EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL

Imagine a scrap of wood and toss it into a frozen lake. Wait a while. Slowly, it will be coated in a thin layer of ice until it is transformed and sparkles as brightly as a diamond. This process is called crystallization. In his book On Love, the nineteenth-century French author Stendhal wrote that falling in love works much the same way. At first, the object of love appears to be absolutely perfect, even extraordinary. For Stendhal, the period of crystallization is fleeting, obsessional, and quixotic—a phase during which the object of affection is completely idealized. For most, this state passes soon enough, but not for the Parisienne. The Parisienne is in love with the idea of love. To a pathological degree. Her entire life revolves around the flutterings of her heart.

Crystallization is her personal form of madness and will make her do just about anything:

Write letters she will never send. Spend a fortune on lingerie no one will ever see. Fall for three men in the same week with equal intensity. Cancel work meetings so she can wait for a phone call that may never come. Dream up a life with someone who doesn’t even know her name.

Voilà, the secret of the Parisienne, the reason for her flushed cheeks, her wistful smile. Her love of love. And even if the object of her affection changes from one day to the next, the feeling remains the same. She is incredibly faithful, just not to the same man.

A Mother’s
Advice on Love

She received these words of wisdom from her mother, and passed them on to us as soon as we could walk. They have reverberated throughout our lives first as stepping-stones, then as guides, and finally as mantras. And to be honest, we haven’t always agreed with them. At times they’ve even annoyed us because they have derailed our plans. But then, as we grew up, we came to face the facts: Mother was right all along.

To be passed on, whether or not you have children:

Always be prepared, he could be just around the corner.

Love alone is not enough. You have to work at it.

Age should never be an excuse to go to bed early.

Be financially independent, so that you love only for love.

When you no longer want to love each other, it’s that you’re still in love. When you still want to love each other, it’s that you’ve fallen out of love.

If he’s the right horse, he’ll come back at a gallop.

Just because you have only one life doesn’t mean you should be afraid of wasting it.

“The only beautiful eyes are those that look at you with tenderness.”

—COCO CHANEL