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Leafs lose in debut by Phil Kessel

By Herald Wire Services
Wednesday, November 4, 2009 - Added 5d 7h ago

 

Ryan Malone scored at 2:21 of overtime last night, giving the Tampa Bay Lightning a 2-1 victory in Toronto and spoiling the Maple Leafs debut of Phil Kessel [stats].

Kessel received a loud ovation each time he touched the puck. Acquired by the Maple Leafs in a September trade with the Bruins [team stats] for two first-round picks and a second-round selection, he had been sidelined while recovering from offseason shoulder surgery. The speedy 22-year-old looked strong on the puck and showed no fear going into the corners when he had to.

Kessel, who signed a $27 million, five-year deal after he was acquired, took Jiri Tlusty’s spot in the lineup. The winger was not-so-warmly welcomed back into action by Lightning defenseman Mattias Ohlund, who rocked Kessel after catching him with his head down at the Tampa Bay blue line.

Malone tapped in an awkward shot that bounced over Toronto goalie Jonas Gustavsson (30 saves) moments after John Mitchell nearly won it for the Maple Leafs on a pretty rush.

Vincent Lecavalier also scored for the Lightning, who won their first road game of the season (1-4-1).

Ian White replied for the Maple Leafs, who have lost four straight games in extra time and remained winless at home (0-4-2).

White tied it at 5:04 of the third period, when his shot from the slot slipped past Antero Niittymaki (40 saves) on a power play. The Maple Leafs wasted their first six opportunities, including a two-man edge for 49 seconds early in the second and another in the final minutes.

It was the 12th time in 13 games the Maple Leafs surrendered the first goal.

Penguins 4, Ducks 3- Pascal Dupuis scored the go-ahead goal with 10:47 to play, and Pittsburgh beat Anaheim to tie an NHL record with its seventh straight road victory to open the season.

Marc-Andre Fleury made 26 saves for the Penguins, who matched the seven season-opening road victories of the 1940 Toronto Maple Leafs, the 1985 Philadelphia Flyers and the 2005 Detroit Red Wings. New Jersey also is 7-0 on the road so far this season.

Canucks 4, Rangers 1- Rick Rypien scored the go-ahead goal 8:48 into the third period to lift host Vancouver over New York.

Thrashers 5, Canadiens 4- Colby Armstrong scored the go-ahead goal 13:14 into the third period and Atlanta earned its first regulation win in Montreal in more than five years.

Elsewhere in the NHL- Washington Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau is hoping that superstar forward Alex Ovechkin won’t be sidelined more than two weeks with an upper-body strain. Ovechkin was more optimistic, saying maybe he’ll come back this weekend.

From www.bostonherald.com

London Underground

London Underground is an addictive live role-playing game played by millions of Londoners every day beneath the streets of London. For the price of a single-journey ticket, "commuters" (as game participants are called) are armed with a laser gun and a truncheon. The aim of the game is to battle your way through the crowds of commuters to get to Mornington Crescent.



Various spanners are thrown in the works by the managers in order to make the game more difficult and challenging for the role-player. These include:

Trains breaking down in the middle of tunnels.

Trains coming anywhere up to half an hour late, with no explanation or apology.

Fines for having the wrong ticket.

Unhelpful and occasionally abusive "station attendants".

Poisonous air with little oxygen.

Police officers who want to shoot you for looking a bit dodgy.

Ungrateful transit employees going on strike and shutting the place down because they feel they are not paid enough to sit on their arse all day.

A high likelihood of either being stabbed or having everything in your pockets stolen within minutes.

Tramps urinating on your shoes

Churchill bulldog licking the train tracks

Chavs attacking with hair gel

Giant were-cockneys

Other fucking pointless londoners

Muslims trying to blow things up.

The acrid smell of hunderds of fetid, sweaty, geasy, miserable, unhelpful cunts.

A recent survey by the mental health charity MIND concluded that the live-action game was immoral in that it bullies its players with such tactics and creates increased psychological stress, aggression and even mental breakdowns. They recommended that the game be banned on mental health grounds. A government health watchdog also said that chest and bronchial problems amongst Londoners had increased ten-fold since the introduction of the game, and recommended that tunnels be cleaned up "to prevent a potential public health catastrophe". London Underground was unavailable for comment as their media spokesman's train had broken down, and their deputy commissioner had been taken to hospital suffering from chest spasms. But, on the otherhand, all those affected people live in london, so its not like they are important.

Due to the understandable high levels of suicide committed on the London Underground every day, London Underground Limited decided to install parts of the Jubilee Line woth automatic doors on the platforms. This decision was made to make it harder for those playing the game of the London Underground to end the game prematurely out of frustration. While this intended to prevent suicides by electrocution or being hit by a train, there has since been an unintended side-effect of severing the heads of passengers while these automatic doors close. Sadly, the majority of the suicidal population have yet to notice this.

Mind the Gap

~ That annoying voice on Minding the Gap

This announcement is actually a mis-representation of a problem that dates back to 1902 when Space Bats took up residence in the newly constructed tunnels. The dark, cold, lifeless atmosphere was similar to their native habitat that a large colony formed. As the trains passed through the tunnels they would dislodge or disrupt the colony, causing normally a single bat to fly out onto the station platforms. Coming out of the dark into the light they were often angry, upset and hungry, they were greeted by the platform announcer crying:

Mind the Bat!

~ The original announcement in 1902

Like so many traditions in London, this stayed in place long after its usefulness was gone (see Houses of Parliment)

Together with the famous and repeptitive:

Mind the Doors, mind the closing doors, stand clear clear of the closing doors.

~ These annoying platform operators on Closing Doors

The seven circles of hell are;

Circle line from Earls Court to Earls Court

Bakerloo line from Sarf London to Harrow

District line from Wimbleton to Up-minister

Northern line from Modern to Old Fashioned

Victorian line from Brixton(!) to Walthamstow(!!)

Metroland line from Aldgate to Chesham

Central line from Heathrow to Epping

At a couple of points the tube system crosses the river to South London. This was a mistake on the part of the designers. The stations south of the Thames are scheduled for demolition soon.

The above 7 lines have no ventilation, as the carriages were originally made for the Necropolis line to take dead bodies from London to Woking. Travellers are advised to take a deep breath upon entering the trains, as no fresh air will be available until you reach street level again. Patrons are also advised that the average temperature inside the carriages is 93 degrees even in winter, so take a plentiful supply of water, a portable shower and something to eat. If the train gets stuck at any point, 'Tube Lube' is used to free the giant phallic thing from the hole. Or just having sex really.

 


Date: 2016-01-05; view: 844


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