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Well done! This is a very good essay but take care of your spelling.

13 Some people think that students who donít take a break in studies between a high school and a university are at disadvantage compared to students that travel and work after high school before furthering their education. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, in our competitive world, to succeed, knowledge from school and university is not enough. Therefore, the student who study from the school to university get benefit less and contribute less too, than those of students who go to travel or job and get experience and skills before going high (what do you mean). There are two following reasons to prove for my opinion. I call the group of people who study from school to university is group A and the other group is group B.

Firstly, at school and university, what group A gain is almost theory, theory and theory. Of course, theory is very necessary, however, you canít do everything with theory. You must have practical experience. This is what group A lack very much (lacks). Although in the third of forth year at university, group A can be apprentices in some companies, to help them approach their future jobs, they arenít trained well because of short time. And the real job is still very strange with them. After graduating, without experience, group A canít accomplish their work perfectly. On the other hand, it take them time and money to keep up with other experienced ones and may be scorned. Therefore, group A can contribute less than group B who have the most two important things: skills and experience.

Secondly, as group A is contribute less, they surely get less benefit. Moreover, many companies which employ people in group A have to train them from the back-ground. These companies take this cost from group Aís salary to get rid of the fact that their employees may leave after being trained to other companies. So, less benefit is unavoidable and certain, Whereas (inappropriate connective word) group B are more loyal and effective workers. They also have useful experience and skills. Besides, their education is the same as or even higher than group A. As the result, group B get more benefit absolutely.

In conclusion, I think student should go to travel or job before going high. Therefore, they canít only have basic knowledge but also skills and experience which are useful for them to get a good job and a brilliant future.

This essay is too long (350 words instead of 250). To fight this problem, try to write more in general and provide fewer details. The language and ideas are good and so is the essay?s structure. Looks like Band 7 to me.

14 Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

I think wealthy nations should be required to share their

wealth among poorer nations. But their helping should only stop (However, their help should stop) at providing such things as food and education because of three following reasons.



Firstly, citizens of both wealthy nations and poorer nations are human beings. Therefore, we can not look at, hear of, and talk about people who lack food, education, etcÖ (do not use etc in essay, give examples instead) without compassion and sympathy. Sharing wealth among poorer nations is not only a good deed but also a task (duty) itself.

Secondly, many nations in Africa and Asia are very, very poor. Famine, diseases, crime and illiteracy are killing their citizens. In the contrary (On the contrary), a lot of nations in Europe and America are too (very) rich. If there are no actions taken, this inequality will increase dramatically. Poor countries will become more and more (poorer and) poorer while rich countries will become more and more (richer and) richer. As a result, poorest countries will be slaves of richest countries. So, sharing wealth is an (a) useful way to prevent people from that bad future.

Thirdly, although sharing wealth among poorer nations is very necessary but (,) this helping should only stop at providing such things as food, medicine and education. Or else, poor nations may depend on aid. They wonít have enthusiasm to build their countries by themselves. Moreover, rich nations can take advantage of sharing wealth to interfere deeply in poor nationsí governments. This canít be considered humane action and should be prevented.

In my opinion, sharing wealth among poorer nations has both bad side and good side. What we have to do is avoiding (avoid) its bad side and practicing (practice) its good side.


Date: 2015-12-24; view: 149


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Great essay, all the task points are covered, good language and structure. Looks like Band 7 to me. | This is an excellent essay, your arguments are convincing and very well presented. There are only a few minor mistakes, read and consider the comments. Very well done!
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