Upbringing by communication

Supplementary material 2

There is an eternal problem between fathers and children. Where does it come from? Who said that it is eternal? In fact, the problem of misunderstanding between generations touches only those families where parents don't have a complete image of children's upbringing.

People remember about upbringing as a management and teaching. But the third component, communication, is often omitted from consideration in the relationship with children. "It can be clear now why we tend to omit communication; it is not compatible with management and teaching!" Therefore, when children grow up, managing and teaching them becomes impossible, - children don't want it anymore, parents are not able anymore, - then there is a conflict, which is called the problem of fathers and children. But there are a lot of other families for which this problem doesn't exist. So the problem is not eternal at all. Parental disability and lack of desire to communicate with children makes it eternal.

Confusion comes from the fact that with communication people mean an ability to talk to each other: "I told him!" However, communication is not simply talking, not business communication skills, but a heartfelt contact. You feel that you are right, you talk correctly, you demand everything that is needed, really, you are absolutely right; but this doesn't matter at all, if you don't have contact with the child.

Why is it so difficult to find a common language with children? Common language - is not language of command and obedience, instead it is a language of desires. While making contact with children we must remember that the soul of a child is thirsty for communication… communication not with another man, but with soul of that man, with another soul. The soul of a child is thirsty for communication with my soul, where our souls are equal. Are we ready to disclose our souls to children, being equal? Here is the difficulty. Not all adults need communication because their souls are dried up. Not all adults can unveil the cloth of superiority… For upbringing we don't need great brains, but a great heart - the ability to communicate, to accept an equality of souls.

There is equality of souls, equality of feelings. It is possible as it is possible to feel joy or fear in a child's face, if we look at it with attention. And with one condition: “In order for a child to communicate with me, I shouldn't call for any sense of danger. He must trust me in full - that's it." Unfortunately, in many cases children are afraid of their parents.

Danger begins with our intonation and look. Children catch mainly, not a sense of our words, but the intonation. A petty irritation is especially dangerous. Dissatisfaction of an irritated man addresses not the reason of the trouble, but of the whole world. Irritation - is a reaction to smaller and weaker things; it is possible only where people are sure of their not being punished.

Why do children irritate us? Irritation is the first criteria of vanishing, dying love. While a man loves, nothing irritates him in his beloved one. When love leaves, everything begins to irritate... Beloved people don't irritate! Perhaps, it is worthy to think, that we still need to learn a lot about the art of communication with children. We still need to work harder with our soul.

by A.Aubanova
December 2004

Date: 2016-03-03; view: 831