HOW TO SPEND A PARISIAN WEEKEND

Promise yourself you won’t go out on Friday, so as to get a good night’s rest.

Nevertheless, go for a drink after work, then get dragged to a restaurant, and end your night in a club, in spite of yourself.

Be thankful that you always wear nice lingerie—you never know what might happen.

Wake up on Saturday morning in bed with your best guy friend, before launching into a long discussion about the “stakes” and the “ins and outs,” as well as the “subtext” of the situation.

Alternatively, wake up on Saturday morning in your building, looking out at the same view as from your apartment, but at a slightly lower angle. Realize you’re in your downstairs neighbor’s bed.

Eat croissants and buttered toast for breakfast—because it’s Saturday morning and you burned enough calories last night, damn it.

Agree to (at least a little) exercise but only in “beautiful” surroundings: a run in a picturesque public park or a swim in a historically listed pool.

Go to the market on Sunday morning with your wicker basket. Prepare a delicious lunch with vegetables, fresh bread, and salted butter.

Take a nap on Sunday afternoon, because there’s nothing better to do. Preferably at the same time as your children or your new lover.

Invite your friends over for dinner to stave off the Sunday evening blues.

If they don’t come, eat a tartine of Camembert accompanied by a bottle of excellent Bordeaux—also to fight the Sunday blues.

Promise yourself you’ll spend next weekend in the countryside.

Paris Cutouts

Always take a bit of Paris with you.

THE ABC’S OF CHEATING

Rule number one: DENY, DENY, DENY.

Don’t feel guilty. This is about you, not against him.

What’s good for you is good for your relationship: basically, you’re just being a thoughtful girlfriend.

Your lover should not be part of your circle of friends: it’s okay to cheat on your boyfriend, it’s not okay to humiliate him. His honor matters just as much as your personal fulfillment.

Save your lover’s number under “Private Number.”

Better yet, save it under your best friend’s name. (She’s so needy …)

There is no such thing as a secret that stays a secret. The truth always comes out. Refer back to rule number one.

Protect yourself—against disease and love itself (which can also make you very sick).

Never complain to your lover about your boyfriend. Who wants to fool around with a woman who’s dating a loser?

Keep things straight: don’t treat your lover like a boyfriend.

Shake it up and spread the love: cheat on your lover with your boyfriend.

The Art of Make-Believe

The secret to making a man know you need him:

Of course you can open a bottle of wine by yourself.

But let him do it. That’s equality, too.

CLASSIC (AND FOOLPROOF) FRENCH RECIPES

A Parisienne loves her classics. But should her culinary skills fail her, she has a few tricks up her sleeve that she never shares with anyone.

CREPES

Crepes are a specialty in France’s Brittany region, but the whole country makes them for their children on Shrove Tuesday. According to tradition, it’s fun to flip them in the air, especially when they land on somebody’s head and not in the pan.

You can find a variation with caramelized sugar and Grand Marnier in Parisian brasseries under the name Crêpes Suzette.

INGREDIENTS

1 cup flour

3 eggs

1 tablespoon vegetable (not olive) oil

3 tablespoons sugar (or vanilla sugar)

Pinch of salt

1 to 2 tablespoons water

2 cups milk

½ cup beer

Serves 4

Prep time: 10 minutes

Resting time: 1 hour

Cooking time: 4 minutes per crepe

Put the flour in a mixing bowl.

Trick number 1: First sift the flour through a fine sieve or small mesh strainer. This will ensure that the batter doesn’t turn lumpy.

Make a well in the middle of the flour with your hand and add the eggs, oil, sugar, salt, and water. Mix thoroughly with a wooden spoon. Add the milk while stirring continuously until you have a smooth batter.

Trick number 2: Add half a cup of beer to the batter. This gives the crepes a wonderfully light consistency. (The alcohol will evaporate during cooking.)

Add the beer, stir, and cover the batter with a dishtowel. Leave to rest one hour.

Next, heat up a large sauté pan that you’ve greased with an oil-soaked paper towel. With a ladle, pour enough batter into the pan so that it spreads out evenly—it should be no thicker than a pinhead or a quarter. Cook for about 2 minutes, then flip. If you’re feeling brave, try flipping it in the air with a flick of the wrist. Otherwise, use a spatula.

Trick number 3: There’s an old wives’ tale that says if you hold a coin in one hand while cooking, it will bring prosperity to your household.

It’s ready! Eat the crepe folded into halves or quarters, sprinkled with sugar, or filled with jam, chestnut purée, whipped cream … Anything goes.

ILE FLOTTANTE (FLOATING ISLAND)

This dessert is a showstopper, easy to prepare, and light. It’s the perfect way to end an otherwise copious dinner. Parisian bistros serve it with a drizzle of caramel and shaved almonds.

INGREDIENTS

1 vanilla bean

2 cups milk

6 eggs, separated

1½–2 cups sugar

1 teaspoon flour

Pinch of salt

Caramel sauce (jarred or homemade)

Serves6to8people

Prep time:20minutes

Cooking time:15minutes

Resting time:10minutes

Total:45minutes

Start by making crème anglaise: make a slit down the vanilla bean and add it to the milk. Bring the milk to a boil, remove from heat, and then remove the bean.

Trick number 1: You can substitute vanilla extract for the bean. (The beans can be very expensive.)

In a separate bowl, beat the egg yolks with 1½ cups of the sugar until the mixture is white and frothy. Add to the warm milk and return the mixture to the stove over low heat to thicken it.

Trick number 2: Add a teaspoon of flour to the mixture to give it a nice thickness.

Add the flour and stir continuously with a wooden spoon to prevent the mixture from boiling. After a few minutes, when the white froth on top has disappeared, remove from the heat. Place it in the refrigerator to cool while you prepare the islands.

In a large pot, bring 8 cups of water to a boil. In a medium bowl, beat the egg whites and a pinch of salt and slowly add 2 tablespoons of the sugar until stiff. Using two large spoons, delicately make the egg whites into balls and ladle them into the boiling water. Each island will take 1 to 2 minutes to cook. They are done once the whites are hardened, but make sure they stay moist. Then carefully scoop them out onto paper towels. Serve two or three islands per portion, in cups filled with crème anglaise, and cover them with caramel sauce.

Trick number 3: If you’re making your own caramel sauce, use five sugar cubes per tablespoon of water. Add a good splash of lemon juice. Make sure to watch the pan; when it begins to brown, add a few drops of vinegar so it doesn’t burn.

MAYONNAISE

Some people believe that to succeed in the art of mayonnaise, you need the stars to align … Whether or not that’s true, homemade mayonnaise is a delicacy, a treat, to be savored with a simple hard-boiled egg, raw vegetables, or seafood.

INGREDIENTS

1 egg yolk

1 tablespoon strong mustard

Salt and freshly ground pepper

¼ cup vegetable oil

A drizzle of vinegar (or lemon juice)

Prep time: 10 minutes

In a large bowl, whisk together the egg yolk and mustard with a dash of salt and pepper. Add the oil in a drizzle while whisking constantly with an electric beater. In order to create an emulsion, this must be done slowly, so you can feel the concoction gradually thicken and blend. Finish by adding the vinegar or lemon juice. Feel free to flavor your mayonnaise with a dash of nutmeg, paprika, or even saffron.

Trick number 1: Take the ingredients out of the fridge ahead of time so they warm up to room temperature.

Trick number 2: Mayonnaise can be kept for up to twenty-four hours in the refrigerator if covered with plastic wrap that “touches” the surface of the mayonnaise, but it doesn’t keep any longer than that.

VINAIGRETTE

So many recipes, so many variations: to each her own. Some people use old-fashioned grainy mustard, some like to add soy sauce, some throw in a pinch of sugar, and some put in chopped shallots, while others swear by balsamic vinegar. Whatever you choose, make sure to respect the order.

INGREDIENTS

Salt

1 part vinegar

1 part water

2 parts olive oil

Pepper

Mix all of the ingredients in a bowl.

The Trick: Salt first, then vinegar, then water, then oil, and pepper last of all. In that order, without fail!

Then, be creative and add whatever you feel like: parsley, chives, wasabi …

SETTING THE TABLE

o set a table for a dinner party, there’s no need to invest in a full set of china. However, anything “themed” (confetti, stones, fake flower petals, etc.) isn’t welcome—it’s not Mardi Gras. The table should reflect what you have, and not be overly coordinated. Au contraire, the china can be a mottled collection of your finds at flea markets.

Your glasses don’t have to match either, but they should be clear (nothing colored) and should all have stems.

For the napkins, it is nice to use old embroidered white ones with a monogram. These cost next to nothing on eBay or can be taken from your grandmother’s drawers.

There’s no need to fold the napkins into complicated origami, simply place them on or alongside the plates.

At a Parisienne’s table you will often find Laguiole folding knives, named after the French village where they are made. You can recognize them by the insect engraved on the handle.

It’s probably better to cover your table unless it’s a truly beautiful one. Old linen sheets make excellent tablecloths. They can be white or dyed.

On every table there is an open bottle of wine and a carafe of water (not a plastic bottle). If you don’t have a salt shaker, put salt in two small dishes on either end of the table. The large wooden pepper grinders are called Rubirosas, after the Dominican playboy, and are the best.

Date: 2016-01-14; view: 780