by Nora Ephron & Delia Ephron. Based on the novel "The Shop Around The Corner" by Nikolaus Laszlo. 2nd Final White revised, February 2, 1998.

WORKERS, ELECTRICIANS, MASONS, CARPENTERS, etc. in the

process of building what looks like a large store. Wires

hanging everywhere.

KEVIN

We open two weeks before Thanksgiving.

JOE

I guess we should announce ourselves

soon. Tell people we're coming.

KEVIN

This is the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

The minute they hear they'll be lining up

--

JOE

-- to picket --

KEVIN

-- the big bad --

JOE

--chain store --

KEVIN

-- that destroys --

JOE

-- everything we hold dear. But we'll

seduce them with our square footage and

our deep armchairs and our amazingly

swift checkout lines and our discounts

and our...

JOE & KEVIN

(the trump card)

-- cappuccino.

JOE

They hate us in the beginning, but we

get them in the end. Meanwhile we

should just put up a sign -- Coming soon,

a Foxbooks Superstore and The End of

Western Civilization As We Know It.

INT. FOXBOOKS - WORLD HEADQUARTERS - DAY

Joe is in the office with his father, NELSON FOX, and his

grandfather, SCHUYLER FOX. The office has been recently

redecorated; everything is new and a little overdone.

On the wall we see the Foxbooks logo.

JOE

Kevin and I are both a little concerned

about the neighborhood response --

(suddenly notices the garish

couch)

What is this fabric? Does it have a

name?

NELSON

Money. Its name is money.

JOE

Gillian selected it.

NELSON

Of course.

SCHUYLER

Your father is getting married again.

JOE

Oh, great, congratulations, Dad. Why?

NELSON

Who knows? Why does anyone get married?

JOE

Love.

NELSON

Yes, that is one reason.

SCHUYLER

I think you're a damn fool.

NELSON

Dad, Matthew is four. It would be nice

for him if his parents were married.

SCHUYLER

Annabel is eight and I'm not married to

her mother. I can't even remember her

mother's name.

(he laughs merrily)

JOE

I have a very sad announcement to make.

City Books on 23rd Street is going under

...

Nelson, Shuyler, and Joe high-five each other.

NELSON

Another independent bookstore bites the

dust --

SCHUYLER

On to the next.

JOE

And I'm buying their entire stock --

architecture, New York history -- for the

new store.

NELSON

How much are your paying?

JOE

Whatever it costs, it won't be as much as

this exquisite mohair episode.

(indicates the couch)

We're also going to have a section on

West Side Writers --

SCHUYLER

-- as a sop to the neighborhood.

NELSON

Perfect. It'll keep those West Side

liberal nut pseudo-intellectual bleeding

hearts --

JOE

Readers. They're called readers.

NELSON

Don't romanticize them. It'll keep them

from jumping down your throat --

SCHUYLER

What's the competition?

JOE

One mystery store. Sleuth, on 86th and

Amsterdam. And a children's bookstore.

The Shop Around the Corner. Been there

forever.

SCHUYLER

Cecilia's store.

JOE

Who's that?

SCHUYLER

Cecilia Kelly, lovely woman. I think we

might have had a date once. Or maybe we

just exchange letters.

JOE

You wrote her letters?

SCHUYLER

Mail. It was called mail.

NELSON

(fondly nostalgic and kidding

it slightly)

Stamps. Envelopes.

JOE

Wait. I've heard of it. It was a means

of communication before I was born.

NELSON

Exactly.

SCHUYLER

Cecilia had beautiful penmanship.

She was too young for me, but she was...

enchanting. Her daughter owns it now.

NELSON

Too bad for her.

A publication party for an author named VINCE MANCINI. A mix

of book people, journalists and various other media folk.

INT. VINCE MANCINI'S APARTMENT

Joe is standing at a table of food, his back to the room.

KATHLEEN

Fox? Your last name is Fox?

Joe spins around, looks at her.

JOE

F-O-X.

KATHLEEN

God, I didn't realize. I didn't know who

you --

(she trails off)

JOE

-- were with.

(quoting)

"I didn't know who you were with."

KATHLEEN

Excuse me?

JOE

It's from the Godfather. When the movie

producer realizes that Tom Hagen is the

emissary of Vito Corleone --

(continued)

Kathleen is staring at him.

JOE (cont'd)

-- just before the horse's head ends up

in his bed never mind --

KATHLEEN

You were spying on me, weren't you? You

probably rented those children.

JOE

Why would I spy on you?

KATHLEEN

I am your competition. Which you know

perfectly well or you would not have put

up that sign saying "Just around the

Corner."

JOE

The entrance to our store is around the

corner. There is no other way to say it.

It's not the name of our store, it's

where it is. You don't own "around the

corner."

KATHLEEN

Next thing you'll be using twinkle

lights.

JOE

Twinkle lights?

KATHLEEN

Little white Christmas lights that

twinkle. I use them in my window and on

all my displays, as if you didn't notice.

JOE

Look, the reason I came into your store

is that I was spending the day with

Annabel and Matt. I like to buy them a

present when I see them because I'm one

of those guys who likes to buy his way

into the hearts of children who are his

relatives. There was only one place to

buy children's books in the neighborhood

-- although that will not always be the

case, and it was yours, and it is a

charming little bookstore. You probably

sell $250,000 worth of book a year --

KATHLEEN

How do you know that?

JOE

I'm in the book business.

KATHLEEN

I'm in the book business --

JOE

Oh, I see, and we're the Price Club.

Only instead of a ten-gallon can of olive

oil for $3.99 that won't even fit into

your kitchen cabinet, we're selling cheap

books. Me a spy.

(beat)

Absolutely. And I managed to get my hands

on a secret printout of the sales figures

of a bookstore so inconsequential and yet

full of its own virtue that I was instantly

compelled to rush over and check it out

for fear it would drive me out of business

--

Kathleen stares at him. She's speechless.

EXT. COLUMBUS AVENUE - DAY

The sign is now complete and it says: "Coming soon, just

around the corner. A Foxbooks Superstore."

Kathleen and George and Christina stand there looking at it.

CHRISTINA

Quel nightmare.

KATHLEEN

It has nothing to do with us. It's

big, impersonal, overstocked and

full of ignorant salespeople.

GEORGE

But they discount.

KATHLEEN

But they don't provide any service. We

do.

George and Christina nod.

INT. JOE'S BEDROOM - DAY

Joe is in bed with his laptop. And cut back and forth

between them and their computer screens as they type Instant

Messages to one another. Possible split screens.

JOE (V.O., cont'd)

I can give you advice. I'm great at

advice.

KATHLEEN (V.O.)

I don't think you can help.

JOE (V.O.)

Is it about love?

KATHLEEN (V.O.)

My business is in trouble. My mother

would have something wise to say.

JOE (V.O.)

I'm a brilliant businessman. It's what

I do best. What's your business?

KATHLEEN (V.O.)

No specifics, remember?

JOE (V.O.)

Minus specifics, it's hard to help.

Except to say, go to the mattresses.

KATHLEEN (V.O.)

What?

JOE (V.O.)

It's from The Godfather. It means you

have to go to war.

CLOSE ON KATHLEEN - LOOKING AT THE COMPUTER

KATHLEEN

(to herself)

The Godfather?

She starts to type.

KATHLEEN (V.O.)

What is it with men and The Godfather?

JOE (V.O.)

The Godfather is the I Ching. The

Godfather is the sum of all wisdom. The

Godfather is the answer to any question.

What should I pack for my summer

vacation? "Leave the gun, take the

cannoli." What day of the week is it?

"Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday."

And the answer to your question is "Go to

the mattresses."

(continued)

CAMERA ON KATHLEEN - CONSIDERING WHAT HE SAYS

JOE (cont'd)

You're at war. "It's not personal, it's

business. It's not personal it's

business." Recite that to yourself every

time you feel you're losing your nerve.

I know you worry about being brave, this

is your chance. Fight. Fight to the

death.

EXT. FOXBOOKS - NIGHT

As Joe and Kevin walk out of the store and start downtown.

KEVIN

I suppose she's carrying a copy of a book

with a flower in it.

Joe doesn't say anything.

KEVIN

Not really.

JOE

Really.

KEVIN

Which Jane Austen is it?

JOE

Pride and Prejudice.

KEVIN

She could be a real dog.

JOE

I know. Look, I'll just stay ten

minutes. I'll say hello. Drink a cup of

coffee and split. I'm outta here.

He looks at Kevin.

JOE (cont'd)

Walk me there, okay?

EXT. 83RD STREET - NIGHT

As the two men walk toward Cafe Lalo, the European cafe on

West 83rd Street.

JOE

What if she has a really high, squeaky

voice? I hate that. It reminds me of

those mice in Cinderella.

KEVIN

What mice in Cinderella?

JOE

Gus-gus and oh shit, I can't remember the

other one. Why am I compelled to meet

her? I'm just ruining a good thing.

KEVIN

You're taking it to the next level. I

always do that. I always take a

relationship to the next level, and if it

works okay I take it to the next level

after that, until I can finally get to

the level where it becomes absolutely

necessary for me to leave.

JOE

I'm not going to stay long anyway. I

already said that, didn't I. Christ.

I'm a total wreck.

As they reach:

EXT. CAFE LALO - CONTINUOUS

Joe stops and looks at Kevin.

JOE

Kevin, this woman is the most adorable

creature I have ever come in contact

with. If she turns out to be even as

good-looking as a mailbox, I will be

crazy not to turn my life upside down

and marry her.

KEVIN

She could be a real dog.

JOE

(a total panic)

You go look.

KEVIN

Me?

JOE

Just go to the window and check her out.

KEVIN

You're pathetic.

Kevin goes to the window and looks inside.

EXT. CAFE LALO - NIGHT

Joe and Kevin in front.

Kevin looks in the window.

JOE

See her?

KEVIN

There's a beautiful, whoa, a very

beautiful girl.

JOE

Yes.

KEVIN

But no book. Let me see, let me see...

Wait a minute. There's a book with a

flower, so it must be her.

JOE

What does he look like?

KEVIN

There's a waiter blocking, I can't see

her face. He's serving her a cup of tea

and she's putting in three spoonfuls of

sugar --

JOE

Well, why shouldn't she?

KEVIN

No reason. Unless she has hypoglycemia.

Oh, he's moving.

JOE

Can you see her?

KEVIN

Yes.

JOE

And? --

KEVIN

(clearly frustrated)

She's very pretty.

JOE

She is. I knew she would be. She had

to be.

KEVIN

She looks... I would say she has a little

of the coloring of that Kathleen Kelly

person.

JOE

Kathleen Kelly of the bookstore.

KEVIN

Why not? You said you thought she was

attractive.

JOE

So what? Who cares about Kathleen Kelly?

KEVIN

Well, if you don't like Kathleen Kelly,

I can tell you right now you ain't gonna

like this girl.

JOE

Why not?

KEVIN

Because it is Kathleen Kelly.

Joe elbows Kevin aside and looks.

JOE

Oh, God.

EXT. SHOP AROUND THE CORNER - DAY

As Kathleen comes around the corner. Christina is waiting.

CHRISTINA

What happened?

KATHLEEN

He never came.

CHRISTINA

He stood you up?

INT. SHOP AROUND THE CORNER

As Kathleen puts her purse into the drawer.

KATHLEEN

I think something happened, something

terrible and unexpected that made it

impossible for him --

George walks in.

GEORGE

What happened?

KATHLEEN

He wasn't able to make it.

GEORGE

He stood you up.

KATHLEEN

What could have happened?

(continued)

George looks suddenly stricken.

KATHLEEN (cont'd)

Why didn't he come? Maybe he showed up,

took one look at me and left.

CHRISTINA

Not possible.

KATHLEEN

Maybe there was a subway accident.

CHRISTINA

Absolutely.

KATHLEEN

A train was trapped underground with him

inside.

CHRISTINA

And no phone.

George continues to look stricken. He's starting to shake

his head.

KATHLEEN

Or an automobile accident. Those cab

drivers are maniacs.

CHRISTINA

They hit something and you slam right

into that plastic partition.

KATHLEEN

His elbows could be in splints -- so he

can't really dial --

CHRISTINA

Or he could be in the hospital in one of

those semi-private room with like --

CHRISTINA & KATHLEEN

(together)

-- no phone.

They look at George. Still shaking his head.

KATHLEEN

(to George)

What?

George hands them a New York Post. They look at the cover:

COPS NAB ROOFTOP KILLER

KATHLEEN

What are you saying?

GEORGE

It could be.

Dead silence.

GEORGE (cont'd)

He was arrested two blocks from the

cheesecake place.

CHRISTINA

Is there a picture?

There it is. It's of a man with his jacket pulled over his

head.

They all look at it.

CHRISTINA

So that explains it.

GEORGE

He was in jail.

CHRISTINA

And there was a phone --

GEORGE

-- but he got only one call and he had to

use it to call his lawyer.

CHRISTINA

You are so lucky.

GEORGE

You could be dead.

KATHLEEN

Are you crazy? This man couldn't

possibly be the rooftop killer.

CHRISTINA

Remember when you thought Frank might be

the Unabomber?

KATHLEEN

That was different.

CHRISTINA

How long did you sit there all alone?

KATHLEEN

Not that long. Joe Fox came in --

CHRISTINA

Joe Fox!

KATHLEEN

I don't want to talk about it.

(closes her eyes)

Let's get to work.

They look around. There's no one in the store and nothing to

do.

A pause.

KATHLEEN

There must be something to do. There's

always something to do.

They hear the jingle of the front door. They look hopefully

toward it. It's only Birdie.

CHRISTINA

He stood her up.

Date: 2016-01-03; view: 285