E. Find one mistake in each of the jokes and correct it.

1. “I am sorry about the way the pie tastes, darling. It must be something I left out.”

“Nothing you left out could make it taste like that. It must be something you put in.”

2. The old professor and his wife were sitting one night in front of their fire both deep in thought. Suddenly the bell rang. “Good gracious,” whispered the wife, “there’s my husband,” and rose to open the door.

“Confound it!” exclaimed the professor and jumped out of the window.

3.“Do you think I’m going to wear this old squirrel coat all my life?

“Why not, dear? The squirrels do.”

4. “Only cheese for lunch?”

“Yes, the cutlets caught fire and it spread to the apple tart, so I had to take the soup to put it out.”

5. (maid) “I’m sorry, but she said to tell you she wasn’t at home.”

“Oh, that’s all right, just tell her that I’m glad I didn’t come.”

6. “My husband has taken all the cash out of baby’s money-box!”

“My dear!”

“Yes, and just when there was nearly enough for the new hat I wanted!”

7. “A husband leads a dog’s life!”

“That’s right. He growls all day and snores all night.”

8. “Bill’s wife always laughs at his jokes.”

“They must be pretty clever.”

“No, she is.”

9. “Have you and your wife ever had any difference of opinion?”

“Yes, but she didn’t know it.”

10. “How did mother find out you really hadn’t taken a bath?”

“I forgot to wet the soap.”

F. Focus on phrasal verbs. Fill in the gaps with the correct form of the phrasal verbs below:

a) have out / find out / make up / have on / own up

My friend is always playing practical jokes on people, but it's not always obvious that he's joking. For example, the other day he borrowed my car because he had to collect someone from the airport. When he returned the next day, he came in his own car, and gave me £100. He told me that a man at the airport had offered him £100 for the car and so he had sold it. At first I didn't believe him and asked him if he was having me on , but he assured me that he wasn't, and managed to convince me that it was true, that he had really sold my car. I was furious, and decided to have it out with him. I told him that he could keep the money because he would need it to buy my car back. He seemed very shocked and told me he didn't know where the man lived but offered to lend me his car whenever I wanted. I was so angry that I didn't know what to say. I just pushed him out of my front door and onto the street, trying very hard not to punch him. It was then that I happened to look up the street, and saw my car parked behind a tree. I had found him out, but decided to pretend to be angry with him, to teach him a lesson. I told him that our friendship was over, and that he was no longer welcome in my house. Eventually, he ownedup and admitted that he had made the whole story up, but I pretended not to believe him, and continued to shout at him. He became quite worried and started to run away, then stopped and pointed at my car, but I had gone into my house and locked the door.

Of course, I phoned him later and explained that I had seen my car but wanted to get revenge and play a joke on him. It's strange, but for someone who loves practical jokes so much, he didn't seem to find it that funny!

b) take off / wind up / crease up / laugh at / laugh off

When the teacher entered the classroom, Dave was taking her off, imitating the way she stood at the board and spoke to the students. The class were creasing up with laughter, but they soon stopped when they saw the teacher. She was clearly not amused by Dave’s impersonation of her, but tried to laugh off it , and politely asked Dave to return to his seat. Dave, however, didn’t know when to stop, and whenever the teacher asked him a question, he impersonated her voice when he gave the answer. Eventually she asked him if he was deliberately trying to wind her up, and when he just laughed at her instead of answering she decided that enough was enough. “For homework tonight, Dave” she said, “I’d like you to write 2,000 words on why it’s usually the teacher who has the last laugh in the classroom.”

Date: 2016-03-03; view: 1089