I. Eliciting an Apology and Forgiveness

Probably the most effective peacemaking tool of all is to elicit an apology from one side and forgiveness from the other. If this can be done—and it is difficult—conciliation, peace, and healing are assured.

For example, if the defendant or counsel can be convinced to consider making a sincere apology for what occurred, and show their concern for the welfare and recovery of the plaintiff, a major step is taken to settlement.[105] More importantly, it makes it easier for the plaintiff to begin the process of forgiveness. Both the apology and the forgiveness greatly impact the emotions, helping all involved to calm down and lighten the burden of anger and frustration. As the emotions are mollified, the parties are better able to listen to their lawyers and reach a fair and honorable settlement.

Although the apology is being used more and more by adjusters and with satisfactory results, forgiveness as a peacemaker’s tool is more reluctantly suggested, perhaps because of its religious overtones.

If parties to a dispute can apologize and forgive, it not only helps them achieve a meaningful resolution, but it builds peace, strength, and dignity within the person. It gives assurance that the issue in dispute will not occur again.

How does the mediator inject the apology and forgiveness into the process? The hatred and anger generated in a wrongful death action, for example, which obstruct settlement, are often misdirected or misunderstood. Many times they are generated by the fact that the defendant does not attend the mediation, thereby suggesting indifference and unconcern. Although the adjuster, the real decision maker is present, this may not satisfy the emotional needs of the bereaved family members. By requesting that the defendant attend the mediation in order to provide a meaningful apology and expression of remorse, the mediator can satisfy one of the basic needs of the deceased’s family: compassion. This in turn opens the door for forgiveness to become operative.

In the divorce context, an apology and forgiveness can be of particular importance to the ongoing relationship the parties must endure, particularly if there are children. The mediator can make clear that an apology or forgiveness is not an act of surrender or a show of weakness.[106] If both sides can be encouraged to see the humanity in the other, a major step has been taken toward a peaceful resolution.

Date: 2015-01-02; view: 809