the chandeliers, and the time you arrived home to rose petals on the bed, and the hot times you used to have in the hotel during your quick, romantic getaways. I promise you, he will be all ears during this conversation. Getting good cookie, after all, is our favorite subject. We hear, “Hmm-she’s talking about me driving her up the wall-it must be about to happen this evening. Yes!” And he’ll start thinking about what he can do to make you feel that way again.the deal by telling him what you would love to show him in exchange for getting some of that spark back. Now, he’s saying to himself, “If I do this, I’ll get that. Where do I sign?” It’s the reward system-works every time, even in the romance side of your life. You can’t walk into this thing saying, “You don’t hold me anymore, you don’t look at me like you did before!” because what you’ll get back is, “Oh yeah? Well, you’re only half cooking, you haven’t worn a thong in twenty years, and all your underwear has lint balls on it. Who wants a part of that?”is my way of saying, use your feminine wiles in a way that benefits you, even after you’ve got him.IV. Questions and CommandmentsAct Like a Lady, Think Like a Man was published, I traveled all across the country talking to women about the ways of men, and at each event, I invited my audience to submit the burning questions they have about the opposite sex. Here, I give quick and candid answers to the queries that repeatedly found their way into the mix.

. DO MEN BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?: Yes, we do believe in love at first sight, but it’s based purely on the sight. We’re just in love with what we see initially. But that love can easily go away-you can start out winning and slowly lose this guy once he gets to know you. He may decide in his mind you don’t sound like you look, you don’t think like you look, you don’t act like you look, and you don’t have what you look like you have. That’s what kills the romance. False advertisement. And sometimes, we just change our minds about it, and it’s no fault of your own.

. WHAT ARE THE TOP TEN PLACES TO MEET MEN?: I can’t tell you that because there is no one set place. You can meet a man anywhere. I knew a man who married the woman he rear-ended in a car accident. I know another man who married his divorce lawyer. Another one of my friends remarried his first wife, and another one married the woman his son was dating. You can meet and fall in love with anyone anywhere, and it’s ridiculous to limit yourself to a few places. This is why I say in the “Presentation Is Everything” chapter that you have to be prepared; if you’re going to the ice cream store, the Laundromat, the hospital, the park, the gym, there might be a man there just for you. Be open to anything, anywhere.

. IS IT A TURNOFF FOR MEN TO DATE DIVORCED WOMEN?: No. Nothing is a turnoff if we’re attracted to you. No matter what, if he likes you, he’s going to approach you and see where the encounter leads.

. WHAT DO MEN NEED AFTER MARRIAGE TO STAY SEXUALLY INTERESTED?: We need variety and spontaneity. There isn’t a guy living who doesn’t like that. If you don’t know this about your man, it’s because he hasn’t told you yet. But keep doing the same thing and you’ll see how that affects your love life. Wouldn’t you be bored if, after years of being together, your man was still bringing the same flowers and playing the same songs and saying the same things he brought, played, and said when he first met you? Wouldn’t you just love it if, out of the blue, he did something different and special for you? Well, men are no different. If you want to get him sexually interested, toss a sombrero, some high heels, and roses on the nightstand and scribble the words, “Anywhere, Anytime” on a piece of paper. That’ll get him interested, I promise you that. Meet him in the garage and get something going before he even gets out of his car. Get in some loving in a store’s dressing room. Just be different. He’ll respond every time.

. WHEN A MAN SAYS “IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME” OR “I’M NOT READY FOR YOU” AS AN EXCUSE FOR BREAKING OFF A RELATIONSHIP, IS HE JUST SPORT FISHING?: Not necessarily. Sometimes a guy is being honest. Sometimes he’s not willing or simply cannot give you what you want, and honorable guys will tell women that. If he says, “I’m not for you, you deserve better,” take his words as a blessing. Some women stay there, trying to force the issue, or continue to invest in a man who’s clearly told her he’s not ready for a serious relationship. Obviously, you can’t be committed to making the relationship work by yourself. So be smart about it: thank him, tell him you appreciate his honesty, and go on about your business.

. FOR SINGLE MOTHERS RAISING BOYS, WHAT IS THE NUMBER ONE THING WE CAN TEACH THEM TO HELP THEM FORM HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?: Avoid sharing with your young sons the reasons you and your man aren’t together. Doing this accomplishes little more than dumping information onto a person who is too young to process it. Instead, talk to him constantly about how you like to be treated-what makes you feel good as a woman and a mother. He’ll remember that you like to have doors opened for you, chairs pulled out, a person who listens respectfully when you’re talking, and who tells the truth when he’s asked questions-all things big and small that he’ll need to remember and practice when he gets into his own relationships with women. The best thing you can do for your sons, though, is get them strong male role models they can emulate-men who can supplement the incredible job single moms everywhere are doing with their boys.

. WHY DO MEN CONTINUE TO LIE, EVEN AFTER THEY’VE BEEN CAUGHT AND CONFRONTED, AND ESPECIALLY WHEN THE TRUTH WILL DO?: Because we know the truth will absolutely not do anything for us except get us deeper into trouble and hurt your feelings more. What you need to understand is that sometimes that lie, that withholding of all the information, is his way of protecting you from getting more mad, scornful, and resentful than you already are when you suspect we’ve done something wrong. Our lie, in effect, is really about damage control; we’re not giving the whole truth because doing so would add more fuel to the fire. You’re already fired up with the information you have. It doesn’t make sense to give you more information. No man is going to do that. Feel how you want to feel about it, but really, he’s trying to have some decency about his mess. You may know about three indiscretions, but do you think he’s really going to disclose to you that there were thirty more? No way. Because your response will only intensify. We’re sparing your feelings and keeping ourselves out of deeper trouble.

. WHY DO MEN STOP CALLING WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATION FOR WHY THEY’RE NOT COMMUNICATING ANYMORE?: Because we’re done. You need closure, but men don’t; we just need it to be over. We don’t need to know why it didn’t work, we don’t want to consider trying it again; we don’t question the rationale behind our decision. We didn’t like talking while we were together; we’re not about to become the Great Communicator now that we’ve broken up. So women would do themselves well to let it go. It’s over-move on.

. WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMFORTABLE SHOWING THEIR FEELINGS?: Because from boyhood through our journey to manhood, we were never taught to express our feelings. Our parents, our extended families, our teachers, our friends-everyone tells boys not to emote like girls, to be men, to stop all that crying. We are raised to hold in and hide our emotions. And so we learn to be silent and keep our emotions in check. Once we get into a relationship with a woman we’re deficient in the art of communicating with women because we’ve never been expressive in our lives. Women learn and express themselves differently; you get to walk together with your girls arm in arm, you dance together at the club, you hug each other, touch each other’s faces while you’re talking. We’re not touching any man’s face or kissing him on the cheek. We are taught the exact opposite all our lives and we grow comfortable with it. And honestly, I don’t think you need to break that pattern with your man. You can’t sit around the house crying with your man. You know as well as I do that the moment he started bawling, you’d be on the phone with your girls, saying, “This man is crying harder than I am!” You want your man to be a man and we can’t be touchy-feely with our emotions when we’re charged with manning up for the family. It’s a skill set you need your man to have.

. HOW DO I GET MY MAN TO BE MORE SPONTANEOUS?: By giving him a reason to be spontaneous. It’s very simple: if there is a reward in it, we’ll do it. This is nothing new. When we’re good students, we want the gold star; when we’re in a race, we want a gold medal; when we get a promotion, we want a raise. Why in the world would we give up the reward system in a relationship? As I wrote in the Chapter 12, “The Art of the Deal,” if you make a promise in exchange for that spontaneity, we’ll give you spontaneity all damn day. And know that there is only one payoff: we don’t want a pack of socks or underwear or a hand-drawn bath full of rose petals or a cash advance. All we want is some cookie. Give that to us and you’re golden.

. DO MEN PREFER SEX WITH NEW PARTNERS OVER SEX WITH WOMEN WITH WHOM THEY’VE HAD A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP?: We can get new sex from the woman with whom we’re in a long-term relationship. Variety is the spice of life. Take that short answer and pack it wherever you want to pack it.

. WHY DON’T MEN LIKE PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION-HOLDING HANDS, KISSING, AND SO ON?: That’s not true at all. I hold my wife’s hand everywhere I go and kiss her in restaurants all the time. If your man doesn’t want to do that, maybe he doesn’t like holding your hand or kissing you. Maybe he doesn’t want anyone-his wife, his girlfriend, prospective love interests-to know you’re together. If you want him to be more affectionate in public, take his hand, kiss him when the mood suits you (and it’s appropriate), and hug him when you need one. If he cares about you, he’ll return the affection, no matter who is watching.

. IF A MAN BRINGS ME AROUND HIS FRIENDS, DOES THAT MEAN HE’S REALLY INTO ME?: It could be, but it’s a sure sign that he’s not into you if you don’t ever get around his friends. If he’s not proud of you or wants to keep what he has with you under wraps, he won’t ever bring you around his boys.

. WHAT MAKES MEN HAPPY?: Cookie.

. WHAT IS A MAN’S IDEA OF A GOOD WOMAN?: Well, it varies from man to man. Some men want a woman who is working and contributing financially to the relationship. Some men want women to stay home and raise the family. Some men want someone who is stunning and supersmart. But at the end of the day, we all want and need the same thing out of our woman, no matter how much she’s willing to contribute to the bank account, do around the house, or dress up to make herself look superattractive: men have to have a woman who is loyal, supportive, and willing to give us cookie on a regular basis. If you’re missing any one of those things, then you’re not going to be a good woman for any man.

. WHAT ARE THE TOP THINGS MEN LOOK FOR TO DETERMINE IF YOU’RE MARRIAGE MATERIAL?: First, let me put this out there: you’re never going to be marriage material to everybody. Please take that pressure off yourself. You’re only going to be marriage material to the man who is looking for you. If you are fulfilling his requirements, you become marriage material. But if that guy isn’t looking to you for a long-term relationship, it doesn’t matter how much cooking and cleaning you do, how good the sex is, or how much intelligence, money, and know-how you bring to the table, he’s not going to propose. I can tell you that the women who are marriage material all have one thing in common, though: they all require that they be married. I don’t know a single woman who just surprisingly got married-like, “Oh, how did this happen?” The way and day he proposes may be a surprise, but you knew the day would come because you made it a requirement.

. WHY DO MEN BECOME SUCH A BORE AFTER MARRIAGE? : Often it’s because you have started accepting the same old thing, and so he has no reason to do anything exciting anymore. Put that reward system in place and you’ll get all manner of excitement pumped back into your relationship. Want to go out to dinner more? Say so. Want to go to more concerts or long walks in the park? Tell him. Then reward him when he does these things for you.

. ARE MEN TURNED OFF BY A WOMAN WHO SPENDS A LOT OF TIME PURSUING HER CAREER AND FOCUSING ON HER KIDS?: No, they are not. And you should never stop pushing yourself or taking proper care of your kids to please any man. If you’re going to work to take care of your bills and you are involved in your kids’ education and extracurricular activities, if you’re working hard to build a good life for them, why, it would be irrational to stop doing these things for a man’s benefit. That’s just foolish. A real man who meets an attractive woman who isn’t doing these things will want nothing to do with her. And you should reject any man who has a problem with you doing what you’re supposed to do to take care of yourself and your family.

. HOW DO MEN FEEL ABOUT ONLINE DATING?: It depends on the man, just like it does the woman. But it’s really starting to be nearly unavoidable because technology is such a valuable and pervasive tool in people’s lives. I believe you can save yourselves a lot of time and pain if you get online and talk to a guy before you meet him in person; you can learn a lot before you waste your time with time-consuming dates. And don’t underestimate the power of Google and sites like Free ID Search. All of these, in conjunction with online dating, are smart ways to connect with the opposite sex and really get to know whom you’re dealing with before you meet them in person.

. WHAT ARE SOME GOOD TIPS FOR FINDING LOVE ONLINE? DO THE SAME RULES APPLY?: The rules are the same. You have to take your time, you have to get to know a person, you have to ask the right questions, you have to dig until you know the truth, and you have to be careful. And, most important, you have to remember that it’s not what they say, it’s what they do, even if it’s online.

. DO MEN THINK IT’S ACCEPTABLE TO DATE THEIR FRIEND’S EX?: Most men consider this taboo. Does it happen? Sure. But most men know this is a line you don’t want to cross with a true friend because, in our eyes, you will always be his girl and we don’t ever start something with our friend’s woman. You’re virtually guaranteed to get your feelings hurt when you do that.

. HOW DO MEN FEEL ABOUT LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS? DO THEY WORK FOR MEN?: They can work if the man wants to make it work. The number one challenge is trust: Is he who he really says he is and is he doing what he says he’s doing? There’s not a whole lot of ways to check up on that. What the two of you have to do is determine if you can work on coming together and, in the meantime, set standards and rules that will work for both of you. But be clear: there aren’t a lot of ways to check up on him when he’s not living near you. Don’t be naive about it: Is he sitting around twiddling his thumbs, waiting for the next time he sees you? Or is someone providing him a bit of satisfaction while he waits for you?

. HOW DO MEN GET OVER GETTING HURT IN RELATIONSHIPS?: For the most part, we move on. We go get somebody else. Are we scarred? Sure, but we’ll go forward, scarred, beat up, teeth cracked, bones broken. We have a moment of pause, a moment of regret, and then we get over it the best way we know how: by finding someone else. We understand very clearly that the best way to get over the last relationship is to start something cracking with someone new. We understand that life goes on.

. DOES AGE REALLY MATTER TO MEN?: If it’s a guy who’s younger debating about whether he should see an older woman, age matters. We’re trying to determine what she’s going to look like in ten years, what we’ll be able to enjoy together, and if she’s going to age well. In reverse, age really matters, as well. Once you’re a grown adult male, you’re conscious about how young a woman is. If a man has his act together and is mature, he’s not looking for someone to raise. He wants someone who is already grown. Really, though, the difference in age range that a man finds acceptable is really up to him.

. HOW DO MEN FEEL ABOUT WOMEN GOING THROUGH THEIR PHONES AND USING OTHER INVESTIGATIVE TACTICS TO FIGURE OUT IF THEIR MAN IS BEING TRUE?: Your man will hate you.

. IF A MAN TELLS YOU HE NEEDS A “BREAK,” DOES THAT MEAN YOU’RE BROKEN UP FOR GOOD?: That’s the biggest warning sign a man can give. When you hear that, wave the white flag, grab the kids, and get to your mama’s house because what he’s just done is broken it to you softly. He’s telling you he’s going to stop calling you, he doesn’t want to see you, and he’s taking a break from sex-with you. He’s tired of you. That’s the warning shot that the end is here-that he’s going on with his life. And you should too.

. HOW DO GUYS FEEL ABOUT “HINTS” FROM WOMEN WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO THEM?: We’re cool with the hints and with direct flirting, too. The only time we don’t like it is when we’re not interested.

. DO MEN TREAT FRIENDS WHO BECOME LOVE INTERESTS THE SAME WAY AS THEY DO STRANGERS WHO BECOME LOVE INTERESTS?: Look, the only reason you were friends in the first place was because he didn’t think there was any chance of your relationship developing romantically. Know that he’s been eyeballing you from day one; no man is looking to be just a friend. He wanted you from the start. He settled for friendship because he didn’t think you would have him otherwise. The moment you let him be more than that, a line has been crossed and all bets are off if it doesn’t work out between the two of you-unless, of course, you both agree that it’s better for the two of you to go back to being friends. But it won’t be easy to go back to that space once you cross the line and become lovers.

. ARE MEN INFLUENCED BY FRIENDS WHEN IT COMES TO COMMITMENT?: Yes, absolutely. If you’re a guy in a serious relationship and all your friends are single, wilding out, and sport fishing (see the glossary), when you hang out with them, association brings on participation. After a while, it’s hard to behave. But this works in reverse, too: if all your friends are in committed relationships and you’re the one wilding out, you at least try not to do wrong when you’re with them. That’s the case with my circle of friends: my four buddies I travel with are committed in their relationships and the single men who play around know that when they come around us, they have to shut down or hide the craziness.

. DO MEN LIKE ROMANCE? WHAT DO THEY FIND ROMANTIC?: Yes, men like romance and men will continue to be romantic once it’s required of them. Just know, though, that romance for us usually means it’s going to lead to something. I’m sorry-that’s the way we think. We have to be reminded, sometimes, that cuddling is just that, cuddling. When a woman is romancing a man, we’re always going to think, “Okay, here’s another shot at getting some cookie.” Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don’t, but we’re working on a different mechanism, here. We’re thinking: “She’s being romantic for a reason.” Is that right or fair? No. But that’s the way we think. So be romantic at your own peril.

. CAN MEN CONTINUE TO BE FRIENDS WITH AN EX WITHOUT BEING SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO HER?: Yes, we can be just friends with her. Most divorces end up kind of rough, and there’s often genuine hatred between the two. But we can move past the hate and be cordial with the ex and not be sexually attracted to her, for sure. If the ex is someone we dated, however, it can be a little more tricky, especially if a man is in a committed relationship. Under those circumstances, I don’t recommend being friends with the ex. No one erases all the memories, so hanging around someone with whom you’ve been intimate can be akin to playing with fire. You know what men are after, and you know if a man has had it once before, it’s hard for him to walk away from it if it’s being offered again. I’m not suggesting that men don’t have the willpower to be faithful, but I do think it’s just better for everyone involved to keep the distance.

. DO MEN GET AS BOTHERED AS WOMEN DO WHEN WE FORGET BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, AND SO ON?: We won’t let our displeasure be seen, but when important moments are forgotten, we do get hurt. We want to be celebrated just as you do.

. IF A MAN TEXTS YOU CONSISTENTLY, DOES THAT MEAN HE’S INTO YOU?: It means nothing. That same text can be sent to a bunch of women at the same time and he can forward it to a half dozen more. A man shows he’s “into” you by communicating with you in traditional ways-via a phone call, an in-person talk, a date. Text messages don’t cut it. Men who are interested in you want to be in your space, see your face.

. WHY ARE MEN SO PICKY?: Aren’t you picky when it comes to men? See, here’s what we’re not about to do: we’re not changing our standards. The moment you’re not keeping it up, the moment you’re not pulling your weight, the moment you don’t fit into what we’re looking for, we’re pulling up stakes. We want what we want and we’re not going to “settle” for a wife. You all would do well to take a page from men and stop compromising your standards and get exactly what you want in the man you deserve as well.the Men… Ten Commandments to Pleasing a Woman

. Thou Shalt Give Her Free Time.the time for her to be able to take a class or pursue a hobby that she’s been putting off because she’s too busy with work and the kids to spend quality time doing something she loves.

. Thou Shalt Remember the Small Things.her back and feet, run her bathwater and give her quality “alone time,” without obligation to give you some cookie for your troubles.

. Thou Shalt Consistently Find New Ways to Say I Love You.notes go a long way. Slip one in her wallet, briefcase, or lunch bag just because; she’ll appreciate that you were thinking about her and told her you love her without prompting.

. Thou Shalt Chip In.the dishes, do a load of laundry, clean the bathroom, or do some other chore she usually handles. If you can’t or don’t want to handle it yourself, hire someone to do it for you. That’ll be one less thing she’ll have to do, and she’ll be grateful for the help.

. Thou Shalt Help with the Kids.to put them to bed a couple nights a week or run them to their extracurricular activities. She could probably use the help.

. Thou Shalt Embrace the Art of Foreplay.candlelight and soft music used to get her in a romantic mood but you haven’t used either of them in years, get back to romancing her. She’ll appreciate the effort and respond in kind.

. Thou Shalt Respect Her Schedule., you should be able to get in a little overtime at work or go for a three-day golf weekend with the guys without being hassled about it, but it’s better for everyone involved if you coordinate your schedule with hers instead of assuming that she will just handle the house, the kids, and whatever else is coming the family’s way while you’re out having a good time.

. Thou Shalt Send Her Roses, Just Because.’t wait for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays to shower her with the things she loves. A simple bouquet of flowers or a pack of her favorite candy is a kind gesture that will show her you were thinking about her.

. Thou Shalt Remember the Golden Rule.can be happy or you can be right.

. Thou Shalt Always Take Her Side.course, your mother taught you that she’s always right. The woman you sleep with at night must feel like you’ve got her back, no matter who she’s going up against. She’ll give you that same support, too.of Steve’s TermsDRIVES MEN:they are (title), what they do (job, career), and what they make.THREE PS:three distinct ways men show their love to their mates-by providing, professing (telling a woman and everyone she knows that she is his girlfriend/lady/wife), and protecting.COOKIE:.THREE THINGS EVERY MAN NEEDS:, loyalty, and the cookie.NINETY-DAY RULE:probationary period in which a woman forgos having sex with a man until she figures out whether he’s really into her and what his intentions are for the relationship.HAVE TO TALK:four scariest words a man will ever hear.IT MODE:men forgo talking, pondering, and mulling over a problem and instead figure out what the problem is and do what it takes to make the problem go away with as little drama as possible.:party girl who has no rules, requirements, or respect for herself and doesn’t make any demands on prospective suitors, or a woman who is clueless about how to deal with men.FISHING:a man dates a woman knowing that he has no intention of making any long-term commitments with her.:who have standards and requirements for their relationships, carry themselves with respect, and demand potential suitors treat them with respect.AND REQUIREMENTS:expectations women have and the rules they set for potential mates interested in dating them.FIVE QUESTIONS:every woman should ask a man to determine what he wants out of his life and his relationship with her. They ultimately help women determine right away what values a man has and how she fits into his plans. The questions include: What are your short-term goals? What are your long-term goals? What are your views on relationships? What do you think about me? and How do you feel about me?would like to pay a debt of gratitude to some amazingly helpful people. My editor and publisher, Dawn Davis, somehow believed I could write a book in the first place… and then backed up that belief with a work ethic I’ve seen only a few times in my life. Jill Jamison, a new hire with invaluable insight, sat in every single writing session to help form my focus group. A special thanks to Shirley Strawberry, who, with her inquisitive nature and relentless q

Date: 2015-01-02; view: 762