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Friday 1st February

We had to paint a still life picture in art class. Mr Lilly had a huge drum of fruit, vegetables, logs and leaves from which we could make up our own still life. Boggo drew two litchis and a banana and made them look like two balls and a willy. When Mr Lilly saw Boggo’s effort he blushed, giggled and blew his nose. Rambo drew a picture of himself eating an apple and Vern drew Roger again. Mr Lilly’s seriously worried that Vern can only paint Roger and tried again in vain to get him to sketch something else but Vern refused.

23:00 Rambo and Mad Dog woke up the first years and told them to go night swimming. One of the three Darryls refused to go and started blubbing. Rambo held him down and Fatty loosened his pyjamas and threatened to fart on him. Darryl then said he would go and climbed out the window, sniffing and shuddering. Thinny was the last to leave and Fatty warned him about getting stuck in the chapel window. We watched the Normal Seven disappear into the chapel and then returned to our beds to wait for something to happen. Within a minute our dormitory door swung open and Anderson led in a mob of prefects and matrics. They marched through our dormitory and into the first years’ dorm.

After about half an hour the Normal Seven returned, panting and giggling and in a general state of terrified excitement. One by one they scampered through the window and back to their beds. And then suddenly there were shouts and screams and the lights were switched on. It was all a set-up! Boggo couldn’t contain himself and charged into our old dorm with the rest of us following behind. Anderson was already prowling around with his sawn-off hockey stick and looking smug. Emberton arrived with his stick of sugar cane, which has now dried into a nasty yellow stalk.

Two of the Darryls were sniffing and the other was sobbing while Anderson marched around and gave them a grilling for being irresponsible and poor ambassadors of the school. Emberton thrashed his yellow sugar cane into a locker every time he felt it necessary.

Then Runt stupidly raised his hand and said, ‘Sorry, sir, but Rambo forced us to do it…’ He then started snivelling. Unfortunately, that started Vern off and he began sniffing and snuffling next to me. Vern realized that everyone was now looking at him rather than at Runt so he announced, ‘Night swimming!’ rather loudly and then began stroking Roger in a furious manner. Anderson wasn’t quite sure what to make of Vern’s general madness so he allowed a long pause before continuing, ‘So, Runt, you are accusing Rambo over here of forcing you out the window and all the way to the dam and back?’ Runt nodded and sniffed. Rambo stepped forward, looking mean. Runt then began sobbing, as did Vern. Roger howled a terrible moaning sound and we all stared at the weirdos around us.

Anderson gave the first years a choice. Either they could be beaten six by himself and Emberton or be run in to Sparerib and take their chances with him. Anderson gave Rambo a high five on the way out of our dormitory. He then paused at the light switch and said, ‘It must be quite a weird feeling. There’s shit going down and for once you’ve nothing to do with it. Let’s keep it that way.’ Then our head of house plunged us into darkness.



I learned two things tonight:

1) The first years’ night swimming bust is a house tradition. (Wish I’d found that out a year ago!)

2) None of the first years had wet hair, which tells me they didn’t make it to the dam, and certainly didn’t swim.

As my Dad says twenty minutes into every episode of Matlock: ‘The plot thickens!’


Date: 2015-12-17; view: 614


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