Unit 3 Choosing Conversation Topics

Culture Learning Questions

1 When people meet each other for the first time, what kinds of things do they talk about? (Talk about your own language and culture).

2 What topics or questions do people usually avoid when they first meet each other?

3 Are there topics of conversation that Americans / English frequently talk about with people from your culture? If so, give examples.

4 In your culture, do people commonly talk about their salaries and other things that are related to money (for example, the price of things)? Is it acceptable to ask someone, “How much money do you make?”

5 If someone asked you a question that you felt was too personal, what would you say?

Cultural Note

In every culture there are certain topics that people commonly talk about. These topics may not be the same across cultures or, if they are, they may be discussed differently. In English people have conversations or small talk about a variety of subjects. When people make small talk, they talk about things like the weather, sports, their weekend, and so on. The topic may be unimportant, but small talk itself is important for the following reasons:

- Small talk helps people decide if they want to get to know each other better.

- Some people think that if a person doesn’t make small talk, then he or she is not friendly. (Friendliness is something that is important for Americans).

- Small talk helps people feel comfortable with each other, especially at the beginning of a conversation.

- Small talk can lead to conversation about more interesting, more serious, and more important topics.

A topic can begin as small talk and then turn into a more serious topic for conversation. After introduction you may think about what you have in common with the other person to decide what to say. You will even have certain things in common with strangers. At a beach party, for example, there are the physical surroundings, the hosts and guests, the food, the music, and yes, the weather. Try a simple comment or a question:

“Incredible day!”

“Have you some avocado dip – it’s scrumptious.”

“Who’s winning in volleyball?”

“Are you another longtime friend of Patsy’s?”

Some common topics of small talk and conversation are:

1 Job, Work. One of the questions that people ask when they first meet is, “What do you do?” which means, “What is your job?” or “What line of work are you in?” The next question may be, “Where do you work?” or “Do you like your job?” Be prepared to talk about what you do without going into a lot of detail.

2 School. Students are always asked these questions:

“What are you studying?”

“What classes are you taking?”

“What is your major?”

“How do you like your classes (teachers)?”

“What do you plan to do after you finish school?”

3 Weekend and vacation activities. On Fridays, people at work and at school often ask each other about plans for the weekend (Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday).

“What are you going to do this weekend?”

“Do you have any interesting plans for the weekend?”

On Mondays, people often ask about the weekend:

“How was your weekend?”

“How’d your weekend go?”

“Did you have anything exciting over the weekend?”

4 Family. People often ask married couples, “Do you have children?” (not “When are you going to have children?”). If the answer is “Yes”, then there are many questions that can be asked:

“How many children do you have?”

“What are their names?”

“How old are they?”

“Are they in school?”

People also ask questions about each other’s spouses:

“What does your husband /wife do?”

“Where does your husband /wife work?”

People usually like to talk about their spouses. If they don’t want to, they will probably give short answers to questions about them.

5 Weather. The weather is a common topic of conversation, especially when there isn’t much else to talk about. Strangers often talk about the weather for brief periods of time.

(As two people (strangers) are leaving a store):

A: “Nice weather we are having.”

B: “Sure is. I hope it stays this way.”

A: “Beautiful day, isn’t it?”

B: “Oh, yes. It’s gorgeous.”

A: “What awful weather we are having!”

B: “I know. When’s it going to end?”

6 Money matters. Men seem to talk more about money (except their own salaries) than women. Money matters include things like investments, stock, etc.

7 Possessions. Things. Again men seem to talk more than women about things they own or would like to own: computers, stereo equipment, televisions, cameras, cars, etc.

8 Sports. Many men and some women like to talk about sports such as baseball (during spring and summer), football (during fall and winter), and basketball (all year round).

9 Themselves. People enjoy hearing other people talk about themselves, as long as one person doesn’t do all the talking! You probably have had many experiences that other people (e.g. Americans) have not had. Moreover many Americans are interested in hearing about your experiences in the new culture.

Avoiding Certain Topics

The following is a list of topics and questions that people usually avoid when they do not know each other well or if they are not close friends:

1 Money. Although some people will tell you how much they paid for something, many do not like to be asked such questions as:

“How much did your house cost?”

“What did you pay for your car?”

“How much did that dress cost?”

“How much money do you make?”

2 Age. Some people will answer questions about age, but many people would feel uncomfortable answering them. It is, however, a common question to ask of a child.

3 Religion. This is considered a personal question. Most people don’t ask, “What’s your religion?” when first meet someone. The subject usually is not discussed until people know each other better.

4 Physical Appearance. People often compliment each other’s physical appearance, for example, “Your hair looks nice”, or “I like your blouse”. However, they usually do not ask questions about this topic. For example, many Americans would not like to be asked:

“How much do you weigh?”

“Have you gained weight lately?” (“Have you lost your weight?” is usually acceptable, especially if you know that the person wants to lose weight).

“Is that your natural hair color?”

5 Certain Information about Marriage. There are some questions that are common and acceptable in other cultures about marriage that are not considered polite in the U.S. They include:

“When are you going to get married?”

“Why aren’t you married?”

“When are you going to have children?” (although sometimes it is acceptable to ask, “Are you planning to have children?”)

“Why don’t you have children?”

People usually don’t like to be told:

“You should get married.”

“You should have children (or another child).”

6 Politics. When people first meet each other, they sometimes avoid the subject of politics. If they don’t know each other well, they probably won’t ask, for example, “Who are you going to vote for?”

Phrases and Expressions for Asking Personal Questions

When you’re not sure if a question is personal, you could say:

“I have a question to ask you, but I’m not sure if it’s a personal one for you.”

“I’d like to ask you a question, but I’m not sure if it’s considered personal in your culture.”

If you’ve already asked the question, you can say:

“If I’ve asked you a personal question, I’m sorry. In my culture, people ask this question all the time.”

“Please tell me if I’m asking any questions that are too personal.”

“I hope you don’t mind that I asked you that question.”

If you know someone well, you might be able to ask personal questions. You could say:

“Would you mind if I asked you a personal question?”

“I hope you don’t mind if I ask you this question.” (then ask your question)

“I have a question to you, but please don’t answer it if you don’t want to.”

Phrases and Expressions for Avoiding Answers

If someone asks you a question that you don’t want to answer, there are polite ways of saying so:

“I’m sorry. I prefer not to answer that question.”

“I’m sorry. That’s a hard question for me to answer.”

“I’m sorry. I’d feel uncomfortable answering that question.”

“If you don’t mind, I’d rather not answer that.’

If you want to change the topic of conversation, you could say:

“By the way, did you hear about…?”

“By the way, did I tell you…?”

“I’ve been meaning to tell you…”

“On another subject…”

“Speaking of (state new topic) I wanted to tell you about…” (use a word or phrase that has been mentioned before in the conversation).

Cross-Cultural Interaction

1 Study the phrases and situations used in avoiding answers:

“I’m sorry. I prefer not to answer that question”.

2 Make a list of “typical” questions that people ask you in the United States or in Britain (or that Americans or English ask you when you are in your own country). Ask and answer these questions with another student. Make the answers interesting. Try to encourage a two-way conversation. For example:

Question: “Where are you from?”

Answer: “I am from Brazil, the only non-Spanish-speaking country in South America. Have you ever been there or do you know anyone from there?”

Other “typical” questions that can be asked a) at the dinner party; b) at the University; c) in the train; d) by your neighbour.

3 Read the following conversation between Pali who is doing some work in his front yard Joe, his next-door neighbour, who is also doing some yard work. Answer the questions given below:

Joe: Hi, Pali. How is it going?

Pali: O.K. How are things with you?

Joe: Not too bad. In fact, pretty good! Did I tell you that I got a new job?

Pali: No, you didn’t. That’s good news!

Joe: Well, you knew that I was laid off last month. I heard about a job opening in another company. I applied and had an interview. Three days later, someone called to tell me that I got the job.

Pali: That’s great. How much money do you make now?

Joe: (Looking surprised) Uh, uhm… well, let’s just say that I can pay my bills and put food on the table.

Pali: (Not really understanding the answer) Oh. (Waiting for Joe to answer the question).

Joe: Well, listen. I have to get back to work. There’s a lot to do.

Pali: Oh, O.K. (Not knowing why the conversation stops).

Joe: See you.

Pali: Bye.

a) Analysis: Can you explain?

1 Why does Joe looked surprised when Pali asks, “How much money do you make?”

2 Pali doesn’t understand Joe’s answer (“…that I can pay my bills and put food on the table”), but he only says, “Oh,” and waits for Joe to answer the question. If you were Pali, what would you say?

3 Who wants to end the conversation? What is said to show that this person wants to stop talking?

b) Say whether the following statements are true (T) or false (F):

1 Joe had to get a new job because he was fired from his other job.

2 It took a long time (after the interview) for Joe to know if he got the job.

3 Joe doesn’t understand Pali’s question, so he doesn’t answer it.

4 Pali wants Joe to tell him exactly how much money he makes.

5 When Joe says, “I can can pay my bills and put food on the table”, he means that he makes a lot of money (that is, he is rich).

6 The conversation stops because Joe and Pali have a lot of work to do.

c) Read the following cross-cultural interaction, which shows more successful communication between Joe and Pali. Why is it more successful? Act out a similar situation.

Joe: Hi, Pali. How is it going?

Pali: O.K. How are things with you?

Joe: Not too bad. In fact, pretty good! Did I tell you that I got a new job?

Pali: No, you didn’t. That’s good news!

Joe: Well, you knew that I was laid off last month. I heard about a job opening in another company. I applied and had an interview. Three days later, someone called to tell me that I got the job.

Pali: That’s great. How do you like the job?

Joe: I like it. The salary’s a bit higher than on my last job and the benefits are very good.

Pali: I am glad to hear that.

Joe: Yeah. The other job was really starting to get me down. There was never enough work. Also I can get a good raise in six months if I do well.

Pali: Sounds good. How long does it take you to get to your new job?

(Joe and Pali continue talking).

4 Say whether the following statements are true (T) or false (F):

1 One of the most common questions that people ask each other when they first meet is , “What do you do?” which means, “What job do you have?”

2 It is usually acceptable to ask people, “How old are you?”

3 Many people think that religion is a personal subject and so they usually don’t talk about it when they first meet each other.

4 It is not polite for people to talk about themselves when they first meet other people.

5 The question, “How much do you weigh?” is an acceptable one to ask Americans / English.

6 It is acceptable to ask a married couple, “When are you going to have children?”

7 It is acceptable to ask a single woman, “When are you going to get married?”

5 Expand the following statements trying to avoid certain topics:

1 I have bought a new house.___________________________

2 My friend’s sister is going to have a baby._______________

3 I am totally confused about this weekend.________________

4 As I was laid out I have got a new job in another company.__________

5 Hello. Nice to meet you._____________________________

6 I have got some interests but there is a favourite one.____________

6 With another student, role-play one or more of the following situations. Take turns starting the conversation. Try to keep the conversation going for about three minutes and to avoid certain topics.

1 You are at work taking a break. You have only three minutes left. You see a co-worker who is standing by the coffee machine.

2 It is the first day of your English class. You and one other student have arrived early. You are standing in front of the classroom waiting for the teacher and the other students to come.

3 You are at work and one of your co-workers is ready to leave. It is 2.30 p.m. (employees usually leave at 5 p.m.) on Friday afternoon.

Date: 2015-01-12; view: 912