Dealing with negative emotions : The new smart way

The effective way of dealing with negative emotions is by understanding the message of the emotion and making use of it to drive you further ahead.

First, understand that your emotions serve you. Then, learn to use your emotions rather than be controlled by it. Each emotion whether seemingly good or bad, tells us an important message of our current situation. How are we currently doing and whether changes or further action needs to be taken.

Take those negative emotions as a guide and a system to call you to take action. By avoiding or denying it, you are missing the valuable messages that your emotions are giving you. Emotions = Calls to action.

The steps for dealing with negative emotions

Firstly, whenever you feel a surge of negative emotions coming over you, quickly interrupt it. Do it by thinking/saying/doing something totally bizarre and unexpected. This shocks our system so much that the emotion loses it’s initial power. For a more detailed explanation, check out the steps for controlling emotions.

Next identify the negative emotion you are feeling and match your emotion to the list below. Make out how the message of that emotion fits to your situation & what are the appropriate follow up actions on your part.

Note that for emotions that are very intense such as panic attacks, a different approach on would be more suitable and effective.

List of ‘negative’ emotions & the meanings

Fear : It is the expectancy that something bad is about to happen. The message of this emotion is for us to prepare for it. Take action and think of the best ways to deal with the situation. After you’ve prepared as well as you can, sit back and have faith. If there is nothing else you can do, there’s no point in worrying about it.

Hurt : People feel hurt when they believe we have suffered a loss. It tells them that an expectation that they had was not met. Such as when you expected someone to do something but they didn’t. To deal with it, first evaluate your perception. Maybe there hasn’t been any loss. Maybe no one is actually trying to hurt you. Are you judging the situation too soon? You may have just misinterpreted the situation.

If your perception is correct, properly communicate with the person involved about your sense of loss. When you do that, usually the feelings of hurt will disappear.

Frustration : When you are frustrated it means you feel that you are not getting the returns for your efforts, and you feel that you could be doing better than you currently are. This tells you that you should be more flexible in your approach. Brainstorm other approaches or get input from others. Know that frustration means your problem is within reach. Rather than get upset over it, take heart from the fact that you are close to your goal.

Disappointment : Disappointment is the feeling you get when you sense that you have lost out on something forever. When what you got is less than what you had expected, you feel disappointed. First, take the positives from this disappointment. Nothing is all bad. Know that you are guided & protected by the higher power. Everything happens for a reason, so trust that what happened is the best option in the ultimate long term plan of your life.

Follow that up by setting a new goal that is even better and more exciting for your life. Disappointment is also a call to develop more patience and flexibility in approach. Realize that perhaps what you need is to wait a little longer, and develop a different approach to achieve the goal.

Anger and guilt : Every one of us has our own set of values and standards. These standards govern every part of our lives. These are the behaviors/actions that we set as acceptable or not for ourselves and others. When one of the standards is violated by yourself or someone else, you will feel angry (at the other person or at yourself) and/or guilty (of yourself).

To deal with anger, you have a few choices ;

1. Evaluate whether it is possible that you misinterpreted the situation. That in fact no value has been violated.

2. If someone else violated your value, know that your ‘rule’ may not be the correct one. Just because something is right for you, does not mean it is right for everyone else. Everyone has their own set of values, the person probably has no idea that they violated one of your values. Follow up by communicating to the person neutrally about the importance of that standard to you. This will ensure that it never happens again.

3. Accept that you have violated one of your values, and vow never to do it again. Brainstorm ways to prevent it from happening again, and how you would deal with it if you are caught in the same situation in the future.

Apart from the labelling of emotions and the illusion of no control, we generally have other false beliefs and ideas about emotions. This creates pain and our dysfunctional relationship with emotions.

All these beliefs are covered in my ebook on emotional mastery : 'Never Lose Control Again'. If you are having difficulties with emotions, be sure to check out the book to learn , anxiety and other negative emotions.

Final thoughts…

With these knowledge and steps, you can master whatever emotion is thrown at you. You are no longer at the mercy of emotions, rather you are in control of it. When dealing with negative emotions, practice handling it this way. Just like a muscle, the more you exercise, the bigger it grows.

The more you do it, the easier it gets. Before you know it, you’ll be naturally reacting to any ‘negative’ emotions in an empowering way. And when you realize that, you’ll be filled with a great feeling and confidence to face anything life throws at you. You become virtually unstoppable.

Date: 2015-04-20; view: 852