TEXT 5. THE POWER OF SELF-TALK

Dealing with Stressful Thoughts and Feelings.A great deal of our stress is unnecessary

and it really comes from faulty conclusions we have made about the world. Assume you walk

by your friend's house, and he sticks head out the window and calls you a bunch of nasty

names. You would probably become angry and upset with your friend. Now let's imagine that

you were walking by a mental hospital, rather than your friend's house, and your friend is a

patient in the hospital. This time, he yells at you, calling you the same ugly names. What

would your feelings be? Would you be as angry and upset now that you know he is not normal

and does not live in his house? Probably not!

Actually, the activating event was identical in both cases, but your feelings were very

different because you were saying something very different to yourself. In the first example,

you were probably saying things like, "He shouldn't call me those nasty names! That's really

awful! I'll pay him back!" However, in the second example, you might be telling yourself

something like, "Poor sick John. He can't help what he is doing." Instead of feeling angry, you

were probably feeling a degree of sympathy for your friend. It is easy to see that your different

beliefs (interpretations and thoughts) about the events determined your feelings. Our extreme,

debilitative and stressful emotions are due largely to our irrational beliefs - what we say to

ourselves.

Self-Talk.Sometimes what we say to ourselves about an event or situation is irrational.

It doesn't even make sense, but we believe that it is true. Irrational beliefs (self-talk) result in

inappropriate emotions, behaviours, and more stress. The way one interprets and evaluates

reality is the key to one's emotional and mental health. On the other hand, rational beliefs

(self-talk) are those beliefs that result in appropriate emotions and behaviours. Appropriate

emotions and behaviours are those that are likely to help an individual attain desired goals.

Consequently, the individual feels less stress. It is important to remember that even negative

emotions can be appropriate.

Characteristics of Irrational and Rational Self-Talk. Should Statements:these are

absolutistic demands or moral imperatives that the individual believes must occur. Individuals

tend to express their ‘shoulds’ in three areas.: I should, you should and the world should.

These statements all imply that other people and things in your world need to be as you want

them to be. This is really unreasonable. However, it is unreasonable for you to expect that

other people or the world will ever meet your unrealistic expectations. Reality is reality!

Failure to accept this reality can result in your life being filled with disappointments and more

stress. Awfulizing Statements.Generally, when the world, ourselves, or someone else should

be different, we imply that it is awful or terrible when they are not different: What she did to

me is just awful! (It is just terrible…, I just can't stand it…, I can't bear it…).

It is true that things in our world could be improved and that events that happen to us are

unfortunate. However, when you consistently talk about how terrible and awful something is,

you will eventually convince yourself that what you are thinking and saying is right. This kind

of self-talk causes you to feel angry, depressed, and therefore stressed. In some instances,

something is so terrible or awful that you convince yourself that "you can't stand it" or "you

can't bear it". Would not it be far less stressful and certainly more rational for your self-talk to

be: “This situation is going to be difficult for me, but I will work hard and use all my possible

attitude and abilities to be as successful as I can be”.

Overgeneralizations.We often make overgeneralizations based on a single incident or

piece of evidence, and we ignore everything else that we know about ourselves and others: all,

every, none, never, always, everybody, and nobody. Overgeneralizations frequently lead to

human worth statements about ourselves and other people. Some people make mountains out

of molehills. Sometimes we use overgeneralizations when we exaggerate shortcomings of

others: “You never listen to me. You never do anything for me”. Statements such as these lead

to anger, resentment, alienation from other people, and more stress. Would not it be more

accurate to say: “Sometimes you do not listen to me ”.

Date: 2016-01-03; view: 860