THANK YOU 5 page

“Like what you see?” Jack teased, his eyebrow cocked as he slipped into bed next to me.

“Why don’t you just date a mirror?” I shot back, his cockiness forcing my defensive nature to re-emerge.

“For starters, I can’t have sex with a mirror.” His mouth formed into a slight smirk that made me want to smack him. Before I could respond his mouth was on mine, his tongue minty from my toothpaste.

My tough defenses faded as the warmth of his skin penetrated my thin clothing, his lower body grinding against mine. The feeling of his hardness working against me caused a slight moan to escape from my lips.

“I want you, Cassie.” Jack touched his lips against my neck. His tongue was warm on my skin as he licked his way up toward my ear, his breath raspy and hot. “I want you,” he whispered breathily before nibbling on my earlobe, the grinding between my legs continuing.

“Jack.” I spoke his name between breaths. “Jack, stop.” He stopped moving and I felt his heart thumping rapidly against my chest. His thumb rested on the side of my face as I lost myself in the brown of his eyes. “I’m sorry. I want to…just not tonight.”

I braced myself for his reaction, unsure of what it would consist of. In the past, it royally pissed guys off if I’d asked them to stop. They acted as if it was their God-given right to have sex with me, whether I was ready or not. Guys seemed to change into different people whenever their dicks were involved.

All warmth left me as Jack rolled onto his side, his body still facing mine. “It’s okay, Kitten. I don’t want to do it if you’re not ready.” He leaned toward me, his lips pressing against the tip of my nose.

“Thanks.” I smiled, grateful he didn’t seem angry.

“But you’ll be ready soon, right?” He couldn’t keep a straight face as the words left his lips. “I’m kidding. No pressure.” He smiled, his voice reassuring and calm.

I smiled in relief at his understanding as he reached for me. He hugged me tightly before placing my head against his chest, both arms wrapped around me. “Would it help if you knew I was falling in love with you?”

I tore myself from his grip, my eyes locking on his. “Don’t fuck with me, Jack Carter.”

He stifled a laugh as he reached for me. “I’m not.”

I leaned down to kiss him, my emotions tangling up inside me. “Say it,” I begged as my tongue swept across his bottom lip.

“So much for no pressure,” Jack teased, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Say it,” I begged again.

“I,” he hesitated before looking me square in the eyes, his head nodding, “I love you.” He pulled at the back of my neck, his mouth devouring every part of mine.

“Jack.” I breathed his name as I melted into him, my legs wrapped around his waist. And just like that, those three little words had changed me. Desire overwhelmed me as I longed to be connected to him in every possible way. I wished for the space between us to disappear as I inched my body closer to his. “I want you.”

He pulled back slightly. “We don’t have to do this, that’s not why I said it,” he said, running his fingers down my back.

“I know it’s not, but I want to.” I was actually surprised at myself, my pelvis grinding slowly against his as my desire grew.

“You sure?” He searched my eyes as he asked one last time.

“You trying to talk me out of it?” I teased and rolled away from him.

His eyes widened as he watched me scoot out of my boxer shorts, revealing the light blue thong hidden underneath. He tossed my shorts onto the floor before leaning over and tenderly kissing the top of my foot. He knelt down and worked his hands and mouth up my calf to my thigh, not an inch of skin left untouched. I practically vibrated with excitement and need, but allowed him to continue to explore.

He shifted upward and continued his way up my belly, lifting my tank top off in one swift motion before lightly kissing the space between my breasts. Lowering his body completely onto mine, he pressed his lips against my neck before heading back to my mouth, where I waited anxiously for him.

My hands dug into his back, his muscles hard and tense. I tugged at the waistband of his boxer briefs, trying in vain to lower them. He slipped them off and I felt his excitement grow as his body pressed against mine. “Do you have anything?” he asked before taking the final step.

“You don’t?” I asked incredulously.

“I meant to bring one,” he explained slowly, his breath hot against my ear. “Just in case, you know?”

I shifted my weight, turning to look at him, “Mm-hmm. Just in case, huh?”

“Well, you can’t blame a guy for hoping.” His eyebrows arched. “But I forgot it at home.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” he responded solemnly.

“Well,” I hesitated, “I got on the pill when we started dating.”

“You did?”

“Mm-hmm.” I smiled sheepishly, embarrassed at the revelation as he pressed his wet lips against mine.

He pulled away slowly. “I’ve never…” He started to say before stopping short.

“Never what?” My breaths quickened, his hesitance making my confidence waver.

His eyes met mine with longing and uncertainty. “I’ve never done it like this before,” he admitted.

“In a bed?” I teased, unsure of his meaning.

“No.” He paused. “I mean like this. Without anything else.”

I was almost awestruck when I realized that like this meant without a condom. Jack’s vulnerability shone through him in that exact moment like a lighthouse beacon in a raging storm. Somewhere along the way, we’d crossed an imaginary line where feelings and emotions blurred into the unknown. A place neither of us dared go before.

“Really? Not ever?” I slid my hand down the back of his neck, his muscles straining against my fingertips.

“Never. If I didn’t have one, I didn’t do it. There’s never been anyone like you, Cassie. There never will be.” His admission silenced us both as the weight of the moment sunk in.

“Do you still want to?” I trembled as the words left my lips.

He shifted and I felt my panties slide down my legs and leave my body in one fluid motion. That was all the answer I needed as my breathing increased with every kiss, every touch, every electric-filled moment. He stopped and cupped my face with both hands. “You know this changes things.” His eyes searched mine for acceptance and understanding.

“Prove it,” I said with a slight smile, remembering the words I spoke after our first kiss.

“I love you, Cassie.” His voice was so sincere that I blinked back the tears pooling in my eyes.

“I love you too,” I admitted, my protective walls crumbling to piles of dust around my jagged heart.

His lips were instantly back on mine, his tongue passionately exploring the inside of my mouth. With one easy thrust, I felt him inside me. I inhaled quickly, a pleasure-filled moan escaping my lips.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his movement slowing.

“I’m fine, keep going.” I closed my eyes, wanting more.

“Oh my God, you feel incredible.” He breathed heavily against my ear. “Holy shit, I may never recover from this.”

His hands pressed against my shoulders, his muscles flexing as he worked his body gently in and out of mine. I moved my hips in time with his, causing a throaty growl to escape from within him.

I opened my eyes and raked my fingers through his hair. I followed the lines of his body down his back where beads of sweat were pooling. The muscles in his back tensed as I reached my arms around him. My hands came to rest on his backside and I pulled him deeper into me with every thrust. Another throaty moan and he pressed his sweaty cheek against mine, his labored breathing whooshing in and out of my ear.

His breath was hot against my neck. “I’ve never loved anyone before, so go easy on me.”

I turned my head to face him and pressed my mouth against his. “Jack,” I whispered with a sigh. “Don’t stop.” I continued pulling him to me as our bodies slid against each other. His thrusts caused a tension to build inside me, growing quickly as I felt myself striving to meet them desperately, grasping for something I’d never experienced quite this strongly before.

My body tingled everywhere, from my scalp all the way down to my toes. A heated wave of sensation and emotion swept over me, engulfing me as my body seized in a contraction of pulses, all centered at my core.

His movements quickened with urgency in response to mine, and I lifted my hips to rise and fall in time with his. “Cassie…” He stared into my eyes and I smiled bravely, yet for a moment, I felt completely exposed.

“It’s okay,” I said softly, and tightened my intimate grip around him. He bit his bottom lip and his eyes narrowed as I felt him explode and pulsate inside me. He quivered before relaxing and allowing his body to fall on top of mine.

“I…can’t…breathe,” I complained playfully, pushing at his shoulders.

“Sorry.” He laughed and rolled onto his side. “That…was amazing,” he said between labored breaths.

He leaned into me, kissing my nose before propping up on one arm. “I love you. I’m sure I’ll fuck it up because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Just promise me that you’ll be patient with me. Grade me on a learning curve or something?”

“You should really go into sales, you know that?” I teased, rolling my eyes.

“Promise me, Kitten. Patience.”

“Only if you promise not to do anything that embarrasses me or makes me look stupid.”

“Deal.” He grinned and I leaned in to kiss his dimples, my limbs tangled up with his.

I’ll admit I was scared. We’d crossed the line and my heart would never be the same, no matter what happened from here on out. But if I wanted him to believe in us, I had to believe in him.

*****

I drove Jack to the baseball stadium at five the next morning. When we arrived, I looked over at the rumbling bus and Jack’s arriving teammates. I laughed when I noticed Jamie, a girlfriend of one of Jack’s teammates, driving a monster-sized truck. She looked terrified behind the wheel and her expression brought me relief since I assumed my face probably looked the same. Glancing over at me, she shrugged her shoulders, and I waved in response.

Jack hopped out of his death machine, grabbed his bags, and sauntered over to the driver’s side where I reluctantly sat.

“Take care of my pride and joy.” He grinned, his dimples making an appearance.

“You know it’s just going to sit in the parking lot at my apartment, right?” I shrugged.

He laughed before grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me toward him. “I’ll text you when I get there.” His mouth covered mine as hoots and hollers filtered into the air. He pulled away, turned around, and flipped off his teammates.

“Amateurs.” He laughed.

“It’s the first time they’ve ever been able to give you shit. They’re excited.” I pressed my lips together and smiled.

He leaned in, giving me one last kiss before walking away, his body disappearing behind his two large bags.

EIGHT

I sat in my Comm Law class as my professor droned on about the legal regulations of mass communication as it applied to freedom of speech and the press. Instead of taking notes, my mind drifted to thoughts of Jack and our night together. I absentmindedly placed my pen near my mouth and started chewing on the cap, my eyes blurring over.

Maryse, the gorgeous brunette next to me, nudged me with her elbow, breaking my trance. I turned to look at her and she lifted her chin toward the front of the class where our teacher was writing down topics for our next test.

“Thanks,” I whispered with a sideways glance.

“No problem.” She smiled. “You’re dating Jack Carter, right?” I nodded. “Screw this class, I’d be thinking about him too.” She giggled quietly.

I stifled a laugh and let out a long, drawn-out breath, knowing I’d been caught. Our professor ended his lecture and Maryse stood up when I did, following behind me as the class dispersed. Once outside, she appeared next to me, her full hair bouncing with each step. “So how did you get the elusive Jack Carter to fall for you?”

“I really don’t know. I guess you’d have to ask him that.” I smiled and dropped my sunglasses over my eyes.

“Every girl at this school has been chasing him for years,” she said, acting as though this was new information to me.

“Maybe that’s just it. I didn’t chase him.”

Her eyes widened. “Ahhh, so he chased you? That probably would be a first for him.” She applied a shiny gloss to her lips and puckered before pushing the tube back into her pocket. “Guys love the chase. It’s once you’re caught that you have to be careful.”

I glimpsed at her. “What do you mean?”

“I’m just saying a guy like Jack Carter isn’t fit to be tied down. I can see him enjoying a challenge, which is what you were. But you’re not anymore ’cause he has you. Where’s the fun in that?”

I didn’t respond, unsure of what to say in my defense. What if she was right? What if it was all a game to him? At first he couldn’t have me, then he got me. Then I wouldn’t give it up, but I just did. There were no more challenges.

The pathway split and Maryse peeled away to head in the other direction. “I have another class right now. Media Ethics. Snore.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll see you Monday. Don’t forget to study!”

“See you Monday,” I answered with half a smile as my mind raced.

I wandered toward the student union, noticing the lack of activity that normally bustled around it. It was weird to admit that a sports team had that much of a presence on campus, but they really did. The lack of energy when they were gone was noticeable.

When I opened the door, the usual obnoxious sound of girlish chatter was absent. I glanced around the almost empty space and laughed to myself as I headed toward Melissa and Dean. If the team wasn’t here, then the fan-girls weren’t either. That revelation was almost as weird as it was disturbing.

I hadn’t taken two steps before an overly friendly blonde reached out a tanned arm to stop me.

“Hi. It’s Cassie, right? I’m Mollie, and I was just wondering if you and Jack were still dating?” She made sure her voice was loud enough for her three eavesdropping friends to hear.

I pinched my eyebrows together, my body tensing. “Why?”

“Well, it’s just that my friend from Texas sent me this photo last night from her cell. That is Jack, right?” she asked, holding her phone out where I could see it and giggling while her friends anxiously waited for my reaction.

I leaned toward the phone and squinted at the grainy photo on its screen. It was definitely Jack holding open a hotel room door as a skinny, dark-haired girl walked through it.

“And this one too.” She scrolled to another photo of Jack smiling while closing the door behind his new friend.

I fought off the heat rising in my body. “It looks like him.” I sniffed in dismissal and forced myself to hold it together while I walked away with my head held high.

The sound of giggling echoed in my ears as I forced back the tears that burned in my eyes. I refused to let the mean girls see me crumble.

I strode toward Dean, my gaze burning holes through him. “What was that?” he asked when I got close enough to hear.

I dropped into a seat at their table. “That was a picture of some chick walking into Jack’s hotel room.” My eyes began blurring from the tears that threatened to fall. “And then another one of him closing the door behind her. Did I mention the smile plastered all over his face?”

“No way.” Dean shook his head.

“Yes, way.” Unease quickly spread throughout my body, making itself at home. “ Fuck. I’m such an idiot.”

Dean put his hands on top of mine and squeezed. “Maybe they’re old?”

“What are you talking about?” I yanked my hands away.

“There are a lot of pictures of Jack and other girls out there, Cass. Maybe they’re old?” He shrugged.

I winced, suddenly feeling vulnerable in my surroundings as the mean girls watched me greedily like coyotes from several tables away.

“Jack wouldn’t do that to you.” Melissa attempted to reassure my splintering ego.

“I wouldn’t go that far.” I choked out the words, my tone cold.

Melissa frowned at me with annoyance. “Why would you say that?”

“Because she knows my brother.” Dean glanced at Melissa before looking back at me. “And she’s waiting for him to screw up because he keeps telling her he’s going to.”

“Well, for the record, I want it noted that I don’t believe it. Not for one second,” Melissa said with confidence.

“I don’t either.” Dean gave me a soft smile.

“Well, it was definitely Jack in those pictures. And the shirt he was wearing was packed in his bag. I saw it the other night.” I could no longer hold back the tears as they rolled slowly down my cheeks. Refusing to allow my tears to be fodder for the mean girls’ gossip, I rose from the table and darted into the bathroom.

Once I was safely behind the locked stall door, I let the teardrops fall. My heart ached inside my battered chest. I felt stupid and embarrassed for letting Jack Carter ever get close to me.

A knock on the stall door caused my breath to catch. “Cass?” Melissa asked in a soft voice. Without a word, I unlocked the latch and she pushed the door open. She took one look at my tear-stained face before grabbing me in her arms.

Hugging my best friend only made the tears fall harder. “Why would he do this? I don’t understand.”

“Cassie, I’m not trying to be a bitch, but you’re really jumping to conclusions here.”

“You’d do the same thing if you were suddenly dating the one guy who’d never dated anyone before.” I winced, my head pounding in time with my heartbeat.

“I know it looks bad, but didn’t he call you last night?”

“So what? He calls and texts me all the time. Doesn’t mean he can’t hook up with some girl after we get off the phone. Doesn’t mean he can’t send me a text while some random chick is in his room.” The logic made perfect sense to me.

“That’s true, Cass, but I just think you should give him a chance to explain.”

“Explain that I’ve been a complete idiot? That I got played by the biggest player on campus? You even warned me about him.” I buried my head in my hands, my chest literally aching with each breath I took.

“But I was wrong. I mean, I wasn’t wrong that he was a jerk to all those other girls. But he’s not that way with you. You know that, Cassie. There has to be some sort of explanation.”

“Why are you defending him?” I glared at her through my sobs.

“Because I see the way he looks at you. And I hear the way he talks about you.” Melissa’s forehead creased in sympathy.

“I don’t want to look like a fool in front of everyone! Those girls with those pictures…” I paused to gasp a sob. “I’m mortified. Do you know how embarrassing that was?”

“Those girls got exactly what they wanted. They don’t care about you. They’re so freaking fucking bitter that you’re the one with Jack that they’ll do and say anything to tear you two apart. Can’t you see that?” Melissa tried to reason with me, her voice tinged with disappointment.

But nothing she said made me feel any better. I couldn’t get the image of Jack’s smiling face as he ushered the girl inside that hotel room out of my head. It was simply that easy to make me question everything and assume the worst.

“I have to go.” I pushed past Melissa and stormed out the bathroom door.

My mind didn’t stop racing until I got to our apartment and crashed on top of my bed. I begged my brain to shut off and pleaded for my body to find some peace in sleep. The sound of my cell phone beeping startled me. I glanced at the screen, which read One new text message from Jack. My stomach dropped as I read his name. I pressed the Read button. Heading off to the field. Call you after the game. Miss you like crazy.

I didn’t respond.

I couldn’t.

My stomach twisted into pretzel-like knots as my heart yearned for the truth. I curled my body into a ball, clutching a pillow tightly as the pounding in my head resumed. Closing my eyes, I reached for an escape.

The sound of my ringtone blared loudly from the floor, waking me from a dream-free slumber some time later. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand, its red numbers alerting me that almost four hours had passed.

My phone continued blaring the music I’d picked out for Jack’s calls.

“Are you gonna answer that?” Melissa yelled from the other room.

I pressed the Ignore button, stopping the music from playing. After a minute, my cell phone beeped, alerting me to a new voice mail. I didn’t listen, afraid that if I heard the sound of his voice, my resolve would weaken completely. Another beep followed and One new text message from Jack flashed across the screen.

I tried to resist reading it, but my heart wanted to know what he had to say. I clicked Read. Everything okay, Kitten? We won today. I pitch tomorrow. Call me as soon as you get this. Miss you.

I turned off the display, tossed my phone back onto the floor, and headed into the living room where Melissa sat watching TV.

“Did you really ignore his call?” she asked without looking at me.

“I can’t talk to him right now.”

She turned to face me. “You need to talk to him right now.”

I shook my head. “I can’t have that conversation with him over the phone. I need to be able to look him in the eyes when I ask him about those pictures.”

“He’s not your dad, Cassie.” Melissa’s face softened as she placed her hand on my knee.

I dropped my gaze. “I know that.”

“Do you?”

“Of course I do.”

I knew my tone sounded defensive, because she asked again. “Are you sure?”

“What the hell is your point, Melissa?”

“My point is, Jack’s not going to promise the school a popular band for grad night and then disappear, leaving you to clean up the mess and answer all the questions. He’s not going to make a bunch of promises to people he can’t keep.”

I cringed at the memory I’d tried so hard to block out over the past few years. But the truth was, the embarrassment my father caused me was etched deep inside and was never far from my mind. And whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was affected by his lies and inability to follow through on the smallest of promises.

I didn’t say anything. I continued to glare at Melissa, angry at her for pointing out the flaws I felt I couldn’t change.

“Cass, I just don’t want you to punish Jack for the mistakes your dad made.” Her voice was soft as she leaned in to touch her forehead to mine.

“How can you even say that? You know what I saw today. Those pictures have nothing to do with my dad.” I jerked back, my jaw clenched.

“No, the pictures don’t. But the fact that you refuse to speak to Jack unless it’s in person, does. I know what you’re doing,” she stated, her expression solemn.

“Why don’t you inform me then?”

“You want to test him. Judge his body language. Watch his eyes, his mouth.”

“You’re damn right I do. Please tell me what’s so wrong with that?”

“Nothing, I guess.” Melissa shrugged her shoulders in defeat. “I just thought that maybe you wouldn’t need to talk to Jack in person to decide if he was lying or not.”

“But I do. Don’t you see?” I took a long breath. “I don’t trust myself when it comes to him.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll want to believe anything he tells me over the phone. I’ll hear his voice and turn into a stupid girly ball of mush.”

“This is about protecting yourself, isn’t it?” Melissa rested her chin against her hand and sighed.

I nodded.

“You think someday you’ll be able to trust the way a normal person does?”

“You mean blindly?” I laughed harshly before continuing. “Probably not.”

The sound of Jack’s ringtone blasted from my bedroom again, grinding our conversation to a halt. “Please go answer that, Cassie.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.” I winced before walking into my room and pressing Ignore once more.

My phone beeped with another voice mail alert, followed quickly by the sound of an arriving text message. This was going to be a long weekend.

Kitten, I’m getting worried. Please let me know you’re okay before I lose my fucking mind over here. I love you.

Part of me thought, Good. Lose your mind. Be worried. You deserve it. The other part of me breathed in with relief that he actually cared. I shook my head, disgusted at my conflicted emotions, and turned my phone off. I couldn’t deal with any more text messages or missed calls tonight. Not to mention the fact that I couldn’t stop wondering if Miss Thin Brunette would be making another appearance inside Jack’s hotel room later. The very thought made my stomach churn.

I heard Melissa’s cell phone ring, followed by the sound of her voice. “Cassie, get out here!”

I reluctantly walked back into the living room where Melissa held out her phone in my direction. “Who is it?” I whispered, afraid of the answer.

“It’s Dean. Get on the phone.”

“Hello,” I said, my tone irritated.

“Cassie, Jesus Christ, what the hell is going on? Jack’s calling me like a lunatic. He’s flipping the fuck completely flipping out. Says you won’t answer any of his phone calls or texts!”

“So what.” I pretended not to care.

“You gotta talk to him, Cass. You can’t ignore him like this when he’s on a road trip, it’s not fair.”

“Yes I can!” I screamed back into the phone. “He’s the one who had a fucking girl up in his hotel room, not me! So don’t tell me I have to talk to him, Dean. Don’t talk to me about what’s fair!”

The tears reluctantly escaped my eyes once more as Jack’s betrayal settled into my damaged heart.

“You’re so goddammed stubborn! He’s going fucking apeshit and you’re just going to let him?”

“I just can’t call him, okay? I can’t talk to him right now.” I pleaded with Dean for some sort of understanding. “Just tell him I’m busy with a project for school or something. He’ll believe that.”

Dean breathed heavily into the phone. “Fine. I’ll tell him. But, Cassie, he’s not stupid. He’ll figure out something’s wrong and then I don’t know what he’ll do.”

“What does that mean?”

“It just means that I’ve never heard him sound as crazy as I did tonight. He was literally flipping the fuck out because he couldn’t get a hold of you.”

“I guess he should have thought about that before he invited some whore up to his hotel room,” I snapped.

“You’re completely unreasonable, you know that?” Dean asked, his voice harsh.

“How am I unreasonable?!”

“Because you’d rather ignore this entire situation instead of put an end to it,” he snapped.

“I’m not ignoring it! I simply refuse to discuss it over the phone. So what?”

“See? Unreasonable and selfish.”

“Now I’m selfish too?” I shouted with a laugh.

“Sort of. You’re only thinking about yourself and your feelings. You’re not thinking about Jack at all. This isn’t just a game to him. This is his future. This is his career. He can’t fuck mess up. Don’t you care about that at all ?” Dean’s voice was pained.

“ None of that matters Not if he cheated on me,” I responded, my tone cold.

“But you don’t even know what happened. You don’t even know who that girl was. She could be an old friend of his…you have no clue because you won’t ask!” He sighed loudly.

“Nope. I won’t. Not until he gets home. And don’t you dare say a thing to him either, Dean! I don’t want you tipping him off so he has an entire weekend to think up the perfect response.”

“I’m not saying a word to him. But, Cassie, can you please at least send him a text message? Just give him something so he can focus on the game? Please do that for him.”

The phone fell silent between us. Of course I cared about Jack and wanted him to pitch well. No matter how badly I hurt, I didn’t want to distract him from the one thing that truly owned his heart. “Fine. I’ll text him as soon as you let me get off the phone.”

Dean huffed out a small laugh. “Talk to you later then.”

“Wait! Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“You know I’m not picking him up on Sunday.”

There was a slight pause before Dean sighed. “I’ll come get his car.”

“Thanks. Bye.” I pressed End and handed Melissa back her phone before walking into my bedroom and powering my cell back on.

I quickly typed out a text that read: Sorry, Jack, been busy with a photography project. I’ll probably be pretty swamped until you get home. Good luck tomorrow. You’ll be great! xo

Less than a minute passed before my phone beeped, signaling I had a response. It makes me crazy to be this far away from you and not know what’s going on. I just completely lost my shit on Dean. What have you done to me? LOL Call me if you have a chance. If not, I understand. Good luck with your project. Can’t stop thinking about the other night…

Date: 2015-01-29; view: 544