This is an excellent essay, your arguments are convincing and very well presented. There are only a few minor mistakes, read and consider the comments. Very well done!
15 Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons.
Most of the firms (Most firms. Do not use a definitive “the firms”), organization and companies as well as governments make restrictions to smoke (on smoking) in work places and public amenities respectively. It has become fashionable in the world today to blame smoking (You should explain the statement and say to blame smoking for many illnesses of something else). However, although (overuse of linking words- use just one, However or Although) I feel that smoking can be harmful, but I don’t think it should be forbidden completely. I would also argue that people should have the right (right to decide) whether they smoke or not.
Let me deal with the three positive sides of smoking. Firstly, smoking certainly helps many people to relax. For some, it even improves concentration. If someone is upset owing to debt (about owing money) or they have an exam, like (they may like) to smoke to reduce the pressure or tension. Most of the (Many) people like to smoke when they are relaxing with friends. Secondly, governments throughout the world make huge profits from taxes on cigarettes. The income obtained from taxes provide funds which are used for building school, hospital (schools, hospitals- use plural form) and public places such as parks, gardens, sports ground and foot paths. Thirdly, tobacco industry also employs tens of thousands of people all over the world, particularly in poorer countries like Zimbabwe or India. Without cigarettes, these people would have no jobs.
Despite these positive effects, there are lots of negative effects of smoking too. Initially, smoking has been proven to be too dangerous for health. As one (One) cigarette contains more than 4000 chemical substances, therefore, it causes for many (may cause many) dangerous diseases such as heart attacks, asthma, bronchitis or lung cancer. According to a recent report, in Britain about 3,500 (three thousand five hundred) people are killed each year in road accidents and 120,000 are killed by smoking. Furthermore, smoking costs governments millions of dollars because of the large number of people who need treatment in hospitals for smoking-related problems. Moreover, passive smoking is a major concern today. Recent research shows that non-smokers can suffer from health problems if they spend long periods of time among people who do smoke. In UK children whose parents are smokers are three times as likely to start smoking themselves _(as those from non-smoking families).
In short, I think the world would be a better place without cigarettes. However, the decision as to whether _(to) smoke or not should be for each individual to make. I suggest that people should not smoke in a room or a place where there are non smokers, however they should be free to smoke elsewhere.
This a very good essay, you have made your arguments well and set the paragraphs out as required. However, take care with your use of definitive statements e.g. Without cigarettes, these people would have no jobs. Maybe they would gain employment in another industry, we cannot be sure. Over all, well done!
16 With all the troubles in the world today, money