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Sound of toilet flushingACTOR ON TV Oh darling, no. I'll die without you. NICK He's Robert. He ran away with Jenny. HECTOR Oh no! NICK That’s why she can’t marry Lionel. HECTOR Oh, that is so sad. NICK I know. HECTOR But doesn't Jenny know that Lionel is her brother? NICK She had a car accident. She can't remember. HECTOR That is terrible! Ooh! NICK Quick, quick, quick, quick! Go on! Kick it! Kick it! BRIDGET Football! Hi boys. NICK Oh, hi, Bridget. HECTOR Hi, Bridget. NICK Oof! BRIDGET I need your help. NICK Sure. What is it? BRIDGET I'm going to buy a new computer for work. NICK Oh! I know everything about computers. BRIDGET Great! I need one with a lot of gigabytes... NICK Uh-huh. BRIDGET ...good RAM memory... NICK Hmm. BRIDGET ...all the software compatibility and the top processor. NICK Hmm! Maybe this one? HECTOR No, this one hasn't got what she wants. NICK Oh, and you understand what she wants? HECTOR Yeah. You don't? NICK Of course I do. HECTOR Well, so do I. BRIDGET So? Have you decided which one? NICK Who's going to pay for it? BRIDGET It's for work, so they'll pay for it. NICK Oh, [erm,], this one then. HECTOR This one is the most expensive! NICK It's a nice colour. HECTOR Well, it has everything you want. BRIDGET Do you think more SDI sockets, or the analogue input? NICK Eh-hum. BRIDGET Oh, forget it. I'll order it now. ANNIE [Sound of gasping] Oh, come on, come on! BRIDGET What are you doing out here? ANNIE Waiting for my examination results. BRIDGET Oh, your results are arriving today? ANNIE What have you done to Teddy? BRIDGET Hmm? Oh. Brad Pitt is much more handsome than Teddy. Sound of letters being posted through letterbox ANNIE Oh, where is it? Ah, bill, bill, nothing, nothing, bill... Aha! Oh, it’s not my examination results. BRIDGET It’s from the landlady. ANNIE It says we are too noisy. BRIDGET Noisy? She's written to the wrong apartment. My new computer's here! Well, Nick? Open it. Sound of screaming BRIDGET We’re never noisy! Sound of paper being torn up BRIDGET My new computer’s here! Well, Nick! [Sound of clicking fingers] Open it!
NICK Why me? BRIDGET Nails. NICK Whoa! HECTOR& BRIDGET Wow! NICK Oh! BRIDGET Anything else? HECTOR Well, it's a very big box. Aha! Aha! BRIDGET What's that? HECTOR Hmm, I think it's the instructions. BRIDGET Great. Have fun. NICK Wait! Where are you going? BRIDGET Shopping. You better have finished when I get back. NICK Better have finished what? BRIDGET Installing the computer. You do know everything about computers, don't you? NICK Hah! No problem. HECTOR Oh! The instructions are all in English. NICK Ah-ah-ah - look. Oh, Hector, here's a Spanish version. Oh yes.... HECTOR Oh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. NICK Right, let's do it. Or don't you know how to do it?! HECTOR I could do it with my eyes closed! NICK Hah! Well, instructions are for girls! Sound of discordant music NICK Oh yeah! I am the man!! HECTOR Yeah, but I did all the work. NICK You? Huh! I did it. HECTOR Huh! I am the computer king. NICK Oh yeah? HECTOR Yeah. NICK You think you can beat me? HECTOR Huh! I already did. NICK Computers are easy. How about a real challenge? HECTOR Whatever challenge you like. NICK Right. Hah! Man Olympics. Challenge One: Who can put the most marshmallows in his mouth?! HECTOR Marsh...? NICK ...mallows. Look, one. Hmm! HECTOR & NICK One, two, three, ... four ... ... ... .... BRIDGET [Composing email] Hi, Chrissy! Soon I'll be emailing you on my new computer. BRIDGET I’m going to buy a new computer for work. NICK Oh! BRIDGET [Composing email] The boys are helping me and they seem to know everything about computers. HECTOR No, this one hasn't got what she wants. NICK Oh, and you understand what she wants? ANNIE [Composing email] Nadia, I don't know whether I've passed or failed! ANNIE Come on, come on! ANNIE [Composing email] If I don’t know my examination results soon, I will go crazy! ANNIE Oh where is it?!! NICK How about a real challenge? NICK [Composing email] Ten! Ten marshmallows I stuffed in my mouth – two more than Hector. HECTOR One. NICK [Composing email] He's not the man. I am. By the way, do you know anything about computers? NICK Well, instructions are for girls! ANNIE [Puffing and blowing noises/sound of paper being rustled] BRIDGET What's that? Love letters? ANNIE No, I've got all the letters delivered to this building. BRIDGET You've got the neighbours' letters? ANNIE Uh-huh. I'm sure my examination results are here. BRIDGET Where are the boys? Ohhhh, they've installed my computer! ANNIE I think so. Sound of toilet flushing BRIDGET Is that normal? ANNIE Bridget!! BRIDGET Nick? Hector? What are you doing? NICK Man Olympics. Challenge Two. BRIDGET What kind of a challenge? NICK Who can go the longest without, you know.... [sound of whistling] BRIDGET Falling down? Sneezing? Jumping? HECTOR No, no. Without going..., without doing..., BRIDGET Ohh! You want to spend a penny? HECTOR Spend a penny? I don't want to go shopping! NICK No, no, no. She means... [sound of whistling] BRIDGET Stop thinking about your challenge and follow me. ANNIE Maybe I've passed! [Sound of musical fanfare] Maybe I've failed. [Sound of low key music/burping noise] Date: 2015-12-18; view: 702
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