Sunday 10th November

SOUTH AFRICA VS INDIA

05:00 All six of the Crazy Eight risked expulsion by creeping out of the house and then sprinting across the quad, across another quad, up the stairs and then into the AV room. Boggo had bribed the Barnes AV representative to lend him the keys for the week in return for two porn mags and a starkers picture of Kim Basinger. Boggo said this was the reason why we had to pay five rand each to watch the cricket.

After a fog delay, Andrew Hudson and Kepler Wessels strode onto Eden Gardens in front of 92 000 people, none of whom were shouting for us. Kapil Dev took the ball and had Andrew Hudson caught behind off the third ball of the match.

After about two overs of play Fatty asked us when we were going to start cooking up the rice. When we told him that Cook and Rice were South African cricketers he said, ‘Bugger this,’ and went back to bed.

Despite Allan Donald taking five wickets South Africa lost their first ever One Day International. I didn’t care because it was just so wonderful to see my country playing international cricket again.

13:45 When we got back to the house Anderson demanded to know where I’d been because my mother has been disturbing his studying with non-stop phone calls. He gave me a number to phone and told me to do it immediately. I started to get the feeling that something really bad had happened. There was something about the way that everyone was looking at me that made me feel like they knew something that I didn’t.

I stopped breathing when a woman’s voice said, ‘Hello, St Augustine’s hospital.’ My voice shook as I asked for my mother. There was a pause, followed by the click clacking of her sandals in a corridor. She said Dad may have had a heart attack but that he’s going to be fine. I asked her what caused his heart attack. ‘Hudson and Wessels,’ was her reply.

According to Mom, Dad was so furious with Hudson’s three ball batting performance that he punched a hole in the bathroom door. She reckoned Wessels’ terribly slow batting finally drove him over the edge and he had a stabbing pain in his chest and collapsed on the floor. Mom called an ambulance and Dad was taken away on a stretcher still shouting on about Kepler Wessels being an Australian spy, deliberately trying to sabotage our cricket team with his slow run scoring.

I put down the phone and took myself off for a stroll in case I burst into tears. If the third term is ‘silly season’ then the fourth term is the dying season!

15:00 Dad didn’t have a heart attack. The doctor said it was an anxiety attack and Dad has been discharged with a packet of assorted tranquillizers.

20:00 Dad called to say that he’s suing Hudson and Wessels for distress and hospital charges. He shouted, ‘Bring back Pollock!’ before Mom was able to get the phone away from him and send him to bed.

Mom said Innocence has threatened to throw the television in the pool if Dad persists with his maniacal behaviour.

Everyone was talking about my Dad’s heart attack although nobody asked me if he was all right.

Date: 2015-12-17; view: 590