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How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man 2 page

The real scandal is that a world which was horrified by the crimes against humanity of the Third Reich remained indiffer­ent to its treatment of homosexuals, denied compensa­tion to such survivors, and refused to inscribe the pink triangle on monu­ments to the victims. This silence is often the omission of the same historians and commentators who insult and defame the German people for their unwillingness to resist Hitler's policies, even though they were living in a country where everyone was at the mercy of the Gestapo and the rest of the Nazi terror apparatus. Just beginning in the Soviet Union is the whole process of identifying and compensating the victims of the repression conducted by Stalin and his successors between 1927 and 1985 - and it will be important to follow the measures which the current regime adopts in regard to homosexuals. Such con­trasts are a measure of the continu­ing dishones­ty and hypocrisy even of liberals, Jews - and of course psychiatrists - on the subject of homosexu­ality, ­actions that undermine apologists who claim that the Churches were no more than "innocent bystand­ers," powerless to prevent the injustice which they saw and deplored. Indeed, if Hitler and Stalin had only killed homosex­uals by the million, many of the self-righteous­ might still be applaud­ing both of them.
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1. ↑ This article owes much to Wayne R. Dynes' indispensable Homosexuality: A Research Guide (New York and London: Garland Publishing, 1987).

2. ↑ Lucy S. Davidowicz, The Holocaust and the Historians (Cambridge, MA, 1981), p. 8. Ironically, this stance echoes the alibi voiced in crypto-Nazi writings of the postwar period that the inmates of the concentration camps were mainly black marketeers and other criminals who well deserved to be sent there.*

3. ↑ For example, Joseph Wortis (born 1906) had this to say of the Stalinist persecution of homosexuals in Soviet Psy chiatry (Baltimore, 1950), pp. 213-14:

In the same period, fifteen years after the revolution, deliberate efforts were made to break up the sequestered coteries of sexual deviates which were still found to exist, by enacting more stringent legislation on certain abnormal sex practices. Groups of homosexuals, for example, isolated from the new social currents, not infrequently became involved in various antisocial activities, tended to seduce and involve younger people and appeared to be a demoralizing element in the new society. It was felt, moreover, that favorable objective conditions had been created for a healthier morality oriented toward normal sex and family life. As an aid to the development of a sexuality directed toward these socially desirable goals, stricter legislation was enacted to reflect the social disapproval of sexual deviation.

It is noteworthy that even during the cold war, when any criticism of the Soviet Union, whether truthful or not, could be expressed in the American media, an American psychiatrist wrote about Soviet measures analogous to those enacted by Nazi Germany as if they were only steps toward "a healthier morality." Many



psychiatrists and psychoanalysts shared these opinions and continued to hold them even after the homophile movement had begun in the United States. Far and away the most malicious of them all in the 1950s was Edmund Bergler (1899 - 1962), whoseHomosexuality: Disease or Way of Life? (New York, 1956), an omniumgatherum of hate and defamation, was the Pastoral Psychology Book Club Selection for July 1957 "at the reduced price of $3.50 for members." Pastoral Psychology (issue of June 1957) excerpted (p. 52) from Bergler's book the following characterization of homosexuals: Homosexuals are essentially disagreeable people, regardless of their pleasant or unpleasant outward manner. True, they are not responsible for their unconscious conflicts. However, these conflicts sap so much of their inner energy that the shell is a mixture of superciliousness, fake aggression, and whimpering. Like all psychic masochists, they are subservient when confronted with a stronger person, merciless when in power, unscrupulous about trampling on a weaker person. The only language their unconscious understands is brute force. What is most discouraging, you seldom find an intact ego (what is popularly called 'a correct person') among them.

4. ↑ Raul Hilberg, The Destruction of the European Jews (Chicago, 1961), pp. 117: "Precedents." Hilberg makes no mention of the precedents for persecuting and killing other victims of Nazism, whom he leaves out of consideration altogether.

5. ↑ Henry Charles Lea, History of Sacerdotal Celibacy in the Christian Church (New York, 1907); Vern Bullough, Sexual Variance in Society and History (New York, 1976); John Boswell, Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century (Chicago, 1980); Michael Goodich, The Unmentionable Vice: Homosexuality in the Later Medieval Period (Santa Barbara, CA, 1979); David F. Greenberg, The Construction of Homosexuality (Chicago, 1988); Warren Johansson, "Ex parte Themis: The Historical Guilt of the Christian Church," in Homosexuality, Intolerance and Christianity: A Critical Examination of John Boswell's Work (New York, 1981); Randolph Trumbach in (new)Journal of Homosexuality. Latin Christianity brought with it a familiarity with the Mediterranean (Greco-Roman) form of homosexuality, which was pederastic, age-asymmetrical and role-dichotomized, and also the Judaic taboo on homosexuality which the Church elaborated into the "sodomy delusion," denying not just the legitimacy of homosexual activity but even the existence of individuals oriented solely toward their sex. Yet in the absence of a foreign model and in the face of official repression and denial the peoples of Northwestern Europe in modern times created a new, historically unprecedented form of homosexuality: androphile, agesymmetrical,and role- alternating, and with it a distinctive subculture integrated into the clandestine "second society" that flourished beneath the surface of the normative one. This subculture became in modern times the basis of a "gay" political identity that asserted its right to a "place in the sun."

6. ↑ According to Magnus Hirschfeld, Die Homosexualität des Mannes und des Weibes (Berlin, 1914), pp. 842-54, the following European jurisdictions had repealed the laws against homosexual conduct as of 1 Jan. 1913: Belgium, France, Italy, Luxemburg, Monaco, Montenegro, the Netherlands, Portugal, Romania, Serbia, Spain, the Swiss cantons of Geneva, Tessin, Waadt, and Wallis, and Turkey.

7. ↑ Kanzler Friedrich von Müller, Unterhaltungen mit Goethe, ed. Renate Grumach (Munich, 1959), p. 189.

8. ↑ On this see Magnus Hirschfeld, Homosexualität, p. 961.

9. ↑ In 1897 Hirschfeld revived the ideas of Karl Heinrich Ulrichs to create the world's first homosexual rights organization, the Wissenschaftlich-humanitare Komitee (Scientific-Humanitarian Committee), which existed until 1933.

10. ↑ See George Mosse, Nationalism and Sexuality: Respectability and Abnormal Sexuality in Modern Europe (New York, 1985).

11. ↑ Michel Foucault, The History of Sexuality, Vol. I: An Introduction, trans. R. Hurley (New York, 1978); Jeffrey Weeks, Coming Out: Homosexual Politics in Britain from the Nineteenth Century to the Present (London, 1977); David F. Greenberg, The Construction of Homosexuality.

12. ↑ The worst example of this misunderstanding, Weeks' Coming Out, states that in the late nineteenth century capitalist society sought to control homosexual behavior by defining it in increasingly hostile terms. This repression led, by way of reaction, to the creation of a homosexual subculture, and eventually to efforts toward reform. This "construction" stands the real sequence of events on its head. It is more likely that capitalism and industrialization, by creating large cities in which the homosexual subculture could flourish under the protective cloak of mass anonymity, effected the "dialectical transformation of quantity into quality," which is to say made the participants in this urban subculture numerous enough to form an organized political bloc capable of demanding the human rights promised it by the Enlightenment but denied it by the bourgeois-liberal regimes of the nineteenth century that opted instead to perpetuate the legal and social intolerance of the seventeenth.

13. ↑ Hirschfeld, Die Homosexualität, pp. 465493. The conception of homosexuality as an innate, incurable disorder was confirmed by the Supreme Command of the Armed Forces (OKW) on 19 May 1943, and a year later, a Luftwaffe directive concurred. Geoffrey Cocks,Psychotherapy in the Third Reich: The Göring Institute (New York, 1985), p. 226.

14. ↑ Hans F. K. Günther, Führeradel durch Sippenpflege (Munich, 1936), pp. 23-28, quoting the Norwegian eugenicist Jon Alfred Mjoen (1860-1939) to the effect that the state must learn to distinguish between the "right to life and the right to give life." See also Günther's Platon als Hüter des Lebens: Platons Zucht- und Erziehungsgedanken und deren Bedeutung für die Gegenwart, 3rd ed. (Pahl, 1966).

15. ↑ For an extensive account of the Institute and its position on the subject of homosexuality, see Cocks, Psychotherapy in the Third Reich, esp. pp. 20510. A contemporary estimate of this psychotherapeutic undertaking by an émigré author is Walter Hartmann, "Psychoanalyse im Dritten Reich," Europä ische Hefte 2 (1935): 21720. In 1943 the Göring Institute began to receive large subsidies from the Reich Research Council; its records for the first quarter of 1944 show funding for a research team on homosexuality headed by Harald SchultzHencke. In support of his claim that psychotherapy was indeed effective, he asserted in 1944 that by 1939 the Göring Institute could report 500 cases in which homosexuals had been cured by treatment, either private or clinical.

16. ↑ For a schematic presentation of this concept, see Wayne R. Dynes, Homolexis: A Historical and Cultural Lexicon of Homosexuality (New York, 1985), p. 134.

17. ↑ Heinrich Himmler especially seems to have cherished this view, as shown by the statements collected by Boisson, Le Triangle rose, pp. 3753. Himmler believed that there were at least one million, probably two million, and possibly even four million homosexuals in Germany and that if the spread of the "contagious vice" were not halted, the nation would be doomed to biological death. By this warped logic killing homosexuals was the only way to "stop the spread of the disease." Interesting to mention, Claude Courouve has assembled an unpublished paper with a whole series of passages from as far back as the eighteenth century, every one of which asserts that homosexuality is on the increase!

18. ↑ Rudolf Klare, Homosexualität und Strafrecht (Hamburg, 1937). An appreciative review by Heinrich Henkel, Professor of Law at the University of Breslau, appeared in Zeitschrift für die gesamte Strafrechtswissenschaft 58 (1938): 718- 21.

19. ↑ Oswald Bumke, Erinnerungen und Betrachtungen: der Weg eines deutschen Psychiaters (Munich, 1952), pp. 163-66. It is curious that Bumke, who wrote one of the classic texts discrediting the belief in "degeneration" cherished by KrafftEbing and his contemporaries, Über nervöse Entartung (1912), still clung to the notion in Kultur und Entartung (1922), a work destined for the general public. This confusion is not merely a characteristic of individuals trained in the natural sciences, who are helpless and naive in dealing with social and political issues, it is also an aspect of conservative Kultur kritik : a pseudoscientific explanation of why everything is growing worse and worse. In an article published much earlier in his career, "Zur Frage der Häufigkeit homosexueller Vergehen," Münchener medizinischeWochenschrift 51 (1904): 2333- 34, Bumke had challenged Magnus Hirschfeld's pioneer questionnaire study on the frequency of homosexuality in the population, claiming that individuals who had become impotent with women as a result of masturbation could be hypnotized by reading books on sexual perversions into imagining that they were homosexual. After the Nazi seizure of power, Bumke told the 23rd congress of the Deutsche Gesellschaft für Gynakologie held in Berlin on 11-14 Oct. 1933 that "the greatest and most fundamental danger threatening us resides, however, in the procreation strike and thus in the dying out of our entire people." Archiv für Gynäkologie 156 (1933): 110. These quotations reveal how the notion of homosexuality as a "contagious disease" and the pronatalist, mentality that saw the falling birth rate as the greatest of evils could coincide even in a psychiatrist of the first rank; small wonder then that a Nazi leader like Heinrich Himmler could cherish such views and act on them.

20. ↑ The Statutory Criminal Law of Germany, ed. Eldon R. James, comments by Vladimir Gsovski (Washington: Library of Congress, 1947), Old §175 StGB on p. 114.

21. ↑ The Statutory Criminal Law of Germany, New §175 StGB on p. 114.

22. ↑ The Statutory Criminal Law of Germany, §175a StGB on p. 114.

23. ↑ The Statutory Criminal Law of Germany, §175b StGB on p. 114.

24. ↑ Strafgesetzbuch, Beck'sche Kurz-Kommentar, Vol. 10 (Munich and Berlin, 1958), p. 417. [[1]]

25. ↑ Erich Schwinge, "Die deutsche Militärgerichtsbarkeit im zweiten Weltkrieg," Deutsche Richterzeitung 37 (1959): 352.

26. ↑ Wenzeslaus Graf von Gleispach, "Angriffe auf die Sittlichkeit," in Franz Gürtner, Das kommende deutsche Strafrecht, besonderer Teil: Bericht über die Arbeit der amtlichen Strafrechtskommission, 2nd ed. (Berlin, 1936), p. 203.

27. ↑ Leopold Schäfer, "Die Einzelheiten der Strafgesetznovelle vom 28. Juni 1935," Deutsche Justiz 97 (1935): 994. Schäfer was Ministerialdirektor in the Reich Ministry of Justice, and his name appears on the title page of the 1935 edition of the amended criminal code. Klare later argued for extension of the criminal law to lesbians, but without success, in "Zum Problem der weiblichen Homosexualität," Deutsches Recht 8 (1938): 503-7.

28. ↑ Von Gleispach, "Angriffe auf die Sittlichkeit," pp. 20304; Klare, "Zum Problem der weiblichen Homosexualität," p. 506.

29. ↑ Warren Johansson, coauthor of this review, piece, corresponded with Kurt Hiller between 1959 and 1966.

30. ↑ Otto Peter Schweling. Die deutsche Militärjustiz in der Zeit des Nationalsozialismus (Marburg an der Lahn, 1977), pp. 22023. This book was reviewed in a highly critical vein by Michael Stolleis in Geschichte in Wissenschaft und Unterricht 29 (1978)650-54.

31. ↑ Rudolf Höss, Kommandant in Auschwitz: Autobiographische Aufzeichnungen (Stuttgart, 1958), pp. 77-79.

32. ↑ Anna Pawelczynska, Values and Violence in Auschwitz: A Sociological Analysis, trans. Catherine S. Leach (Berkeley and Los Angeles, 1979), pp. 85-89 [Polish original 1973].

33. ↑ William A. Percy, "Anti-Semitism and Homophobia Linked in Discussion of Holocaust Victims Memorial," Gay Community News, (814 March 1987).

34. ↑ 3Heinz Heger, The Men with the Pink Triangle, trans. David Fernbach (Boston, 1980) [German original 1980]. The American play Bent was based upon this book.

35. ↑ Manfred Herzer, Bibliographie zur Homosexualität (Berlin, 1982).

36. ↑ W. U. Eissler, Arbeiterparteien und Homosexuellenfrage: Zur Sexualpolitik von SPD und KPD in der Weimarer Republik (Berlin, 1980).

37. ↑ Kurt Hiller, Paragraph 175: Die Schmach des Jahrhunderts (Hanover, 1922).

38. ↑ Wolfgang Harthauser (pseud. of Reimar Lenz), "Der Massenmord an Homosexuellen im Dritten Reich," in Das grosse Tabu: Zeug nisse und Dokumente zum Problem der Homosexualität, ed. Willhart Schlegel (Munich, 1967), pp. 737.

39. ↑ Harry Wilde, Das Schicksal der Verfemten: Die Verfolgung der Homosexuellen im "Dritten Reich" und ihre Stellung in der heutigen Gesellschaft (Tübingen, 1969)

40. ↑ Stümke, Homosexuelle in Deutschland, pp. 92-131: "Between Concentration Camp and Scalpel: Why the Nazis declared homosexuals 'enemies of the state' (19331945)."

41. ↑ Hans Peter Bleuel, Sex and Society in Nazi Germany, trans. J. Maxwell Littlejohn (Philadelphia, 1973).

42. ↑ Max Gallo, Night of the Long Knives (New York, 1972).

43. ↑ Erwin J. Haeberle, "Swastika, Pink Triangle, and Yellow Star: The Destruction of Sexology and the Persecution of Homosexuals in Nazi Germany," Journal of Sex Research 17 (1981): 270-87.

44. ↑ Manfred Herzer, "Nazis, Psychiatrists, and Gays: Homophobia in the Sexual Science of the National Socialist Period," Cabirion 12 (1985): 15.

45. ↑ Samuel Igra, Germany's National Vice (London, 1945). Another specimen of such "antifascist" émigré writing is Hans Erich Kaminski, El nazismo como problema sexual(Buenos Aires, 1940), esp. pp. 13-15 and 41-65.

46. ↑ Hans von Tresckow, Von Fürsten und anderen Sterblichen: Erinnerungen eines Kriminalkommissars (Berlin, 1922).

47. ↑ George Mosse, Nationalism and Sexuality: Respectability and Abnormal Sexuality in Modern Europe (New York, 1985).

48. ↑ Ian Young, Gay Resistance (Toronto, 1985).

49. ↑ Fascisme en homoseksualiteit, ed. Ronald Kolpa, Harry Oosterhuis, Theo Schut, Lex van Vorselen (Amsterdam, 1985).

50. ↑ Pieter Koenders, Homoseksualiteit in bezet Nederland: Ver zwe gen Hoofdstuk (The Hague, 1983).

51. ↑ The Dutch work Fascisme en homoseksualiteit cites the German original as: Klaus Mann, "Homosexualität und Faschismus," Die neue Weltbühne (Prague, 1934), pp. 130-37, but no article by Klaus Mann appears in the first half of Die neue Weltbühne for 1934, and from the issue of 15 Mar. 1934 onward the periodical was edited by a Stalinist, Hermann Budzislawski, who excluded from its pages all criticism of the Soviet Union. On this point see Istvan Deak, Weimar Germany's Left-Wing Intellectuals: A Political History of the Weltbuhne and Its Circle (Berkeley and Los Angeles, 1968), p. 218. In the same work pp. 131-33 deal with the support given by Die Weltbühne to the homosexual rights movement and with the conservative backlash. In fact the article, entitled "Die Linke und 'das Laster'," was published in Europäische Hefte 1 (1934): 675-78, then reprinted as "Homosexualität und Faschismus" in Heute und Morgen: Schriften zur Zeit (Munich, 1969), pp. 130-37. Mann recognizes that just at that time the first years of the Hitler regime the left increasingly asserted an overlap between homosexuality and the fascist movements in Central Europe, parroting phrases such as "Mörder und Päderasten" (murderers and pederasts) to stigmatize members of the Nazi paramilitary units.

52. ↑ Kurt Hiller, "Rückschritte der Sowjet-Union," Sozialistische Warte 11 (1936): 326- 28.

53. ↑ John Lauritsen and David Thorstad, The Early Homosexual Rights Movement, p. 68.

54. ↑ Hirschfeld, Die Homosexualität, pp. 902- 15.

55. ↑ Konrad Kwiet, "The Ultimate Refuge Suicide in the Jewish Community under the Nazis,"Leo Baeck Institute Year Book 29 (1984): 135-67.

56. ↑ Consoli, Homocaust, p. 57.

57. ↑ Stümke, Rosa Winkel, rosa Listen, pp. 261- 63.

58. ↑ Lautmann in Seminar: Gesell schaft und Homosexualität and "The Pink Triangle" estimated the total number of homosexuals who died in the camps at 10,000.

59. ↑ Plant, The Pink Triangle, pp. 148- 49.

60. ↑ Boisson, Le Triangle rose, pp. 2014.

61. ↑ Ibid., pp. 11416.

62. ↑ Giovanni Dall'Orto, "Le ragioni di una persecuzione," in Martin Sherman, Bent (Italian trans.) (Turin, 1984), pp. 10119, and "Per il bene della razza al confino il pederasta,"Babilonia (Apr/May 1986).

63. ↑ On this issue see Willi Schlamm, "Abschaffung der Sklaverei," Europäische Hefte 2 (1935): 48485.

64. ↑ Lautmann, Seminar: Gesellschaft und Homosexualität, p. 329.

65. ↑ Boisson, Le Triangle rose, pp. 136-56.

66. ↑ Lautmann, "The Pink Triangle," pp. 156-57.

67. ↑ Cocks, Psychotherapy in the Third Reich, p. 226; Lautmann, Seminar: Gesellschaft und Homosexualität, p. 340.

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How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man

sci_psychologyMillnerTalk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Manthe instant number one New York Times bestseller Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve Harvey gave millions of women around the globe insight into what men really think about love, intimacy, and commitment. In his new book he zeros in on what motivates men and provides tips on how women can use that knowledge to get more of what they need out of their relationships, whether it's more help around the house, more of the right kind of attention in the bedroom, more money in the joint bank account, or more truth when it comes to the hard questions, such as: Are you committed to building a future together? Does my success intimidate you? Have you cheated on me?Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man, Steve Harvey shares information on:

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© 2010book is dedicated to the memory of my beloved mother,VERA HARVEY,taught me my love and faith in GOD,to my father,“SLICK” HARVEY,sole purpose seemed to be to teach me how to be a man.combination has kept me moving forward even in my darkest days…miss them so much. I hope I’m making them proud.can hear her heels clicking on the cement, coming faster and faster, louder and louder. She was working her way up three levels of the circular parking lot-she’s skipped the elevators altogether and is running in the middle of the road trying to run me down before I make it to my car or to stop me if I start to drive away. Just as I am about to duck into the backseat, she catches me: “Steve Harvey! Steve Harvey! I… got… the… ring,” she says, waving her left hand in my face while trying to catch her breath from the impromptu workout. She swallows hard, takes another breath, and then starts in again. “You said to make marriage a requirement and tell him if he wanted to continue our relationship he needed to give me a ring. I did what you said to do and I got it, Steve Harvey. I got my ring!”hear stories like hers practically every day: some women send me letters, telling me they wish they’d had my first book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, on their bookshelves when they were wasting time with a good-for-nothing guy; some women e-mail me stories about how they would have better recognized the guy worth holding on to if they had known in advance what motivates men, which I shared in that book; still others call into The Steve Harvey Morning Show or show up to my book signings, relationship panels, and television appearances, or send questions to my online dating site, thanking me for the insight and vowing to keep my advice in mind as they look for, get into, and forge relationships with the opposite sex. With more than two million books sold worldwide and translated into a myriad of languages in over thirty different countries, I’m proud to know that which I spoke about so passionately in Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man was digested, considered, discussed, and ultimately applauded all around the world. I’m also grateful for the doors it opened for me. I have been labeled a relationship expert on a national morning show and in one of the most well-read and respected women’s magazines in the world (though I will maintain that I am merely an expert on the mind-set of men in terms of how we think and why we do what we do).’ll be honest. I did not see this coming. When I set out to write my first book, I did it only intending to share with women who send in questions to the “Strawberry Letter” segment of my radio program and show up to my comedy shows nodding in agreement about my observations on love and relationships, a no-holds-barred guide to understanding what men think about love, sex, dating, and marriage. My sole hope was that it would help women get beyond the myths, stereotypes, and general chatter that puts a stranglehold on the way they conduct themselves in relationships with us; my intention was to inform them about who we really are and what it takes to win in love with us when playing the “dating game.”intentions were pure: I care deeply about these things because I am a husband, a son, a radio personality who speaks to millions of women daily via my radio show, and, most important of all, the father of four girls-beautiful young women who deserve good men who will love them, respect them, and treat them the way they want to be loved, respected, and treated.I found, though, was that Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man simply wasn’t enough. As I hosted relationship seminars across the country, I discovered that no matter how thoroughly I thought I’d explained what motivates men, women still had innumerable questions about why we men act and react the way we do in various romantic situations. If I told a group of women that men are driven solely by what they do for a living, how much they make, and who they are, women wanted to know why stability is more important to men than falling in love. If I said men show their love by providing for, professing to, and protecting their significant other, my audience wanted to know why men can’t love the way women love-by leading with their hearts. For every question I answered in the chapter, “Quick Answers to the Questions You’ve Always Wanted to Ask”-from “What do men find sexy?” and “Do you mind if your woman doesn’t work?” to “Are men okay with their women having male friends?” and “Is getting on his mom’s side important? ”-there were fifty more topics I hadn’t addressed.was also quite a bit of dissension. Some questioned why I counseled women to hold off sleeping with a man for at least ninety days while she investigated his intentions. Some argued that if they dared institute standards and requirements and tell men up front they were looking for serious relationships, they would run off guys who might be interested in them; others questioned whether I, a twice-divorced comedian, am qualified to give advice to women on how to have a long-term successful relationship.of these questions, observations, reservations, and demands for clarification and more answers reminded me that women are absolutely the most inquisitive creatures God has created; and no matter how many ways I explain something to my wife, my daughters, my female friends and colleagues, and especially my Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man readers, women are simply going to want to hear the answers more ways than my first book had to offer, and no matter how often I or any other man says they should maybe think and act a little differently in their dealings with men, they’re hesitant. Part of this is because other women, mothers, aunts, older female relatives, girlfriends, and (mostly female) editors of women’s magazines have been the ones primarily to guide and influence the way women conduct themselves in relationships with men. Rare are the times when men offer up their thoughts on dating and commitment, much less tell women how to make a relationship work. Consequently, when a man does speak up and out on the subject, it often seems to go against all of the advice women have previously received. So I understand some women’s hesitancy to embrace the tactical advice I offered up-I get the fear it may have induced.’s to say that your questions, concerns, complaints, and shouts registered with me-let me know that I needed to go deeper into my explanations about why men do the things that we do so that women could get an even broader understanding of how to either find the man of their dreams or tighten the relationships they’re already in, and find satisfaction in their own strength, courage, power, and wisdom.time around, I get to the bottom of: why men never seem to do what you want them to do when you want them to do it; how to get the most out of your men sexually; and what men think about dating from decade to decade, from ages twenty on up. I also give a more in-depth visit to both the most popular and the more controversial topics sparked by discussions surrounding Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, including: what men really think about the long-held notion that we’re intimidated by strong, independent women; creative ways to get a man to keep honoring your standards and requirements; learning how to ask men the right questions to get their truthful answers; and tested ways to get a real man to commit to you.hope is that when you finish reading this book and really think about the information I’m sharing with you, you’ll have an even more informed understanding of men, and certainly an appreciation for how incredibly simple we are. We come at every situation from the same angle, using the same principles, seldom deviating. There really is no use applying your thought process to the relationship equation or expecting your man to adopt your logic when it comes to dating and mating; you can’t, after all, change men. I’ve had countless women ask me, “Steve, when are you going to write a book telling men what they should be doing?” Well, there is no lecture I can give, no panel I can sit on, no television roundtable I can host that will ever make a man pick up a relationship book and dig deep into it. He’s simply not going to read it. I can bet you my bottom dollar that even if I were to give this book away, I could count on one hand the number of men likely to pick up a book about how to better get along with women. First off, a man would never allow another man to tell him what he should be doing in his own house with his own woman. Second, I can guarantee you he definitely doesn’t want to hear Steve Harvey telling him what to do, not after I gave away the playbook in Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, and especially after I divulge all of men’s relationship secrets here., though, I hope that the women who do choose to read this book find the courage to go against their widely held views on relationships and simply think about and put into practical use the advice I’m giving them in these pages. I understand it’s hard to swim in unchartered waters-that it’s scary, even. But I encourage you to open your mind and lose the fear. After all, the biggest cause of failure is the fear of failure. If you truly want to change your relationship fortune, why not give change a try? If what you’ve done up to now hasn’t worked, why not try to implement what I’ve laid out for you in both this book and Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man? Step out-be a risk taker; I’m not telling you to go rock climbing without a safety harness; I’m not saying to go skydiving without a parachute; and I’m not telling you to chain yourself up, submerge yourself in a tank full of water, and try to escape. I’m just asking you to consider thinking about relationships in a different way, based on all of the truths you’ll find out about men in the pages of my books.sincere hope is that you’ll use this information to empower yourself-to recognize that you hold the key to a successful relationship. I understand that many women don’t quite care to embrace the idea that the burden of getting the union they want rests squarely on their shoulders, but it is what it is. You’ve been blessed with this tremendous skill set that we men do not possess, and it is those skills that you absolutely, unequivocally have to employ to get what you want.your approach, take back your power, and hold your chin up while you’re working on getting the love you deserve. Do this, and you’ll have very little to lose, but a whole lot more to gain.I. Understanding Men


Date: 2015-01-02; view: 820


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