Friday 18th October

Simon has been selected for the first team. Even Spare-rib looked thrilled. There must have been a problem with our team sheet because my name was typed out first which means I should be opening the batting. (If this isn’t an error I’m heading to the san for an off-sport slip.)

Fatty tried to break his own farting record. Unfortunately, the whole thing was a let-down when Fatty called off the attempt at the last minute because of indigestion.

It’s official! The Sad Six are no longer frightened of us. JR Ewing wanders through our dormitory like he owns the place and Pike comes in every night to take brandy orders from the bar. We have almost daily meetings about how we’re going to get revenge on Pike, Emberton and the Sad Six but nothing ever happens.

Saturday 19th October

CRICKET MATCH vs ST JAMES

The cricket was a nightmare. I opened the batting and made a duck. Without Simon everyone looked lost and we were bowled out for 98. The Guv took great pleasure at the team talk in announcing that we would be opening the bowling with a Stinky/Anus combination.

Unfortunately, our new opening bowlers are so slow that both the opposition opening batsmen took off their helmets and called for caps halfway through the second over. (This would never have happened with Mad Dog around.) I took the only two wickets to fall.

We lost – badly.

Simon scored 28 runs for the first team. He’s become irritatingly arrogant and wears his team cricket blazer in the dormitory at all times.

Tuesday 22nd October

Runt was lying in bed listening to his Walkman. The rest of the Sad Six were nowhere to be seen. After a year and a half of watching Rambo at work I decided to take the initiative. I marched up to Runt, ripped his earphones out of the Walkman and tried to lift him up to his feet with one hand. I didn’t lift him up but I did manage to rip his T-shirt and then uppercut him sharply on the chin. It was an aggressive start and I decided to keep him under pressure and speak in a commanding Rambo-like manner.

SPUD How did you know about the Mad House? RUNT I followed you one Sunday, but I didn’t see anything. SPUD Who did you tell? RUNT No one. The way Runt said ‘No one’ made me think that he had definitely told someone and possibly everyone. Unfortunately, then Vern arrived and gave Runt a written warning. Runt took the blue chit without seeming too concerned about it and placed it in his locker on a huge pile of other blue chits. I decided that with Rain Man now scribbling a series of written warnings with his tongue hanging out, my investigations were going nowhere.

I told Runt I would be watching him closely and stormed out of the dormitory like I was furious.

Friday 25th October

Death Breath handed me a green envelope at break:

Dear Spud (or no longer)

You naughty boy! I heard you guys got suspended. Is it really true that you built this incredible tree house where you drank, smoked and read poetry? Very Dead Poets Society. Everyone at school is talking about it.

Oh – and why did you never take me there?

CU soon?

Amanda

Date: 2015-12-17; view: 560