How to manage?

Why do we experience emotions?

Emotions are internal state of mind in response to external stimuli. If the stimulus is a threat to survival of a being then negative emotions surges. If there is no threat detected mind remains in positive state of emotions. In biological terms, emotions are nothing but the biochemical reactions triggered in brain in response to external stimuli. Anger, aggression, hate, jealousy are negative emotions which arise due to anticipation of some threat to the survival of the being while the positive emotions like love, compassion, empathy arises when there is a feeling of security and absence of any threat. Our mind is basically hardwired from the primitive times, to detect any danger and to help in the survival of a being.

Are negative emotions bad or good?

Emotions are the part and parcel of human existence as explained in above section. In fact this is one of the most important qualities which differentiate humans from machines or robots. Emotions allow us to explore and feel life very closely. It is very healthy to recognize and be aware of our emotions from moment to moment.

When we maintain a positive and peaceful state of mind, we enjoy our surroundings and feel well bonded with people around and find things more beautiful. While, when our mind experience negative emotions we simply find this whole world as our enemy and we feel irritated and out of control and feel less bonded with people around. Majority of the world problems are due to bad handling of negative emotions. People do not know how to handle these emotions either they try to suppress or react thoughtlessly, which further aggravates a situation.

How to manage?

Being a normal human, it is perfectly all right to have negative emotions rather we should learn how to manage them better. Whenever you feel any negative emotion, try to practice following tips

· Accept and recognize

Accept the fact that you are experiencing negative emotions. Recognize and try to give name. If you are feeling bad, angry, jealous, depressed, whatever feeling, just say to you, "I am feeling 'name of the feeling" and take a deep breath.

· Do insightful analysis

Ask yourself following:

What is the exact source?

Is it some person, situation, hurtful comment, some past injury which has once again surfaced your helplessness over a situation or some failure, frustration or some completely unrelated situation which you are not able to recognize? Keep asking until you reach the root and source of it. I am sure; if you do this you would come to know the exact cause and you will feel more empowered to handle it further.

Think of handling it

Ask yourself, "how can you make yourself better in this state?"

or

What did you do last time when you came across such emotion in past?

Or

Is it a new situation and never occurred in past?

If you faced the same situation in the past, you will be able to handle it better this time, if it is a new situation, you will be able to create a new way of handling the situation.

Once you practice above tips, you will find that you are actually developing the muscle of your mind to handle negativities more gracefully. With constant practice, it will become your habit to think better and better before responding to situations since you are telling your mind that such negative situations are not threat to survival.

What are the benefits of managing?

1. You will have better control over your emotions and reactions.
2. You can face aggressive and rude people more confidently.
3. You will be able to maintain more positive and healthy relationships at work and home.
4. Less stress which means a healthier life.
5. Will be able to focus more on work rather thinking about hurts or retaliations.

Summary

It is very important to understand that you should not ignore and bury your negative emotions because at some point in time these emotions will back fire in one way or another and will trigger more of negative emotions. So, always try to face and accept these and think of managing them. It has been observed, that happier people are very good at managing negative emotions which actually helps them to have better bonding with people around. To live a healthy and happy life, it is essential that you start countering your negative emotions with full force and create more positive energy in your surroundings or environment.

1. Dealing with negative emotions : Labeling of emotions

People usually consciously or unconsciously choose to label emotions either as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – and from that labeling, they have a bunch of emotions that they identified as either to be indulged in or to be avoided at all costs.

Though the pain & discomfort we get from certain emotions may make it seem like some emotions are indeed ‘bad’ emotions, but by examining deeper, we can see that it is not true. For example, lazing around all day and just having fun gives you pleasurable emotions. However, does that mean that it should be sustained in the long term? Of course not. You’ll definitely feel good about it now, but do you want to remain that way throughout your life? Do you want to be stagnant forever? You won’t be improving yourself, achieving greater heights and contributing to the world if you are only concerned with sustaining this ‘good’ emotion.

Similarly, the emotions of frustration and disappointment from failures are what spurred many individuals to go on to achieve great things. So, the bottom line? There are no good or bad emotions. Don’t even label emotions as every emotion has it’s own value and usefulness.

2. Dealing with negative emotions : Illusion of no-control

The second part of the problem is from the idea that it is impossible for us to control our emotions. It is the belief that emotions come to us spontaneously and in reaction to the environment and happenings around. While that may be true, we can certainly control our responses to these emotions. Because that is ultimately what we are concerned with. We don’t really care about what emotions we feel, but rather how the emotions affect us.

So while something that happened may have caused you to feel angry, that doesn’t mean that you have to react in an angry way. You don’t have to retaliate or cry or bang your head on the wall just because you feel angry. You can choose to respond in a positive, empowering manner. Sadly, sometimes people act as if there isn’t any other choice. They ‘have’ to react to it. Once the emotion comes over them they just ‘lose it’. Now that is not the right way of dealing with negative emotions.

Deal with negative emotions by knowing that instead of losing it every time, we can choose how we want to respond to any emotion. Though it can seem very difficult when the emotion is very strong and pervasive, having the knowledge and techniques on dealing with negative emotions will make it easier and easier.

And, one of the core aspects of dealing with negative emotions is to not put any labels on it.

Dealing with negative emotions : The usual not-so-smart way

Everyone of us has a choice on how they want to deal with negative emotions. Sadly, many people choose to handle negative emotions by way of either avoidance or denial. By labeling emotions (as good or bad) first, then believing that they have no control over it, to them it feels like there are no other options in dealing with negative emotions apart from avoidance and denial.

As the pain from negative emotions can be quite overwhelming at times, many choose toavoid it altogether. They do this by steering away from any action or situation that could lead to having negative emotions. For example, in order to avoid disappointment, it is best not to try at all.

Now when things and ‘bad’ emotions become unavoidable, people take the route of denialinstead. This is done with the hope that by ignoring and putting aside the emotion, it will eventually go away. Not a good idea. In fact, it is even more dangerous as though you may be able to bury your emotions for now, it will eventually re-surface over time. And when that happens, all the energy from the pent up emotions over the years will usually be released together in a destructive manner.

Though people usually avoid or deny negative emotions, there are those in the other extreme as well. Some people derive importance and significance from having to face negative emotions constantly. So much so that it has become a part of their identity. They feel as living a tough life dealing with difficulties daily makes them somewhat more important and significant than others. This type of thinking is much worse than avoiding and denying emotions.

Date: 2015-04-20; view: 920